JAM:PMerton,LSmith,KHesketh-Harvey,JClary
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, LINDA SMITH, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY and JULIAN CLARY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 5 February 2001)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners throughout the world and in particular our listeners in the British Isles to this exciting and enticing game. And we have four exciting and enticing players who have played the game with great penache in the past. And weíre thrilled to welcome them back, because theyíre extremely talented at playing it. Theyíre four of the finest comedians that we have in our country. They are Paul Merton, Julian Clary, Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Linda Smith! And as usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst whoís going to help me keep the score and she will blow a whistle when 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Arts Centre in the lovely town of Kings Lynn in that beautiful county of Norfolk. And we have a humorous passionate Kings Lynn audience in front of us ready to cheer us on our way. Right. As we start the show with a Norfolk man himself, who doesnít live very far away, Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Kit the subject is my first job. Tell us something about my first job, in Just A Minute starting now.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: My first job was an apprentice to Nicholas Parsons, who, before he rose to the dizzy heights you now see, majestic and bearing so much gravitas, was an artificial insemenator of pigs. A task which is rightly performed with great momentum in this part of the world. He and I would set off with a spring in our step, armed only with our marigold gloves and a washing up bowl and a copy of Crackling, a lewdly pornographic magazine which showed pictures of Kevin Bacon and Mia Farrow in positions of enticing and exciting abandon. Now the thing about the porcine species is that the male genitalia is corkscrewed shape. So I would hold the animal down while Nicholas would spin like a Catherine wheel...

BUZZ

NP: While I was spinning like the Catherine wheel, Paul Merton challenged you. Not before time I think, in view of what you were saying! Right Paul what was your challenge?

PAUL MERTON: There was a repetition of Nicholas.

NP: Yes...

KHH: Oh Lord, yes we were.

NP: I know. Some people say you canít have too much repetition of Nicholas but...

LINDA SMITH: Is it really corkscrewed shape?

KHH: It is actually, yes.

NP: Yes...

KHH: Ask them, ask them! They know!

LS: So if the pigs having a romantic evening, they can open a bottle of wine!

PM: It makes the wine taste a bit funny!

NP: I think we should go no further down this particular line. Though it is obviously highly appreciated by everybody here in Kings Lynn. Paul yes he did repeat Nicholas so that is repetition and you have a correct challenge and you gain a point for that of course. And you take over the subject, there are 14 seconds available, my first job, starting now.

PM: My very first job I think was in the summer of 1977, and I was working as a pub cleaner. I only lasted about six hours. I got the sack, I wasnít particularly good. And they paid me off with five pounds in cash which I was particularly pleased with because in those days...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Iím sorry, this is mean, but there were two particularlys there.

NP: Yes there were two particularlys. Yes indeed there were. So Kit you cleverly got in with one second to go on a correct challenge of repetition. You get a point for your challenge and you take back the subject of my first job starting now.

KHH: Our lives were in a rut...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point and it was Kit Hesketh-Harvey who has two points at the end of the round to Paulís one. And Linda Smith your turn to begin, the subject is belts and braces. Tell us something about belt and braces in 60 seconds if you can starting now.

LS: Belt and braces is a phrase that means to be very safety conscious, to be very cautious. And it is not therefore an epitaph that could be applied to Railtrack at the moment, whose somewhat cavalier attitude to the public good means that every journey undertaken in Britain is very similar to that rail trip taken by Omar Sharif in Doctor Zhivago...

BUZZ

NP: Julian Clary has challenged you.

JULIAN CLARY: Are we not deviating?

NP: Whatís wrong?

JC: From the subject.

NP: Oh....

LS: Oh thatís a bit rich! Accused of deviation by Julian Clary!

NP: I think Julian, youíre right. You get a point for that, itís belt and braces and 38 seconds available starting now.

JC: I decided to dress for comfort for the journey to Norfolk. And I wore a pair of one size fits all trousers. Unfortunately there were no loops for a belt and there were no buttons for braces. And I popped over the road to the newsagent before I got in the car. And I came out of there clutching a bottle of mineral water and various things which I wonít go into, to amuse me during the journey. And do you know, my trousers...

BUZZ

NP: Linda Smith challenged.

LS: Were there two journeys?

NP: There werenít two journeys. The reason I paused, you missed the fact there were two trousers. But you didnít challenge on trousers...

LS: Well both legs...

NP: ...so I canít allow it. So Julian has a point for an incorrect challenge and he keeps belt and braces and he has 15 seconds... thank you for applauding my wisdom! There we are! Right! Fifteen seconds Julian, belt and braces starting now.

JC: It was a kind of gangster rap look as they worked their way further down my thighs. But I thought I could carry it off. I thought who cares if Iím 41...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: There were two I thoughts.

NP: There were two I thoughts, definitely, yes. Seven seconds are available now, youíve got another point Kit for a correct challenge, belt and braces is with you starting now.

KHH: Belton is a charming village in the nearby county of Rutland. And the dentists there furnish the teenagers of that esteemed county el... sorry...

BUZZ

KHH: Two counties.

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Two counties.

NP: Two counties, yes Paul, you got in with half a second to go...

KHH: Oh!

NP: On belt and braces starting now.

PM: Just pin them up!

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point on that occasion. Heís now equal with Kit Hesketh-Harvey in the lead, Julian Clary is in second place, then Linda Smith. Paul Merton it is your turn to begin and the subject is, oh very topical, the Fenns. Tell us something about the Fenns starting now.

PM: What can I say about the Fenns that wouldnít immediately exhibit my ignorance about them? Thereís a wonderful part of the world and in fact I...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Heís exhibiting his ignorance!

NP: You live in the Fenns and you applaud that remark! Anyway they enjoyed it so much I give you a bonus point for your witty response. But you werenít, it wasnít a challenge within the rules of Just A Minute. So Paul gets a point for being interrupted, he keeps the Fenns, well he doesnít keep the Fenns, he keeps the subject of the Fenns and 54 seconds starting now.

PM: Perhaps the Fenniest bit is about 10 miles from here and itís so Fennlandish that people just go mad about it. They say "thereís nothing like this at home". And they take photographs of the Fenns, and they think, put water into these special cups that they make out of knitting needles. Why is nobody challenging this...

BUZZ

PM: Youíre looking at me as if youíre learning something!

NP: Linda eventually challenged. Linda, yes?

LS: Well, all, all of them probably.

NP: The hesitations enough isnít it, right, 37 seconds, the Fenns with you Linda starting now.

LS: The Fenns are a lovely couple that we met on holiday when we were tourists. They said theyíd keep in touch and sadly they did! So now we go everywhere with the Fenns. Iím getting a little bit sick of them to be perfectly frank with you. I cannot sneak out of the house without the Fenns turning up. There they are saying "cooee, thought you were going out, thought weíd join you". So the Fenns...

BUZZ

NP: Julian Clary challenged.

JC: There were two thoughts.

NP: Yes Iím afraid there were. So Julian well listened, another point, 16 seconds, the Fenns starting now.

JC: The Fenns are a watery paradise for birds. And itís not generally known that I was a duck in a former life. I canít be more specific than that but I know I had black and white feathers and I lived on the Fenns. I used to fob about. And every Friday afternoon I would...

WHISTLE

NP: What a lovely picture he paints! And with that extra point as the whistle went Julian Clary has moved forward. Heís now equal with Linda Smith and Paul Merton in second place only one point behind our leader Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And Kit your turn to begin, the subject, a false economy. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

KHH: In Cambridge itís computers, in Norwich itís insurance. Here in Kings Lynn we have a manufacturing industry catering to the local community making prosthetic limbs, toupees, glass eyes, dental plates, wonder bras and penile implants. We have in short a false economy. If you go down to the back streets of Kings Lynn and you should see a shop saying second hand it means exactly that...

BUZZ

NP: Oh what a lovely thought, right! Julian you challenged.

JC: I hate to interrupt but there were two Kings Lynns.

KHH: Were there? Iím sorry. There canít be enough Kings Lynn.

NP: There canít be enough. Julian a correct challenge, 30 seconds available for you to go on a false economy starting now.

JC: False economy, I got a lift to Kings Lynn today with Paul Mertonís girlfriend. I thought thatíll be a saving. But as we drove down the motorway there was a brush with death. Suddenly she did a kind of S or S-shaped swerve and I thought "oh Iím going to meet my maker". Then she said "oh I donít know what happened there, I think maybe someone opened the window and a rush of air going out the window caused this...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Sorry, Iíve done it back to him now, window, window, Iím sorry.

NP: The window, yes.

JC: There were four windows in there.

KHH: There were four windows in there.

NP: Nine seconds available Kit for a false economy with you starting now.

KHH: So if you should lose a part of your body through leprosy or just plain carelessness, come to the back streets of Lynn Regis, Bishops of that nomenclature as you would call them...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey speaking as the whistle went gained the extra point and has increased his lead at the end of that round. Linda Smith itís your turn to begin, oh, the high jump. You have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

LS: The high jump is a sport that I was actually quite good at at school, not because Iím particularly athletic but Iím just quite tall. So I could just climb over the high jump. In the end it didnít really seem worth having the competition. The gym teacher would just measure us all and the tallest one would win. Invariably this child was my good self. So that was the only sport that I was any good at. The high jump also means when oh youíre for it. Youíre going to get into some kind of trouble, um, and this is not er...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton you challenged.

PM: There, a very, an erm.

NP: Yes there was an erm which...

LS: I meant to say erm.

NP: Yes. Yes which is a hesitation, right. Paul you have 29 seconds, the subject is the high jump starting now.

PM: Itís one of the great Olympic disciplines. In fact one of the finest men ever to take part in the Olympian races, games if you like...

BUZZ

NP: Linda got in back.

LS: No, I, take that back. Because I thought he just, I thought he was going to say Olympics again, he said Olympian.

PM: Mmmm.

NP: Right...

LS: Masterly. Masterly swerve.

NP: You didnít want him for hesitation so youíre right, the first challenge is incorrect. Paul you still have the subject, another point to you, 22 seconds on the high jump starting now.

PM: There was a man called Fosbury in the 1968 Olympic Games (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged first.

KHH: Repetition of Olympic Games.

NP: Yes right, heís in this time. Eighteen seconds, Kit, the high jump starting now.

KHH: Any jump in Norfolk of course is a high jump because we have no hills. What amazes me is further up the coast towards Liverpool and Antrick...

BUZZ

NP: Julian challenged.

JC: Hesitation.

NP: Yes there was. Further up the coast to Liverpool?

KHH: Yes, round, right round the top, and the other side. Iím sorry.

NP: Ten seconds Julian, the high jump starting now.

JC: Iíve always been interested in the high jump and particularly fascinated by pole vaulting which in many senses is a close cousein of the...

WHISTLE

NP: Julian Clary speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. Heís now only one point behind our leader Kit Hesketh-Harvey and then Paul Merton and Linda Smith in that order. And Paul, your turn to begin, my new hat. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

PM: Well this is an extraordinary coincidence. It was only three weeks ago I bought a new hat. Iíve never really particularly purchased a hat before but this one was an absolute corker. I was going to meet somebody and it was early and it was raining. So I thought I canít sit around getting wet, so Iíll buy a hat. So I went into this hat shop and I said "excuse me do you sell hats in here?" And the man said "yeah thatís what we do, thatís why weíre called, you know, what I said before". And I said "okay Iíll have one". And I bought the most beautiful thing. It looks like one of those Orson Welles hats. Itís got a sort of black colour to it. Thereís a brim, quite a wide particular piece of cloth hanging over the edge there. And it looks like Iím selling port. Itís a wonderful beautiful, Iím quite romantic...

BUZZ

NP: Kit has challenged you.

KHH: We had wonderful and beautiful before I think.

NP: Yes we did...

PM: Well you should see me in the hat!

KHH: I want to! I want to!

NP: Right but you did repeat the words so theyíre repetition and a point to you Kit and the subject, of my new hat and you have 27 seconds starting now.

KHH: Flanders and Swan, the great song writers and lyricists of the 1960s had a show called At The Drop Of A Hat which they followed with another literally inserted into that phrase. Vier chapeaux, old hat, means old hat...

BUZZ

NP: Julian you challenged first.

JC: Shouldnít it be viae?

NP: No...

KHH: Thatís masculine actually.

NP: Thatís masculine.

KHH: Yeah.

JC: Oh. Well, something else then!

NP: You were challenging for the er his...

KHH: The gender.

NP: ... his use of French?

JC: Well I was! I can change the challenge!

NP: Well youíll have to do it very quickly.

JC: Hesitation.

NP: I donít think he hesitated. No, no, no, no, and you canít have him on gender, Iím sorry...

BUZZ

NP: Who keeps pressing their buzzer? Kit?

KHH: Itís me. Iím challenging myself for repetition of old hat.

NP: Well as that now at last is a correct challenge, I give you a point for it.

KHH: Thank you very much.

NP: And you keep the subject.

KHH: Thank you.

NP: Because you just challenged yourself of course naturally, what else could you do? Thirteen seconds, my new hat, starting now.

KHH: A phrase which is in contrast to new hat, because the changes of fashion in hats was very rapid. And your hat could wear out before it had passed... no wrong way round, sorry...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Absolutely! What rubbish were you talking then?

KHH: I was talking gibberish.

NP: Gibberish.

KHH: Through my hat I was talking.

NP: It happens, you know that. Right, through your chapeaux, right, four seconds, my new hat, Paul, starting now.

PM: Forty-five pounds and I have to say that it was very well spent indeed. It looked wonderful...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went got that extra point and increased his lead. Kit Hesketh-Harvey is trailing him just a little and the other two are behind. And Kit itís your turn to begin, the subject, oh itís a topical local subject which Iím sure you can go with your usual erudition on, Captain Vancouver. Tell us something about Captain Vancouver... ah, all the audience know about Captain Vancouver. Now letís hear if the listeners can discover something from Kit on Captain Vancouver starting now.

KHH: Here in Norfolk weíre surrounded on three sides by seas, so weíre noted for the plenitude of our seamen. And one of these was Captain Vancouver who like Admiral Lord Nelson over at Birmingthorpe was a county bred boy. He came from Kings Lynn, he was a son of this fair borough, lived in a great big white house at the other end of the town from where weíre now sitting where a statue has been erected in his memory. He sailed up the north west coast of America, all the way from San Francisco to Alaska, charting the Archipelago which is very complicated, that part of lineage. People thought heíd spat his tapioca out over the maps when he brought them back. But what a hero he was. He also accompanied James Cook to Australia and New Zealand. And this lovely town in which I sit and of which I am a very proud citizen have every right to be... glorious...

BUZZ

KHH: Oh dear, so careless.

NP: Oh itís a tough game to keep going in.

KHH: Yes it is.

NP: The audience enjoyed it very much but Julian you challenged with eight seconds to go. What was it?

JC: Oh um...

KHH: I broke down.

JC: Hesitation.

NP: A hesitation, yes it was hesitation but well done um Kit, eight seconds, will you tell us something about Captain Vancouver Julian starting now.

JC: Well Iíll try, I er...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: No!

PM: No?

NP: He just smiled and the audience laughed and he tried to pick it up. I don;t know why he smiled, but um, but maybe weíll discover it in a moment. No, no, anyway he only went half a second and thatís all. Give the boy a chance to get going, really. Six and a half seconds, Captain Vancouver, Julian starting now.

JC: Well I expect he had a beard and he changed his underpants every Friday...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged him.

KHH: He didnít Iím afraid.

NP: Yes.

LS: The beard or the underpants?

PM: Come on Nicholas...

NP: What...

PM: ...did he have a beard or not? Itís up to you.

NP: I donít know about the beard, it was the underpants he challenged on...

KHH: No he never changed his underpants, but he didnít have a beard.

NP: Nobody in those days did change them very much, and if youíre at sea all that time, of course...

KHH: But he didnít have a beard, thereís a statue of him, you can go and have a look at it.

NP: But you challenged on the underpants.

KHH: No I challenged on the beard.

NP: Oh I see. If you challenged on the beard then Iíve got to give it you, Iím afraid.

KHH: Yes.

NP: Right...

KHH: I always wanted you to say that!

NP: Whatís that?

JC: Why are you giving it to him?

NP: Because you said he had his beard...

PM: All weíve established is the statue doesnít have a beard, but itís very difficult to do beards on statues...

JC: I expect he had a beard at some time or other.

NP: Because...

PM: I suppose he had piles, I donít suppose the statueís got that!

NP: Iím always, Iím always very fair. You have put into my mind a thought. I can assume at some time during his voyage on his travels he might have grown a beard. So four seconds on Captain Vancouver starting now.

JC: Captain Vancouver used to dress up as a woman every Thursday and parade around the docks...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Deviation, it was every Friday! If you go see his statue, every Friday itís in a womanís dress.

JC: He used to change his underpants every Friday.

PM: Oh did he?

JC: Yeah.

PM: Iíve got it wrong then.

NP: Now as far as I know, I can hearsay that he did not, he wasnít into cross-dressing...

JC: All those months at sea? Youíre telling me! He...

PM: He hadnít got any television!

NP: I know, but, no, all those months at sea, he didnít, they never, they couldnít put all the clothes into their seamenís chest...

JC: I beg your pardon?

PM: I beg your pardon?

JC: Anyway that wasnít the challenge...

NP: He might have been into all kinds of deviation, but he didnít cross-dress while he was at sea. So Iím going to give the benefit of the doubt to Paul on this occasion. Paul you have half a second to tell us something aboit cross-dressing, no, no, about, about Captain Vancouver starting now.

PM: He was known as the Mary of the Seven Seas!

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point and heís just a little bit further ahead of Julian Clary, Kit Hesketh-Harvey who are equal in second place. Linda Smith comes a little way behind them and it is her turn to begin. And the subject Linda is garden gnomes. Tell us something about garden gnomes in 60 seconds if you can starting now.

LS: Garden gnomes are little ornaments with funny faces and beards. Kind of idealised versions of Robin Cook. My Auntie Helen liked garden gnomes, she collected them deliberately, obviously they didnít just accrue around her. But because she was a soft hearted lady, she didnít like to leave garden gnomes in the garden. So she put them in her living room, in front of the TV, hordes of them. She was sweet but clinically mad and I suspect that any genes I have inherited from her would not be of the good variety. John Majorís parents, famously, made garden gnomes, although in a rather po-faced way he referred to them as garden ornaments. What a miserable sod...

BUZZ

NP: Julian Clary you challenged.

JC: Two ornaments.

NP: Yes, thatís right, she did have ornaments before. Well listened Julian, 13 seconds, tell us something about garden gnomes starting now.

JC: Iíve no time for garden gnomes. I think itís a sign of bad taste. And whenever I see one I feel obliged to kick it in the head and knock it over and roll it round and down into the loca...local ditch...

BUZZ

NP: Linda you challenged.

LS: A general petering out.

NP: Yes, well hesitation we call it. So youíve got the subject back Linda of garden gnomes and there are three seconds to go starting now.

LS: Garden gnomes are delightful, quite in contrast to what Julian...

WHISTLE

NP: So Linda Smith speaking as the whistle went and gained other points in that round as well as the one for speaking when the whistle went has leapt forward. But alas sheís still in fourth place. But sheís um, but no, no, I mean itís the contribution, not the points isnít it. And er only just behind Julian Clary and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And one ahead of them is Paul Merton. And Julian your turn to begin. The subject, magic. Tell us something about magic in 60 seconds... you were absolutely mesmorised then, the audience if I say so. I really had them in the palm of my hand for a moment. Magic, Julian, 60 seconds starting now.

JC: Magic, well, Iím a member of a coven comprising of me, Lily Savage, Richard Whitely and Anne Robinson. And weíre responsible for an awful lot of magic. I donít do my own ironing, you know. Oh no we just chant round the pot and suddenly itís all done. We do a lot of good things. Iím actually responsible for Dale Winton getting a third series of The Other Half. It wouldnít have happened otherwise. And we can do anything you want really. You just write into us and tell us about your troubles and your traumas...

BUZZ

NP: Linda Smith challenged.

LS: Ah a lot of uses.

NP: Yes there were us, us, us.

LS: Quite a few.

NP: Yes yes I mean once you let it go but two or three times, all right Linda, benefit of the doubt.

LS: Got to draw the line somewhere.

NP: Yes, right...

LS: You do really.

NP: And Iíve drawn it now for you and you have 28 seconds on magic starting now.

LS: Magic is possibly the most irritating form of entertainment known to humanity. And it has given the wretched Paul Daniels a very good career...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Paper tearingís worse!

LS: Iíd put that under allied trades!

PM: Would you?

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules...

PM: Paper tearingís worse than magic.

NP: Have you got a genuine challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

PM: Ah deviation.

NP: Why?

PM: Because I didnít agree with her.

NP: Right.

LS: Thatís you deviating, isnít it Paul.

PM: Well it could be like that.

NP: No I disagree Paul, you er magic is still with you Linda and there are 20 seconds left starting now.

LS: Magic shows make my heart sink. Even as a child, they used to annoy me intensely. Of course itís not magic I think. There isnít really a rabbit in your hat, you foolish old man who was just the cheapest one in the local paper that my parents could find to come and so to speak entertain us. I dare...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Linda you wonít be asked to the Magic Circles conference next year. And really...

LS: Oh well! I can live with it!

NP: There you are but your thoughts on magic kept you going till the whistle went, gained that extra point and you really have leapt forward now. You are equal now with Kit Hesketh-Harvey, one point behind Julian Clary and heís two points behind Paul Merton as we move into the final round. Paul Merton your turn to begin, practical jokes. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

PM: Practical jokes can often have a nasty, brutish kind of quality canít they. If I was to wire Nicholas Parsons up to the National Grid there would be a tremendous hoohah from the audience. Everybody would be rushing forward desperately to put the plug in before anybody else. It would be terrible to do such an awful thing. There was a practical joker in the 1920s called Horace DeVere Cole who gained some no, notoriety for...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey challenged.

KHH: Nota, nota, nota.

NP: Nota, nota, notoriety, right, we call that hesitation, 37 seconds are available, practical jokes is with you Kit starting now.

KHH: He inspected the entire fleet at Portsmouth pretending he was an Indian Rajah. My favourite practical joke is the one where you go to a group of workmen who are digging a hole in the street and tell them thereís a group of students coming along dressed as...

BUZZ

NP: Julian challenged.

KHH: Two groups.

JC: Too many groups.

NP: Two groups.

KHH: Sorry.

NP: Groups yes, right, Julian youíve got in on the last subject, practical jokes, 28 seconds available starting now.

JC: I said to Paul Merton the other day "would you like to have a bite of my sausage?" And do you know it wasnít really a sausage, it was a saveloy! You should have seen the look on his face! He was mortified! He said "has this ruined me for married life?" I said "no...

BUZZ

NP: Iíve never seen you dry yourself up with your own perverse thoughts, okay Julian. Right Kit you challenged then.

KHH: Paul Merton are you a man or a mouse? Are you going to take all this?

PM: Itís libel!

NP: But you didnít challenge for libel, I mean you know...

PM: I wanted to know what Iíd done, I thought maybe I... what are you doing there?

JC: Iíve just got my hankie!

NP: You had a correct challenge and you have 10 seconds, tell us something about practical jokes starting now.

KHH: You tell them thereís some policemen coming along and in fact theyíre students. Then you tell the...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: He did say students before.

NP: You did say students. Youíll never get this story out will you? Weíll have it after, after the 60 seconds. Paul you got in first, practical jokes, six seconds available starting now.

PM: One practical joke I heard about concerned Tommy Steele. He was appearing at the London Palladium in the hit musical...

WHISTLE

NP: Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. So let me give you the final score because alas we have no more time to play this game that we enjoy so much. Linda Smith who has triumphed admirably in the past came er just in fourth place, a little way behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Julian Clary who were linked together in second place...

KHH: Charming!

NP: It is charming isnít it. And a few points ahead of them was Paul Merton so Paul we say once again you are the winner this week. So it only remains for me to say thank you to our four delightful players of the game, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Linda Smith, Paul Merton and Julian Clary. We also must thank our lovely audience here in Kings Lynn. But particularly Iíd like to thank Janet Staplehurst who helps me keep the score, blows her whistle so well. And our producer Claire Jones who makes sure that it all goes out smoothly with some of the things you may have suggested you might have heard. But weíre not like that, this is Radio Four, nothing has to be edited. But we are deeply indebted to our creator of the game, Ian Messiter. And we are indebted to our lovely audience here in Kings Lynn. From them, from our panel, and from me Nicholas Parsons, goodbye, hope youíll tune in next time we play Just A Minute.

THEME MUSIC