JAM:PMerton,PJones,KHesketh-Harvey,JEclair
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, PETER JONES, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY and JENNY ECLAIR, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 28 January 1995)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more, itís my pleasure to welcome the four exciting personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. We welcome back one of the long-standing players of the game, Peter Jones. A more regular and frequent player of the game, Paul Merton. And two whoíve only played it on two occasions before, that is Jenny Eclair and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Will you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Liz Trott whoís going to keep the score and also blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And as usual I will ask our four panelists to speak on the subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the lovely city of Lincoln. And the first subject weíve got on the card is mobile phones. No connection with Lincoln. But Peter Jones would you start the show and talk on the subject if you can starting now.

PETER JONES: I donít really like them very much because you canít attach answering machines to them. And thatís a great advantage...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny Eclair you have challenged.

JENNY ECLAIR: I challenged him because heís wrong. Because obviously heís a bit of an old gimmer, he doesnít realise....

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

JE: ...that you can get mobile phones now that um do have answering services in them.

NP: Yes...

PJ: Whatís the point of them?

JE: I also, I also donít have a mobile phone. But thatís because Iím not very successful or very rich and famous. And I said very twice, but donít get me yet, all right?

NP: Would you, would you like to save it all for the show?

JE: Am I allowed to go on?

NP: No, no, Iím going to tell you to go on in a minute Jenny. You havenít played the game very often...

JE: No, Iíve no idea!

NP: What I need to say is you have a correct challenge. You get a point for a correct challenge...

PJ: Why is it correct?

JE: Yes!

NP: What she said is true actually. In todayís modern world...

PJ: People have said the most monstrous things on this show that were not true!

NP: I know but this... But on this occasion she was technically correct. So Jenny you have a correct challenge, you get a point for that and you take over the subject, there are 54 seconds available starting now.

JE: Iím winning already, good! Ah I donít have a mobile phone because I donít have very much money but Iíd like to because where I live...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Itís not true! Sheís loaded!

APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD

JE: Unfortunately Iíve spent all my money on leather gear and rubber goods so Iím not!

NP: Steady on Jenny, remember itís a family show! Now er Peter we loved that challenge so much weíre going to give you a bonus point for a good challenge but it wasnít hesitation, repetition or deviation. So Jenny gets a point for being interrupted, keeps the subject, 49 seconds are left Jenny starting now.

JE: At my daughterís sports day everybody but me had a mobile phone. Every time one went trill all the people went down to dig out the mobile phone like a tidal wave, like a Moroccan wave going down. And I joined in, even though I didnít have one, just so I looked big and important. And where I live in south east London...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Peterís challenged.

PJ: Repetition of wave.

NP: Yes.

JE: Yeah.

NP: Yes.

JE: Very dumb of me, Iím so sorry!

NP: Peter you have a correct challenge and you have a point of course for a correct challenge, 34 seconds are available and you still have mobile phones starting now.

PJ: I can sit at home, you see, and wait for the person whoís phoning me to speak and then decide whether I want to pick up the phone or not which is a tremendous advantage. But not being able to get in touch with these people who try...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey you...

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: Iím sure weíve had an awful lot of people havenít we?

NP: Yes, you did have people before.

PJ: Yes I did.

NP: Yes, so people giveís you a point and the subject and 20 seconds, mobile phones, Kit starting now.

KHH: The problem is living in these deep clement areas as I do is that the mobile phone satellite system doesnít really network up at all. And so itís absolutely no use at all. You canít ring Tom Conti in Hampstead should you want to ring that self-same gentleman. Because heís discovered that the lines are too busy to that place where he lives. However nowadays ah the old (laughs)...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny Eclair challenged.

JE: Heís lost it totally!

NP: No, he did say er which is hesitation.

JE: Heís blown it completely!

KHH: I know, Iím sorry!

JE: And anyway he should lose points for living in the country!

LAUGHTER THEN BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

JE: I canít... (laughs)

NP: Oooh! Ooooh!

JE: Iím sorry, Iím a townie!

NP: One foul stroke, youíve alienated everybody in Lincoln!

JE: They donít! They donít! I just feel nervous if I canít see a sock shop out of the corner of my eye! Iím just not very good in the country, you know!

NP: Well you neednít feel nervous now because youíre way in the lead and youíve got another point and another second to talk on mobile phones starting now.

JE: Where I live in...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Jenny Eclair and sheís naturally in the lead at the end of the round. And Kit Hesketh-Harvey will you take the next round, the subject Lincoln Green. Very apt, for the city of Lincoln. But would you talk on that subject starting now.

KHH: Of course where we are sitting in this shatteringly beautiful city is called the Lawn and so I suppose in some respects that is the Lincoln Green. However more usually the subject is normally associated with Robin Hood and his Merry Men who wore that hue for their tights. All except Will Scarlet, no doubt, whose wardrobe consultant told him that these tones did not coincide with his own skin colours and that he should choose crimson lake or even vermilion when choosing his stockings. Friar Tuck must have looked like an animated compost heap. However the fact that Robin Hood and his band of...

BUZZ

KHH: Iíve done it twice, Iím so sorry!

NP: Paul Merton you challenged.

PAUL MERTON: Yes repetition of Robin Hood.

NP: Yes, Robin Hood.

PM: And it would have become and his merry band of men.

NP: So Paul there are 26 seconds for you to tell us something about Lincoln Green starting now.

PM: I donít know anything about Lincoln Green!

BUZZ

NP: Peter you challenged.

PM: Iím willing to have a go though if you like.

NP: Well actually you paused so Peter got in first and heís got 23 seconds...

PM: I didnít pause, I stopped!

NP: Yes you came to a halt...

PM: Thereís nothing in the game about stopping!

NP: Peter a correct challenge, 23 seconds, tell us something about Lincoln Green starting now.

PJ: And thereís also Lincoln Amber and Lincoln Red. Though Iíve noticed the drivers pay no attention to these colours! They see traffic lights as merely a recommendation. And Iíve noticed, well, I was nearly killed...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Oh weíve had two noticeds.

NP: You noticed, yes.

PJ: Oh yes.

NP: Yes you did Iím sorry.

PJ: Bad isnít it!

NP: Kit has got in...

PJ: Thirty years still doing it! Oh dear!

NP: But your contribution is without par! Eight seconds, Kit, on Lincoln Green starting now.

KHH: Green has, as Fraser said in his seminal work, the Golden Bar, always been the colour of the outlaw. Kermit the Frog, the man on the Niblets...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. And at the end of the round Jenny, Peter and Kit are in the lead equal followed by Paul Merton. Jenny Eclair will you take the next round. The subject, jeans. Will you tell us something about that in your urban life...

JE: Well...

NP: ...starting now.

JE: As it happens Iím sporting a triumphant pair of rather sexy PVC jeans. And they do make a funny squeaking kind of noise. So if you hear of a strange sounds emanating from me, itís these, or itís a bit of heavy breathing from Nicholas who I think is rather keen. Ummmm and theyíre rather tight...

BUZZ

NP: Kit has challenged.

KHH: Thatís all right, I was overcome but er... so was, there was a bit of an er as she sat down which I donít think was squeaking PVC.

NP: I know, there was a definite verbal er...

PJ: They donít look like jeans.

JE: They are a jeans style actually Peter.

PJ: Are they?

NP: Yes.

JE: Believe me! I know my fashion darling!

NP: I would call them PVC trousers, yes I agree. But anyway 45 seconds are available for jeans and itís you Kit Hesketh-Harvey starting now.

KHH: There are many famous jeans in the world. Jean Harlow, for example, the great film star of the 30s, whose hair was even more peroxide and implausible than that of Miss Eclair. She was once in a boat I believe with the then first lady, Margot (pronounced Mar-go) Asquith, and a famous story is told of how she called her Mar-got once too often and...

BUZZ

JE: Heís churning on about someone called Margo now, weíre on jeans arenít we?

NP: No I think he was relating jeans to...

JE: Oh I think he was deviating like crazy!

KHH: In those trousers, dear, what could you be doing?

NP: All right, benefit of the doubt to Jenny Eclair, 26 seconds on jeans Jenny starting now.

JE: Brutus, Lee, Levi, all different kinds of jeans. My favourite is Red Tag 501s which I like to wear very tight indeed, so they cut off my circulation and er I have left...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes definitely, jeans is with you, 18 seconds are available starting now.

PM: So Jean Harlow she turns to Margot Asquith and she says "How do you...?" And Margot Asquith says to her "look my name isnít Mar-got, itís Mar-go, the T is silent.."

BUZZ

NP: Peter challenged.

PJ: Repetition of Margot.

NP: Of Mar-got and Margot, yes. Right, Peter youíve got in with eight seconds on jeans starting now.

PJ: Itís very difficult to buy a new pair of jeans because they sandpaper them and put them in washing machines with pebbles until they are threadbare...

WHISTLE

NP: Peter Jones was then speaking as the whistle went. With that extra point heís taken the lead ahead of the others. Peter weíre back with you to begin, the subject is gangsters. Will you tell us something about those in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: Iíd never want to be a gangster myself. I think Iíd rather be a Member of Parliament. Iíd ask one question every day, and that would really keep me in the style in which I am accustomed for an indefinite period. But being filled full of lead or dumped or taken for a ride is something that er never really has appealed to me...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

PJ: Sometimes...

KHH: There was an er wasnít there?

NP: Yeah I think there was a definite er that time.

KHH: Sorry.

PJ: Youíre not allowed an er?

NP: No, you canít er in Just A Minute.

PM: Not even a dramatic er?

NP: No, no, it was over-dramatic. Thirty-four seconds Kit on gangsters starting now.

KHH: The huge sealty fields of Lincolnshire are manned by gangs of workmen who pick from them cauliflowers and cabbages and brussel sprouts. Graceful maidens with ivory fingers and svelte figures...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Heís got a sort of Christmas card!

NP: The maidens with ivory fingers picking cauliflowers!

PM: Itís a long way from gangsters, isnít it!

NP: It is!

KHH: They were all gangbusters, they were gangs working...

NP: I think it was definite deviation, definitely.

KHH: Sorry.

NP: Paul you got in on gangsters, 22 seconds are available starting now.

PM: Whenever I think of gangsters, I think of the svelte Al Capone with his ivory fingers, just pointing at somebody who was going to be bumped off next. Of course he ran Chicago very much in the 1920s and in the 1930s as well. Thatís not repetition because 1930, I... ahhhh!

BUZZ

NP: Kit got in first with seven seconds, gangsters, Kit starting now.

KHH: Of course at that point Jean Harlow was addressed by Margot Asquith who said the T was silent as in harlot...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kit Hesketh-Harvey was then speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. Kit itís your turn to begin, the subject is spirits. Can you tell us something about that, you can take it any way you like, starting now.

KHH: Shakespeare, the bard of Avon, filled his plays and his dramatic landscapes with spirits. One thinks of Calibam saying "the isle is full of noises". Or the Scottish Queen saying (shouting) "come you spirits which tend our mortal thoughts, unsex me here and fill me from the top! Oh brimful of direst..."

BUZZ

NP: Peterís challenged.

PJ: Donít ring us, weíll ring you!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD

NP: I must say itís the first time someoneís come on Just A Minute and done an audition for the National! Peter we love the challenge, we give you a bonus point because it was so amusing. But unfortunately he didnít hesitate, deviate or repeat anything, so he keeps the subject...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

JE: He said fill twice.

NP: I know he did, but he got in first. Iím sorry Jenny.

JE: If you want to play it like that, itís fine!

CRIES OF "AWWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: But Jenny, Jenny...

JE: No Iím ready Nicholas, letís keep going.

NP: Kit youíve got a point for being interrupted, Peter gets a point for an amusing interjection, 42 seconds are left, spirits starting now.

BUZZ

NP: Paulís challenged.

PM: Repetition of fool.

NP: Yes!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FRIM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Forty-two seconds with you Paul on spirits starting now.

PM: Fools, fools...

BUZZ

NP: Kit got back in again. All right Kit, 39 seconds on spirits starting now.

KHH: The Hindus of course call their spirits...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of of course.

NP: Yes you did...

PM: Shakespeare of course.

KHH: Oh my Lord! Did I really say that?

NP: Yes you did say of course before. Sorry, Paul was listening well, 37 seconds are left, spirits, Paul starting now.

PM: My favourite spirit without any doubt is whisky. I drink it by the gallon. In fact Iím an alcoholic and Iíd like to take this opportunity to come out in front of...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Drinking, did you say drinking twice?

NP: No, I like to drink it.

JE: Oh Iím sorry.

NP: He said drinking before and drink it that time.


JE: Iím sorry.

NP: No, no, no, I donít want to inhibit you...

JE: Give the ball back to Paul then!

KHH: A very precious moment for Paul, I think.

NP: Twenty-nine seconds, Paul, spirits starting now.

PM: Iím glad to be able to say to you that Iíve been a fool in the past because I have consumed far too much alcoholic beverage for my own...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Repetition of alcoholic.

JE: Yes!

NP: Yes it was alcoholic before, not alcohol. I was trying to do a quick sort of rewind in the mind to find out whether it was alcohol or alcoholic, it was, repetition of that word. Twenty seconds Kit on spirits starting now.

KHH: Call their spirits djinns and gin is indeed my favourite spirit...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny.

JE: Gin twice.

NP: No it was gin and djinns my love.

KHH: And one was with a DJ.

JE: Oh for heavenís sake!

NP: Iím sorry!

JE: All Iím trying to do is get some points!

NP: I know! And I donít want to inhibit you from trying because we love having you on the show. But I have to be fair within the rules of the game. Seventeen seconds, spirits Kit with you now.

KHH: Initially distilled I believe in the low countries, Holland or Belgium or some such. And it was brought over by the English soldiers who liked to mix it with their tonic under William of Orange...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Thatís deviation if ever I heard it! Thatís still illegal in the Isle of Man!

NP: Deviation, I think youíre right Paul! Eight seconds on spirits starting now.

PM: Iíve gone off the drink I mentioned earlier because the one I really like now is vodka. I think itís fantastic, I canít get enough of it. I drink it like water, I really do! I...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Jenny?

JE: Oh heís said loads of things.

NP: No he said drink didnít he.

JE: Drink drink drink.

NP: Well done! Yes youíre right Jenny!

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: So Jennyís got in with half a second to go on spirits starting now.

JE: Whenever I drink vermouth I have a tonic....

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round Jenny Eclair was speaking as the whistle went, sheís gained an extra point for doing so. And sheís still in fourth place. But sheís only one point behind Peter Jones and heís one behind Paul Merton who is two or three behind our leader Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Jenny it is your turn to begin, reflexology. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

JE: I have experienced reflexology in a chill-out room at a rave club. Because I am rung, young and trendy. And this, there was a man in there in a caftan reeking of petulia. And he got us all to take our shoes and socks off, the whiff in there was like putting your face in a pack of cheesy whatsits! And I was lying on a rubber mat, I was very embarrassed because once Iíd removed my foot apparel, I realised that everyone could see that I bite my toenails really badly. And what they do in reflexology is to say "tweak your toes a lot" and say thatís doing your liver a load of good...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Repetition of toe.

NP: Yes.

JE: Toe and toes.

NP: Toe and toes, I think.

PJ: You think?

NP: I think, yes.

PJ: Are you sure?

JE: I donít want to talk about it any more actually!

NP: I know!

PJ: I know, well, I donít want to spoil her effort, you know.

NP: I know but you got in with...

PJ: Because I can see sheís pathetically desperate to get, to win this ludicrous game!

NP: Well Peter you were in the lead for quite a while, youíve got another point, you have 37 seconds on reflexology starting now.

PJ: Well it is based on the soles of the feet. And you can get any financial adviser to do something to them which will probably have an effect in your head. Because it goes to different parts of your body, you see, when you press various buttons, shall we say, in the base of the ah lower part...

BUZZ

NP: Kit?

KHH: Well hesitation.

NP: Yes it was, yes it was.

KHH: He was doing so well as well.

NP: Yes, 18 seconds...

PJ: The Mayor is nodding!

NP: The Mayor is nodding!

PJ: And heís not going to sleep!

NP: No! So Kit, reflexologyís with you, 18 seconds starting now.

KHH: Broadly speaking as I understand it, it means if you hit somebodyís knee very hard with a sledgehammer, it moves! I donít think this is an enormous... conclusion...

BUZZ

NP: Peter challenged.

PJ: Hesitation.

NP: Yes indeed Peter, you have 10 seconds on reflexology starting now.

PJ: It is one of the alternative medicines that are practiced in rather small rooms in Hampstead and other parts of London. And Iíve never actually been...

WHISTLE

NP: So Peter Jones was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and moved into second place behind Kit Hesketh-Harvey. Paul Merton itís your turn to begin and the subject is heavy metal. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PM: Heavy metal is a variant on rock and roll. Itís a kind of very repetetitive.. oh what a word!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny yes?

JE: Speech impediment!

NP: Jenny youíre right...

JE: Itís sad really!

NP: It is hesitation, yes, 55 seconds on heavy metal with you Jenny starting now.

JE: This is the kind of stuff that teenage boys like to play in their bedroom which is preferable to the other kind of things they do in their bedrooms. Iíve said bedrooms twice but we know...

BUZZ

JE: ...what weíre talking about.

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

JE: Anyway...

PJ: Well she did say bedroom twice.

NP: Yes the bedroom came in twice, yes, yes, 49 seconds on heavy metal with you Peter starting now.

PJ: Well lead is one of the heavy metals. Gold is the other. And er alchemists use to try to convert one into the other because it was more expensive...

BUZZ

NP: Kit Hesketh-Harvey?

KHH: There were two others.

NP: There were two others, Iím afraid there were.

PJ: Yes.

NP: Yes and 40 seconds for you Kit on heavy metal starting now.

KHH: Axel Rose, Iron Maiden, Def Leopard and Dana! There is a difference in the last one in as much as as far as I know she never released a heavy metal disc. Iíve always thought that Meatloaf was oddly rather cuddly, particularly after his single whose name.. completely escapes me...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton got in first.

PM: Deviation, a single doesnít really have a name, like Brian. Itís more a title, isnít it. His last single whose name I canít remember.

NP: All right Paul, 24 seconds, heavy metal starting now.

PM: One of the best heavy metal groups of the last 45 years was Ena Sharples and Her Syncopated Swingers. What a band this was! They could rock any town hall in the country. People would rush to see them, argue for the front row seats, try and get somewhere near the back where they would absorb the marvelous acoustics as they echoed around the room. Of course the lead singer as you know, was a very popular character in Coronation Street, and when she...

WHISTLE

NP: Paul Merton got the extra point then, speaking as the whistle went. Heís now moved up to third place. Heís one behind Peter Jones whoís two behind our leader who is still Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Jenny is just...

JE: Trailing, arenít I?

NP: Just a little, my love. Peter your turn to begin, the subject matches. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PJ: Theyíre very useful things to keep in a damp cottage. we had some and we kept them in a glass jar with the lid on it. They were invented in the last century, and a lot of girls used to manufacture them at great risk to their health, because they got something called phosijaw which was because they used phosphorous in the making of these little things with their...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: Did he say making twice?

NP: I donít think so.

JE: No. No Iím sorry Peter.

NP: Itís all right. Peter you have another point and you have 38 seconds on matches starting now.

PJ: I donít know that I want that long!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD

JE: Iím going to help you out!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you challenged?

JE: yes I was just trying to help him out, heís tired!

NP: No you challenged. Yes hesitation?

JE: Yeah thatís right.

NP: Well done!

JE: Okay.

NP: Thirty-three seconds on matches Jenny starting now.

JE: I once played in a rounders match when I was a Brownie. And I caught the ball in the eye socket. And it really hurt me and I started to swear and I was sent off the pitch! Matches arenít very useful because you can get lighters very cheaply. You can get four for a quid in the market near me which is brilliant. Because you know childrenís parties? When they want going home presents? You can buy them a lighter you see, because that solves the problem. Set a balloon alight, eat a piece of cake and go home!

BUZZ

NP: Paul Mertonís challenged.

PM: Repetition of lighter.

NP: Yes.

JE: Yes sorry.

NP: There was too many lighters there yes. Twelve seconds, Paul, matches starting now.

PM: The first football match I went to see was Fulham versus Ena Sharples and what a game that was! Halftime nil-nil, but she came out in the second half...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny has challenged.

JE: Nil nil!

NP: Nil nil!

PM: Oh!

NP: Well listened Jenny, four seconds on matches starting now.

JE: A very very good thing you can do with matches is to...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of very.

NP: Yes very very.

JE: Oh does it count when you go back? Oh I donít...

PM: No you just said very very.

JE: If somebody had bothered to explain these rules to me, I might have been able to play this game!

PM: No, what you said, you see, you said very and then the next word was very as well!

JE: Did I?

PM: So in some cases you could say that was repetition!

JE: Oh!

NP: You canít actually also, you canít repeat a word that youíve used if youíve got the subject back again in that round. You could use those words in another round.

JE: Oh I see! Oh itís harder than you think, this!

NP: It is. Three seconds for you Paul, another point and matches starting now.

PM: Bryant and May have been producing matches now for nearly...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton again speaking as the whistle went leapt forward. Heís now equal with Kit Hesketh-Harvey in the lead. But theyíre only one point together ahead of Peter Jones and heís only two points ahead of Jenny Eclair. It is all very close. Kit Hesketh-Harvey your turn to begin, the subject impressionists. Will you tell us something about those amazing people in this game starting now.

KHH: That movement in late 19th century art, which is best evidenced by the divine little Jeau Te Pome Gallery in the Tiavie Gardens in Paris was initiated by I believe Claude Monet whose study and impression caused a scandal at the time. For he broke light down you see, from its constituent gray into little parts of blue and yellow and red and made it vibrate and tingle in a way that had never been seen before. Gaugin and Renoir and Matese and various others...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: He kept saying and.

KHH: Yes there were a lot of ands.

NP: Yes there were a lot of ands. Yes we often let one or two go but...

KHH: Iím sorry.

NP: ...three or four...

KHH: I was doing jolly well!

NP: You were marvelous!

KHH: Yes!

NP: Wonderful! Thirty-two seconds for you Jenny on impressionists starting now.

JE: There is a subtle difference between making an impression and being an impressionist. The former is achieved by walking into a room in thigh-length patent boots. And the latter is being in a corner pretending to be Rolf Harris which is very sad indeed. My favourite impressionist is Rory Bremner, a comedy chum of mine and golfing partner. And his mother came to see me once work, because we worked together... Iíve said work... no! Work and worked!

BUZZ

JE: I blew it!

NP: Oh yes Jenny. You see donít draw attention to your faux pas...

JE: No!

NP: ...because often at the pace you go they may miss it!

JE: Itís a hilarious anecdote!

NP: But Peter got in first, Peter there are 10 seconds on impressionists starting now.

PJ: The best impressionist I ever saw was a man called Afrique, A-F-R-I-Q-U-E. He was from South Africa and he made a very daring impression of the Duke...

WHISTLE

NP: Peter Jones speaking as the whistle went gained the extra point. And Paul itís your turn to begin, the subject juggling. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PM: There are many things that can be juggled. Spoons, golf balls, cheese, apartment blocks, aardvarks, tortoises, porpoises, dolphins, whales, railway stations, beer mats, labels of all kinds, baked bean tins, cottage cheese, air vents...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Kitís challenged you.

KHH: Repetition of cheese.

NP: Yes there was more than one cheese there yes.

KHH: More than one cheese, Iím sorry.

NP: There was too many cheeses in the air at the time. Right, 38 seconds, juggling with you Kit starting now.

KHH: Cosmopolitan always advertises itself as the magazine for women who juggle their lives. I think this is balls. Most of the time when I juggle that is precisely what I use...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of juggle.

NP: Yes.

KHH: Oh!

NP: The subject is juggling...

KHH: Oh fiendish! Oh dear!

NP: To remind the listeners, you are allowed to repeat the subject on the card, but on this occasion the subject was juggling and not juggle. So well listened, Paul 29 seconds for juggling starting now.

PM: Emulsion paints, cricket greens, door knobs. The list is endless. And of course there are many people who are particularly good at juggling. Theyíre called jugglers in fact which is just as well because thatís what they do. Iíve worked with some very very very fine exponents...

BUZZ

PM: Oh!

NP: Not two, but three on that occasion! And Jenny got in first, 14 seconds...

JE: Yes and it was boring!

NP: ...on juggling starting now.

JE: Um he just kept saying very...

BUZZ

JE: I hadnít started!

NP: You did.

PJ: Hesitation.

NP: You was, you said er, I said starting now...

JE: I thought you were my friend Peter!

PJ: I donít know what gave you that impression!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROIM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Thirteen seconds on juggling Peter starting now.

PJ: Monsieur Eddie Grey was a wonderful juggler and a very funny man because he was a comedian as well. And he told me that Anona Winn was crazy about him! You remember her, donít you? Well she wasnít of course and he...

WHISTLE

NP: Oh dear! Well Iím afraid we have no more time to play Just A Minute. At the end of that it was very close. Well itís hardly a contest because the funís more important. But Jenny Eclair whoís only played it twice before finished only just in fourth place. Behind....

JE: Iím off!

NP: ...Peter Jones and Kit Hesketh-Harvey. No you didnít lose, you were a winner! You just didnít get as many points as the others, um, who were equal in second place. But only two points ahead of them was Paul Merton so we say he is the winner this week! As I said then there are no losers in Just A Minute but somebody gets more points than the others! So it only remains for me to say thank you to our four bright panelists and also to Liz Trott who has kept the score so well. And also to Ian Messiter who created the game and helps to keep us all in work. And our producer Anne Jobson and me Nicholas Parsons. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute and will want to tune in again at the same time next time we take to the air and play Just A Minute. Until then from all of us here, good-bye!

THEME MUSIC