JAM:PMerton,DNimmo,PJones,SFrost
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, DEREK NIMMO, PETER JONES and STEVE FROST, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 4 February 1995)

NOTE: Steve Frost's first appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome the four diverse personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. We welcome back three regular players of the game, Derek Nimmo, Paul Merton and Peter Jones, and someone who has only played the game once before, that is Stephen Frost. Will you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Liz Trott who is going to keep the score and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And as usual I will ask our four panelists to speak if they can on the subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Let us begin the show this week with Derek Nimmo. Derek, a crash course. Thatís the first subject Ian Messiterís come up with. Would you talk on it starting now.

DEREK NIMMO: When I first took my private pilotís license at Victoria in Australia, I flew out of Merabbin Airport in Lake Ealdon and found myself on a crash course. I buzzed back Control and asked them how I should land. They said (in Australian accent) "fly the first and mind the rabbit holes, and look out for the sheep on the right hand side.."

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you have challenged.

STEVE FROST: Um, the accent! Not deviation, Iíve got it...

NP: Deviation...

SF: You wouldnít even get on Neighbours with that!

NP: No, well I donít know...

PAUL MERTON: Heís trying!

NP: I thought anybody could get on Neighbours! But er...

DN: Iíve been on Neighbours!

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I didnít like to rub it in Derek! Stephen, no, I donít agree with the challenge, so Derek gets a point for an incorrect challenge, he keeps the subject and there are 40 seconds left on a crash course starting now.

DN: There were two 747s who were on a crash course in Sydney and one of them pulled to the left and missed...

BUZZ

NP: Paul?

PM: Repetition, two 747s.

NP: Yes, well listened Paul, a good challenge, 34 seconds....

PM: Youíre giving it to me? (laughs) All right!

NP: You get a point for that of course, you take over the subject, 34 seconds, a crash course starting now.

PM: I remember when I took my first driving lesson in 1868, it was...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Deviation, impossible, heís not that old.

NP: Well yes I donít think he... he could have done! He could have done it in... I donít know anyway! No, actually, technically youíre right Derek, so you have a correct challenge, 30 seconds to take back a crash course starting now.

DN: And as the aeroplanes missed each other, they pulled away out of a crash course. And in The Australian the next day it was reported...

BUZZ

NP: Peter challenged.

PETER JONES: Repetition.

NP: Yes, what of though?

PJ: I canít remember now! Something or other! (laughs)

NP: Yes he did repeat Australia...

PJ: Australia! Thatís right! Thatís right!

DN: Actually I said in The Australian newspaper.

PJ: Thatís right, yes.

NP: Youíre dead right, you did actually yes.

PJ: It was just a pronunciation that was a bit faulty!

NP: Yes because you can repeat the subject on the course. So Derek yes, you keep the subject, a crash course, 25 seconds starting now.

DN: And the reporter said that theyíd missed each other by a beeís dick!

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton.

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: Repetition of they missed each other.

NP: Yes.

DN: I thought it was a very funny headline for The Australian.

NP: Correct, Paul, a point to you and 22 seconds to take back a crash course starting now.

PM: I was driving along the M1 when the instructor said "when I pack..."

BUZZ

NP: Peter challenged.

PJ: If this was happening in 1868, he couldnít have been on the M1!

NP: Peter a bonus point. But as we established before he couldnít have been taking his driving test in 1868 or whenever it was, Paul has, therefore gets the point for being interrupted, keeps the subject, 19 seconds, a crash course starting now.

PM: "Tap the windscreen with this hammer, I want you to do an emergency stop." So I was going along, about 25...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Sorry, you canít take driving tests on the M1!

NP: No, they donít do driving tests on the M1, they donít take you on motorways for a driving test. Right, 11 seconds for you Derek, youíve got the subject back, a crash course starting now.

DN: I am taking a crash course in French. (goes into French) I long to open my arms, I want to be your lover. Which is not frightfully useful...

WHISTLE

NP: Right, so whoever is speaking as the whistle goes gains an extra point. It was Derek Nimmo who I donít need to tell you has got the most points at the end of the round. And Paul weíd like you to begin the next round, flying saucers, 60 seconds, starting now.

PM: Well a flying saucer landed in my back garden about 19 years ago, and I got on it and went to the planet Venus. And itís true because Iíve got photographs here of me standing on that particular planet. And anybody who says that this is false can come outside and Iíll give them a damn good fight! Because I was trapped on that particular orb in space for years! I tried, benee, speaking to the Venusians and said "look itís not my fault Iím here, I was kidnapped by one of your people." They said "itís got nothing to do with us, it could have been anybody they picked up. We had Winston Churchill about 30 years ago. And before that Sir Stanley Matthews, the wizard of the wing, spent a fortnight on this very surface." I thought well, Iím very proud to be in such august company. And they said "so you should be and all! What do you want for your dinner?" I said "well what have you got?" They said "well, we can offer you fish cakes if thatís not too fantastic for you." I thought itís quite an extraordinary concept, the idea of eating that particular meal out here this far away from the Earth where I originally came from. They said "look do you want it or not?" I said "well fine". So at that point they produced a doner kebab which to my, to all intents and purposes was completely cold. I said "why is this not served up hot?" They said "we got it from a shop in Highgate and itís a long way away to bring it all the way from that particular part of North London to where weíre standing now." I said "okay, Iíll go along with that, what have you got to drink?" They said "well weíve got Whatneyís Red Barrel." I said "oh that is just too fantastic because nobody outside of the..."

WHISTLE

HUGE APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: At last...

PM: Itís all true!

NP: I know! Fantastically true! And just to prove that fantasy works, and youíre the greatest exponent of it that I know, well done Paul. Because that, actually, I took the whistle away from Liz and let you go on for one minute 20 seconds! Stephen Frost welcome to the show and will you take the next round. The subject, odd first names. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

SF: When I was at school, there was a boy who was called Three. And that is what I call an odd first name. He also had a brother called Five and Seven. And I asked them why did their parents call you that, because it just doesnít add up! There was also a boy called Mallow, his first name being Marsh. The reason he was called this was because he used to like to sit round fires and bake himself towards the flames which were giving off a lot of heat at the time. Obviously when we went on a field trip with the geography teacher who liked to do that sort of thing. But thatís all in the past now and heís served his time. But there was also a girl I had as a girlfriend at college...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of girl.

NP: Yes, yes and there was boys earlier on too. But... Paul, a correct challenge, another point to you, 20 seconds, odd first names starting now.

PM: I suppose one of the oddest first names is Adolf. Apart from Hitler of that name, I donít know of anybody else who has ever been given it. I suppose, oh, wait a minute. One of the Marx brothers was called er by...

BUZZ

PM: Oh! (laughs)

NP: Derek challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: Yes. Derek, 11 seconds, odd first names, starting now.

DN: I think Nicholas is a very odd first name. Whoíd actually with any sort of wisdom at all give their child an odd name like that...

WHISTLE

NP: If anybody had known they could have challenged and said itís not his first name, itís his second name. I was actually christened Christopher Nicholas.

CRIES OF "OOOOHHH" FROM THE AUDIENCE

DN: Not many people know that!

NP: Not many people could care anyway! So at the end of that round Paul Merton got lots of points for speaking, er, on the previous round.

LAUGHTER FROM DN AND THE AUDIENCE

DN: Oh heís gone!

PM: At least we know what...

NP: I didnít bother to give the score at the end of the previous round when Paul got those three points.

PM: We know what to put on the certificate. Christopher Nicholas Parsons is to be detained at her Majestyís Pleasure...

NP: Right, so Paul had those three points and other points in the round and heís now equal in the lead with Derek Nimmo. And Peter Jones itís your turn to begin, the subject being laughed at. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PJ: Well I suppose itís very nice if youíre a comedian and youíre trying to be funny because it is your, really, your bread and butter. But if youíre trying to be serious and people laugh, then my er response to that...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: There was an er Peter.

PJ: Yes there was, yes.

NP: Forty-nine seconds for you Derek to tell us something about being laughed at starting now.

DN: Well I quite agree with Christopher Peter Jones because...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Christopher?

PJ: Well itís just absolute rubbish!

NP: Absolutely! Itís not your first name.

PJ: No it isnít!

NP: He hesitated as he said it...

DN: Well it might have been.

PJ: Itís not included among my names at all.

NP: Forty-six seconds, youíve got the subject back Peter, being laughed at, starting now.

PJ: Then you have to pretend if people laugh, to be speaking very seriously. And then itís all right, you see. Itís a rather craven way of doing it, I admit. But why go on trying to tell jokes to people who are not amused. And similarly why go on trying to...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you challenged.

SF: Repetition of go on.

NP: Repetition of why.

SF: And why.

NP: Yes.

PJ: Yes.

NP: Being laughed at Stephen and there are 27 seconds starting now.

SF: There is nothing worse than being laughed at when you shouldnít be...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation. Being boiled in hot oil is worse. Thatís worse than being laughed at when you shouldnít be.

NP: To a comedian I think theyíd rather be boiled in oil. So...

PM: Do you really?

NP: Yes, Iíve known a few comedians...

SF: If it gets a laugh!

NP: Absolutely!

PM: Itís the finish of the act of course!

SF: You can only do it once!

NP: Stephen Iím going to let you continue, youíve got a point there, 24 seconds left, being laughed at starting now.

SF: For instance I went into a pub the other day and decided to relieve myself. I went into the toilet first naturally. And I got into a bit of a fracas inside the toiletry situation so I walked back out again without doing my flies up. The pub laughed at me...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton.

PM: Repetition of pub.

NP: Yes thereís too many pubs Iím afraid Stephen. Twelve seconds with you Paul, being laughed at starting now.

PM: I suppose one of the saddest stories I know about show business is about the man who went to see the psychiatrist who said...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen?

SF: Thatís not the saddest story he knows about show business.

NP: He did actually say one of the saddest.

SF: Yes.

NP: So Paul, another point to you, five seconds, being laughed at starting now.

PM: This man said Iím desperately unhappy and the man that, oh no!

BUZZ

SF: Repetition of man.

PM: Itís so ridiculous!


NP: Stephen you cleverly got in, youíre sitting in the chair that Clement Freud usually takes and youíve done a Freud on us. Youíve got in with one second to go, being laughed at, starting now.

SF: Laughter is...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: No! Another point to Stephen, half a second on being laughed at Stephen starting now.

SF: It was a long...

WHISTLE

NP: Right, so at the end of that round Stephen Frost was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so and heís moved into third place, just ahead of Peter Jones, Derek Nimmo is ahead of them and one point behind our leader who is now Paul Merton. Derek your turn to begin and the subject is an English country garden. Will you tell us something about that delightful subject in this game starting now.

DN: It always seems rather an irony to me in the song An English Country Garden was written by an Australian called Percy Grainger. But never mind. I have a wonderful English country garden and it is something which foreigners envy us hugely about. Particularly of course those wonderful beds that we have here with Delphiniums...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Was there a repetition of wonderful?

NP: Yes, 42 seconds, an English country garden starting now Paul.

PM: Thereís nothing I like better than walking through an English country garden...

BUZZ

NP: Derek you challenged.

DN: Vandalism!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: He did not establish Derek...

DN: If heís walking through an English country garden, heíd be walking over the plants!

NP: Most English country gardens have paths, so you can still walk through on the paths. He didnít establish he was walking through the flower beds.

DN: Oh I see, a lawn is a garden?

NP: Itís part of the garden and in most gardens you can walk on the lawns as well. So he wasnít being a vandal, but it was a lovely challenge. Give him a bonus, go on! He loves getting his points. But Paul also gets a point for being interrupted, keeps the subject, 38 seconds, an English country garden starting now.

PM: I meander through the rose bushes with heavy boots on and kick them out of the ground! Because I canít stand these plants! What are they doing there? Whatís wrong with old fashioned concrete! Itís easy to look after, you just mix it up, pour it out of a bucket on the floor, thatís all you need...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Heís not talking about the gardens any more, heís talking about hardcore as in motorways.

NP: Yes, what he just described could not in any stretch of the imagination an English country garden, even in his fantasy world. So Derek a point to you, 25 seconds, an English country garden starting now.

DN: Lancelot Capability Brown and Humphrey Repton are two of the great names one thinks of, who deposed the French eminence in garden construction in the 18th century. From these great men we work our way through to the wonderful Mr Jackal who created the most glorious English country garden in the style which is not been surpassed. And I myself, when I wander abroad, are very proud...

WHISTLE

NP: So Derek Nimmo, wandering through his English country garden, kept going till the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so and heís equal in the lead with Paul Merton at the end of that round. And Paul your turn to begin and the subject, cones. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PM: Apparently there is now a telephone number you can ring called the Cones Emergency Hotline. Iím not quite sure what this service is supposed to provide. Perhaps youíre driving down the motorway and you see these cones lining along the actual route youíre taking, and you think to yourself I wonder how many of them there are. Perhaps I can... oh telephone!

BUZZ

NP: So Stephen?

SF: A hesitation there.

NP: Yes. Cones is with you Stephen, 41 seconds starting now.

SF: What I like to do is bite the ends of them and suck the ice cream out that end. That way you can enjoy the...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well he didnít make clear what he enjoyed. It went...

SF: I had a mouthful of ice cream, I couldnít.

NP: The ice cream was dripping over him as he said. Right, 35 seconds for you on cones Derek starting now.

DN: Yes I like ice cream cones too. When I was growing up in Merseyside there were three companies that sold these delicacies. There was Walls of course, El Dorado, and Walkers of Merseyside...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton.

PM: Repetition of Merseyside.

NP: So Paul you have cones back with you, 23 seconds starting now.

PM: I remember when I was growing up in Merseyside, there was nothing I liked better than to go down to the streets, pick up the cones and suck the ice cream...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: He didnít grow up in Merseyside! Itís well documented where he grew up!

NP: Yes! In your fantasy world you may have grown up there but we know you didnít.

PM: So where did I grow up?

DN: He spent 19 years on Venus!

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: Well it made a change from Merseyside!

NP: Peter Jones, 16 seconds for you to tell us something about cones starting now.

PJ: I remember the cones they used to sell in the small village where I was brought up made by Ellisís. And they manufactured the ice cream as well. And they cost a penny, a whole cone full of this wonderful stuff was only one...

BUZZ

PJ: ...guinea...

NP: Derek challenged.

DN: Two ones.

NP: Yes, one, you tried to...

PJ: It was tuppence, a tuppenny one...

NP: Derek youíve got in with a second to go...

PJ: Oh!

NP: ...on cones starting now.

DN: Samantha Cones I think is one of the finest actresses...

WHISTLE

NP: So Derek Nimmo was then speaking as the whistle went and gained another point for doing so as well as others in the round. Heís now taken the lead ahead of Paul Merton. Peter itís your turn to begin, the subject is Jacuzzis. Will you tell us something about Jacuzzis in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: Theyíre rather nice things for relaxing and getting a kind of massage without the aid of a masseur or anybody else who is going to manipulate your limbs and er caress you and so on...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: And er.

NP: Yes, after you mentioned the limbs you erred.

PJ: A bit, a bit picky I thought.

NP: But accurate within the rules and if theyíre picky, Iíve still got to be fair.

PJ: Yes quite yes, you have to be really.

NP: Forty-eight seconds for Derek to tell us something about Jacuzzis starting now.

DN: The first time I ever went to the Jacuzzi was in the North Island of New Zealand. Itís quite extraordinary. Weíd gone to a kind of cocktail party or so I thought it was, and then they suddenly went down to their underpants, went to the Jacuzzi where the water was agitated and nice and hot it was, and we continued to have glasses of sherry which I thought was most extraordinary. Actually the best ones are the natural ones. If you go down to Rotorua or Rotoiti...

BUZZ

DN: Whatís the matter?

NP: Stephen?

SF: Repetition of ones.

NP: Yes there were too many ones.

SF: The best ones and the natural ones.

NP: Best ones, the other ones.

PJ: And theyíre not Jacuzzis, theyíre natural springs.

NP: I know but you didnít challenge for that Peter.

PJ: Well I didnít know whether it was strictly within the rules of the game.

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: You can always chance your arm there. But anyway Stephen Frost, you have Jacuzzis, you have 29 seconds starting now.

SF: The first Jacuzzi I ever bought was a 3.4 litre fuel injection one. It went like a bomb, which was no good to me because it blew up and I ended up with no car to drive around time. So instead I bought another one which was...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of bought.

NP: Yes, and one, right Paul, 17 seconds on Jacuzzis starting now.

PM: Jack Uzi was the inventor of the uzi machine gun which of course is a very popular model amongst terrorists. I donít know where he got the idea from. I believe he was out in the back garden one day...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Well he didnít know where he got it from, he got it from Lee Enfield!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I donít know why youíre clapping, heís just showing off. Well yes well, well showed off Derek, right...

DN: (laughs)

NP: But it wasnít a correct challenge...

PM: Itís a bluff! Donít listen to him!

NP: Itís a bit of fantasy idea, yes! No Paul Iím with you...

PM: Oh?

NP: Six seconds are left on Jacuzzis starting now.

PM: The cheapest way to get a Jacuzzi is to get a jar of Epsom salts...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen?

SF: Get.

NP: Yes you were getting too much before.

SF: Yes.

NP: Stephen you cleverly got in with two seconds to go on Jacuzzis starting now.

SF: During the French Revolution the witnesses were called jíaccusies...

WHISTLE

NP: Stephen Frost was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. Derek Nimmo and Paul Merton are equal now in the lead. And Derek itís your turn to begin, our feathered friends. Will you tell us something about those in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: Well I donít think if I was a bird I would ever think of mankind as being one of my mates, I can tell you really. If I was a chicken or a goose or a turkey or a...

NP: Peter you challenged.

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

DN: What is he doing! Nicholas, he said he didnít challenge. Are you going barmy? Are you like Joan of Arc and hearing voices?

NP: You repeated if I were three times. Didnít he Peter?

DN: Youíre not playing the game Nicholas! Youíre supposed to be the chairman!

PM: I think youíve gone mad Christopher!

NP: Peter... but, but Peter looked at me... oh Peter Iím giving you the subject!

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

DN: Why? He didnít challenge! Are we going to have sort of phantom challenges?

PM: Is this, is this a new game, sort of psychic challenges?

NP: Yes!

DN: Well whatís the point of having buzzers if we donít need them?

NP: Because Peter nodded off for a second. I thought I should bring him back into the game for just a second.

PJ: Yes.

NP: I thought so. Right...

PJ: I appreciate that, yes.

NP: You have 48 seconds Peter, on our feathered friends starting now.

PJ: Well a lot of them arenít friends at all. Things like rooks and er crows...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo.

DN: And er crows.

NP: Yes! You get another point for the interruption...

DN: I did actually make rather a mistake because I buzzed rather than waiting for your phantom...

NP: No, I, I...

PM: Actually I had challenged psychically a second before Derek had pressed his buzzer!

NP: Did you?

PM: Yeah! Iím surprised you didnít pick up on it Christopher!

NP: Sorry, you werenít on my psychic wavelength you see.

PM: No!

NP: Iím not in tune with that one, Iím in touch with a different orbit.

PM: Oh...

NP: Not that one, you went way off.

PM: I always thought you were on another orbit!

NP: Yes!

PM: You finally admitted it in public!

NP: Forty-four seconds with you Derek on our feathered friends starting now.

DN: Christopher Robin for very obvious reasons is Nicholas Parsonsí favourite feathered friend. Because they have a great deal in common and actually I think they have...

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton you challenged.

PM: I had a feeling that Peter wanted to challenge!

HUGE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I think he was having trouble with his buzzer. So what was your challenge?

PM: Oh Christopher Robin isnít a, is a character in Winnie the Pooh. Heís not a bird.

NP: That is, that is a correct challenge, yes. Paul you have 33 seconds to tell us something about our feathered friends starting now.

PM: Thereís nothing I like more than loading up a shotgun and going out in the Moors and shooting at the grouse as they fly overhead. Itís a damn shame we have to wait till August every year to do this, because I canít stand the little devils! Thatís about it really!

BUZZ

PM: I didnít know I was going to get that far!

NP: Right! Peter your buzzer did work then.

PJ: Yes.

NP: Well challenged, yes he hesitated and deviated.

PJ: He did yes.

NP: Yes.

PM: How clever of you to know Nicholas!

NP: Yes! Twenty-four seconds for you to tell us something about our feathered friends starting now.

PJ: He started off talking about Christopher Robin whom we associate with Winnie the Pooh apparently, I donít know why. It sounds a strange combination to me...

BUZZ

PJ: ...but apparently the book was very successful...

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: It was me who was talking, not Paul Merton.

NP: Thatís right, so whatís your other challenge?

PJ: Didnít he mention him as well?

DN: Sorry?

PJ: He mentioned er Christopher Robin.

NP: He mentioned Christopher Robin. If that is your challenge, thatís incorrect. Sixteen seconds for you Peter on our feathered friends starting now.

PJ: Well Iím not terribly keen on many of these er birds that come into the garden. We have bluejays and magpies lately and they have ousted all the other tiny little birds. Blackbirds and so on...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of birds.

NP: Yes. You see itís feathered friends on the card Peter which is...

PJ: So it is, yes.

NP: Yes. So Paulís got in with two seconds to go on our feathered friends starting now.

PM: We had a...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: No, of course not! So Paulís got another point and there are one and three quarter seconds on our feathered friends starting now.

PM: A budgie called Peter that lived in a cage in the...

WHISTLE

NP: Well a lot of points were scored in that round. And theyíre all pretty close but just out and in the lead is Paul Merton just ahead of Derek Nimmo. And Paul itís your turn to begin, the subject bulbs. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PM: I understand that many years ago somebody invented a lightbulb that lasted forever, but there was a lot of pressure within the electricity industry to make sure that this product was never released into the shops. You can understand why. People are much more happier if customers are...

BUZZ

SF: He was stalling and then he hesitated!

PM: Yes!

NP: So Stephen yes, I agree with the challenge, 45 seconds, bulbs starting now.

SF: Take a daffodil bulb, put in the cellar in some soil and compost, leave it there for three weeks, and see when the first sprout comes through. Thereís nothing more enjoyable than to see the...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: This is very bad advice! And itís repetition of seeing.

NP: Yeah thatís right.

PJ: I think there are things more enjoyable!

NP: Yeah repetition of seeing...

SF: Sorry, I thought I was on Gardenerís Question Time!

NP: Thirty-five seconds, Paul, bulbs starting now.

PM: The bulbs in my back garden would do a lot better if our feathered friends didnít come down and keep eating them the whole time. At the moment I have...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Frost.

SF: Deviation, why have you put lightbulbs in your back garden? Coz thatís what you were talking about before.

PM: It helps you to see in the dark.

NP: Actually Stephen, you havenít played the game very much. You can take the subject in any way you wish and he wasnít really deviating. So we wonít score any points on that, 28 seconds still with Paul, bulbs starting now.

PM: When eventually they come through, I know Iíll be blessed with an English country garden. And Iíll be able to show people round and say "this all started off as a collection of bulbs that I bought from Woolworths. Forty-watt, 60 of the same variety.."

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Um, anticipation!

NP: You thought he was going to say watt again! And he didnít say watt again, you came in too soon Derek so Paul has another point, 17 seconds on bulbs starting now.

PM: I suppose my favourite bulb of all when I come to think about it is that simple bulb that we plant into the soil in spring. I canít remember its name offhand but I know if you water it and nurture and look after this peculiar little object...

WHISTLE

NP: His favourite bulb, he doesnít know the name. But he kept going on the subject till the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. And heís brought the show to an end because we have no more time. So the final situation was, the points I feel are secondary to the entertainment they provided. And Peter gave his usual entertainment finishing in fourth place. Stephen did much the same in third place. Derek contributed always and he got lots of points which he loves to get. But out in the lead, a few points ahead of them all was Paul Merton, so we say heís the winner this week! It only remains for me to thank our clever panelists. Paul Merton, Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Stephen Frost. Also Liz Trott for keeping the score and blowing her whistle so magnificently. For Ian Messiter for creating the game, keeping us in work. And Anne Jobson for directing the show. And me, Nicholas Parsons, from all of us, good-bye, hope youíve enjoyed it and will tune in the next time we take to the air for Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC