JAM:PMerton,DNimmo,PJones,RMorton
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, DEREK NIMMO, PETER JONES and RICHARD MORTON, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 30 January 1993)

NOTE: Richard Morton's first appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more, itís my pleasure to welcome the four exciting personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. And we welcome three of our regular players of the game, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Paul Merton. And we welcome playing it for the first time, Richard Morton. Would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Jane Stevens whoís going to keep the score. Sheíll also blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And as always I ask our four competitors to speak on the subject that I give them and they try and do that of course without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject on the card in front of me. And let us begin the show this week with Peter Jones. Peter the subject is custard pie humour. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PETER JONES: Well itís never appealed to me terribly. Partly because itís not often realistic. The custard isnít genuine, it seems to me. Itís often white and itís shaving cream. In fact I know that from experience because Iíve actually had to throw one in a television show. Usually they er fake it of course...

BUZZ

NP: Derek you challenged.

DEREK NIMMO: Hesitation of er.

NP: Definitely yes.

DN: He had a wee cough.

NP: Derek you got in with a correct challenge, you get a point for that, of course. And there are 41 seconds left for custard pie humour starting now.

DN: Custard pie humour really came into vogue, I suppose, during the silent movies with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. Because you could throw...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged.

DN: Whatís the matter?

PAUL MERTON: Deviation, Buster Keaton never used custard pies.

NP: Youíre quite right, Buster Keaton didnít, no, no...

DN: Era, I said! Era! If youíd been listening!

NP: I was listening and so were the audience and so was Paul Merton, and I agree with Paulís challenge. So Paul, 35 seconds on custard pie humour starting now.

PM: Itís certainly true to say that within the silent screen era there were very few examples of custard pies. Perhaps the most famous one was The Battle of the Century, a short film made by Laurel and Hardy in 1927 which took the concept of custard pie throwing to its ultimate ridiculous level. A company was supplying the custard pies, I believe there were 15,000 of them that were used over the course of the five day shoot. The film itself er is about...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: No he didnít hesitate, he repeated the word film and thatís why he paused.

DN: Well if he paused surely that must be a hesitation!

NP: All right Derek, I think Iíve tripped muself up out of my own mouth. So there you are...

PM: So through your stupidity Iíve lost a point? This is a handicap for all of us, isnít it!

NP: And occasionally through my stupidity you gain points. Five seconds for you Derek on custard pie humour starting now.

DN: Laurel and Hardy were acknowledged to be the great exponents of custard pie humour...

WHISTLE

NP: When Jane blows her whistle it tells us that 60 seconds are up, and whoever is speaking at that moment gains an extra point. It was Derek Nimmo who of course is in the lead. Paul the subject now is fluffing. Would you talk on fluffing in 60 seconds if you can , starting now.

PM: Before I had this compact disc collection, I used to... um... collect...

BUZZ

PM: Oh I could have said collect!

NP: Derek you challenged.

DN: Ah hesitation.

NP: Yeah, 56 seconds are left, fluffingís with you Derek starting now.

DN: My introduction to fluffing was at Elia Station in the Grandpins in Western Australia. Where... during the time of the show...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Slight hesitation.

NP: Slight hesitation, enough to grant you a point and the subject Paul, 48 seconds on fluffing starting now.

PM: I would take up the gramophone needle and remove the fluff that had been collected on it from playing the records. Of course...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of records.

PM: Yeah I said record that time.

NP: I believe you did, youíre quite...

PM: I did!

NP: Yes I defi...

PM: I see what you mean about that stupidity! It sort of evens out!

NP: No, I did a quick rerun in my brain of the whole of the show...

PM: Did you?

NP: Yes...

DN: Was there room for it?

NP: Forty seconds for you Paul on fluffing starting now.

PM: I have never fluffed a line in public. Thatís not quite true. I have (giggles) fluffed several lines in public...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton, youíve got in.

RICHARD MORTON: Yes, Iíve worked with Paul for a long time and youíve fluffed more lines than you ever got right, I think.

PM: Thatís right.

NP: Richard whatever the challenge I would have granted it for you, because itís nice to hear from you...

RM: Good because I was too scared to interrupt really for a minute there.

NP: The subject is fluffing, there are 35 seconds left... no get ready for it...

RM: Ready! Ready! Yes!

NP: And you start now.

RM: Er fluffing is of course the um actions of removing tiny little bits of fluff from the navel. Although this isnít a particularly polite thing to use in conversation and such, it is the form of taking oneís forefinger and thumb and removing... and I think you all know what Iím talking about! And removing tiny little bits of unwanted thread or little bits of unwanted fluff and...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of unwanted.

NP: Yes and everything else actually! I have to mention that because I sometimes get letters...

DN: Clever vulture isnít he!

NP: I get letters saying why didnít you hold him up for that. And er put him right. I donít know what I should have done but anyway. Because they obviously donít understand the game. I mean itís taken me 26 years! And I bet thisíll all be cut because itís absolute drivel.

PM: It never has been cut in the past!

BUZZ

NP: Peter you pressed your buzzer and you walked across the room, what was the problem?

PJ: Well I pressed it several times and you donít seem to register it.

NP: I donít think it was me registering it. I have a panel in front of me and the first person to press their buzzer even if theyíre a fraction of a second ahead of the others, their light comes on...

PJ: Ah so I must be a fraction of a second behind.

NP: Exactly.

PJ: Could be! Could be!

NP: Yes! So um... Paul you got in with a correct challenge and 17 seconds are left on fluffing starting now.

PM: The disc jockey Alan Freeman who recently retired was nicknamed Fluff. When he appeared on radio, the producer...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Deviation, you canít appear on radio.

PM: I was about to say if you can do such a thing.

DN: You didnít!

PM: I would have done if you hadnít have buzzed! But Iím appearing on radio now...

NP: Actually I think colloquially speaking one does talk about a radio appearance.

PJ: And you can of course disappear on radio!

NP: Paul you have the benefit of the doubt and you have nine seconds, fluffing starting now.

PM: One of the things I like to do at the weekend is to get the auuuuld laundry basket out... I donít know why I said it like that...

BUZZ

NP: Richard you challenged.

RM: I think that was hesitation.

NP: Yes it was, yes.

DN: Auuuuuuuldie auuullld!

RM: Because I donít know anyone else who takes out a laundry basket!

DN: Auuuuuld!

NP: Richard you very cleverly, because you havenít played the game before, got in with only two seconds to go.

RM: Okay!

NP: So donít put an er in before you start because otherwise eventaully they will pick you up on it. And the subject is...

DN: Donít be so patronising! Come on!

RM: Listen Iím over 30 now, itís okay!

NP: It may sound patronising but actually itís genuinely from the heart to help someone who hasnít played it before. And Richard you appreciate that, donít you?

RM: Youíre lovely, Nicholas, thank you.

NP: There we are! When you smile like that Richard you worry me! Thereís two seconds to go starting now.

BUZZ

RM: Interestingly enough...

PM: He didnít say er! And it was hesitation.

NP: No, no, and you still have two seconds on fluffing starting now.

RM: Interestingly enough that Paul should mention...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Richard Morton was then speaking when the whistle went so he gained the extra point that time. Peter Jones who thinks his buzzer isnít working hasnít scored yet, but um... Richard weíd like to hear from you, would you take the next round. And I think itís been chosen specially for you, it is Newcastle. Would you tell us something about that delightful part of our country starting now.

RM: Yes Iíd be most happy to talk about the subject of Newcastle as that is my home town and therefore a place close to Richard Mortonís heart, er, where we love...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation, er.

NP: Fifty-one seconds, Derek, please tell us something about Newcastle starting now.

DN: My favourite new castle (pronounced car-sill) is Chateau le...

BUZZ

RM: Deviation because we pronounce it Newcastle (pronounced to rhyme with hassle)!

NP: Yes but actually Richard, I think he was about to talk about a different new castle.

RM: Oh quite right then!

NP: Iím afraid it was an incorrect challenge, 48 seconds for you Derek to continue on new castle starting now.

DN: Which was founded by Pope Clement in the 14th century when they actually moved to Avignon. But of Course talking about New..

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones you challenged.

PJ: Deviation, heís talking about a chateau, not a castle. Let alone new castle! Well you don;t say ninth castle of the Pope, do you, if you want to ring somebody up...

NP: What an interesting discussion! Peter youíve got the subject...

PJ: Ah good!

NP: And you have 41 seconds to tell us something about Newcastle starting now.

PJ: Last time I was in Newcastle, an elderly man recognised me in the street, and he couldnít understand why I was there. I expleined that I was at the theatre, but heíd never heard of it. All the years of his life heíd lived there and never attended this wonderful er playhouse thatís in Newcastle...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation, there was an er Derek. Youíve got back in with 24 seconds to go...

BUZZ

NP: Paul has challenged.

PM: I didnít.

NP: Well you pressed your buzzer.

PM: Did I? Sorry.

PJ: There you are, you see! Thereís somebody thatís been tampering with the er...

NP: Derek yes youíre in on the er, 24 seconds, Newcastle, starting now.

DN: My favourite church in Newcastle is St Nicholas...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of favourite. He had favourite before.

NP: Yes because you talked about your favourite before, thatís right. Well listened Paul, 22 seconds on Newcastle, Paul, starting now.

PM: During the making of Robin Hood in 1922, Douglas Fairbanks was shown the new castle that would be the plot for the film. At first he was astonished by the sheer size of it...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: It was 1923!

NP: Paul the audience have given you the benefit of the doubt, and there are nine seconds for you to continue on Newcastle starting now.

PM: He was worried that his acrobatics would be dwarfed by this huge structure. He said "this is a massive erection in front of me". And they...

WHISTLE

NP: Well once again Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point and Peter your tirn to begin, the subject, the council. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PJ: What a rotten subject! The council! I mean, what kind of council are you talking about? Or am I supposed to be talking about? The council!

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well repetition of talking for a start.

NP: Yes for a start, yes. Hesitation yes. Fifty-three seconds for Derek Nimmo on the council starting now.

DN: Well I suppose the council as far as I am concerned is the council for the Royal borough of Kensington and Chelsea where I am happy enough to live. Where the refuse collection is splendid and the streets are well cleaned. Where there are flowers in the lamp-post. And we have an awfully nice lady Mayor whoís called Miss Elizabeth Christmas which is sort of festive at certain times of the year. Itís her second time actually, on this... wonderful seat on the council...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Well repetition of time. Not that I want to talk about that!

NP: But youíve got the subject and a point of course for a correct challenge. Youíve got 30 seconds to try and talk on the council starting now.

PJ: Well itís very interesting to hear that in Kensington theyíve got such a good refuse collection. I wonder if they collect bottles as well, and newspapers, and generally behave in an ecologically correct manner...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: This is deviation now. Weíre talking about collecting waste...

NP: Thatís right Paul, this is deviation...

PJ: Itís the work of the council!

NP: No you never mentioned the word council.

PJ: No, you said the subject! I donít have to mention the name of the subject every time I...

NP: No you started...

DN: Youíre supposed to know the subject Nicholas you see!

NP: Iíve got to be fair...

PJ: They all know what Iím talking about!

DN: They all know the subject! Whatís the subject?

SHOUTS OF "THE COUNCIL" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: But Peter I have to be fair within the rules of Just A Minute and you started off talking about refuse collection...

PJ: Well I think you are being very unfair! I think, I think youíve been got at by somebodyís agent!

NP: Oh well, it hasnít been worthwhile if thatís true! Paul Merton, correct challenge, 19 seconds, the council, starting now.

PM: Julian Clary used to have the line in his act: who cuts your hair? Is it the council? It wasnít a particularly original observation of his. I think he got it out of a book called 2001 Quips for the Price of a Fiver. I worked for the council myself in the early 1980s. It was my job to go down...

WHISTLE

NP: Right, Paul Merton has increased his lead at the end of that round. And itís his turn to begin. And what a subject, getting round Nicholas. He doesnít usually get round me, he just comes straight out and punches me between the teeth with his remarks. Getting round Nicholas, Paul, starting now.

PM: I find that a quick 50 pound note in the back pocket before a recording of Just A Minute means that the majority of decisions come my way. If Peter Jones knew this, he would, Iím sure, indulge in this financial activity. Nicholas is probably one of the most corrupt broadcasters this country has seen since the days of Lord Haw-haw! And thatís repetition but I donít care!

BUZZ

NP: I resent that round of applause for being compared to Lord Haw-haw! Iíve never seen such a big smile on your face for such a long time Paul. Derek you challenged first.

DN: Repetition of Haw-haw.

NP: And 38 seconds, getting round Nicholas, starting now.

DN: Well of course, 26 years ago it was much easier to get around Nicholas with a tape measure because his waist was very much narrower and his skin less flabby. In that time, he hadnít achieved the huge pot belly which he now thrusts on top of the table when adjudicating at Just A Minute...

NP: Richard, you challenged? Deviation?

BUZZ

RM: Yes! Quite right Nicholas!

NP: Quite right. I havenít got a pot belly, have I?

RM: No indeed, now I was thinking getting around Nicholas is what I have to do now to get back in the game.

NP: The image theyíve got! Of Lord Haw-haw with a pot belly!

PM: Itís not far from the truth! Iíd pick him out of a crowd!

NP: So youíve got in with a correct challenge, 21 seconds on getting round Nicholas starting now.

RM: Before I did this show I had no idea Iíd have to be such a creepy little crawler in order to get back on the programme and give Nicholas my dashing smile in order to make him like me...

BUZZ

NP: Derek challenged.

DN: Well he sort of stopped, didnít he really.

RM: Well it was a shameful thing to say, I felt ashamed!

PM: Youíd said enough! Youíd said enough!

NP: Derek you got in with 11 seconds to go on getting round Nicholas starting now.

DN: I find that the best way to get around Nicholas is to be frightfully nice to his current mistress! Sheís a rather nice elderly woman who lives down in Wiltshire and I take her knitting and bananas and the occasional orange. And sheís awfully good to the old fellow, she really is. And thatís why I...

NP: Richard you challenged again.

RM: Yeah I resent being called Nicholasís mistress! You give a guy one smile!

NP: Absolutely! Three seconds to go, getting round Nicholas, starting now.

RM: I once met Nicholas...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Hesitation. He didnít start er soon enough.

NP: Iím tempted to give it to you, I want to know what youíre going to say about Nicholas, that was all!

PJ: Well I know! Iíve only got two seconds!

NP: Let Richard finish and then hear what youíve got to say. So Richard youíve got two seconds to go, another point to you, getting round Nicholas, starting now.

RM: What a charming and generous man Nicholas Parsons...

WHISTLE

NP: Ah Richard was then speaking as the whistle went, got an extra point. And Peter what were you going to say if you had the correct challenge?

PJ: If you like I can give a quite long and detailed description of your life in Lazia for instance, where you had an unfortunate experoence which I managed to help you out of. But I donít, I donít want to boast about saving your life or anything. Itís something that Iíve actually regretted ever since!

NP: Richard Morton itís your turn to begin. The subject, weight. Will you tell us something about that, you can talk about your slim figure or mine, whichever you prefer, and youíve got 60 seconds starting now.

RM: Weight, oh well, as anyone can see I donít weigh very much. I think slim would be a very polite euphemism for it, and skinny would be the real word that I would use for it. Whereas in fact heavy would perhaps be for my companion..

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of word.

NP: Forty-eight seconds...

RM: It looks easy, it seems easy...

NP: ...for you to tell us something about weight starting now.

DN: At Christmas time the Weights come round singing Christmas carols like Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen. And God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, let nothing new dismay. And when the ground is covered with water and the rain is pouring down and the Weights are here, you are suddenly filled...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged.

PM: Repetition of Weights.

NP: Yes.

DN: What was the subject?

PM: The subjectís weight.

NP: The subjectís weight.

DN: Weight!

NP: And you said weights.

DN: Oh.

NP: Yes. So Paul youíve got in very cleverly with 30 seconds to go and tell us something about weight starting now.

PM: I like to be fairly punctual when I go to meet people, I donít like to wait that...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of like.

NP: So Derekís got back with a sharp challenge, 24 seconds for wait starting now.

DN: There are 16 ounces in one pound and thoo thousand two hundred...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones you challenged.

PJ: Well there arenít thoo! Thereís more than that!

NP: Yes! Twenty seconds for you Peter to tell us something about weight starting now.

PJ: People seem to be obsessed with weight and practically everybody you meet is on a diet. And considering thereís so many people in the world starving to death, it does seem rather ironic. Itís a pity that the world canít be organised in such a way that the people who are trying to lose weight...

BUZZ

NP: Richard you challenged.

RM: Repetition of the word people.

NP: Six seconds for you Richard on weight starting now.


BUZZ

NP: Paul...

RM: I was taking a breath! That was a breath!

PM: Ah breathing I think! Hesitation.

NP: A beginnerís allowed to breathe a bit more than others.

PM: Oh really?

NP: Yes.

PM: Does that include scuba diving?

NP: No...

PM: Is it the same there?

NP: I canít let you get away with it again.

RM: All right, it was the last time Iíll take a breath then!

NP: It was too long a pause before you started. Five seconds, starting now.

RM: Everything comes to he who waits, thatís the famous saying. And only tonight I was waiting outside...

BUZZ

NP: Paulís challenged.

RM: What?

PM: I...

RM: Yeah! Just anything!

PM: Yeah just anything really! I didnít like the way he said that!

RM: Oh thatís not fair!

PM: I think heís breathing too much even for a newcomer! I thought he was exhaling at a rapid rate!

NP: Oh yes! Youíve got two seconds to go on weight starting now.

RM: Throwing oneís weight around is a way to come...

WHISTLE

NP: Derek itís your turn to begin, the subject is making dough. Will you tell us something about that subject starting now.

DN: If you put some flour and water together, and knead it, and donít cook it indeed, then that becomes dough. I suppose colloquially the expression is used to make a lot of money. Some Americans in one of those power words that come out of New York and they say it there. I donít like the idea of making dough. Itís when those letters arrive for you, and say this letter has gone three times round the world...

BUZZ

NP: Richard challenged.

RM: Repetition of the word letter.

NP: Yes, 36 seconds are left for making dough starting now.

RM: When you think of making...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, he breathed a lot quicker that time! Heís not breathing like a newcomer!

NP: All right, to show how generous I can be, give Paul a bonus point but Richard keeps the subject, 35 seconds left, making dough Richard starting now.

RM: Making dough makes you instantly think of making... making, making, making...

BUZZ

RM: I wonít do it now! Heís making me breathe funny!

NP: Yes! Peter your light came on first.

PJ: Did it?

NP: Yes! What was your challenge?

PJ: Ah...

NP: Making, making, making! Yes youíre quite right, well spotted Peter. You have 31 seconds to tell us something about making dough starting now.

PJ: Itís a very interesting substance, dough, because you can make it into fettucini, spaghetti or pasta of practically any kind. And doughnuts. And if you add the right things to it, additives like fruit and nuts, you can make it into quite a nice...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of make.

NP: You were making too much.

PJ: Oh yes, sorry.

NP: So Derekís got in with 13 seconds on making dough starting now.

DN: They say...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Slow off the mark, I thought.

NP: Yes. Hesitation, yes.

PJ: What?

NP: Twelve seconds for you Peter on making dough starting now.

PJ: Then you have to let it rise in a warm atmosphere. An airing cupboard is often quite a good place to put this stuff. And then when itís risen and about twice the size...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

PJ: Whatís the matter?

NP: Paul challenged just before the whistle went. Paul what was it?

PM: I was going to say hesitation.

NP: No I donít think so.

DN: No!

NP: Another point to Peter, youíve got half a second on making dough Peter starting now.

PJ: And then itís ready!

WHISTLE

NP: Well a very fair contest this week, Peter Jones was speaking as the whistle went, he got a lot of points in that round, heís still in fourth place. But heís only three points behind equal leaders Derek, Paul and Richard. Peter your turn to begin, the subject complaints. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PJ: I guess the complaints department in big stores is probably their busiest section, because there are so many things that go wrong and people have so many complaints to make. Though I must admit the British are rather reticent...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of many.

NP: Paul youíve got in with 45 secodns on complaints starting now.

PM: The audience here complain every week when Just A Minute is recorded in front of them. Why is Nicholas Parsons hosting this show? He can barely string a sentence together! Itís difficult for the others, theyíre talking off the top of their head. But all he has to do...

NP: Richard you challenged again. I quite agree Richard!

DN: I think thatís one you ought to put to the audience.

RM: Yeah!

NP: All right, I will if you like. If you agree with Paul, you all shout for Paul now, right.

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: If you disagree with Paul and agree with me, you all shout for me.

MUCH FEWER CHEERS FROM MAYBE TWO PEOPLE

PM: Youíve got relatives in, I see!

NP: Thank you fan club! Right Richard you have 27 seconds on complaints starting now.

RM: Breathing complaints is an affliction I didnít think I suffered from until very recently. This can come in many forms of course, some sort of respiratory or lung disorder, something to do with the throat or perhaps even the mouth. Taking air in oneís nostrils and then speaking is a perfectly normal way of acting in a quiz show, except Paul Merton seems to find this quite extraordinary. Every time I open my mouth, he...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged.

PM: Repetition of mouth.

NP: Yes youíve opened your mouth a bit too much, Iím sorry Richard. Paul...

PM: A bit mouthy!

RM: I couldnít breathe properly all the way, could I.

NP: And youíve got in with five seconds to go on complaints starting now.

PM: When I went to school I used to complain about the amount of homework that I...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of complain.

NP: You did complain when you were talking previously.

PM: Did I?

NP: Yes. So youíve got in with half a second on complaints Derek starting now.

DN: Iíve got a very nasty complaint, Iíve got a rash underneath my armpit!

WHISTLE

NP: Well you took that round at such speed, weíve got time for another one. So it could be anybodyís contests, even yours Peter! And there are...

PM: Itís not going to be Clement Freudís, is it!

NP: No!

PM: It canít be anybodyís!

NP: No, only three points to make up Peter and you could win. So Paul would you take this round, the subject is sharks. There are 60 seconds as usual starting now.

PM: I suppose the most famous shark, certainly in Hollywood films is the shark that appeared in the movie Jaws. Made in 1975 by Steven Spielberg it was considered perhaps one of his greatest works of cimematic art. In this particular film (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones youíve challenged.

PJ: Film, he repeated film.

NP: Yeah he did repeat film. Hr packed in but he did very well. Forty seconds...

DN: It was 77.

NP: Forty seconds are left for you Peter starting now.

PJ: I was reading the other day that sharks are actually a threatened species or some of them are. And it does seem to be a pity that people are eating them so much all over the world, particularly in Japan. Now a shark if you treat it right...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: I donít think itís a pity at all, deviation. Iíd much rather people were eating them than they were eating us!

PJ: Well thatís a matter of opinion, isnít it.

PM: Do the Japanese eat us? Or... Have I missed the news?

NP: Peter, 28 seconds on sharks starting now.

PJ: They could be trained to make very good pets for people who like the sea. And er they could take some time...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of people.

NP: Twenty seconds...

PJ: I never listen to myself!

NP: Twenty seconds are left starting now.

PM: Apparently the shark is an extremely well-designed animal. In fact it could not be improved in any way apart from the one fact that if it stops swimming it dies. So it has to go continually forward. Now this may be a little bit of a disadvantage. You might fancy a rest...

BUZZ

RM: Repetition of the word be.

NP: Be?

RM: Now this may be be be a little bit of a disadvantage.

NP: Richard...

PM: Nonsense!

RM: Yes? It was! I heard him breathing, he went be-be-be!

NP: Youíve got too keen now I think Richard.

RM: Oh dear! All right then!

NP: But it was a correct challenge. And thereís only half a second to go. Itís the last round...

RM: Oh what can I say?

PM: Iíd say...

NP: So itís yours! Sharks, Richard, starting now.

RM: Every refuge...

BUZZ

NP: And someone challenged him.

PM: Hesitation!

NP: No! Another point to Richard! Off you go again, a quarter of a second.

RM: Everybody does...

WHISTLE

NP: Oh dear Iíve been too generous with Richard! Well itís a very interesting show because Derek Nimmo and Paul Merton were fighting it out, neck and neck, in the lead for a long time. But with a little help from the chairman Richard Morton whoís never played the game, came from nowhere and finished up one point ahead of all the others and heís therefore the winner this week! So all the money that the other three gave me before the show has been utterly useless as you see! Anyway weíve enjoyed playing Just A Minute. It only remains for me to thank our bright and irrepressible panelists, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones, Paul Merton and Richard Morton. And thank also Jane for blowing her whistle and keeping the score. The creator of the game thatís Ian Messiter. And of course our producer who tries to keep us in order, that is Sarah Smith. And from me Nicholas Parsons thank you for tuning in, hope youíll be with us the next time we play Just A Minute. Till then from all of us, good-bye.

THEME MUSIC