JAM:PMerton,PJones,SFry,PMcCarthy
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, PETER JONES, STEPHEN FRY and PETE McCARTHY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 8 January 1994)

NOTE: Pete McCarthy's first appearance and only radio appearance, Miriam Jones's first appearance blowing the whistle.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute! Yes!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome the four exciting personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. We welcome back two people who have played the game a number of times, that is Peter Jones and Paul Merton. We welcome someone who has only played it twice before that is Stephen Fry. And someone who has never played it before that is Pete McCarthy. But would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Miriam Jones whoís going to keep the score and going to blow her whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And as usual Iím going to ask our four panelists to speak in turn if they can on the subject that I give them without hesitation, without repetition or deviating from the subject on the card. Weíll begin the show this week with Peter Jones. Peter the subject is pale. Can you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PETER JONES: Well the best known pail that I can think of is the one that Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch. Though even as a child I was very doubtful about whether that was the real reason. I suspected that they were up there for a bit of rumpty tumpty! Because after all, water doesnít flow uphill! It tends to descend in climb...

BUZZ

NP: Pete McCarthy you challenged.

PETE McCARTHY: Repetition of hill?

NP: Yes you went up that hill a bit too much.

STEPHEN FRY: Surely uphillís one word, isn't it?

PJ: Yes it is! Absolutely right! Uphill is one word!

NP: You may have gone up hill, but Pete hasnít played the game before. Iím going to give it to him for hill. All right?

SF: Shee!

NP: Pete you have a point...

PJ: But you have such an advantage, never having done it before! What do you think my handicap is for having done it for 28 years? Iíve no chance at all!

NP: There are 38 seconds for Pete McCarthy to tell us something about pail starting now.

PMc: Peter...

BUZZ

NP: And Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Hesitation.

APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD

NP: Peter surely after...

PMc: It was a deep breath. I mean, I can;t, I canít possibly speak and breathe at the same time!

NP: I think you should take your breath before I say now Pete. It was two seconds before you said anything. So Peter you have 36 seconds to take over the subject, pail starting now.

PJ: Iíve rather lost the thread of these two characters and what they were doing. But they were seeking H2O, I suppose. Or thatís what we were told as children. But er it was my er...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry you challenged.

SF: It was a bit of a mercy dash there. Ah right, a humanitarian mission!

PJ: Yes.

NP: So Stephen you have 25 seconds and the subject is still pail and you begin now.

SF: Alas what can ail the knight at arms alone and palely loitering? So wrote the poet John Keats many years ago. Pale is a word that means ashen, pallid is almost a synonym of course but thankfully not a repetition! I sometimes feel immensely pale when I consider the prospect of having to speak for a minute without er rere...

BUZZ

NP: Oh you only had two more seconds to keep going too Stephen!

SF: Oh I couldnít control!

NP: But Paul Merton got in with two seconds to go, the subject is pail and you start now.

PAUL MERTON: I woke up the other morning and I looked at myself...

WHISTLE

NP: That whistle tells us that 60 seconds are up and whoever is speaking at that moment gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton and at the end of the round Paul has two points and all the rest have one. Paul will you start the next round, the subject is Dimitri Shostakovich.

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I donít know why theyíre laughing, itís probably one of your favourite composers. You have 60 seconds as usual...

SF: At least Paul, you now know heís a composer!

NP: Sixty seconds, Paul, starting now.

PMe: Dimitri Shostakovich, like his contemporary Igor Stravinsky, was Russian by birth. And his performance of his marvelous Third Symphony in 1921 stunned the Moscow crowd who had never heard such marvelous chromatic sacles before explored in the world of classical music. Unfortunately by the time he was at the peak of his powers which would have been around about the 1940s he brushed up against Joseph Stalin who was at that time dictator of all the Russias. And this man said to Shostakovich "I want you to write music..."

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry...

SF: I think thatís the third music in fact.

NP: Yes.

SF: I let the second one go because I was so aghast!

NP: Yes it was very impressive.

PMe: I donít know why itís impressive that I should have heard of one of the leading classical composers of the 20th century!

NP: What was impressive was the amount of information that you packed into the 35 seconds that you spoke.

PMe: Itís all rubbish! But itís the sort of stuff that would impress you! The audience have a general view that Iím fairly thick but they are... they are agreed that youíre thicker than I am!

NP: Stephen you had a correct challenge, a point, 25 seconds, Dimitri Shostakovich starting now.

SF: I think it was Sir Thomas Beacham, the well-known conductor...

BUZZ

NP: And Paul?

PMe: Deviation, it wasnít!

SF: (laughs)

PMe: Itís a mere rumour! Itís a very popular fallacy but he never did!

NP: No!

PMc: He was in a different country!

NP: So your challenge presumably was deviation. We enjoyed the challenge but itís incorrect. Stephen has another point, 24 seconds, Dimitri Shostakovich Stephen starting now.

SF: The afore-mentioned baton swinger was asked if heíd ever conducted any Shostakovich and he said "no but I once trod in some!" He was not a great admirer of that...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PMe: This is deviation because he actually said it about Stockhausen.

SF: Heís quite right you know! Quite right! Itís amazing what they teach in Metalwork, isnít it!

NP: Thatís right.

PMe: Donít be fooled by the show business veneer. (laughs) I never thought Iíd say those words in anger!

NP: Sixteen seconds, Dimitri Shostakovich starting now.

PMe: Well he was a geezer who wrote nice tunes as far as I can work out. And people used to hear them in the Russian salons and...

BUZZ

NP: And Stephen challenged.

SF: Thatís our second Russian.

NP: You did have a Russian before. Seven seconds are left for Dimitri Shostakovich with you Stephen Fry starting now.

SF: Dimitri Shostakovich was born in the latter part of the last century to parents who, as is common with Russians, both had fine moustaches! He had a loving upbringing and went to the conservatwois in the capital city...

WHISTLE

NP: So Stephen Fry was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so and heís now taken the lead ahead of Paul Merton at the end of the round. And Stephen itís your turn to begin, the subject sweets. Will you tell us something about those in this game starting now.

SF: Whenever I book into a fine hotel, I always insist in being given a suite. This is because I have an enormously sweet tooth. Hahahaha. Very amusing! No, as a matter of fact it isnít amusing. However, sweet is one of those English hominums. Sweet can mean sweet meats as in confectionery. Mars, galaxies, those kinds of things. One shouldnít mention brand names, but I just have! I donít care! So there! Yah boo! And of course it can also mean a collection of rooms in some kind of guest house...

BUZZ

NP: Pete...

PMc: Repetition of mean.

NP: Yes it can mean a lot of different things...

SF: He was being mean so he repeated it as well!

NP: Yes! But you have a correct challenge, Pete McCarthy and you have the subject, 36 seconds left starting now.

PMc: Sweets or desserts as they are known in some circles have never really...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry.

SF: Not the kind of circles that Radio Four listeners, um, are used to! Itís terribly non-u, I donít think we want to encourage it. The word is pudding man, brace yourself! Really! We donít want to bury our nose in the trough of some kind of...

NP: What is your, what is your challenge Stephen?

SF: Oh deviation from, from the proper norms of people...

PMc: I donít think we need to divide the nation of our educational background...

SF: The nation is already divided, darling! I was merely drawing attention to the demarcation...

NP: Pete I disagree with the challenge so you have a point, you have 33 seconds to continue on sweets starting now.

PMc: Or puddings as they were probably called in the minor public school which Stephen Fry attended, has never really...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: There was a bit of a pause...

PMc: It was a major public school!

SF: He was waiting for a laugh which rightly didnít come!

NP: I know!

SF: And the audience were horrified!

NP: I think the laugh did come and he rode it actually. But no I think Iím going to give you the benefit of the doubt Pete...

SF: Quite right!

NP: And say that you didnít actually pause there. There are 27 seconds, sweets, starting now.

PMc: Theyíre never something that really appealed to me. A little bit of a cheese is rather nice at the end of an evening. But something that cloys and knaws in the stomach until 3 or 4 in the morning is positively beastly. The thought of those currants reappearing in oneís nightmares possibly as the eyes of giant spiders has a...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry youíve challenged.

SF: This is just babble from the sick bed! I donít know what heís talking about!

NP: I think he has deviated from sweets more on to cheese and raisins...

PMc: No, no, no, I was...

PMe: He was talking about currants.

PMc: Currants that had been...

NP: The currants came in after...

SF: He was giving himself an electric shock!

PMe: You donít have currants in cheese Nicholas!

PMc: Nicholas...

PMe: Unless of course you go to a minor public school!

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: You must remember itís his first time here!

NP: Peter...

LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Peter Iíve showed generosity from the chairman, heís proved heís good at the game. He deviated before he got on to his currants. So Stephen had a correct challenge, there are 10 seconds for you Stephen on sweets starting now.

SF: One of the eternal mysteries of the world is what flavouring goes into the old English spangle. I donít know what it is that contains...

BUZZ

NP: Pete challenged.

PMc: Repetition of what.

CRIES OF "OHHHH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: But I mean, darling, you can play this way if you like but... you know...

NP: Well as it was a correct challenge we have to give it to you Pete. Three seconds on sweets starting now.

PMc: Custard...

BUZZ

NP: And Paul challenged.

PMe: Hesitation.

NP: No!

PMe: Well everybody else seemed to be having a go, so I thought I would.

NP: Two and a half seconds on sweet Pete starting now.

PMc: White sauce seasoned with brandy can often...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry?

SF: I thought Iíd give him another point as itís his first time heís ever played the game. Let him amass a massive score, make it difficult on...

NP: Half a second for Pete on sweets starting now.

PMc: Sugar sweetens..

WHISTLE

NP: So Pete McCarthy then with some help from all the others gained a number of points in that round including one for speaking as the whistle went and has taken the lead. Pete will you take the next round, the subject washing up. Will you tell us something about that mundane er activity in 60 seconds if you can starting...

SF: Itís obvious why you donít play this game, isnít it!

NP: Starting now!

PMc: Some people may prefer the solitude of an Ashram or possibly a Jesuit monastery somewhere in the mountains. But I have...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PMe: Deviation from the subject of washing up.

NP: No, he, he, he is allowed to get on to it. Heís only been going for six seconds.

PMe: Oh?

NP: They probably do washing up in these mountains, in these monasteries up there. So no, I think that was a little bit sharp.

PMe: So do I.

PMc: That was rather tenuous Nicholas, but thanks a lot!

NP: Fifty-four seconds are left, washing up Pete starting now.

PMc: But personally I find my greatest moments of spiritual satisfaction and thought making whilst doing the washing up. When one has oneís hands in the hot water with the little lumpy bits at the bottom and is gazing out of the window on to the brick wall, all manner of things flash before the mind. I have been known to...

BUZZ

SF: He has been known to hesitate!

NP: Yes! Stephen correct challenge, 36 seconds, washing up, starting now.

SF: I Gaze across at Nicholas Parsons in his blazer, and the phrase "youíre all washed up" crosses my mind. I donít know why! Washing up however, to return to the main theme of the evening is of course one of those awful chores that weíre all expected to. However I possess a machine which does it for me. Sheís called Elsa and sheís extremely kind and um, she does it for a small amount...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Hesitation, a definite um.

NP: Definite um. Definite.

SF: I just want to tell the audience in case they think Iím being beastly, that literally it is a machine called Elsa. Itís not a woman. Thatís all I wanted, I wanted to make that clear.

NP: Yes...

SF: My toaster is called Terence!

NP: We didnít...

SF: My microwave is called Mattie!

NP: Yes, we...

SF: My lamp is called Nicholas!

NP: We donít... Iíd hate you... Right, 17 seconds Peter on washing up starting now.

PJ: At the end of a magnificent meal my later mother-in-law used to say "now weíll all get up together, and weíll all sit down likewise". Because she likes people to enjoy washing up at the same time. And when six or eight people all go into the kitchen and they put the dishes into this water, then..

WHISTLE

NP: Peter Jones then speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. Peter your turn to begin, the subject is sawing a girl in half. There are 60 seconds to tell us something about that subject starting now.

PJ: I hate waste! Anyway this canít be politically correct, can it, really any more. Surely conjurors are not sawing girls in half any more as part of their entertainment. I think, Iíve never seen it but there must be some who are sawing men in half. But er...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen?

SF: Well...

NP: Yes definite er, definite er. Forty-two seconds Stephen for you to tell us about sawing a girl in half starting now.

SF: I agree with Peter really. Itís a messy business and one surely not to be desirated in the modern world. However there is a conjuring trick called sawing a girl in half which doesnít actually involve sawing a girl in half, youíll be very pleased to know. It er revolves around the idea of pretending to saw a girl in half, which is of course a fish of a very different liver. However the main procedure involves, I believe, the knees being folded up in some clever cunning fashion and toes and feet pointing out the end of the box or cabinet which is used for this purpose. And the audience is fooled into believing that the girl really has been sawn or sawed, because both words are permissible, in half. Into a moiety as Shakespeare might well have said. The trick goes back in fact to the 18th century. Pre-Houdini, pre-Menet...

WHISTLE

NP: So Stephen Fry kept going magnificently on sawing the woman in half until the whistle went, gained the extra point. Heís equal with Pete McCarthy in the lead, and in second place equal are Peter Jones and Paul Merton. And Stephen itís your turn to begin. The subject, keeping the peace. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

SF: Well Iíll try and tell you something about the subject. I donít think thereís much I know that you donít know yourself really. But however oh er...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you challenged yourself.

SF: Repetition of know. I repeated know.

NP: I know.

SF: Yeah.

NP: Thatís a correct challenge....

SF: Oh good!

NP: Well done!

SF: Do I get a point for that?

NP: Itís a new way of playing the game! Yes!

SF: Whew!

PMe: Itís an outrage!

NP: All I can do is say yes, a point for that, you keep the subject, 55 seconds, keeping the peace starting now.

SF: I er bought some birds eye codpieces...

NP: Yes Peter you challenged? He hesitated.í

PJ: Oh yes! So he did!

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: You were quick on the buzzer there Peter, I must say! Yes! Fifty-two seconds, you tell us something about keeping the peace starting now.

PJ: Well I think Iíd be an idela person to keep the peace. I shouldnít bother anybody. Lie in a hammock in the garden with my friends, Tom Collins, Johnny Walker and a few others. And I would be so placid and unaggressive that the peace could go on lasting for a hundred years, or as long as I did. But however there are other people in the world who are er...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Er.

NP: There was a touch of the ers there.

PJ: Yes.

NP: Thirty-one seconds Stephen, back with you, keeping the peace starting now.

SF: The United Nations is said to be a peace-keeping force and has elements in it that have managed to hold various rickety peaces throughout er our recent history I suppose. However I do think...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen?

SF: I did pause again in the middle of that bit, Iím so sorry.

NP: No actually you didnít pause.

SF: Oh didnít I? So thatís an incorrect challenge.

NP: Thatís an incorrect challenge.

SF: Oh it was a risk! I had to take the risk!

NP: You had to take the risk. So you have now given him...

SF: The subject is with you Nicholas Parsons, you have just 11 seconds left, the subject is keeping the peace starting now!

LOUD APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: You hesitated!

NP: Keeping the peace is one of the most difficult things if you are chairman of Just A Minute. You notice that the four active and highly strung and mostly... most of the time...

BUZZ

SF: You see youíre hopeless! Mostly, wostly boastly doesnít make any sense!

NP: Youíve got the subject back again Stephen and 17 seconds on keeping the peace starting now.

SF: There are other organs of state and er enterprise whose endeavors to keep the peace have failed over the history of the world. The League of Nations...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PMe: Repetition of history.

NP: Yes you had a bit much history before. Well listened Paul, 10 seconds Paul for you to tell us something about keeping the peace starting now.

PMe: I had this chess set at home and I was very pleased with it. I was quite proud of it because Iíd carved it myself...

BUZZ

NP: Pete McCarthy challenged.

PMc: Deviation surely.

NP: Why?

SF: Well heís obviously, heís obviously going to talk about the piece that he kept!

PMc: Heís only got nine or 10 seconds. If he hasnít got round to it yet, heís not demonstrating a great deal of urgency.

NP: Well it wasnít a great deal of urgency but I think he was just coming on to the piece that he carved. Paul you have three seconds, keeping the piece starting now.

PMe: I nothing I like better to do than to go round to next door...

BUZZ

NP: Ah...

PMc: He said I nothing I like better to do. I heard it! Iím sat next to him! I heard it!

SF: The first I...

PMe: You complained about the lack of urgency! I was giving you urgency!

PMc: I didnít mean that urgent!

SF: Paul, despite his accent is from the north and his first I was spelt A-Y-E! He said aye! That was the problem!

NP: Paul Merton you have one second on keeping the peace starting now.

PMe: Huge great...

WHISTLE

NP: Stephen Fry is still in the lead, Pete McCarthy follows, then Paul Merton and Peter Jones in that order. And Pete your turn to begin, the subject roads. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PMc: The Empire builder, Cecil Rhodes, once said "remember that you are an Englishman and consequently have won the first prize in the lottery of life". Unfortunately he said it to his zebra because heíd had a few drinks at the time. But despite..

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry challenged.

SF: Well I mean itís impossible because a zebra couldnít have transmitted this famous remark.

NP: But there might have been witnesses to it.

PMe: There might have been a couple of monkeys somewhere.

SF: He actually said it at a lecture in Oxford when setting up the Rhodes Scholarship prize.

NP: It doesnít matter.

SF: All right. Letís throw truth out the window, shall we Nicholas?

PMc: Spoken like an Oxford don!

NP: He might have had a whole audience there! They might have got him drunk and then taken him out there, see what heíd say to the zebra. Anything...

SF: Meanwhile on Planet Earth!

NP: Pete McCarthy, 47 seconds, Rhodes starting now.

PMc: So the manís name was given to the country called Rhodesia which nowadays is known as Zimbabwe. Iíve only been there once, and by coincidence I only know one person...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PMe: Repetition of only.

NP: Yes and one. Well done Paul, 37 seconds, Rhodes starting now.

PMe: Well down the end of my road thereís Nellie Clackett. And sheís a wonderful woman, because she gies out every morning and sweeps the street outside her own house. And she...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Fry.

SF: Yeah, at the very best heís only talking about one road and not roads which is on the card.

NP: It doesnít matter. I mean the subject is roads. You can talk about this road, that road, whatever you like. Heís talking about that particular road.

SF: Iím beginning to hate you Nicholas Parsons! I really are! Never mind! Carry on!

PMe: Whyís it taken you 28 years?

NP: Right, 28 seconds for roads with you Paul starting now.

PMe: Where I live!

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged yes.

SF: I think he planted that pause in order to give me a point, because he knew he was wrong originally!

NP: No I donít think he did that...

SF: Still, it was a hesitation.

NP: It was a hesitation, 26 seconds, roads with you Stephen starting now.

SF: The colossus of Rhodes I believe was one of the great wonders of the world. There was seven of those, that was only a single example of the species. The island is between Turkey and Greece and contains many historical and antique venerable memorials. Iíve never visited...

NP: Peter you challenged again.

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Itís actually between Turkey and the North African coast.

PMc: You want to get an electrician in to fix that!

SF: Yeah!

NP: Would you like, would you press your buzzer...

SF: No, no, no Nicholas...

NP: Press it harder next time will you...

BUZZ

SF: No Nicholas, darling?

NP: Yes?

SF: Angel, baby, I want... I just want to say, I want you to know two things. One, my mother is recording this. Two, if you deny me this challenge I will devote the rest of my life to hunting you down and killing you! I said that I believed Rhodes was between Turkey and Greece, and that was true, I did believe it. I now no longer do, because you told me itís somewhere else. But that is, I rest my case on that fact. I can say I believe that Cecil Rhodes talked to a bloody zebra apparently! But I canít say that I believe, in all ignorance, that Rhodes is between Turkey and Greece...

NP: I never thought...

SF: ...without you leaping down my throat!

NP: I never thought you could be so passionate about gaining a point in a game!

SF: Itís justice! Justice!

NP: Justice!

SF: Another word you probably donít know about. Itís called honour! Iíll spell it for you, itís...

PMc: You notice he doesnít behave in this bizarre and crazed fashion on the Labour Party advertisements!

NP: Peter I think your challenge was reasonable even if... I think technically he was deviating within the rules of Just A Minute...

SF: Speaking my beliefs is deviation?

PJ: I donít want to interfere with his beliefs!

NP: Peter...

PJ: What are we talking about?

NP: Weíre talking about roads, you have eight seconds starting now.

PJ: The roads all around our neighbourhood are dug up every day and they put pipes, tubes, wires, sewers, everything. Thereís no limit...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Peter Jones was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. But Stephen Fry fortunately is still in the lead.

SF: No thanks to you, honeybun!

NP: And I have this audience here as witnesses to the fact that heís now going to hunt me down and try and kill me! So...

PMe: I think he could probably get sponsorship if he really...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Right! Peter Jones, your turn to begin. The subject, good value. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PJ: Well as it happens, good value, the best value in fact in the country today is the radio. Because it costs nothing and it goes on, 24 hours a day. You can get foreign stations abroad. You can get the best music in the world. And you donít have to do anything except buy or acquire a wireless set which I did after Iíd been working on this programme for about 12 years. I saved up and I bought my own little set which is British. Roberts, never even heard of Japan. And itís ideal, and I get hours of pleasure from it. Much more than I would television. Iíd be prepared to pay a larger license fee for its use than I do for the TV. But then itís a matter of taste I suppose. And all these people tonight of course are very happy to be missing what the airwaves are pumping out visually. And Iím very pleased for them because they seem so jolly, all these characters who are sitting here. I donít know what time it is but the news will be on fairly soon. (stops)

BUZZ

NP: Peter you went so magnificently for 60 seconds I was wondering how much longer you could go on actually. Because you actually went for 65 seconds.

PJ: Oh yes!

NP: So you not only get a point for speaking when the whistle should have gone, but also you get a point for not being interrupted. You have two more points at the end of that round. You see, I do look after you Peter.

PJ: What is the result?

NP: Well you have moved forward from fourth to third place.

PJ: Yes well...

NP: Thereís only one point separating Pete McCarthy, Paul Merton and Peter Jones. But a little way out in the lead is Stephen Fry. And Stephen this is going to be the last round and the subject is biceps. Will you start on the subject now.

SF: I bought some ceps not long ago from a famous department store in Portnum and Mason. Theyíre a kind of fungoid arrangement, a mushroom really, French, extremely valuable, highly expensive, and delicious in sauces. They were hugely dear, youíve no idea. Dry they came, sort of reconstituted by soaking in water, that was the aim of the thing. Biceps also of course, you probably didnít know this, means a set of muscles in the upper arm. I donít possess a very sound pair of biceps, being a very unfit gentleman. I regard fitness, particularly upper body strength as I believe they call it...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you challenged again.

SF: I repeated upper.

NP: I know you did.

SF: I just thought Iíd... before anybody else got in.

NP: I know!

PMe: Well I was a second behind!

NP: So Paul got in...

PMe: No I didnít!

NP: You donít want biceps?

PMe: No, not really. I canít be bothered! I really canít!

BUZZ

PMe: Killing you, yes! But... That I could really get interested in! But...

BUZZ

NP: Peter why do you keep challenging?

PJ: Because he repeated I canít be bothered!

NP: Thirty seconds left for biceps Stephen starting now.

SF: I think theyíre something to do with lifting and strength, vigour. I sinew power, that sort of nonsense. I donít believe itís a sign of respecting the body to look after things like yoir biceps. My own corpuleal essence is best respected by being sat in a large armchair, and given cigarettes and coffee. Not by pounding away in some gymnasium. So... my own biceps are...

NP: Peter you challenged again.

SF: No!

NP: Your buzzer doesnít seem to work! Yes he was deviating from the subject.

SF: Was he? I think what Peter meant was a repetition of my own. It wasnít a deviation but it was a repetition.

NP: There was deviation, you got on to your own corp, corp, whatever word you...

SF: Itís my body dear! Which is where my biceps live!

NP: You used the word...

SF: Where do you keep yours? In a box somewhere in Crete?

NP: You went on to other parts of your body other than your biceps.

SF: I was on the body itself!

NP: You correctly challenged for my own. And eight seconds Peter for you to finish on biceps starting now.

PJ: They can be developed if you lift weights all the time. But itís a very tedious business. You have to go to a gymnasium, risk being photographed and having your face bandied...

WHISTLE

NP: Well as I said we, er, this will be the last round. We have no more time to play Just A Minute. Let me give you the final score. Theyíre all very close. Paul Merton for once finished in fourth place, just behind Pete McCarthy. In second place coming with a canter at the end is Peter Jones. But he didnít quite catch Stephen Fry who was out in the lead and so he is the winner this week! We do hope that you have all enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It only remains for me to say thank you on behalf of Peter Jones, Stephen Fry, Paul Merton and Pete McCarthy. Also Miriam Jones who has kept the score. The creator of the game Ian Messiter. Our producer Sarah Smith. And from me Nicholas Parsons and from all of us here, thank you for tuning in and hope youíve enjoyed it, and youíll be with us the next time we take to the air and we play Just A Minute. Until then good-bye.

THEME MUSIC