JAM:PMerton,CFreud,LSmith,SFry
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WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, LINDA SMITH and STEPHEN FRY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 10 July 2000)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our listeners throughput the world and also our four individual distinctive and talented players of the game who have joined me for the show this week. We welcome back with great pleasure that very popular player, Paul Merton. The stylish player, Stephen Fry. The charming entertaining player Linda Smith. And the oldest player on the show, heís been with us for the first, when the show first started over 34 years ago, thatís Clement Freud. Will you please welcome all four of them! As usual Iím going to ask them to speak on a subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from that subject. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst whoís going to help me keep the score and she will blow her whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Radio Theatre in the centre of Broadcasting House in the heart of this great metropolis of London. And in front of us we have a really hot warmed up audience because weíre experiencing a heatwave for the first of two days in here in London. Letís get on with the show. Paul Merton will you begin, the subject is, oh, ideal for this hot weather, what I wear in bed. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.


PAUL MERTON: Marilyn Monroe said that the only thing she wore in bed was Chanel Number Five! And Iím rather similar except that I do not bother with Chanelís...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of Chanel.

NP: Chanel.

PM: I said Chanel and Chanelís.

STEPHEN FRY: He did. There was a genotival s. Just as er, just as Clement was buzzing. He said Chanels.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Well I thought he said Chanel and much as Iíd love to have you...

PM: I said Chanel the first time and then said Chanelís, I was going to say Chanelís perfume. I was aware Iíd said Chanel before. I have, having played the game for 12 years...

NP: I, I think youíre wriggling on this one, in spite of the fact...

PM: Well when it goes out on the radio, weíll find out whoís right!

NP: In spite of the fact that Stephen Fryís already decided to back up the chairman, or take over as chairman...

CF: I did buzz before the genotival s.

NP: He did actually, he did. He buzzed very rapidly and very very capriciously. And so Clement I say that is a correct challenge, you get a point for that, you take over the subject...

PM: Are you allowed to buzz in the middle of words?

NP: He buzzed at the end of the word before you changed it to another word, or tried to, to try and wriggle out of it. I have decided that Clement Freud has a correct challenge...

BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: Yes the audience are with you.

NP: Clement you have 53 seconds, what I wear in bed starting now.

CF: Fifty-three seconds is a very long time to describe what I wear in bed because I wear nothing at all in bed. I have my skin, such bones as press against the skin, my...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Dare I say repetition of skin?

NP: Yes. You donít have to dare...

PM: He only said two skins, he could have gone on to three skins and who knows what would have happened after that!

SF: Oh! Weíre ashamed of you Paul!

NP: Paul, a correct challenge, a point to you, 40 seconds available still on what I wear in bed starting now.

PM: I let the air get to my body and why not? Lucky combo... oh God...

BUZZ

PM: I had to say air twice!

NP: I thought you were going to say Chanels again or something like that. Linda, you challenged on that occasion.

LINDA SMITH: Yes I did, I think that there was just a general loss of the will to live there from Paul.

NP: We, we call that hesitation, 35 seconds are available Linda, you have a point of course and what I wear in bed is with you and weíre dying to hear starting now.

LS: What I wear in bed depends very much on my mood. Sometimes I wear a Yogi Bear outfit, and when my boyfriend joins me in the bedchamber, I rifle through his picnic basket. Itís lots of fun. And sometimes I just wear something a little more casual than that. Perhaps Iíll dress up as er Homer Simpson or some other...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Was there an er in there?

NP: There was an er, just, yes.

SF: Hom-er!

LS: Yes you see!

PM: Oh! I buzzed before she got to the end of the word Nicholas!

NP: Actually she was speeding up and then suddenly she erred. And but...

LS: To er is human, I think!

NP: Yes! Especially when youíre in bed there, my love, itís delightful! Um...

PM: Concentrate, Nicholas, concentrate!

NP: My mind is gone, I was with you there Linda, all the way! And I wonder what I would have worn! Anyway...

PM: Does this count as sexual harassment in the workplace?

SF: This hot audience does not deserve to have this picture put in their heads!

NP: No, no, itís titillation, not, titillation, not harassment. Fourteen seconds Paul, you have another correct challenge, another point, what I wear in bed is with you, 14 seconds, starting now.

PM: Before I get into bed, I have a long hot bath which I draw from the taps into the porcelain receiver. And then...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: Well surely this is deviation.

NP: Why?

LS: The question isnít about bathing, itís about what he wears in bed.

NP: No but he did say, and he hadnít, he hadnít really got established, what he went for, before he gets in bed, he draws his hot bath into his porcelain thing from the tap...

LS: I felt we were, we were in for a long session in the bath with Paul then.

NP: Well I know! We were! But you didnít allow him to go on too long in the bath. If heíd gone a bit longer in the bath, then I think it would have been deviation. But Paul, benefit of the doubt, still with you, another five seconds left, what I wear in bed starting now.

PM: Then I get out, towel myself from head to toe, then that is the moment I jump luxuriously into bed...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton and you wonít be surprised to discover of course that with other points in that round, heís in a strong lead at the moment. And Linda Smith, your turn to begin, the subject, sun bathing. Very apt for this time of year in this country at this particular moment, but talk on it starting now.

LS: Sun bathing, sun bathing is all very well but itís no substitute for a proper wash! It doesnít get you clean! Protecting your skin from the sunís damaging ultra-violet rays is very important when sun bathing. Select your skin protection...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen your light came on.

SF: Repetition, repetition of the word skin.

NP: I donít know why you laugh. She did repeat the word skin.

LS: No I said skin and skin care.

NP: Well skin, itís a repeating of skin even if itís hyphenated, skin is the word and this is radio and..

PM: Thereís another couple of skins then!

SF: Yes! Which adds up to?

NP: Stephen you had a correct challenge, repetition and sun bathing is now with you, 43 seconds are available starting now.

SF: Much the same as daughter bathing I suppose. Iíve not really done either, not having children myself. Sun bathing though, as probably spelt on Nicholasís card, is with a u and not a o and refers to that hawful habit of lying on beaches and being drenched...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: I think he said hawful!

SF: Prostitution, itís a thing that harlots do, itís whoreful! Itís absolutely foul, yeah, itís prostituting oneís body to the rays of the earth, itís whoreful! You knew that!

NP: Even if he put a slight asperith in front of it of the hawful I still donít think he was actually deviating. Too harsh Linda really. So we give him the benefit of the doubt, he keeps the subject, a point for an incorrect challenge, 31 seconds still available Stephen on sun bathing starting now.

SF: That ghastly smell of Hawaiian tropic coconut and frangipani that reminds me very summer that itís the season again for this kind of procedure. A thing I loathe, I must confess. Most people like hot weather. I find it repulsive. Iím a winter animal. For me, itís muffling up against the cold air, not the beams of the great solar eye which burn and itch and twitch and make me sneeze and dribble and drool...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: I donít know that the sun makes you twitch!

NP: Your skin twitches doesnít it, you know, and youíre very uncomfortable. I think he was giving some descriptive phrases to say how uncomfortable and miserable you are if youíre burnt by the sun. The benefit of the doubt once again to Stephen, six seconds available, sun bathing Stephen starting now.

SF: Slip slap slop is the advice they give in Australia...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: Oh! I was foxed by the fact it was three words that sounded nearly the same there.

SF: Very honest of you!

LS: In fact there were three different ones! Innit marvelous, the English language, really! Eh!

NP: Well...

LS: Itís a rich tapestry, isnít it!

NP: I know, lovely hearing from you Linda. Four seconds, sun bathing still with you Stephen starting now.

SF: Cover your skin to protect against UV radiation...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of skin.

NP: Yes you had skin before.

SF: Ah! Fiveskin at last! Weíre safe now!

NP: Clement you cleverly got in with two seconds to go, itís sun bathing with you starting now.

CF: Beaches are best!

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: Iím sorry! Stephen challenged before the whistle.

CF: There were never two seconds.

SF: There was, there was a kind of half a second hesitation after best.

NP: He did hesitate, he thought the whistle was coming. I have to be fair. When this audience goes home and listens in a number of weeks time to this recording...

CF: If you want to be fair, then time beaches are best...

NP: Yes...

CF: ... and see how long you can say that in less than two seconds!

NP: Janet Staplehurst put the whistle up to her mouth and you thought thatís it, but you...

CF: I believed you when you said two seconds! I was foolish!

PM: You wonít make that mistake again though, will you!

CF: No! No!

NP: But if itís two seconds, Janet must put the whistle up after one second and Stephen definitely got in just before. So there was a hesitation, and thatís only fair, you...

LS: Oh for Godís sake, canít you all see how this bickering about the time is driving us apart!

NP: Well I have to justify everything, otherwise theyíll all be at my throat! Right Stephen, half a second on sun bathing starting now.

SF: Prepuse...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: Someone challenged, Paul?

PM: I thought there was a hesitation there!

NP: No hesitation! So Stephen Fry was endeavouring to speak then as the whistle went and he gained an extra and other points in that round, so heís taken the lead, one ahead of Paul Merton. Clement Freud and Linda Smith follow in that order. And Stephen itís your turn to begin and the subject is spilling the beans. Youíve spilled a few beans in your time, particularly in your autobiography but tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

SF: If I were to spill the beans about Nicholas Parsons and tell you that a young girl who passes by the name of Nicolette and moves around Hampstead Heath...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: Well he did say er but really that wasnít why I challenged. I just didnít want to go any further into that story!

PM: Well I was hanging on every single word!

LS: I think youíll find most of itís sub judice!

NP: The benefit of the doubt once again Stephen, Iíll make sure that you get it next time Linda and there are 53 seconds on spilling the beans Stephen starting now.

SF: We live tragically, donít we, in an age of cheque-book journalism and kiss-and-tell biography. And age in which, oh dear, Iíve repeated age...

BUZZ

NP: Yes and Linda got in even without your prompting. So Linda you have got a correct challenge, spilling the beans, 46 seconds, starting now.

LS: Spilling the beans is a reprehensible habit. I would never dream of doing such a thing that Stephen has just done. I for example know that Nicholas, our esteemed chairman, likes...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry challenged.

SF: Unless thereís somebody else, I canít think of an esteemed chairman called Nicholas.

NP: Youíre a rotten audience! Applauding the insults as well as the laughs! I would almost like to take a point away from him for that! Iíll tell you what, Iíll show you how generous I am, Iíll give you a bonus point because the audience enjoyed your challenge, but Linda gets a point because she was interrupted, she keeps the subject, there are 35 seconds on spilling the beans starting now.

LS: Mister Parsons enjoys hiding in peopleís gardens, wearing a long black wig and then sneaking up to their patio windows and going "itís me Heathcliff, itís Cathy", and pretending to be...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Paul you challenged.

PM: Itís all true!

NP: Well you should know because you were there werenít you! So Paul, hesitation, 24 seconds, spilling the beans, with you starting now.

PM: Well if youíve got a chef whoís been out in the sun, heís got heatstroke, the chances are heíll start twitching, which is the very thing you want to avoid when you are asking that cook to walk across the floor of the kitchen with a pan of beans. There is nothing that customers hate worse than finest...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Deviation.

NP: Why?

CF: Grammatic.

PM: Hate worse.

CF: You canít hate worse.

PM: Isnít wurse a German sausage? I hate it, canít stand the stuff!

NP: So Clement yes, we give you deviation, eight seconds, spilling the beans starting now.

CF: Spilling the beans means telling people something which is secret or not in the public knowledge. This might be a good time...

WHISTLE

NP: On that occasion Clement Freud was speaking as the whistle went, so he has got an extra point for doing so, he has moved forward, heís in third place just behind Paul Merton. Stephen Fryís still in the lead and Linda is not far behind all three of them. And um Clement itís your turn to begin, the subject, ludo. Tell us something about ludo in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: Ludo has absolutely nothing to do with spilling the beans. On which subject...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry challenged.

SF: I may have been a little precipitous there but I thought he was hesitating.

NP: It thought it was hesitation too Stephen. So you have...

CF: Between two words?

PM: Thatís the way to hesitate!

NP: Itís the only way! Right, ludo with you, 55 seconds Stephen starting now.

SF: From the Latin, I believe, I play. Ludo. Also of course a shortening of the name Ludovic, er Kennedyís name for example is Ludo. Thereís a game ah called ludo...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: Well yeah Iím just wishing I hadnít really, because Iíve nothing to say. But there was a er.

NP: Thatís right yes. Right this time, I give you the benefit of the doubt....

LS: Thank you! Just when I donít want it!

NP: Forty-five seconds for you Linda on ludo starting now.

LS: Ludo...

BUZZ

NP: And Paul challenged...

PM: Well itís hesitation, she clearly doesnít want the subject.

NP: You didnít get going, my love.

LS: Iím sorry, I was miles away!

NP: So Paul you have a correct challenge, you have 43 and a half seconds on ludo starting now.

PM: Itís been a while since I played ludo. If I remember rightly each competitor has a different colour donít they, blue, green, yellow, orange, that sort of thing. And you have to throw a six to start, itís a game played with dice and you, you, er...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Well a sort of mixture of repetition and er... hesitation in a way.

NP: Thatís right, yes. This is a most exciting round this is, a most stimulating subject this. Really set their brains alight. So 30 seconds, you tell us something about ludo now Stephen.

SF: There are various pastimes based on it like Frustration. And indeed Trivial Pursuit can be said to have a kind of ludic version of the original game. But I, I think the er core...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was, there was two rapid is.

NP: Yes.

PM: I, I.

NP: And an er, right, 21 seconds, ludoís back with you Paul starting now.

PM: Well itís a fascinating...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: He said well last time.

NP: You did say well last time. Clement, ludo with you, 19 seconds starting now.

CF: Ludoís a game I never cared for a lot because holmer was more fun. Both games... I said games before...

BUZZ

NP: Paulís challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation, yes and youíve got the subject back, 13 seconds, ludo starting now.

PM: At the Potsdam Conference, Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin and President Roosevelt all sat around 6.00 one evening for a fascinating game of ludo...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry challenged.

SF: Repetition of fascinating. In his previous round he started "well itís a fascinating", and Clement interrupted to say repetition of well...

PM: It sounds like youíre listening to every word I say!

NP: Yes!

LS: So Nicholas, do I understand this right? You can never use a word youíve ever used before in your life? Thatís rather a harsh rule!

NP: No if you repeat that word in any one round that is repetition within the rules of Just A Minute, and he did say fascinating before. And so four seconds is available for Stephen to tell us something more about ludo starting now.

SF: Homera Ludens is a marvelous book which...

BUZZ

NP: Lindaís challenged.

LS: Well no real challenge, I just felt educationally insecure with all this! I thought I might take the opportunity to try and sell you a bunch of violets. Buy a bunch of violets from a poor girl! Oh youíre a gentleman Mr Fry and no mistake!

NP: All right Linda, the audience appreciated your interjection so we give you a bonus point for that. But Stephen gets a point for being interrupted and he keeps the subject of ludo and there is one second left starting now.

SF: Caveat de actar!

WHISTLE

NP: And that exciting subject gave a lot of points to all our players in that round. Stephen Fry is in the lead, heís just ahead of Paul Merton, then comes Linda Smith and Clement Freud equal in third place. Clement itís your turn to begin and the subject is TV dinners. Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

CF: I think itís very sad that people eat the same TV dinners regardless of what is shown on their television sets. My suggestion would be that there would be a different TV dinner for gardening, for... for...

BUZZ

NP: Paul you came in first and we all heard the fors, 46 seconds are available for TV dinners with you starting now.

PM: I think thereís something inherently lonely in the concept of a TV dinner. Itís like those pot noodles things, you have to be incredibly alone in the world to want to pour hot water onto powder and think somehow thatís going to do you any good! TV dinners, Iíve had quite a few of those when I lived in bedsits in the 1980s. There was er no tro...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: There was er.

NP: Yes, when you lived in the er...

PM: There was an er, was there?

NP: Frankly, yes there was.

PM: Really?

NP: Yeah this is correct, 25 seconds, TV dinners with you Linda starting now.

LS: TV dinners, Iím not sure that Iíve ever eaten an actual TV dinner which seem to appear in old American films, where people have those little trays with compartments, that have to be thawed out and then put into the oven for quite a long time, until they suddenly re-emerge as these lovely little repasts consisting of a starter and a main course and some kind of a pudding. And Americans would sit in...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Paul challenged.

PM: Um I thought she was going to say American again, but she said Americans. Itís one of those things Nicholas, when somebody says a word like Chanel and then they say Chanels, you see the difference...

NP: Yes...

PM: It makes it a different word, in fact!

NP: I think you made your point very vividly! In the end Iíll be so embarrassed, Iíll have to give you an extra point to...

PM: Go on then!

NP: But...

PM: If you insist!

NP: Right! So she didnít repeat American, she said Americans, and you, you unfortunately got in with one second to go, gave her another point and she keeps the subject, one second, TV dinners starting now.

LS: TV dinners is...

WHISTLE

NP: So Linda Smith got points in that round and sheís equal with Paul Merton in third place, just behind Clement Freud, whoís a few points behind our leader, whoís still Stephen Fry. LInda itís your turn to begin, the subject, working from home. Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

LS: Working from home, I work from home. It basically means you are your own boss. Regretfully as I am a lazy and shiftless worker, I have been forced to threaten myself with the sack recently! One hopes that yours truly doesnít find out that for years Iíve been fiddling the company! Iíve made thousands out of that Linda Smith! Sheís too stupid to realise! Iíve been nicking stationery every day that Iíve gone up to...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Linda in the true sense youíre just hurting yourself here!

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules...

PM: Itís deviation, you canít steal from yourself! Then you end up that youíve still got it! If she still...

LS: Criminals, Paul, always make one mistake!

PM: Do they?

LS: Thatís mine!

NP: She was stealing from herself, deviation, thatís a very clever challenge.

PM: It is, isnít it!

NP: Yes!

PM: Donít look at me so amazed!

NP: I agree with you Paul and you have 34 seconds, working from home, starting now.

PM: I donít do any work at home at all. In fact all my... work is...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Well I thought he was a little hesitant, I donít know...

NP: No I donít think he was...

SF: I donít think so, no...

NP: No, no, I donít think so, he still has the subject...

LS: I donít think so, I think heís just basically quite shy!

SF: Yes!

PM: Word of a handicap in this show!

NP: Thirty seconds Paul, working...

PM: How many?

NP: Thirty seconds.

PM: Oh I donít need that much! Iíll do it for 10! Clement might do it for 15, heíll make you a better offer.

NP: Well, weíll see what happens after 10, working from home is still with you, 30 seconds to go starting now.

PM: I work from home, Iím a gigolo!

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition.

NP: Of what?

CF: Work.

NP: He said work before, quite right, Clement well listened...

SF: Youíre not allowed to use cognates of the word on the card then?

NP: No, no, not cognates, definitely not, you can repeat any of the words...

PM: Thatís a thick London accent isnít it, a cognate?

SF: So you can just say working but you canít say work?

NP: You can use either the phrase or any individual word again, but you canít use part of the word. Work, he did repeat work, Clement listened, heard it, 29 seconds available Clement, working from home starting now.

CF: Edna St Vincent Malay who was a famous 20th century American poetess wrote a verse called

I burn the candle at both ends, so deep into the night,

And ah my friends and oh my foes, it throws a lovely light...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Of course he may say that poets work from home but thatís simply quoting a poet, itís not the same as talking about working from home, is it?

CF: Thatís what she was doing from home!

SF: Yes, I dare say she was! Itís not really discussing the subject on the card!

NP: The way I take Stephenís point is you did not establish in writing her poems, she was working from home...

LS: I got the impression she was. I didnít think she was sat in an office!

NP: All right, Iíll tell you what Iím going to do, Iím not going to make the decision. Iím going to leave this final decision to the audience...

PM: There going to be time?

NP: You can be the final arbiters and judge on this very delicate situation, you can interpret it either way. If you agree with Stephenís challenge you cheer for him. If you disagree with his challenge you boo for Clement and you all do it together now!

CHEERS AND BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: You agree with Clement Freud. There we are, so Iím sorry Stephen...

SF: Thatís all right!

NP: Clement you have the benefit of the doubt, the audience on your side, 14 seconds, working from home starting now.

CF: Housewives work from home, ironing and washing, going out to the shop and cook and...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: Hesitation.

NP: It was hesitation, Linda, eight seconds, tell us something more about working from home, starting now.

LS: Working from home involves an awful lot of staring out of the window and drinking 500 cups of tea a day. Not everybody...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round, what is the situation? Ah Linda was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, sheís moved forward. Oh itís very interesting actually because weíre moving into the last round. Linda is only just in second place. But equal in first place are Paul Merton, Stephen Fry and Clement Freud.

SF: Get out of here!

NP: Get out of here!

SF: And I mean that quite literally!

NP: Isnít it exciting! And I know the very reason you come on the show is for the excitement that it generates Stephen! Oh gosh, it is good to have a good sport on the show isnít it! So this is the last round and Stephen itís your turn to begin and the subject is on the crest of the wave. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

SF: Iím on the crest of a wave because this show has pointed to this great moment of excitement and climax, the summit and apogee of all quiz show moments which is that this baaah!

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: There was a hesitation there!

NP: There was a hesitation...

SF: Off the wave!

NP: On the crest of a wave and there are 51 seconds available Paul starting now.

PM: (singing) Weíre riding along on the crest of a wave and the sun is in the sky! (Normal voice) Lots of listeners listening to that will know and recognise that as Ralph Reederís theme tune to The Gang Show. That was very popular in the war years and afterwards. Itís one of those songs that manages to rhyme horizon with eyes on, which I think is a very good er use of rhyming...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: I thought he was a bit hesitant there actually, but Iím probably wrong, I usually am.

NP: No, no, no...

SF: No he wasnít!

NP: He was keeping going...

SF: Yes he was! Sorry! He was yes!

NP: ... at a tremendous pace and he...

SF: Iím sorry! Oh God Iím sorry! Please Nicholas, accept that! I made a mistake!

NP: Recreating...

SF: It wonít happen again! I promise!

NP: ... all the boy scouts there, he was back there...

SF: I beg your pardon?

NP: Were you in the Gang Show?

SF: Heís out of bed again, nurse!

NP: Did you ever take part in the Gang Show?

PM: I was never in the Gang Show, were you?

NP: No but I used to watch them, yes...

SF: Clearly, clearly he spent a lot of time watching scouts, didnít you! Scouting for Boys!

NP: Right! Thirty-one seconds Paul... we have someone here who was a Boy Scout, werenít you Clement? He was in his youth, in his youth.

PM: Well I didnít think it was last week!

NP: No I donít think the gear would suit him today! But as a schoolboy...

SF: Iíd pay a lot of money to see that!

NP: Right, 31 seconds Paul still with you, on the crest of a wave starting now.

PM: If you want to go surfing, you need two essential ingredients. First of all you must have the sea and within the ocean there there, should be big waves...

BUZZ

NP: Linda challenged.

LS: It was there there should be. Bit of a hesitation...

PM: No itís a bit of a echo, thereís a funny echo in here! Iíve heard that, but thereís a funny echo in here isnít there Nicholas!

NP: Thereís a funny echo but I think on this occasion Iím going to give the benefit of the doubt to Linda and say yes, we call that hesitation, Linda, 19 seconds Linda, on the crest of a wave starting now.

LS: People say theyíre on the crest of a wave when everything in their life is going fine, when theyíre really happy and nothing could be better. I have never felt on the crest of a wave. I feel more that Iím sort of losing my sandals in the mud at Southend! Itís a different kind of sensation, a bit more...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Linda with that late surge, speaking also as the whistle went, gained the extra point, but she only finished just in third place, one point behind two who are equal in second place, that is Stephen Fry and Clement Freud. But just two points ahead of the, so theyíre all very equally poised, they all got almost the same amount of points, Paul Merton with two more than anybody else, you are the winner this week! We do hope youíve enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute, it only remains to thank my four excellent players of the game, Paul Merton, Clement Freud, Linda Smith and Stephen Fry. Also thank Janet Staplehurst whoís kept the score for me, blown her whistle so charmingly when the 60 seconds was up. Our producer Claire Jones and also weíre indebted to the creator of this game, Ian Messiter. From our audience, from our four panelists, from everybody else and from me Nicholas Parsons, goodbye, tune in next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC