JAM:PMerton,DNimmo,CFreud,PJones
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, DEREK NIMMO, CLEMENT FREUD and PETER JONES, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 17 March 1990)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: In the 1990s some refinements were introduced to Just A Minute and some just naturally crept in, either as I responded to the way the game was being played, or as I sensed what might increase the fun and entertainment value of the series. For instance when faced with a difficult decision, I would add a phrase about giving a player the benefit of the doubt, and I would always try to redress the balance some time later. Also in the 90s I started giving a bonus point to a player for an amusing or clever interruption that had received a big laugh. This encouraged the players to go for witty comments which might be outside the three basic rules of the game. The biggest refinement however that came into the show, partly by chance, partly by design, and partly by necessity, concerned the challenge of deviation. Originally it was deviation from the subject. But as the players became more inventive in their challenges, I began to allow any valid interpretation of deviation. This gave me tough decisions to make on occasions, but I realised it also offered huge scope for the players to be ingenious or outrageous with their challenges. In fact in 2002 I was taken to task on Radio Fourís Feedback programme by a listener who was obviously a fan of the showís old gentle ways. He accused me of not interpreting the rules correctly. I accepted the criticism and said it had been an instinctive decision on my part, in order to generate more humour and wit in the show and so help towards the longevity of the programme. These days Iím very precise in giving the rules of the game as hesitation, repetition and deviation, and Iíve dropped the phrase ďfrom the subjectĒ. Our final programme in this second volume of Just A Classic Minute comes from March 1990. Once again we have three of the original regulars back, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Clement Freud. Kenneth Williams, one of the mainstays of the show for 20 years, had died in 1988. Some people thought he was such an integral part of the programme that it could not survive without him. He was certainly brilliant in the show, brilliant at whatever he did. But the programme was bigger than the sum of its four parts, or perhaps that should be its five parts. In this recording Paul Merton was the fourth member of the panel, having only recently become a player. Whilst very good in this programme at illustrating that he was not intimidated by any of the regulars, he had not yet reached the peak he would later achieve when he developed into one of the programmeís most outstanding players. With these four contributing in equal measure and in their own inimitable ways, I hope you will achieve this classic edition of Just A Minute, and indeed that you have been entertained by yet another volume of Just A Classic Minute. Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to introduce the four people who this week are going to play Just A Minute. And we welcome back once again Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones, Clement Freud and Paul Merton. Will you please welcome all four of them. The creator of the game Ian Messiter has for many years sat beside me to keep the score. Unfortunately he canít be with us this week so once again I am fortunate in having the lovely Anne Ling sitting beside me to do that particular chore. Iím going to ask our four panellists if they will speak on the subject I give them without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And we begin the show this week with Paul Merton. Paul will you take the subject of beauty contests and talk upon that for Just A Minute if you can starting now.

PAUL MERTON: I suppose the most popular form of beauty contest is the contest where young ladies of an approximate age between 19 and 24 parade around in various types of swimwear. Now this is known as the Miss World contest, or itís also known as the...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DEREK NIMMO: Repetition of known.

NP: Yes, it is also known as and Derek Nimmo got in there with a correct challenge. He gets a point for that of course, he takes over the subject of beauty contests, there are 42 seconds left and you start now.

DN: I remember judging a beauty queen contest. And I asked this girl what her job was and it was shorthand typist. And then for her measurements and she replied 48-22-30. And I said "what do you do?" And she said "fall over!" I thought that was a very interesting remark. I did actually judge when I was in Canberra one year...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of judge.

NP: Clement youíve got in with a correct challenge and a point for that and 25 seconds on beauty contests starting now.

CF: I have an elderly friend who occasionally judges beauty contests. And he says the most successful thing to do is to make an appointment or an assignment with the ugliest contestant, ask her out to dinner because sheís incredibly keen to cut her losses and do almost anything that anybody who judged might ask of her...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of judge.

PETER JONES: I thought you were saving him from straying into an area that we would have found embarrassing...

NP: I think heíd already strayed! Iím sorry!

PJ: Well...

NP: Oh there are one second for you Derek having got in on beauty contests starting now.

DN: Glorious lovely girls!

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking in Just A Minute when the whistle is blown gets an extra point. And on this occasion it was Derek Nimmo so he has taken the lead at the end of that round. And we now move to Peter Jones to begin the next round. Peter it is, oh, this is rather apt, robbing Peter to pay Paul. Will you talk on that subject if you can starting now.

PJ: I donít know why itís always that way round. You never hear people robbing Paul to pay Peter do you? Iím taking it rather personally of course. But it really means taking money from one pocket and putting it in another, doesnít it really? I suppose if youíre rather short of cash...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: A couple of reallys there.

NP: A couple of reallys?

PJ: Yes.

NP: A bit of a tough challenge but um we have to be accurate so...

PJ: Yes, yes.

NP: ...Clement you have 46 seconds to tell us something about robbing Peter to pay Paul starting now.

CF: Robbing Peter to pay Paul is I think a pretty fair analysis of Conservative policy. I have been watching them do just that for the last 15 years or so...

BUZZ

PM: Deviation, the Conservatives havenít been doing it for 15 years, theyíve only been in power for 10!

CF: Itís got nothing to do with that!

NP: Well I take...

CF: You can have a policy if youíre not in power.

NP: I take Paulís point, it may be their policy. But I think you did convey to me anyway that it was while they in power that they were doing this. And therefore I give Paul the benefit of the doubt and tell him that he has a point for a correct challenge and 27 seconds to tell us something about robbing Peter to pay Paul starting now.

PM: I make a habit of robbing Peter Jones! I go round to his house two or three times a week when heís not there and I take his microwave, I take his cooker, I take his television set, and Iíve all got them round at my place! I won the Miss World beauty contest in 1978 and I find I have to keep up that lifestyle...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Ah deviation.

NP: Why?

PJ: Why! I donít know! I donít know why!

PM: It was a very bad year for contestants!

PJ: Well...

NP: What are you...

PJ: Why he was deviating, donít ask me! Heís probably been eating the wrong kind of mushrooms or something!

NP: I must...

PJ: It seemed to me he was taking leave of his senses!

NP: He may have taken leave of his senses but he can still do that and still play Just A Minute, and a lot of people have proved in this show. But what is your particular challenge of deviation Peter?

PJ: Oh itís so long ago now, isn't it!

NP: The beauty competition?

PJ: Yes! The beauty competition, yes.

NP: All right, thank you very much, as long as we know, I have to be accurate. I get letters otherwise. Peter you have 11 seconds to...

PJ: Donít you ever get any letters of congratulation? Are they all complaints?

NP: No, no, no, no, yes, I donít talk about... I donít want to sound conceited...

PJ: I must show you my letters sometime!

NP: Peter there are 11 seconds for you to tell us something more about robbing Peter to pay Paul starting now.

PJ: Robbing Peter to pay Paul is a strange conception. It doesnít really circulate the money...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Um was there repetition of really? Was it this round?

NP: Yes! He said really, you said really before.

PJ: Well that was in the earlier part of the ah...

NP: No but you still repeated it in this round of Just A Minute. So you said it twice before and now a third time...

PJ: Really? Oh well, probably I did, yes.

NP: Paul youíve got in with five seconds on robbing Peter to pay Paul starting now.

PM: Robbing Peter to pay Paul is a concept which...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round, let me give you the score because itís pretty even as youíd imagine. Paul Merton got the extra point for speaking as the whistle went, heís equal in the lead with Derek Nimmo. And Clement Freud your turn to begin, the subject capers. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: From a culinary or gastronomic standpoint a caper is a bud which actually has no taste and a pathetic life, in that it blossoms at 11 o'clock in the morning and is dead by lunch. What you do with these things is you pick them and pickle them in salted vinegar. And they then become the most wonderful ingredient for the caper sauce which I would recommend people should eat with boiled mutton. Thereís not a lot of that about now but you can get lamb and mature it for a while. Ideally there should be herbs as well, and cream and flour, perhaps a bechamel would be a very...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, weíre wandering a long way from capers now.

CF: No, no, we're on caper sauce.

NP: No I think it was a caper sauce, the bťchamel, I think...

DN: A wonderfully detailed description I thought.

NP: Yes I...

PJ: I donít know how long youíd have to keep a leg of lamb until it became mutton!

NP: Well... we know a few legs of lamb dressed up as mutton! Donít we Peter! So um but I disagree unfortunately Paul, so Clement carries on with his capers with 20 seconds starting now.

CF: In the theatre a caper is doing something unusual, perhaps manifesting great athleticism as you do it. For instance Iíve seen people cut a caper which doesnít, as you might have thought mean take a knife and separate one part of a caper from another. But is perhaps....

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and now has gone into the lead. And Derek Nimmo your turn to begin, the subject, oh my goodness.

DN: My goodness is not something that I normally talk about. Although I am famous for it because every morning at dawn I get out of bed and kneel by the side of it and say thanks to the good Lord above. Then take my wife a cup of tea, which is awfully surprising to her because she only really likes coffee! But she knows my goodness is something which she has grown to admire over the 35 years that we have been married. Man and woman. I have to say that because Iíve already said the other thing before. So my goodness is something...

BUZZ

DN: Did somebody...


NP: Paul Merton has challenged. Yes Paul?

PM: Deviation from the subject of oh my goodness.

NP: Yes and heís gone on about he said the other thing before which was getting on to the subject of wives and women. You have 20 seconds on oh my goodness Paul starting now.

PM: Is one of those expressions that people use when they donít want to swear. Instead of saying something very bawdy or perhaps irreverent they say oh my goodness. Now itís an expression which I believe was coined in the 15th century... oh no...

BUZZ

NP: Clement...

PM: I canít play this game! Itís too hard!

NP: I know!

PM: Itís too hard!

NP: It may be too hard Paul, but your efforts are well appreciated as the applause from the audience indicates.

PM: I donít mind doing Sale of the Century if you want to bring that back! Thatís easy that is!

NP: I think, I think we should explain to all our listeners in all the foreign countries and China and the far east and everywhere...

DN: Oh I donít think we should!

PM: Let it be one of the mysteries of life!

NP: Sale of the Century was a quiz show which I hosted for 14 years in this country and that was what Paul Merton was referring to. And that...

DN: Theyíve got somebody else now though, havenít they? They saw the light eventually!

NP: Four seconds for you on oh my goodness Clement starting now.

CF: Oh my goodness is not an expression that I use very often, because of my...

WHISTLE

NP: Once again Clement Freud was speaking as the whistle went, heís still got the lead, heís one ahead of Paul Merton and then thereís Derek Nimmo and Peter Jones is trailing a little. Paul Merton it is your turn to begin, the subject is jack. Will you tell us something about jack in Just A Minute starting now.

PM: Jack is a very common name for a man in the English language. It props up in the expression "Iím all right Jack" which is er oh ah...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud yes.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yeah hesitation right. You have Jack and you have another point of course, 52 seconds are left starting now.

CF: One of the most able and numerate greengrocers that I know is called Jack. He is quite brilliant at assessing the price of tomatoes, spinach, peas, beans, turnips, um...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation...

DN: And terribly boring as well anyway wasnít it! Turnips and greens and potatoes and all that rubbish!

NP: Thirty-six seconds for you on Jack...

DN: Jack can be a flag. Curiously enough the Union Jack isnít in fact a jack, itís the wrong shape...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Two in facts.

NP: Thirty-two seconds for you Clement on jack starting now.

CF: Itís very odd that you should give me the subject of jack, because I have a grandson of that name...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, I donít think itís odd at all. He won the point so thatís why heís got the subject of jack.

NP: As we, as we have established that heís already spoken on the subject, yes I quite agree with that good challenge Paul. You have 27 seconds on jack... gather your wits and your breath, start now.

PM: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Most improbable! You donít go up hills to get water, water flows down hill.

PM: No, but, no, but a friend of there's had left a bucket of water up on top of the hill for them to pick up. They were strange people, I canít sort of explain their behaviour but...

PJ: I donít think they were up to any good! Just a story they told their parents!

NP: Peter, Peter, we love your challenge because everybody knows itís a well-known nursery rhyme except those people living in China...

PM: Weíve lost the people in China! I wouldnít worry about them any more!

NP: The people in China...

PM: Theyíve got problems of their own!

NP: The people in China listen to this show to improve their English!

PM: Well theyíve got no chance with me then, have they!

NP: Thatís what I was going to say! You, you, youíre not setting them a fine example at the moment. This is a nursery rhyme, if you wish to continue, you have 21 seconds Paul starting now.

PM: Jack fell down and broke his crown and his wife came tumbling after.

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged?

DN: How do we know she was his wife? She might have been his little bit of stuff, we donít know it was his wife. Thereís nothing in the poem to establish that.

PM: Jack and Jill are...

DN: He went out with this woman, he went up the top of the hill with her, it wasnít his wife.

PJ: No I think thereís every indication that it wasnít his wife!

PM: If it wasnít his wife...

DN: Itís already been established by Peter Jones that they were up to no good!

PJ: Right! Well!

PM: Which would indicate that itís not his wife!

NP: We donít know but it doesnít matter. So Paul continues with 16 seconds on Jack starting now.

PM: Jack Kelsey was a goalkeeper who played for Arsenal in the 1950s. He was also a representative for the Welsh national team and his favourite position of course was between the sticks. He won 47 s..caps...

BUZZ

NP: Oh! You should have gone on to say scaps and caps.

PM: I know.

NP: Because Derek got in with one second to go...

PM: Oh!

PJ: Ah!

NP: Oh yes, theyíre not with you today Derek as they usually are. Or not on this one anyway. So Derek you have one second to tell us something about Jack starting now.

DN: Jack Ketch was...

WHISTLE

BUZZ

NP: Oh someoneís challenged you, Paul.

PM: Ah hesitation, deviation and repetition!

NP: No I donít think so. So I think the whistle went before that so Derek Nimmo you have a point for speaking as the whistle went. Well... So at the end of that round Derek Nimmo is now equal with Paul Merton in second place, one behind Clement Freud and then itís Peter Jones. And Peter it is your turn to begin, the subject, ignorance. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: Ignorance has been a very good friend to me! And I wonít hear a word against it! By that I mean that if I hadnít been ignorant at many times in my life, I wouldnít have attempted a number of the things that I have. And no modest achievements would have come my way because I would have been so inhibited by the knowledge of what might occur to me, if I went wrong. I notice one or two people have actually put down their buzzers, I donít know why that is! I suppose theyíre so rivetted by my address that they want to hear the end of it...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton doesnít want to hear the end of it.

PM: Deviation, I wasnít rivetted at all!

NP: Doesnít matter as long as he keeps going. So Peter you have another point, 25 seconds are left for you to tell us more about your ignorance or anybody elseís for that matter starting now.

PJ: Of course ignorance in other people can be a source of irritation to even the most patient of people...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of people.

NP: Yes you had far too many people Iím afraid.

PJ: Yes, yes, I...

NP: So Clement you got in on ignorance and there are 18 seconds left starting now.

CF: I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsonsí ignorance but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged.

PM: Slight hesitation?

NP: I think, I would give anything after that! So Paul youíve got in very cleverly with 11 seconds on ignorance starting now.

PM: Thereís a story about a man who was addressing a party political meeting. And he said "if ignorance is bliss, why are there so many unhappy people here tonight?" Which was his way of saying that he wasnít...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and heís now equal in the lead with Clement Freud and Clement itís your turn to begin, the subject, 1066. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: 1066 is a four figure number. And you can multiply it 10 by 66 and it comes to 660. Or you could divide it and arrive at a figure of 6.6...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of figure.

NP: Yes...

DN: Four figure number...

NP: Yes itís a...

CF: Four figure number.

NP: Four figure number and figure, right. So Clement, Derek, you very cleverly got in...

PJ: That certainly wasnít riveting!

NP: So Derek you got in with a correct challenge and 47 seconds on 1066 starting now.

DN: On the 25th of September 1066, King Harold defeated the Norwegians at the Battle of Stanford Bridge. This followed the defeat in York a few days earlier. He then sped south learning that Duke William of Normandy had landed on the coast near Hastings in the south of England. It was there that he established...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: I disagree. Derek you continue with 1066 starting now.

DN: The event that 1066 is most famous for in fact took place some 20 miles from that coast. And the, where...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Repetition of coast.

NP: Yes he sped south towards the coast.

DN: Yes youíre absolutely right, well done!

NP: Yes!

DN: And there are 16 seconds for you Peter to tell us something about 1066 starting now.

PJ: Well the battle took place in a village that has taken that name. And Harold unfortunately recived a blow when an arrow falling from high up in the air fell down and...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, you wouldnít describe it as a blow, he got an arrow right through the eye. A blow would be on the back of the head.

CF: Itíd be a hell of a blow to me!

NP: I think it would be a hell of a blow!

PM: A major disappointment perhaps!

PJ: Well...

PM: But not a blow, a blow is like...

NP: I disagree Paul. Well tried but you have two seconds Peter to continue on 1066 starting now.


PJ: And ever since that day...

WHISTLE

NP: So we have a very interesting scoreline in Just A Minute for those who are involved in that aspect of our show. And that is that... well, some people are, you know! That is Derek Nimmo, Clement Freud and Paul Merton are all equal in the lead and only three points ahead of Peter Jones. Derek itís your turn to begin, the subject, draughts. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: Well I think Peter Jones is feeling the draught a bit at the moment because heís lagging a bit behind the rest of us. And I feel a little sorry for him at his age, you know, because I think his mindís packing up a bit! It is rather draughty in here though, in this room. I suspect the curtains havenít been closed properly. I donít like draughts myself except of course the board game. Which is such tremendous fun to play, particularly if you canít manage chess which is awfully difficult...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged.

PM: Deviation, I donít think Peter Jonesí mind is going! I think...

DN: It took your mind quite a long time to work that out!

PM: I thought Iíd let you speak for a while.

NP: Paul I agree with your challenge, there are 35 seconds on draughts starting now.

PM: Draughts is a very popular indoor board game. Itís related in some way to chess...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Deviation, itís not necessarily indoor. Iíve played draughts out of doors.


PM: It is popular to be played indoors, popular indoors...

NP: It doesnít matter Clement, itís a popular indoor game. You could also say itís a popular outdoor game...

CF: Iíd like him to have a point.

NP: He wasnít actually deviating so he gets another point...

CF: Good!

NP: And 30 seconds, 30 seconds to continue on draughts starting now.

PM: Itís a game which in some ways is...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of game.

NP: Correct challenge Clement, 27 seconds on draughts starting now.

CF: A draught is a sort of mild wind, less than a gale. Ah...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: He sort of blew himself out, didn't he really!

NP: Yes! So Derek you have the subject again of draughts and you have 22 seconds left starting now.

DN: If you make a preliminary design for either a play or a drawing, you would produce perhaps a draft for other people to look at and decide whether you are in fact on the right course. Some of the drafts that I have produced in my lifetime...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of produced.

DN: Produce and produced.

PM: Ah!

NP: Produced?

DN: Produce and produced.

NP: Produce and produced!

DN: Thatís what I said! Canít you hear!

NP: Well then you should, your diction should be better, you should say produce and produced!

PJ: Youíre the one who said my mind was going!

NP: Yeah but Derek Nimmoís dictionís gone! So heís maintaining...

PJ: Itís never been his strong point!

NP: So he was justifying the fact that the challenge was incorrect and I have allowed it. So Derek you have another point and you have six seconds on draughts starting now.

DN: Well when Nicholas Parsons lost the job on Sale of the Century, it was a very draughty experience for him. He wasnít pleased at all...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of Sale of the Century.

NP: Yes but unfortunately Derek Nimmo didnít say it last time, it was Paul..

PJ: I know! But several people have said it more than once and Iím tired of hearing about it! I had 14 years of it!

NP: Give Peter Jones two points because we enjoyed it. Thatís how generous I am! There you are, thank you for interrupting that rudery from Derek Nimmo...

PJ: Quite!

NP: But I have to be fair within the game and Derek continues with two seconds on draughts starting now.

DN: Draughts are kind of winds that come from behind you and blow up...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round we have a score which shows us that oh Derek Nimmo, speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point and heís just leapt forward into the lead, one ahead of Clement Freud and Paul Merton equal in second place and then comes Peter Jones. And itís Paul Mertonís turn to begin and the subject is cues. Will you tell us something about cues in Just A Minute Paul starting now.

PM: A cue is long piece of wood that is used in the game of snooker or indeed in billiards. The current world snook...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: A sort of mixed hesi-tition!

NP: Yes yes! Clement Freud you got in with a correct challenge, another point, 52 seconds on cues starting now.

CF: During the war there were cues for ooooobsolutely...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged, what was your challenge Derek?

DN: Hesitation.

NP: I think so, I donít know what he said but it all sounded jumbled up so it must be hesitation. Derek you got in with 49 seconds on cues starting now.

DN: Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet and comes after A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged you.

PM: I think I can see the way this is going!

NP: So itís repetition of letters?

PM: Repetition of letters, thank you Nicholas.

NP: Yes but unfortunately you can repeat letters because...

PM: Aaaaaaagh!

NP: Because it doesnít deviate from the, the game. I must, I have to leave it with Derek with 39 seconds on cues starting now.

DN: A cue is a bit of hair that hangs down the back of your neck which is twisted round, and you have to wear it with malacca oil in it. And this foooooore haaaaaaaaas....

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged, yes Paul?

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes I agree with that hesitation. Twenty-six seconds for you, you take back the subject of cues starting now.

PM: The game is played on a green baize table. There are approximately six pockets on this particular piece...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: There canít be approximately six pockets.

NP: No, there are exactly six pockets.

DN: There are either six or there arenít six! There canít be seven! Or five!

PM: There may be an extra hole on the table, it may be a very worn table.

NP: That was deviation so there are 19 seconds for Derek on cues starting...

DN: When I came to the studio tonight there was a great long queue stretching round the building, of eager people, wanting to come and see and indeed hear Just A Minute, the popular game that has gone on for 23 years with Nicholas Parsons always at the helm. This brilliant...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Well there were a number of inaccuracies in that account!

NP: And I will tell you the biggest one. For the first time in his life he wasnít being rude to me!

PJ: He wasnít?

NP: The first time in Just A Minute!

PJ: No...

NP: What was, what were the inaccuracies...

PJ: Well the queue didnít stretch around the block...

DN: I didnít say the block.

PJ: ...or building or whatever it... they couldnít stretch around the building because there arenít enough of them and the building is too large. And I donít know how eager they were, one or two looked as though they were trying to get in out of the cold! And then as for the repetition of er Nicholas Parsons, I donít want to give him any more publicity!

NP: Peter we enjoyed it. You get the subject as well as a bonus point and you have five seconds not only to continue on cues but to bring this particular edition of Just A Minute to an end as you start now.

PJ: We are one of the greatest cue...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: I thought Iíd like to give Peter Jones a point by doing an incorrect challenge.

NP: Paul Merton gave Peter Jones another point and heís... I donít think itíll make any difference, he canít win! But heís, but youíve got another four seconds Peter to try and bring the show to a close. The subject is cues starting now.

PJ: Britain is a great...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: He could win, technically, if we kept buzzing...

NP: Yes! So Clement Freudís just given you another point for an incorrect challenge and youíre catching up on the others and you now have three seconds on cues starting now.

PJ: Britain...

BUZZ

NP: And er Derek Nimmo has challenged. Derek what is your challenge?

DN: Well I thought Iíd better give him one as his mindís going!

NP: Yes!

DN: It might be the last time he sits here, you know!

NP: Another incorrect challenge from um Derek Nimmo, so you have another point and you have two and a half seconds on cues starting now.


BUZZ

PJ: England...

NP: And Clement Freud has challenged again. Clement, yes?

CF: How many points does he need to catch up?

NP: Well heís now equal with you and Paul Merton, Clement. But heís still three points behind Derek Nimmo and heís only got two seconds left. So I donít... you have two seconds starting now.

CF: You get an extra point for speaking when the whistle goes.

BUZZ

NP: And he hasnít started! Clement?

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation, youíre correct Clement, yes!

PJ: Yes!

NP: Clement you have one and a half seconds on, you have Clement, youíve got a correct challenge and one and a half seconds on cues starting now.

CF: I would like to cue the applause for Peter Jones...

WHISTLE

NP: Well there we are. So that lovely applause that Clement asked, for Peter Jones, but I give it to all of them because they all give such tremendous value. Only one point separates them all. But itís immaterial who wins but they were in ascending order as follows Paul Merton, Peter Jones, Clement Freud and one point ahead of him Derek Nimmo, so this week weíll call Derek Nimmo our winner! So as I said before only one point separated these four amusing and clever exponents of Just A Minute. Our producer Edward Taylor and myself Nicholas Parsons thank you for tuning in. We hope that youíll want to do the same thing again when once more we take to the air and we play Just A Minute. Until then from all of us here goodbye.

THEME MUSIC