JAM:PMerton,DNimmo,PJones,CFerguson
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, DEREK NIMMO, PETER JONES and CRAIG FERGUSON, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 6 March 1993)

NOTE: Craig Ferguson's only appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more, itís my pleasure to welcome the four entertaining personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. And we welcome back three of our regular players of the game, Peter Jones, Derek Nimmo and Paul Merton. And we welcome someone whoís never played the game before and that is Craig Ferguson. Would you please welcome all four of them. Beside me sits Jane Stevens who will keep the score and also blow her whistle when 60 seconds are up. And as always I will ask our panelists to speak on the subject I will give them and they will try and do that as always without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Paul Merton would you begin the show this week. The subject, reports. Would you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PAUL MERTON: "Spends far too much time trying to be funny" I remember was a comment in one of my school reports when I was about eight years old. I thought this was a very harsh judgement at the time. My history reports, I suppose, were probably my best. I did love that particular subject. And I had a very good teacher who specialised in the English Civil War, I remember. And it was a fascinating period to actually be looking at in close detail. This of course is a wonderfully termin... (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

PM: I suddenly thought nobodyís challenged, and it put me off!

NP: Right! Craig Ferguson, first time on the show and first challenge, what is it?

CRAIG FERGUSON: Hesitation? A bit of bumbling moment, wasnít it.

PM: Oh yes, very bumbling.

NP: You get a point for a correct challenge, you take over the subject, there are 28 seconds left starting now.

CF: There is a famous Naval er memo er starting...

BUZZ

CF: Ahhhhhh! I havenít done it before!

NP: I know you havenít done it before and I will be generous to you. You did er...

PM: Well thereís no point in me saying anything then, is there really?

CF: I havenít a clue what is going on!

NP: Craig has never been on the show before. Take a nice deep breath Craig, youíve another point, 24 seconds, reports starting now.

CF: Reports er can be broken down into two words, re and ports. Although the word re isnít really a word unless you come from a different country where the word re means reports. I said...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DEREK NIMMO: Repetition of re, three res.

NP: Yes re is not the word on the card so...

CF: Can I have another go then?

NP: Yes!

PM: You should let him have another go! Heís a newcomer!

NP: Sixteen seconds for you Derek on reports, starting now.

DN: I am going to report Nicholas Parsons to the Director-General of the British Broadcasting Corporation for not only being a liar but a puffed up buffoon as well! And why we should have to have him on...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PETER JONES: That has never been a disadvantage at the BBC!

NP: Peter I not only agree with the challenge but the thing is, it actually endorses what Derek said. The fact that this audience should clap!

PM: Why donít you put it to a vote?

NP: Every time they say anything anti-Parsons, this mob that weíve got in off the streets... Peter youíve got in with three seconds to go on reports starting now.

PJ: My...

DN: Whoís got... oh...

BUZZ

NP: Correct challenge.

DN: What? That youíre a buffoon?

NP: No you were deviating. Thatís what Peterís challenge was. Wasnít it Peter?

PJ: Yes! Deviating thatís right!

NP: Three seconds for you Peter starting now.

PJ: My masters wrote so badly that I couldnít actually read the comments...

WHISTLE

NP: That whistle tells us that 60 seconds are up. And whoever is speaking at that moment gets an extra point. And it was Peter Jones on this occasion so he has a lead at the end of the round. Peter your turn to begin, losing at Just A Minute. I donít know why theyíve given you that subject to start with..

PJ: No I canít imagine!

NP: No! Peter, 60 seconds on that subject starting now.

PJ: Losing at Just A Minute is something that I never really mind doing. Itís playing the game the counts. Itís not like losing the Batlle of er Backin... Bannockburn for instance...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: Hesitation?

NP: Yes he looked at you, a good Scot, and said Barrockburn...

CF: Yes thatís right. A bit of fear creeping in there as well.

NP: Yes definitely, 52 seconds for you Craig to tell us something about losing at Just A Minute starting now.

CF: Losing at Just A Minute is something that Iím looking forward to immensely as this is my first appearance on the programme. Though I have to say that losing at Just A Minute is not something that has ever happened to me. Sometimes Iíve thought about losing at Just A Minute and thought I er ahhhh!

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Well he just went to pieces!

CF: Yes!

NP: Thirty-eight...

CF: Itís very difficult actually.

NP: Yes! Itís the fact youíve got three other fellows breathing down your neck ready to...

CF: Thatís never been a problem for me!

NP: Well thatís your...

PM: Donít listen to him, itís just jealousy!

NP: Thirty-eight seconds for you Peter, losing at Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: Sometimes I have aroused sympathy. And on one memorable occasion I had a bouquet of flowers from Emma Freud, Clementís daughter. Admittedly she was only 10 at the time. It was fairly early on in our long run in this show. And I havenít had anything from her since unfortunately, since sheís grown into that lovely woman who appears on television...

BUZZ

NP: Um Craig Ferguson?

CF: Definitely deviation.


NP: I think...

CF: Of a different type of er...

NP: Well heís gone right off about Emma Freud...

CF: Exactly!

NP: ...rather than losing at Just A Minute.

CF: Yeah!

NP: Right!

PJ: But she sent me the flowers!

NP: I know but you went on about wanting more from her and everything.


DN: Really!

PM: Thatís an outrageous comment!

DN: Really Nick!

PJ: I went on? Of course I went on, thatís the purpose of this bloody game isnít it!

NP: Yes but you didnít go on in the right vein....

PJ: Oh!

NP: So deviation. With you Craig, 17 seconds starting now.

CF: Losing at Just A Minute is something that is hurtling towards me ever...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: Yes Derek and youíve got in with 12 seconds on this subject starting now.

DN: The way to lose at Just A Minute is to say something nasty about Nicholas Parsons and then he can...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: I know the way to lose!

NP: Give Peter an extra point, Derek gets a point for being interrupted, he keeps the subject, nine seconds left for Derek starting now.

DN: If you hesitate, deviate or repeat a subject then you will lose at Just A Minute. I have to go as slowly as possible so that Paul Merton canít...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Derek Nimmo was speaking then when the whistle went, gained the extra point. And heís equal with Peter Jones in the lead, then comes Craig Ferguson and then Paul Merton. And Craig your turn to begin, the subject, what fascinates me. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

CF: What fascinates me are insects. I love insects especially with a bit of cheese...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of insects Iím afraid.

NP: Yes your insect came in very rapidly after youíd said it.

CF: Thereís a lot of them! Thereís over 6,000,000 species of insect.

NP: Paul you got in with 56 seconds on what fascinates me starting now.

PM: What fascinates me is insects. I love them. I love the ones with the great big... big... (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Oh! Hoisted on your own petard! Right, yes, Craig you got back in, 50 seconds, what fascinates me starting now.

CF: The spider is not ah one of the things I could...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Ah.

NP: There was an er yes. And I think the spiderís not technically speaking an insect.

CF: I was going to say that. I was going to say the arachnipod.

NP: Oh you were! Thatís why you erred because you couldnít get the word out, yes. Forty-seven seconds Derek starting now.

DN: What fascinates me is why the British Broadcasting Corporation continues to pay us to talk absolute rubbish about something we know nothing about. The years go by and we sit here getting older and even more infirm and talk this total garbage. And actually are using up the licence fees...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

DN: What? Whatís the matter?

CF: Deviation?

NP: Yes. He might be getting old and infirm but he shouldnít speak for everybody.

CF: Well yes.

PJ: And this is no place to commit suicide!

NP: It was deviation because if the show wasnít popular and successful and go round the world, it wouldnít be kept on. So, so...

PM: Cholera goes around the world! Doesnít mean itís popular!

NP: Twenty-nine seconds for you Craig on what fascinates me starting now.

CF: What fascinates me is why I... the way I buzzed...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: The way I, the way I.

NP: Yes another hesitation, sorry Craig. So...

CF: Itís not a hesitation, itís a speech impediment!

PM: You get a grant for that, donít you!

NP: Twenty-six seconds, what fascinates me Derek starting now.

DN: When one goes south of the Equator, what fascinates me is the way the water goes down the plughole the opposite way round. And also that if one sits in a deckchair and you expect the sun to go...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of one.

NP: You had one at the Equator, and one in the deckchair.

DN: I beg your pardon? I certainly didnít have one in the deckchair I can tell you!

NP: Peter I quite agree with your challenge, 14 seconds, what fascinates me, starting now.

PJ: People fascinate me more than anything really. I like watching them. And I divide them into three basic categories. Those who are saying to themselves "Iíve got it". The others say "Iíve lost it"...

BUZZ

PJ: And the third category say "what is it?"

NP: Craig challenged you after the second category.

PJ: Oh he did?

CF: Repetition of say.

NP: Well listened Craig, you got in very cleverly, first time on the show, two seconds to go, what fascinates me, starting now.

CF: Whats fascinates me is the way that work...

WHISTLE

NP: So Craig Ferguson is learning very fast. Heís not only speaking as the whistle went, gaining an extra point. Heís actually at quite an early stage in the show taken the lead alongside Derek Nimmo just one point ahead of Peter Jones. Derek your turn to begin. The subject, a bank loan. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: The first time I required a bank loan, I went to see some Halls that I knew, C Hall and Company, bankers, who were on Fleet Street at the sign of the leather bottle. Have been there since 1672. Henry who was the head of the firm gave me a very generous bank loan of some 5000 pounds, which may not seem a lot but at the time purchased me a flat in which I still live. Iím very happy with bank loans and always have these particular bankers who are so generous and so amiable and so well-mannered, charming. And the family...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: Repetition of so.

NP: There were three sos, two Iíd let go but three we canít. Sorry Derek. Craigís got in on 28 seconds, a bank loan starting now.

CF: If you want to have a bank loan, the best idea is to go to your bank manager and suck up to him. Ah maybe prostrate yourself on the way into the office and say "look..."

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Well this is deviation isnít it. There was a phrase there that I wasnít sure about at all. Iíve heard of the listening bank, and the bank that likes to say yes, but Iíve... no I wonít say that!

NP: But I mean a lot of people do have to suck up their bank manager if they want a loan.

PM: Used to be just fill in a form in my day!

NP: Well some people have to suck up to them. Craig I disagree with the challenge, you have 17 seconds to continue on a bank loan starting now.

CF: Of course you donít want to overdo it in front of your bank manager. There...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of bank manager.

NP: You said bank manager the previous time. Fourteen seconds for you Peter to tell us something about a bank loan starting now.

PJ: Theyíre very dangerous things to have! Because the banks often change their mind. Just as youíre having a difficult period, if youíre in a small business of course, and they ask for the money back! Well this is outrageous and itís ruined thousands of businesses all over the country...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Peter Jones got a round of applause for speaking as the whistle went. And Paul itís your turn to begin, the subject, my mistake. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PM: My mistake was to enter show business. I was so much happier down at the farm with the pigs, geese, ducks, cattle and all kinds of different animals...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: Deviation.

NP: Why?

CF: With the animals and Iíd rather not go into it after that!

NP: But he wasnít deviating from my mistake. No I disagree Fraig, Iím sorry.

CF: Fraig! Why... I think I deserve a point for being called Fraig!

PM: He calls everybody Fraig.

CF: Oh does he? Okay.

NP: You thought I said Fraig Cerguson did you? Instead of Craig Ferguson?

CF: This is a bit of a blind alley, this really.

NP: I know!

PM: Or an ind blalley!

NP: Ind blalley! I disagree with the challenge so you now continue Paul with 50 seconds to go on my mistake starting now.

PM: My mistake was to sell those antiques which were lying around the house. My father was a cat burglar and he would come back from such places as Croydon with a sack full of obje da. It was worth a fortune. I took it along...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: There are no obje da in Croydon!

PM: Well, well, no, my Dadís got them all! He was a very successful burglar!

NP: What I like to do on these occasions Craig is we give you a bonus point because we enjoyed the challenge. Paul gets a point for being interrupted and he continues with 36 seconds on my mistake starting now.

PM: My mistake was I didnít enlist in time for the Second World War. I rushed down to the recruitment office, I put my name down, I...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well deviation he obviously wasnít old enough.

NP: Well I thought thatís what he was coming to.

DN: He said he rushed down to the recruiting office...

PM: It was in a push-chair! It was downhill!

NP: He could still have rushed down to the recruiting office, being two years old. I mean...

PJ: It couldnít have happened! Heís not 45 or whatever!

PM: I was too young by minus 12 years!

NP: So Derek itís probably your challenge and...

DN: It was certainly my challenge! Thereís no probability about it! I challenged!

NP: Itís very difficult on Just A Minute to admit that youíve made a mistake. Iíve made very few in the 26 years but I think that was one of them...

PM: But they have been the same ones over and over again!

NP: You were about to gain something there Paul, Iíd watch it. Right, 28 seconds for you Derek on my mistake starting now.

DN: My mistake was once, when I was appearing in a show in the West End of London, I had to catch a railway train to Manchester, over the night, because I was doing a television the next day. I took a sleeping pill during the second act, got into my pyjamas and dressing gown and into a taxi and went to Euston Station. Unfortunately after arriving at the destination they told me that the railway carriage had been delayed for some hour and a half. And there I was going fast asleep on the platform...

WHISTLE

NP: So they let Derek continue with his story because they wanted to know the pay-off, until the whistle went. And he got an extra point for that. Peter itís your turn to begin, the subject, behaving badly. Something that never happens in Just A Minute, Iím sure! You have 60 seconds to tell us something about that subject starting now.

PJ: Well it does happen quite often. But I think itís inexcusable. Everybody should behave very nicely. And I think that if the other panelists watched me and observed the way I conduct myself, then it would be a much better show altogether. More refined and we might enlarge our audience all over the world you know. Particularly people in South America where we are rather thin on the ground, as far as er...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Hesitation unfortunately.

NP: Yes he got to South America and couldnít continue. Right Paul, 36 seconds are left, the subject, behaving badly, starting now.

PM: I like to think that Adolf Hitler behaved very badly in causing the Second World War. He was told "donít go to Poland". And where did he go? Thatís exactly the place he went. Heíd been, heís been warned over Czechoslovakia and before that over the Rheurland in 1935 or Derek might say 1937. But I think it was 19-what I said earlier...

BUZZ

NP: And Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of 19.

NP: It was 19 you repeated. Derek, 14 seconds, behaving badly starting now.

DN: Nicholas Parsonsís mother used to behave very badly. She used to write letters to me complaining about my appearances on Just A Minute, and also threaten me with the most terrible things if I mentioned her name again. Unfortunately sadly she was gathered and...

WHISTLE

NP: Derek Nimmo not only did behave badly but he gave another example of it then! But he did keep going till the whistle went and gained an extra point for doing so. Craig your turn to begin, the subject, balloons. Will you tell us something about those in this game starting now.

CF: If a Glaswegian calls you a balloon itís a derogatory term. Phrases like "that balloon on the karaoke machine thinks heís Julio Iglesias" are heard often in pubs and clubs round the city. Other balloons that are known in Glasgow are Partic Thistle football team who are known as the famous balloons of the north side of Glasgow by the way they hang about...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of Glasgow.

NP: Oh yes thereís too much of... itís a pity because I love Glasgow, my adopted home. (in Scottish accent) I did five years in Claieburn, I did there...

PM: Ah yeah...

NP: (Scottish accent) Did ye not know that Craig? I come from there, Iím still ye. Too right Jimmy! Hoho! Iíll give ye one from there...

CF: Could I, could I possibly have a point for being patronised?

PM: If you, if you close your eyes youíd swear you were in Surbiton!

NP: Balloons is with you Paul, 40 seconds are left, starting now.

PM: The balloon could be described as a rubber sphere full of helium. One of my favourite moments in...

BUZZ


NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: It would be an incorrect description because it can be full of anything. It doesnít have to be full of helium to be a balloon.

NP: He said it could be full of helium, thatís one example of a balloon. Peter you look very perplexed.

PJ: Well naturally Iím trying to find objections...

NP: I know...

PJ: Iím trying...

NP: This is what they do, they look at me with such disbelief as if to bluff me out of my decision...

PJ: Iím not trying to bluff you at all! No, it seemed quite genuine to me.

NP: No...

PJ: And if I were chairman I certainly would award a point to me!

NP: I try to be fair Peter, I think to be fair he wasnít deviating. So 32 seconds with you Paul, balloons starting now.

PM: The Mongolfier brothers are generally credited with the invention of the first balloon which could carry a man up into the air...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: The balloon didnít carry the men, the basket carried the men. The basket underneath the balloon carried the men up into the air.

NP: So Craig you got in with 23 seconds on balloons starting now.

CF: The balloon I like best of all is the Christmas...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of Partic Thistle! You never know with Nicholas! You never know! You might get it!

NP: No he only said Partic Thistle once. So Craig a wrong challenge, it was a try-on, 20 seconds left on balloons starting now.

CF: The greatest balloon of all time must be Harry Secombe. Known throughout the world as a great singer and balloon impersonator. And itís very difficult to impersonate balloons...

BUZZ

NP: Paul you challenged.

PM: Repetition of impersonator.

NP: Yes.

DN: No impersonate and impersonator.

PM: Oh repetition of great then!

NP: All right Paul...

CF: What do you mean all right Paul? What, just because heís persistent? Heís still wrong!

DN: He hasnít got a clue whether you said great twice or not!

NP: You did say the great impersonator and the great Harry Secombe.

CF: Oh.

NP: Nine seconds with you Paul, balloons starting now.

PM: Partic Thistle are known for the quality of their balloons. Even bigger than Harry Secombe! They er come (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Craig you see, it doesnít matter when you get out, you get back in, you get more points and you got in with two seconds to go on balloons starting now.

CF: One of the most wonderful balloons I have ever seen...

WHISTLE

NP: So our first time player of the game is doing extremely well, not only getting a point for when the whistle went then but he has gone back into the lead three ahead of Derek Nimmo. And Derek your turn to begin, the subject Europe. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: The division between Europe and Asia is generally believed to be where the Ural Mountains commence and then go down and drop into the Caspian Sea. Europe is perhaps, and in fact indeed is, the second largest continent um...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Bit of hesitation.

DN: Yes I think so, absolutely right.

NP: Yes. Forty-five seconds Peter for you to tell us something about Europe starting now.

PJ: Well if Africa can be correctly described as the cradle of civilisation, then I think Europe is the playpen. Because thatís where human beings developed some of the finest achievements, inventions, artistic things they did, wrote plays, including Shakespeare of course. I would er put him into that category. Ah and...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: A sort of hesitation and a sort of grinding to a halt.

NP: It was running down, he was sort of...

PJ: Yes yes...

NP: ...talking himself into the ground! Iím sorry Peter.

PJ: I was rather pleased with the first phrase...

NP: I know.

PJ: ...and then I couldnít...

NP: You were sounding so erudite to begin with and then it suddenly sort of evaporated didnít it.

PJ: Yes quite right. Donít rub it in!

NP: Twenty-one seconds for you Derek on Europe starting now.

DN: Europeans are extremely fortunate because we found here the main domesticated animals. Goats, sheep, cows, and if course horses, beasts of burden. The Americas had no such good fortune, nor did Africa. That is why we, I suppose, became pre-eminent...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Was there a slight sort of hesitation in there?

NP: A very slight hesitation, but not enough to penalise him, I donít think. So Derek I give you the benefit of the doubt, five seconds to go on Europe starting now.

DN: The smallest state within Europe is the Vatican which only has 1000 inhabitants. The largest...

WHISTLE

NP: So Derek Nimmo kept going until the whistle went, got an extra point there. Heís now moved forward, heís equal in the lead with Craig Ferguson, and in second place, also equal, are Peter Jones and Paul Merton. And Paul itís your turn to begin, a good party, thatís the subject. Can you tell us something about it in this game starting now.

PM: One of the finest parties I ever heard about was Nicholas Parsonsí 18th birthday party. Who should be there? Kaiser Wilhelm, Edward the Seventh! Two marvelous figures from the great historical past! Boadicea popped in with the drinks! And they all cheered him to the rafters! They said "one day youíll have a successful career in show business"! How wrong could they...

BUZZ

CF: I think there was a hesitation there on show business.

PM: Yes. I couldnít think of the word to describe what you do Nicholas!

CF: I think er-show business is quite good actually!

NP: Right Craig, another point to you and 40 seconds on a good party starting now.

CF: One of the finest parties I have ever been to is a party given by Partic Thistle who many years ago, when they won the Scottish... first division...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well a sort of Scottish ooh!

NP: Thatís it yes...

CF: Well thatís how itís pronounced!

PM: They do, they pronounce it like that!

NP: (in Scottish accent) I told you, I come from that part of the world, you canít get around me on that one. Right! (normal voice) Thirty-two seconds for you Derek on a good party starting now.

DN: Oh my goodness me, I think the best party I ever went to was a transvestite type party. And I went as Marlene Dietrich with my beautiful...

BUZZ

NP: Craig Ferguson challenged.

CF: Transvestite partyís definitely a deviation of some sort!

DN: Yes but...

NP: Well challenged and well spoken Craig. We give you a bonus point because we liked the challenge, the audience did as well. Derek gets a point for being interrupted, keeps going, 26 seconds left, a good party starting now.

DN: My seven year old grandson, George Howard, had a particularly good birthday party last year on the 9th of December. We had crackers and an incredible magician who pulled out a snake which he put over the top of all these little boys and they remained very still beneath it. Then out came an owl and some bats and it was a very good party indeed. And then we had jelly and played...

WHISTLE

NP: Right, Derek was speaking again as the whistle went, but other points were scored in the round. Heís now one ahead of Craig Ferguson as he was in the last round. And Peter Jones and Paul Merton are still equal in second place. And Peter your turn to begin, the subject, models. Can you tell us something about those in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: When I was a boy, models of farm animals and railway engines and things like that fascinated me and I used to play with them all day. I had a little table...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Hesitation there.

NP: At the table, yes.

PJ: Yes.

NP: Forty-nine seconds for you on models, Paul, starting now.

PM: I once went out with a beautiful model who later turned out to be Derek Nimmo! Imagine my surprise! Full length blonde hair, tight fitting skirt, absolutely wonderful charming company and particularly good in bed! I couldnít believe it! I was amazed when I discovered some five years later after a passionate affair that I could...

BUZZ

NP: Craig...

CF: Surely extreme deviation there!

PM: We must be allowed to lead our own lives!

NP: I wanted to hear more actually about the affair!

PM: I bet you did!

DN: I was quite interested myself!

PM: Thirty seconds for you on models starting now.

CF: Models work almost exclusively on catwalks, although sometimes they get their photographs taken. A catwalk is named a catwalk...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of catwalk.

NP: Too many catwalks yes. Right, 23 seconds on models with you Paul starting now.

PM: I can still remember those Luscious red lips, mouthing the words...

BUZZ

PM: ..."I love you! Take me away from all this! My real name is Belinda!"

BUZZ

PM: "Donít think of me as..." Did somebody buzz?

CF: I couldnít bear any more of this stuff!

NP: So...

CF: Iím sitting next to him!

NP: Youíre frightened for your future, are you?

CF: Absolutely! Well...

DN: Heíd be much more frightened for his future if he was sitting next to me, I think!

NP: Craig youíve got a correct challenge and 15 seconds on models starting now.

CF: One of the finest models I ever made was a model...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well he sort of stopped really.

NP: I know he did.

DN: I really donít know why.

PM: Heís actually just died! In mid sentence!

NP: Derek got in, 12 seconds, models starting now.

DN: When Lansear modeled the lions which are now in Trafalgar Square, he made them out of clay. They were very beautiful and theyíve been preserved actually in the Victoria and Albert Museum. If anybody would like to go and see his models, I recommend they go on Tuesday...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Derek Nimmo was again speaking as the whistle went and gained a point for doing so. Other points were scored in that round and I have to tell you, alas, that was the last round in this edition of Just A Minute. So let me give you the final positions. Peter Jones finished in a very good fourth place. Great value as always! Paul Merton just behind in third place. Our first time player of the game did extraordinarily well, a tremendous number of points. Didnít quite beat Derek Nimmo, he was one ahead. So we say Derek Nimmo is the winner this week! So we do hope youíve enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It only remains for me to congratulate our four players of the game, Paul Merton, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Craig Ferguson. And also our thanks to Jane Stevens whoís been blowing the whistle, keeping the score. And of course our thanks to Ian Messiter who thought of the game, our producer Sarah Smith who tries to keep us in order. And from them and me Nicholas Parsons, thank you for tuning in and I hope youíll be with us again the next time we play Just A Minute. Till then good-bye!

THEME MUSIC