JAM:CFreud,WRichard,RMurdoch,LPercival
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring CLEMENT FREUD, WENDY RICHARD, RICHARD MURDOCH and LANCE PERCIVAL, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 9 May 1989)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: The third recording of Just A Minute in this volume is from 1989. Clement Freud is the only one of the original four players of the game participating. Wendy Richard who had appeared a number of times is one of the panellists and plays the game and her own individual humorous aggression. The other two players were fairly new to the game. One was Lance Percival who tries too hard to begin with, and betrays he is not very conversant with the overall concept of the show, but gathers momentum as the recording progresses. The other guest is the veteran comedian and broadcaster Richard Murdoch. he appears quite lost on occasions but he is so engaging the audience warm to his non-competitive and somewhat fluffy style. He gains their sympathy and with a little indulgence from the other players, and some help from the chairman, he creates a lot of laughs, including going on one occasion for a whole minute, which the audience loved. One of the most interesting aspects of this recording is that the participants included only one of the original players. We frequently had guests, but always three guests, which included Kenneth Williams, who was in nearly verey recording when he was alive. In fact his contribution was so memorable on occasions that when he died, the powers that be at Radio Four thought that the show could not survive without him. I remember discussing this with him, and pointed out that while Kenneth was brilliant in the show, the strength of the show didn't rest on one individual. It was the interplay between the players and the chairman, and the repartee that was generated, as well as the skill of speaking on the subject. Provided the show contained talented and witty performers who could also marshal their thoughts clearly, there would always be a programme. We would miss Kenneth, as indeed we still do. He was a unique performer. But with so much talent available we could survive without him. Fortunately common sense prevailed and more series were commissioned. And this recording proves the programme can still be entertaining and very funny provided there are always two experienced players of the game, and they are supported by talented and humorous performers. This programme is also memorable for the fact that as last the BBC had invested in a stopwatch that counted the seconds down to zero. For over 20 years it had used a watch that counted the seconds forward in the conventional way. And I was always forced to do a quick calculation after every challenge and subtract the seconds used from 60. And also to do this at speed. Even more amazing was the fact that at last having provided a stopwatch that showed the seconds still available, no-one bothered to inform me before the recording began. And in the first round I was still subtracting from 60 which I remark on in the show, as the times went a little haywire at the beginning. Sometimes a player will introduce an old joke into the subject on which you are talking. It's interesting and unusual but it happened twice in this recording. But it was skilfully done on each occasion. I hope you enjoy this unusual and different recording of Just A Minute. Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away it is once more my pleasure to introduce to you the four exciting personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. We welcome back Wendy Richard, Lance Percival, Richard Murdoch and Clement Freud. Will you please welcome all four of them! And as usual in this game I am going to ask them to speak on the subject that I give them and they will try do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from that subject. Beside me sits the creator of the game Ian Messiter with a stopwatch in one hand, a pencil in the other and a whistle in his mouth, in order to keep the score and tell us when the 60 seconds are up. And let us begin the show this week with Clement Freud. Clement, the subject that Ian has decided to start the show with is scales. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

CLEMENT FREUD: There is something called a musical scale which goes do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti. And then the first note again. And Julie Andrews I seem to recall sang it in something called The Sound of Muzak which I never saw because it isnít really anything Iím very keen on. But there are scales also which weigh in tons, hundred weights, stones, quarters, pounds, ounces, or occasionally in kilograms...

BUZZ

NP: And Wendy Richard has challenged. Yes Wendy?

WENDY RICHARD: Hesitation.

NP: Yes indeed yes, he certainly came to a halt there. So Wendy you have 31 seconds to take over the subject of scales having gained a point for a correct challenge and you start now.

WR: Or of course there are fish scales. These can look very attractive when these little things are actually swimming about under water. Because they look all nice and shiny and bright. But once theyíre brought on to dry land they suddenly lose all their lustre...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Lance Percival.

LANCE PERCIVAL: She got lost around lose, she said they suddenly lo-lose.

CF: Oh no, no.

NP: Did she?

LP: That was hesitation.

WR: I have a slight hesitation in my speech, itís natural, Lance!

LP: I think itís very attractive anyway!

WR: Thank you.

NP: Yes itís very attractive. I donít think she normally has but I, I think weíll give her the benefit of the doubt. Wendy um I disagree with the challenge and you get another point of course, 15 seconds are left on scales starting now.

WR: Or of course there are kitchen scales...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud you challenged.

CF: Weíve had of course.

NP: Yes you did have of course before...

CF: We donít like of course all the time!

WR: Well just a minute! Have I got this wrong? I thought you started again after you were interrupted.

NP: Yes but you canít repeat what youíve said in this round again.

WR: I was going to talk about something else entirely different.

NP: But you did say of course before.

BUZZ

WR: Oh! All right.

NP: Lance Percival challenged.

LP: Everybodyís hesitating, thereís been a lot of hesitating going on for the last 25 seconds.

NP: Right Wendy you still have the subject... oh no you donít, of course, Clement has the subject because it was a correct challenge of repetition of of course and there are um seven seconds left for scales starting now.

CF: Of course it is absolutely right to talk about...

BUZZ

NP: Lance Percival challenged.

LP: Clement Freud said of course in the first lot he mentioned.

NP: No he didnít say of course in the first lot. Clement very rarely says of course.

LP: Of course he doesnít.

NP: Heís got such a command of the English language he rarely has to use those sort of phrases. Clement you have now, um whatís 11 from 60? No, itís 60, 11...

IAN MESSITER: Eleven seconds left.

NP: Youíve got the clock this week that goes backwards instead of me subtracting! Oh for, for 21 years weíve had a clock where Iíve had to subtract those numbers from 60 and now without telling me you bring a clock along after 21 years which actually does go backwards! So Iíve been giving funny numbers up to this point. Um there are 11 seconds left for you Clement on scales starting now.

CF: If you go to a street market and find a vegetable...

BUZZ

NP: Someone challenged but no light came on. So I donít know who it is.

RICHARD MURDOCH: It was I.

NP: Yes hello Richard.

RM: Well heís been talking about scales but he hasnít mentioned Prunella yet!

NP: Richard... you suddenly woke up from a...

RM: Yes! I thought it was time I said something!

NP: Well I think Richard Murdoch deserves a bonus point for his Prunella challenge. Itís got nothing to do with Just A Minute and Clement Freud gets a point for an incorrect challenge and he has nine seconds to go on scales starting now.

CF: Do be awfully careful purchasing bananas, potatoes, apples, or any other kind of fruit because the man putting it on the scales will also put his fist on the other side...

WHISTLE

NP: So whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. It was Clement Freud who got other points of course in that round and has finished in the lead at the end of the first round. And Richard Murdoch weíd like you to take the next round which is clubs.

RM: Oh!

NP: Will you tell us something about that...

RM: Yes!

NP: ...in Just A Minute starting now.

RM: Well there are those that you wield and those that you join. The ones...

BUZZ

NP: Wendy Richard has challenged you.

RM: Aye!

CF: Mean!

WR: Iím sorry!

NP: Itís mean challenging those!

WR: Iím sorry, go on.

RM: What was it?

WR: It was a mistake, my finger slipped!

NP: No it was a challenge Wendy!

WR: I feel guilt raddled!

NP: And once you stopped the flow I mean, because you did say those that you and those that you. You see you repeated those that.

RM: Ah yes I did, yes.

NP: Yes you did.

RM: And thatís not allowed, you mean?

NP: Thatís not allowed. We are sometimes fairly sporting and...

RM: Yes.

NP: ...let people get under way. You havenít played it very often, I know Richard.

RM: No, no.

NP: But Wendy, Wendy came in and with a, with a sort of sharp callenge and there are 55 seconds left on clubs with you Wendy starting now.

WR: As far as nightclubs are concerned I know nothing of these establishments, because I wouldnít cross the threshold to go to one. But when it comes to golf clubs I find they get in the way and are a nuisance...

BUZZ

NP: Lance Percival challenged.

LP: Um yes, clubs of course, is the word on the book, on the card...

NP: Yes thatís right.

LP: Sorry.

NP: Thank you! So Lance another incorrect challenge, Wendy still has clubs, 45 seconds starting now.

WR: I banished my fianceeís clubs into a storage place some several yards away from our house. Because if I had to clear out all my frogs and all my rubbish, why should his clubs stay in the spare room, I ask myself. But getting back...

BUZZ

NP: She asked herself and didnít wait for the reply! Or she shouldnít have waited for the reply! So Clement got in with a challenge which Iím sure is hesitation. Was that right Clement? And there are 30 seconds for you on clubs starting now.

CF: I have membership of a certain number of clubs like the Lords Taverners, the Marylebone Cricket Club. And I also play golf and have a niblick, a sand wedge, a driver, woods numbered one, two, three, and a spoon. The club I most like is the British Railway Service Association Club in the town of March in Cambridgeshire. It is near, as will not surprise anyone at all, the tracks of...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud kept going till the whistle went once again, gained that extra point and others in the round. Heís in a strong lead but heís being chased now by Wendy Richard who is in second place only two points behind. Wendy Richard weíd like you to take the next subject, pet earwigs. Can you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

WR: I find the idea of having a pet earwig totally repulsive! I would presume this is the sort of thing a little boy would keep because as the saying goes "what are little boy...

BUZZ

WR: Is that you?

NP: Lance Percivalís challenged.

WR: Heís always doing it to me!

NP: Wendy Richard reacted, I must tell the listeners, reacted as if someone had put their hand on her thigh then, and Clement Freud sitting beside her showed her that his hands were above his head! So itís um, but Lance Percival had his hand on his buzzer. And you pressed, first, yes.

LP: Well as the saying goes, and it didnít quite go fast enough.

NP: Yes that was hesitation, I agree Lance. So you take over pet earwigs and there are 50 seconds left starting now.

LP: My pet earwig is the supporters of a football club, or else the gentle holidaymakers in the Costa Brava singing "ĎEre wig-goooo"...

BUZZ

NP: Wendy challenged.

WR: Heís telling the most dreadful old jokes! It shouldnít be allowed on the programme!

LP: Itís not a joke!

NP: Yeah youíre allowed to do anything provided you keep going and donít hesitate, deviate or repeat yourself.

RM: It's a very funny joke!

CF: The challenge was repetition of old jokes!

NP: Yes but he hasnít told an old joke within this round. So therefore he, it was an incorrect challenge and Lance you still have the subject of pet earwigs, 40 seconds are left starting now.

LP: But the pet earwig I possess at home is a lady one. Her name is Flo-Jo because her forceps are painted. She actually is renowned because she is supposed to be able to walk into your left ear, straight through your brain and out of the other. This is a pure fallacy and belongs entirely to the members of the House of Commons where it still goes on.

BUZZ

NP: Wendy Richard challenged.

WR: Hesitation.

LP: I was waiting, I was waiting for a laugh. I got it!

NP: And you actually got the laugh. This is the awful thing in Just A Minute. If you do make a very good comment and you get a good laugh, if you wait for it someone gets you for hesitation. Wendy got in there, very sharp again, with 20 seconds left for you with your starting subject of pet earwigs Wendy starting now.

WR: Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, thatís what little boys are made of. And thatís why theyíre the type to keep pet earwigs. Or earwigs as pets.

BUZZ

WR: What?

NP: Richard Murdoch, yes?

RM: Well she kept saying thatís. Are you allowed...

NP: She mentioned...

WR: I did not!

NP: ..the boy before too.

RM: Thatís!

NP: Yes! You see it was the boy that she mentioned.

RM: I believe youíre right, yes! So thatís that, isnít it!

NP: Yes thatís right. So Richard youíve got the subject of pet earwigs, 11 seconds to go starting now.

RM: The things most likely to get earwigs are dahlias. Mine at home have thousands of them, they crawl in and they do terrible things there, and you have to get rid of them by..

WHISTLE

RM: Oh Iím done!

NP: There spoke a keen gardener! Listeners I must explain the passion with which he expressing his feelings about the dahlias. And Dickie you did get one for speaking as the whistle went, youíve now got three points. Youíre just ahead of Lance Percival, just behind Wendy Richard and she is trailing Clement Freud by one point whoís our leader. Lance Percival to begin, the subject bad drivers. Lance will you tell us something about those in this game starting now.

LP: I will admit that I am one of those people called bad drivers, because whenever I hit the ball, I either hook it or slice it, which means it goes to the left or right. And the most important thing in golf, by the way, that particular car is the one that causes bad drivers the worst problems because it is so fast off the traffic lights that nobody knows exactly what to do when they see one coming around the corner. The second club you can pick up after youíve hit a drive is a number three iron to take you way down the fairway. And you will still find that German particular automobile on your left as youíre going down towards the green...

BUZZ

NP: Wendy Richard challenged.

WR: He said left twice.

NP: Well done Wendy, well listened, there was two lefts there.

LP: Sucked in.

NP: And Wendy had another point, there are 28 seconds left for you Wendy to tell us something about bad drivers starting now.

WR: If I had ever passed my test, I would have been a bad driver but I failed six times! Four times in Stratford East and...

BUZZ

WR: What?

NP: Richard Murdoch challenged.

RM: Ah she, a couple of times there.

NP: Yes it was four times, six times.

WR: Oh poo, it was a very funny story as well you know.

NP: Oh well you can finish it afterwards Wendy. Thereís 21 seconds for Richard to tell us something about bad drivers starting now.

RM: Iím not a bad driver. And I never will be because I took lessons when I was quite a boy. I never had to pass a test because there wasnít such a thing when I first started driving a motor car. So I didnít have to pass one...

BUZZ

RM: Oh yes, oh yes.

NP: Wendyís back so Wendy you can now finish the story because I know that your challenge is correct. There are six seconds, but after the whistle goes if you want to carry on and finish the story, we will judge whether it was as good as you said. Um six seconds left, bad drivers, starting now.

WR: On one of these occasions, I actually hit a pedestrian. Well I didnít actually strike him, he sort of lay across the bonnet...

BUZZ

NP: Oh!

LP: Weíre never going to hear the story!

NP: Weíre never going to get the story are we?

RM: Oh dear! Forget I buzzed!

NP: Heís been very generous!

RM: Iíll unbuzz!

NP: Thereís one second, we wonít blow the whistle because we want to hear the rest of the story Wendy, carry on.

WR: So I said to the examiner "what shall I do?"

WHISTLE

WR: He says "well youíd better ask him if heís all right". So I wound down the window and this stream of abuse came through. And I turned around and said "I think he is okay". I said "does this mean Iíve failed?" And he said "yes" and I burst into tears!

NP: Awww!

WR: He wasnít hurt, by the way. Otherwise I wouldnít make a joke of it.

NP: But Wendy you did keep going till the whistle which was very delicately blown by Ian Messiter on that occasion and itís taken you into the lead ahead of Clement Freud at the end of that round. And itís back with Clement to begin. Clement the subject is form, will you tell us something about form in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: Iíve got some quite good stories that last 15 minutes or half an hour. But it wouldnít be good form in Just A Minute to explore that sort of strain in...

BUZZ

NP: Richard has...

RM: Well he said a couple of minutes.

LP: Yes, Just A Minute and...

RM: And minute yes.

NP: Thatís right yes.

CF: One was minutes and one was minute.

NP: Well the other one was minutes.

RM: Oh was it?

NP: Yes yes and Just A Minute.

RM: I didnít hear the S.

LP: He said the second one 15 seconds later.

NP: Forty-eight seconds are left for you Clement to continue on form starting now.

CF: What is considered proper form, nice form, is like when two people who have been living together...

BUZZ

NP: Wendyís challenged.

WR: Thatís bad grammar!

NP: Wendy if we held people up for deviating from grammar when theyíre trying to kepe going...

WR: But you donít expect it from a man of his calibre, do you?

NP: You certainly donít expect it from Clement Freud! But sometimes the pressureís on with three people buzzing, you know, breathing down his neck with buzzers, and sometimes a little deviation of grammar occurs. But he wasnít deviating within the rules of the game of Just A Minute. So he gets another point, 41 seconds, form Clement starting now.

CF: P.T. Barnum who showed considerable form as a circus proprietor was once acquainted with death of the man shot from a cannon in his circus. And he said "this is grave news, it will be hard to find a man of the same calibre!"

BUZZ

NP: And Wendy Richardís buzzer was pressed by Clement Freud then! And what is your challenge Wendy?

WR: Iíve forgotten now! It was hesitation and taking the mickey out of me!

NP: Yes but he did hesitate and...

WR: Yes.

NP: ... he was being very generous and returning the mickey compliment, thatís right. And so Wendy for hesitation with the help of Clement Freud youíve got in again on form with 23 seconds left starting now.

WR: As much as that? There are...

BUZZ

NP: Lance Percival challenged.

LP: Hesitation, as much as that. Bang!

NP: Twenty-one seconds, form, Lance, starting now.

LP: The one form which I never understand is on the racecourse because the unfortunate trainers, jockeys and owners seem to disagree entirely with the result of the race when I have actually put my money on a particular nag. And the form proves me completely wrong because I have generally backed the favourite and the one thatís unfavourite if thatís the correct word, comes in...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: That was a verbal...

LP: Diarrhoea!

CF: ...stumble.

NP: It was certainly a verbal stumble but you werenít deviating, you werenít going to have him for deviation of grammar?

CF: No, no, I was having him for...

NP: A stumble?

CF: ...hesitation between the first, second and third syllables.

NP: At the pace he was going and speaking I wouldnít call that a hesitation.

CF: Oh really?

NP: At the pace you speak it would have been, it certainly, we wouldnít even have noticed it. So we notice it more at the pace that Lance speaks. So I wonít grant that as a hesitation Lance and you have one second on form starting now.

LP: In schools they have forms...

WHISTLE

NP: So Lance Percival got that extra point for speaking as the whistle went, heís moved forward, heís got, er, heís only one point ahead of Dickie, Richard Murdoch. Ahead of Lance Percival is Clement Freud whoís one point behind our leader who is now Wendy Richard. Richard Murdoch your turn to begin, tea time, would you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

RM: Yes. Tea time, we now go back to the game of golf. Because if youíre playing in a competition, and your captain will say to you, your tee time is 9.30 tomorrow, as opposed to Chinese dentists which would be 2.30 (tooth hurty). But in the, you also have tea time around about half past 4, where you would have crumpets and probably a cucumber sandwiches and nice China tea. And you would enjoy it trememndously because all the children would come in and make their faces all sticky with cream cakes, and a wonderful time would be had by all. Because tea time is my very favourite time of the day. Dinner time, no, because Iím, itís run past my bedtime as a rule.So I felt that tea time which I always enjoy only because um, I donít quite know what Iím talking about now! But um er...

WHISTLE

NP: So Richard Murdoch took tea time and kept going for 60 seconds with a little indulgence from the others! Much to the enjoyment of our audience, Iím pleased to say! He told us something about tea time which Iím sure will be of deep interest to all those people outside the British Isles who now know all about British tea time and what happens. Because we do get letters from Asia and China and places east and west and south and other places. Richard youíve moved forward, youíre ahead now of Lance Percival, youíre trailing Clement Freud and Wendy Richard. And Wendy your turn to begin, the subject, jellied eels. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

WR: I find jellied eels repulsive. I always remember when I happened to be living in Southend, there was a jellied eels seller outside our pub. And he had a great bowl of these jellied eels. And I was standing, gazing at them with an obvious look of revulsion on my face. And he said "do you mind moving away kid? Youíre ruining my business!" How people can eat these things Iíve no idea. I know theyíre supposed to be considered a great delicacy of the Cockneys and some other people who donít necessarily born in London. But personally I couldnít stomach them. They look quite revolting, lying there in that sort of gooey jelly thing. And I shall probably get a lot of letters of, from people...

BUZZ

NP: Aw, Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yes there was a bit of a hesitation there, yes...

WR: Yes but it was a riveting story!

NP: I thought she was going to do for jellied eels what Richard Murdoch had just done for tea time. But er...

WR: So did I for a minute!

NP: It wasnít to be. Clement you got in, youíve got in with 24 seconds to go to tell us something about jellied eels starting now.

CF: I rather like jellied eels. I think jellied eels are an excellent food. Slothfully do they slide around the jelly which surrounds them. And very delicious they are, especially with chili, vinegar, but also with extra pepper or salt. The one difficulty about eating jellied eels is that they have a central bone which you either have to spit out which ruins part...

WHISTLE

NP: So speaking as the whistle went Clement Freud gained that extra point. And with another point in the round, heís now moved ahead of Wendy Richard by one point and he is our leader. And Lance Percival begins the next round, the subject Lance, the deep end. Will you tell us something about the deep end in Just A Minute starting now.

LP: Iíll give you an example of going off the deep end which is one translation of the meaning of this particular expression. When a Mr Parsons himself went straight into the WH Smithís of Norwich, and asked the old lady behind the counter for a copy of the National Geographical magazine. Whereupon the genteel person there said "Iím sorry Mr Parsons but weíve sold out." And then of course Mr Parsons said in which case...

BUZZ

NP: Oh!

CF: Three Parsons!

LP: Yes.

NP: There were three.

LP: But Iím very reverent!

NP: They said ah in the audience because I think they want to hear the rest of the story which I donít think is going to be a true one! I think itís going to be awfully unkind to me! So Wendy you got in to perhaps save my embarrassment, 37 seconds are left, the deep end starting now.

WR: I donít um (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Oh you went right in the deep end didnít you, and you got a mouthful of water.

WR: I know! I hadnít got a clue what I was going to say!

NP: Wendy I have to tell you that showed on your face. So Lance Percival has actually got back with the deep end and there are 34 seconds left Lance now.

LP: So the chairman said to the lovely lady in which case Iíll have that Playboy and Penthouse instead...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Richard Murdoch challenged.

RM: He mentioned lady earlier on, didnít he.

LP: No I said genteel person.

RM: Oh did you?

NP: Yes he did, thatís right.

RM: Well itís one and the same thing isnít it!

NP: So he got another point there Iím afraid Richard with your help and still has the subject with 29 seconds left starting now.

LP: So she said "thatís a bit of a literary jump from the first magazine you asked for isnít it...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Murdoch challenged again.

LP: Iíll never get to the end of this!

RM: Magazine twice.

LP: No I said periodical before.

NP: Oh they do try it on, donít they!

RM: Can you prove it?

NP: Yes, prove it.

CF: He said National Geographical magazine.

LP: Oh I see yes.

NP: Yes.

LP: Yes.

NP: So Richard was listening well and he was correct...

RM: Yeah, whatís the subject? I canít remember...

LP: Going off the deep end.

RM: Oh yes!

NP: But wait, Iíve got to give it to you Richard to start. Yes I do, I know you havenít played it very often...

RM: I see!

NP: You might go off the deep end if youíre not careful. I mean it isnít tea time that weíre talking about now, you do understand. Itís the deep end and there are 25 seconds on the deep end starting now.

RM: When I was at school, I, my... teacher was very popular...

BUZZ

NP: Oh itís an infuriating game.

RM: Yes!

NP: Isnít it, yes.

RM: I was the only non-swimmer he allowed in the deep end, anyhow.

NP: Right. Lance Percival got back in, 21 seconds Lance, 21 seconds Lance the deep end starting now.

LP: And that is the moment when the chairman of this programme turned around to her and said "not at all," he said, "Iíve always enjoyed looking at pictures of places Iím never likely to visit!" Which took an awful long time but is a demonstration of how you can go off the deep end at times...

WHISTLE

NP: Well why nobody challenged him before the whistle, I donít know. Because not only did he repeat the word chairman but he also hesitated for an awful long time and he was utterly devious in what he said about the chairman!

LP: All untrue!

NP: But he got a lot of points and heís now in second place, with only one point behind Clement Freud and Wendy Richard who are equal in first place. And Clement your turn to begin again, the subject is spotted dick. Will you... now please! If youíve got that sort of mind, keep it to yourself! Spotted dick is a lovely dish which we used to have at school. Clement will you tell us something about spotted dick in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: Spotted dick would be a very sensible thing to eat after jellied eels, in that it is patriotic, jingoistic and everybody likes it a lot. It is stodgy, full of calories and exceedingly bad for you. You need suet and flour and probably ginger. The dick... are...

BUZZ

NP: Lance Percivalís challenged.

LP: Thereís nothing worse than a pause on the dick, I always say!

NP: I didnít hear what you said Lance, Iím sorry!

LP: I said it was his little pause on the dick that worried me!

NP: Right yes! I will give you the hesitation. Yes and so there are 39 seconds for a spotted pause, Iím sorry. Lance Percival has spotted dick, 39 seconds, starting now.

LP: Several years ago I was strolling across Walton Heath Golf Course playing the game with three other people when a pair, on the horizon, appeared Mister...

BUZZ

LP: ...Murdoch...

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Well whoever didnít appear!

LP: He took a long time to come up under the horizon!

NP: But it was still hesitation in Just A Minute so Clement has another point, back with the subject, 31 seconds, spotted dick, starting now.

CF: Medically if you took a knife and carved the top slice from a spotted dick...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Murdoch has challenged.

RM: Well I thought there was a bit of hesitation there frankly.

NP: There was a bit of hesitation...

RM: Yes.

NP: Not much, just a bit.

RM: Well a bit is enough, isnít it!

NP: Well Richard what Iím going to do is as Clement Freud is in the lead and everybodyís very close and youíre trailing a little, Iím going to be um a little bit tough on them, generous to you and give you the subject with another point of course. And um Iíve just had a little note saying this is going to be the last round anyway. So would you like to take over with only 26 seconds, spotted dick starting now.

RM: Well when I was in school I was inclined to have slight pimples and I was known as Spotted Dick. And it was also something we used to eat on special occasions. We didnít like it very much. In fact some of us used to call it Dead Baby because it looked rather like that you see. And all these currants in it looked like spots and...

WHISTLE

NP: So Richard Murdoch took spotted, Dickie Murdoch took Spotted Dick to the 60 seconds when the whistle went and he got that extra point for speaking then. And I will now give you the final score. Well in spite of the um, the tremendous efforts he made and the pleasure that he gave us Richard Murdoch, you did finish in fourth place. But only just behind um Wendy Richard and Lance Percival who were equal in second place. And they were only one point behind the man who had 11 points and therefore is judged the winner of the contest this week, Clement Freud! We hope you have enjoyed listening to Just A Minute, weíve enjoyed playing it, the audience seem to have enjoyed themselves. It only remains for me to say on behalf of Wendy Richard, Lance Percival and Richard Murdoch and Clement Freud, and the creator of the game Ian Messiter, and our producer Edward Taylor and myself Nicholas Parsons, thank you for listening. From all of us here goodbye!

THEME MUSIC