JAM:DNimmo,PJones,PMerton,SFrost
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring DEREK NIMMO, PETER JONES, PAUL MERTON and STEVE FROST, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 4 March 1995)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute.

THEME MUSIC

NP: Hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome the four interesting and exciting personalities who this week are going to play Just A Minute. We welcome back three regular players of the game, which is Derek Nimmo, Peter Jones and Paul Merton. And somebody who has never played the game before, that is Stephen Frost. Would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Liz Trott whoís going to keep the score and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And as usual I am going to ask our four panelists to speak in turn if they can on the subject that I give them. And they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. We begin the show this week with Paul Merton and the subject Ian Messiterís come up with is odd surnames. Can you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PAUL MERTON: Nimmo! Frost! Parsons! Hitler! Firtvangler! Vinkel! These are all odd surnames. We canít be responsible for our surnames, thatís what our parents...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Frost.

STEVE FROST: At least weíre not named after a London borough!

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Give Stephen a bonus point because we enjoyed the challenge. But he wasnít, Paul wasnít actually deviating from the subject. So Paul you get a point for being interrupted, you keep the subject, odd surnames, 49 seconds starting now.

PM: Before Adolf became the man that he was, his parents... oh I said parents twice. That makes it three times now!

BUZZ

PM: Iíll say it again, four! Parents!


NP: But Derek Nimmo challenged when you drew his attention to it. Forty-three seconds for you Derek, a correct challenge, odd surnames...

DEREK NIMMO: Actually Adolf Hitlerís original surname was Shickelgruber which I think was even more unfortunate actually than Hitler. I donít think I would have liked...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Repetition of Hitler.

NP: Hitlerís not the subject on the card, itís odd surnames. So Stephen, youíre getting to know how to play this game now. You got in very rapidly there. A point for you, the subject, 36 seconds, odd surnames starting now.

SF: When I was a little boy, I lived on the beach at St Ives. And there was a girl who...

BUZZ

NP: Paul.

PM: Deviation, he surely didnít live on a beach! He might live near a beach.

SF: We were very poor!

NP: I think actually the council would have taken you into care! If you lived on the beach...

PM: Well surely the tide coming in and out would be a major problem!

SF: It does cause a problem, yes!

PM: "The TVís gone out the front door again, Dad!" "Never mind, itíll be back at 4.00!"

LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: So as Iím dishing out bonus points we give Paul a point for a correct challenge and a bonus point because we enjoyed the witticism and 32 seconds also to tell us something about odd surnames starting now.

PM: My real surname is Martin. But when I wanted to become a member of Equity they said "oh weíve already got somebody by that surname. You canít possibly become a... person..."

BUZZ

NP: Stephen.

SF: Hesitation.

NP: I think so Stephen, a point to you and the subject, 22 seconds left, odd surnames starting now.

SF: Crotchel-Varsham was the name of my English teacher...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones.

PETER JONES: Hesitation, he just seemed to stop.

NP: Thatís right.

SF: I just saw my English teacher in the audience!

NP: Peter there are 17 seconds for you to tell us something about odd surnames starting now.

PJ: Actresses sometimes have very weird names. And I, there was one called Katie Bangs. B-A-N-G-S. Which did seem an extraordinary name to leave without changing it. I mean, had I been called Peter Bangs, ah...

BUZZ

NP: Derek you challenged.

DN: Two Bangs.

NP: There were two Bangs. Derek you got in with two seconds to go on odd surnames starting now.

DN: Nimmo sounds rather like a detergent actually...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking as the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Derek Nimmo, and he and Stephen Frost and Paul Merton are equal in the lead just ahead of Peter Jones. Peter Jones, itís your turn to begin and the subject is my favourite screen goddess. Will you tell us something about her in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: Well there was Garbo of course. But then when I was 15, I went to see a film called Ecstasy with Hedy Lamarr featuring in it. And she was much publicised because she appeared in the nude, it said. And naturally this is what appealed to me most about it. I didnít care much about the narrative! But er the sight of this er lovely...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Hesitation unfortunately.

NP: Yes, well he would. I saw it as well.

PJ: You did, yes?

NP: She was lovely...

PJ: Very disappointing I thought! It was only about 10 seconds and she was miles away!

NP: I know! Paul Merton, a correct challenge, my favourite screen goddess, 37 seconds left starting now.

PM: My favourite screen goddess was Sissy Fairfax, queen of the silver screen. There was nothing this woman wouldnít do. She would be one week hanging from the mountain cliff. The next sheíd be hanging from... oh two hangings...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Frost challenged.

PM: Parents! Hanging!

SF: It was the old days yes, too many hangings.

NP: She was doing too much hanging, wasnít she?

PM: She was known for it! If there was something to hang off, sheíd hang off it! Would Sissy!

NP: Stephen youíve got in with 27 seconds, another point of course, correct challenge. And you tell us something about your, well, the subject is my favourite screen goddess starting now.

SF: My favourite screen goddess was of course Sarah Bangs. Not many people have heard of her, but Peter knows that she is a very good actress and was in her time, a...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, he was talking about Katie Bangs.

SF: Was he? Oh sheís her sister!

NP: Yes!

PM: He wouldnít necessarily know Sarah Bangs.

NP: He also established that she was on the stage and she wasnít a screen goddess. So Paul, I agree with the challenge, 17 seconds, my favourite screen goddess starting now.

PM: The first major screen goddess, I suppose, in the early days was a woman called Theda Bara. It was thought that her name was an anagram of Arab death, as indeed it is. And she was a vamp figure. She had very black eye shadow, long fingernails...

WHISTLE

NP: Paul Merton kept going until the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. And with other points in that round heís taken the lead. Stephen Frost, your turn to begin, the subject, mind. Will you tell us something about mind in Just A Minute starting now.

SF: I traveled to the show here tonight on the Underground. And when I stepped off the Tube, I heard a voice say "mind the gap". And it was that particular larynx fortunate type thing coming from the...

BUZZ

SF: Whatís another word for voice?

NP: I know. Once youíd said it, it comes to a full stop. Paul you got in , hesitation, 49 seconds, mind starting now.

PM: There are some people, they call themselves hypnotists, who make fortunes by appearing in front of the public and attempting to hypnotise them into thinking they are disc jockeys or all-in wrestlers or members of the Government. And Iíve never been to one of these shows, but Iíve got a good feeling that I would be somebody who would be very easy to lure into some kind of trance. You stand on the... platform there...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

PM: Breathing! Breathing!

NP: Yes.

PM: Breathing! We havenít all got the benefit of life support machines!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I was about to give you the benefit of the doubt but Iíve changed my mind! All right, give him a bonus point because we liked his er, his joke but Derek Nimmo has a point for the correct challenge and 24 seconds on mind starting now.

DN: A popular definition of an Australian is to have a closed mind and an open fire. I always think thatís very unfair! Rather derogatory because Iíve found them to be people of huge intelligence and wit. Then Yorks, they say "mind where youíre going lad". I think thatís rather a nice way because mind ties to intelligence, to the brain...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Was there a sort of a hesitation in there?

NP: No I donít think so.

PM: Didnít quite? No?

NP: No, no, no.

PM: No?

CRIES OF "AWWW" FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I should have gone to our 17 chairmen in the audience!

DN: Have you ever asked one of them to step on the stage?

NP: I know you think they might favour you if they did, Derek. Anyway, Iím always fair in the game, four seconds for you to continue on mind starting now.

DN: Iíd like to think that mindís more important than matter. And I think...

WHISTLE

NP: Derek Nimmo was speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point and others. But heís still in second place behind Paul Merton whoís in the lead. And then Stephen Frost and Peter Jones in that order. And Derek it is your turn to begin, the subject radio phone-ins. Will you tell us something about those in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: I donít awfully like er radio phone-ins...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Um, hesitation.

NP: Yes definitely um.

DN: Yes yes definitely.

NP: Youíve got in very sharply with 58 seconds to go on radio phone-ins Stephen starting now.

SF: The one thing wrong with radio phone-ins is the crackly line when people talk to the radio presenter...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes and everything, right. Fifty-three seconds Paul, radio phone-ins starting now.

PM: LBC, London Broadcasting Company, were the first radio station to introduce phone-ins to this country. I believe it was around about 1974. I used to listen to them in the early days and in those times you got a lot of interesting people phoning up about half past one in the morning, because this was long before people would phone in and say "hello.."

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Frost.

SF: Two people.

NP: Two people.

SF: Phoned in.

NP: Thirty-two seconds Stephen, radio phone-ins starting now.

SF: I think radio phone-ins are an excuse for a lack of script or production from the radio company themselves. Because all theyíre doing is relying on people to call up the presenter and put their point of view across...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of presenter from before.

NP: Yes you talked about presenters before Iím afraid Stephen.

SF: Yes.

NP: So Paulís got back in again with 20 seconds on radio phone-ins starting now.

PM: Of course it is now a very popular means of filling up schedules. You simply say "do you think Charles should marry Diana again or should they be divorced? Iíve got Alfred Hackney on the line, what do you think?" "Well I think they should..."

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Three thinks.

NP: There was too much thinking going on.

PM: Yes, thatís a rarity for a radio phone-in!

NP: Yes! Five seconds, Derek, radio phone-ins starting now.

DN: The first time I was on a radio phone-in, it was in Melbourne in Australia and somebody rang up...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: There must be surely a repetition of Australia!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: I mean, you know Iíve been to Australia, I donít go on about it!

NP: No, I agree with you, he never ceases to remind us that he keeps going to Australia, and it is true that he does so. But he didnít actually repeat Australia in this round.

BUZZ

PJ: No, but he was talking about his own personal experience of being on the first phone-in. And the subject is phone-ins!

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: He er personalised it whereas it was a more general question.

NP: Peter Jones has a correct challenge and heís got in with two seconds to go on radio phone-ins starting now.

PJ: Theyíre very cheap in every sense of the word!

WHISTLE

NP: Peter Jones got the point for speaking as the whistle went and heís still in fourth place, heís not far behind Stephen Frost and Derek Nimmo and then Paul Merton in ascending order. Paul Merton your turn to begin, the subject predictions. Can you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PM: I predict that very soon Derek Nimmo will tell us about his adventures in Australia! Heíll regale the audience with his wonderful tales of life on the other side of the world, how he walked through the bush, how he stunned a kangaroo with a particularly dull monologue...

BUZZ

LOUD LONG LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Yes Peter?

PJ: How he. He repeated that.

NP: Well done! He did repeat how he, well done Peter. Forty-seven seconds on predictions...

PM: Itís an Australian town.

NP: Forty-seven seconds starting now, predictions starting now.

PJ: Yes, thank you very much for reminding me what the subject is. Ah itís er, predictions are things best to be avoided because you can go terribly wrong. Even old Morse Almanack is not absolutely infallible, let alone Cabinet Ministers and the Prime Minister himself is not immune from making dreadful mistakes about what is going to happen in the next er year or so. Now if...

BUZZ

PM: Hesitation Iím afraid.

NP: Yes Iím afraid there was.

PJ: Oh yes, very slight one.

NP: So Paul youíve got in with 19 seconds on predictions starting now.

PM: Although I have 19 seconds left on predictions, I predict here and now in front of the assembled audience that I will be buzzed before that time is up! Somebody will catch me on hesitation, repetition, deviation, one of those three things will trip me up before that clock hits the top...

WHISTLE

PM: I was wrong!

NP: You were wrong. And they could have had you for repetition and deviation. But they didnít, you kept going, gained an extra point for speaking as the whistle went and have increased your lead at the end of the round. Peter Jones your turn to begin, the subject is dimples. Peter tell us something about dimples in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: I remember Dimples very well. Dimples McNulty who was a cigarette vendor at the old Bag of Nails Club in Lyall Street. She had the most wonderful legs and she went round selling these cancerous sticks of tobacco to people, and probably was responsible for a lot of lung disease and many others for all I know!

HUGE LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: Oh no...

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

PJ: Iím sorry... ah.... That was bad taste, Iím terribly sorry! I take it back... ah... But um she was a very sweet girl and ah (trying to talk over continuing raucous laughter) she was called Dimples because she had several dimples. They werenít all facial!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: And ah the Bag of Nails, I donít know whether any of you remember it. Senior citizens may remember the Bag of Nails. It was (starts to laugh himself)

BUZZ

PJ: I canít go on rambling like this! Um...

LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Well they very unsportingly let you go for 59 seconds!

PJ: I know! It wasnít very nice. No, I may have got really into deep water there.

NP: But they enjoyed it, they enjoyed it.

PJ: Yes.

NP: And so did we Peter. So Peter weíre going to give it to you, youíve got one second on dimples starting now.

PJ: And they werenít all...

WHISTLE

NP: So Peter Jones got a lot of reaction in that round, he didnít get many points unfortunately. Heís still in fourth place just behind Stephen Frost. Derek Nimmo is trailing Paul Merton in that order. And Stephen itís your turn to begin. David Copperfield. Will you tell us something about him in Just A Minute starting now.

SF: Charles Dickens once said "if all my novels could be as good as David Copperfield, Iíll die a happy woman". Of course he was misquoted at the time and died a happy man.

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of died a happy. Just to rub it in!

NP: Fifty seconds for you Paul on David Copperfield starting now.

PM: There is a magician whoís currently touring this country whoís doing some shows at Earlís Court called David Copperfield. Heís got these bright white teeth and these kind of Hollywood looks. And he is meant to make us believe that he is gifted...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: There was a slight hesitation in there somewhere. There was, wasnít there?

PM: Yes.

NP: Yes definitely somewhere. Forty seconds for you Peter on David Copperfield starting now.

PJ: Well I welcome the arrival of David Copperfield the magician to these shores. Mostly because itís one in the eye for Paul Daniels!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: Whom Iíve never seen in the flesh er and er...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: Yes Derek, 18 seconds for you on David Copperfield starting now.

DN: Well the first time I saw David Copperfield was in Kuala Lumpur actually and he was absolutely wonderful, drew enormous crowds...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton has challenged you.

PM: Deviation, why isnít it Australia?

NP: Derek an incorrect challenge, so 13 seconds on David Copperfield starting now.

DN: David Copperfield has a most beautiful girlfriend called Claudia Schyffer to who he gave a five carat...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Deviation, itís Schiffer. Claudia Schiffer, not Schyffer.

NP: Well..

DN: Cloudia Shoeffer!

NP: Maybe when heís had a few he pronounces it Shoeffer. I donít know. Anyway...

PJ: Shoeffer, Schmoofer, who cares?

NP: So Derek you keep the subject of David Copperfield, eight seconds starting now.

DN: His real name was David Tompkins...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen...

SF: A bit of hesitation there.

NP: I think a little hesitation too. Six seconds for you Stephen on David Copperfield starting now.

SF: Heís made the Tower of Liberty disappear...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

SF: Before he did the Statue of Liberty he had to practice! Thereís one just off Ellis Island called the Tower of Liberty!

PM: I was going to say deviation, but as there is no Tower of Liberty he may well have made it disappear!

LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: Exactly! Well done!

NP: So having challenged, youíve actually given it back to Stephen with four seconds on David Copperfield starting now.

SF: And heís going to fly without the aid of strings or any forced air coming up through the...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round Paul Merton is still in the lead, just ahead of Derek Nimmo. And Derek itís your turn to begin, the subject is lolly. Will you tell us something about lolly in Just A Minute starting now.

DN: Well if you happen to be a Member of Parliament you can earn yourself a lot of lolly by asking questions on behalf of Mr Al-Fayed. The current rate is about a thousand pounds a time. You just stand up at the box and make your question heard and you get a little cheque in the post...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of question.

NP: Yes.

DN: Yes.

NP: Thatís right. Paul, 43 seconds, lolly starting now.

PM: Down at the Bag of Nails Club there was Dimples and Lolly who was the hat check girl. People would come in and they would give their headwear to Lolly at the door and sheíd say "thank you very much guvnor!" And people would give them...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Amount of people.

NP: Repetition of people. Lolly is with you Stephen, 31 seconds starting now.

SF: When they start dribbling halfway through and go all over your fingers, thatís when they get irritating. The best thing to do is to get a teatowel, wrap it round your hand and give it to someone else and say "there you go sonny! Take that back home to your mother and give it to her so she can enjoy the rest of the evening watching Coronation Street." If this doesnít work, then buy something a little more solid. Because lollies under heat can go too far. The red green yellow ones, theyíre usually called whoppers. Iím not bragging, but Iíve got one! And also, have you noticed, if you put them in the freezer department of your fridge, they do lose their taste after three months. So...

WHISTLE

NP: So Stephen has only played the game twice before. Heís now getting the hang of it and he kept going magnificently until the whistle went and he gained an extra point for doing so. Heís just behind Derek Nimmo. Paul Merton is just ahead and Paul itís your turn to begin. The subject, raspberries. Yes you can take that any way you wish and there are 60 seconds to do so starting now.

PM: I donít like Ďem!

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo.

DN: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation yes.

PM: Nothing to talk about! Iíve said enough! Iíve stated me case!

NP: Right yes..

PM: Donít care for them!

NP: A right sort of Just A Minute raspberry in other words. Right, 58 seconds for you Derek, raspberries starting now.

DN: Well a raspberry can be rather a rude noise rather like (blows raspberry). But as you...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: Two rathers.

NP: Fifty-five seconds for you Stephen on raspberries starting now.

SF: Theyíre purply pinky reddish and I love them with cream on custard, even treacle. Pick them fresh while the juice is sparkling on their little rotund shapes and force them down your throat, buckets at a time so that the juice...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Can I remind you this is Radio Four! What would Lord Reith say?

NP: I donít think, I think heíd be turning in his grave every time we go out actually. Paul what is your actual challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

PM: There is no actual challenge within the rules of Just A Minute.

NP: So Stephen gets a point for being interrupted, he keeps the subject of raspberries, 42 seconds are left starting now.

SF: The best time to eat a fresh raspberry...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Repetition of eat.

NP: Yes you were eating them before. Right, 39 seconds, raspberries with you Derek starting now.

DN: I like to put the licquer made from raspberries into white wine. Itís very similar to keo which was invented by the Mayor of Deejon. Frangrass is what the frogs call it. And absolutely delicious it is. I have raspberry canes in my garden in Northamptonshire which is the most beautiful place to grow this particular fruit and you can have them frozen these days. And somehow itís particularly decadent, I think...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of particular.

NP: Yes you did say particularly before.

DN: Particularly decadent I said if you listened. You canít say particular decadent, can you?

NP: You said, yeah but you said particularly before as well. So you did repeat particularly. And Paul is correct and he has 15 seconds on raspberries starting now.

PM: The raspberry is my favourite fruit. I know I said...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: He said he didnít like them!

PM: Ah but after Stephenís description... I canít wait to go out and get a punnet!

SF: Exactly!

PM: Yeah heís won me over! Totally! Iím convinced!

NP: I think, I think you...

PM: I sat down here tonight, an anti-raspberry man. Iím not proud to say Iíd go out and buy a punnet of them now!

SF: Youíll go on a raspberry binge after this!

PM: Lovely!

NP: Having established at the beginning that you donít like them, you canít now change...

PM: But I was lying before!

NP: Yes I know you were but it doesnít really matter. Peterís got in with 13 seconds on raspberries starting now.

PJ: Quite the best raspberries come from Scotland and they come at different times of the year. But mostly in the summer when they gather them, these people in kilts and whatever they have on their heads...

WHISTLE

NP: I donít know why you had to put a kilt on to gather your raspberries in Scotland.

PJ: No well...

NP: A devious thought I think, in a way. Peter you kept going till the whistle went and youíre catching up on the others.

PJ: Oh good!

NP: Yes! And itís your turn to begin Peter.

PJ: Ah!

NP: The subject is the knowledge, 60 seconds starting now.

PJ: Well that has something to do with taxi drivers who have to gain what is called the knowledge, that is to know every street and house number in the capital. And I think itís a gargantuan task. And I see them all the time driving their little motor bikes around with big pads on them and maps, trying to learn where these places are. And most of them succeed. I think Iíve never stumped a London taxi driver... by asking...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of taxi driver.

NP: Yes.

PJ: Oh yes!

NP: Yes, so Paul youíve got in with 32 seconds left to tell us something about the knowledge starting now.

PM: I believe it takes them about four years to learn this particular knowledge. And as Peter says, the streets of London are filled with people going around on their motor bikes studying all this kind of stuff. I once lived on a road called Lavender..

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Well he says "as Peter said", and that does seem like repetition to me.

NP: Peter it is a repetitious thought but it is not repetition within the rules of Just A Minute. So we give you a bonus point because we enjoyed the challenge. Paul gets a point for being interrupted, he keeps the subject, the knowledge, 21 seconds starting now.

PM: If you go to the highest mountain of Tibet, on the very top peak you will find...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen Frost...

SF: (in taxi driver voice) Not this time of night, guv!

PM: Itís all right, itís not south of the river!

NP: Not south of the river! Stephen we enjoyed that challenge, we give you a bonus point because we enjoyed it, but it wasnít a correct challenge of hesitation, repetition or deviation. So 15 seconds for you Paul to continue with the knowledge starting now.

PM: There is a wizened old man who has secrets of the universe locked into his mind. I once made...

BUZZ


NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: if heís on the very top of Everest, heís not going to last five minutes, is he really with his secrets?

NP: He said Tibet, and Everest is actually in the Himalayas but itís er...

DN: Well where do you think the Himalayas are?

NP: On the border of Tibet, but I donít think Everest is actually...

PM: Well this is all redundant because heís got a chalet anyway! And a paraffin gas fire!

NP: Anyway I agree with the challenge Derek, you have eight seconds on the knowledge...

PM: What? What do you mean you agree with the challenge? What nonsense!

NP: It may be nonsense but I think it was correct, what was it, it was deviation, was it?

DN: Thatís right, yes.

PM: Deviation from what?

NP: From what, Derek?

DN: Deviation from the truth! You canít have a little old man living up there with a paraffin stove, with no oxygen on the top of Mount Everest! Itís just not possible!

BUZZ

PM: Well Iíll tell you something. He listens to this on the World Service, youíll be getting an angry fax from him I can tell you.

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones you challenged, yes Peter?

PJ: Well in a world in which Paul Merton can spend 18 years on the planet Venus, surely this is possible up the top of Mount Everest?

NP: But that was in another show when he was on Venus!

PJ: Yes, I know it was, but each show that passes, I keep a record of these decisions!

NP: Eight seconds for you Derek, the knowledge starting now.

DN: A taxi driver with the knowledge will come out of Piccadilly Circus into Shaftesbury Avenue, turn right at Charing Cross Road, use Trafalgar Square...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen has...

SF: No, you canít do that!

PM: You might be able to, because thereís a man sitting on a mountain just at the end of the T-junction!

NP: Actually, youíre wrong, I do know the road heís talking about and Derek you are correct, you have a second to continue on the knowledge starting now.

DN: Through Trafalgar Square into the Strand...

WHISTLE

NP: Stephen should also have an extra point because we did enjoy the challenge so there we are! Weíve reached the end of the show. Peter supplied his usual wonderful sense of humour, finished up in fourth place. But whatís it matter? Whatís it matter? He was just behind Derek Nimmo. Stephen Frost whoís played the game less but was great, finished in second place, he did remarkably well. He didnít quite overtake Paul Merton, he had most points so we say heís the winner this week, Paul Merton! It only remains for me to thank our four outstanding players of the game, Paul Merton, Peter Jones and Derek Nimmo and Stephen Frost. Also Liz Trott for keeping the score and blowing her whistle and Ian Messiter for having thought of the game, and also Anne Jobson who has produced the show. And from me, Nicholas Parsons and all of us, good-bye, we hope youíve enjoyed the show, and will tune in the next time we take to the air to play Just A Minute. Till then from all of us, good-bye!

THEME MUSIC