WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!
starring WENDY RICHARD, TONY SLATTERY, DALE WINTON and LIZA GODDARD, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Television, 28 July 1995)
NOTE: Wendy Richard's first television appearance, Liza Goddard's first television appearance.
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Oh thank you, hello and welcome to Just A Minute, the show thatís minty fresh, and leaves you tingling all over. And on my left a man to whom all of those attributes apply, the captain of the London team, heís so bubbly, he must be artificially carbonated, the absolutely fabulous, Joanna Slattery!
TONY SLATTERY: Thank you, and I have with me an actress whoís starred in drama, situation comedy, film, countless game shows and the pop charts. Best known as Pauline Fowler in East Enders, but in Gladiators you know her as Psycho. Yes itís the gorgeous, the lovely, Wendy Richard!
NP: On my right, the other regular player, the captain of the Midlands team, the killer wasp of the small screen, the positively luminescent Dale Winton!
DALE WINTON: Thank you Nicholas, thank you, hello and with em I have an actress whoís also starred in drama, situation comedy, film, countless game shows and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. Best known as Philippa Gale in Bergerac, but in Gladiators you know here as Hooligan. She is the fabulous, gorgeous, lovely Liza Goddard!
NP: Well those are the four scintillating guests that I have with me this week. And as usual Iím going to ask them to speak on the subject that I give them. And they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. They can challenge at any time that they like and gain points for themselves, or they might give them away to their opponents. Youíll see how we play and youíll see how the scoring goes as we begin the show with Tony Slattery. Tony, the subject is Daleís Diary. Will you tell us something about that, you can make it his diary or anybodyís, 60 seconds starting now.
TS: I sneaked into Daleís bedroom one night, and in a drawer I found his diary, a five year diary with a brass clasp...
DW: Iím terrified of what heís going to say next! Once he starts talking about brass in my bedroom!
NP: I know! So what is your challenge?
DW: Deviation! He was about to get to it!
WENDY RICHARD: So he has been in your bedroom then!
NP: No, I ...
DW: Heís never been in my bedroom! I promise!
NP: No, no, I accept that promise...
DW: Thank you.
NP: And therefore I agree with you that must be deviation and 52 seconds, Daleís diary starting now.
DW: Tony Slattery is welcome in my bedroom but he can wait till heís been asked! Then he can look at my diary. I do keep Daleís diary and I keep track of everything...
TS: Repetition of keep. I keep Daleís diary, I keep a track.
DW: Yes, too true!
NP: keeping too much Iím afraid. Yes 45 seconds with you Tony, on Daleís diary starting now.
TS: Anyway the first entry I came across said ďAutumn, the leaves carpet the ground with a sort of brown effect...Ē
LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
TS: Sorry! Sorry, sorry! Sorry! Itís so poetic! Sorry!
NP: Oh dear!
WR: At least he admitted it was rubbish! I was buzzing him for hesitation.
NP: No I would just call it naff poetry! Wendy you got in with a correct challenge, you have 36 seconds to tell us something about Daleís diary starting now.
WR: I used to enjoy Mrs Daleís Diary on the radio. In fact and not many people know this that the gentleman who plays my husband in East Enders, Bill Treacher, he was the milkman in Mrs Daleís Diary. Now Nicholas...
DW: Mrs, two Mrs.
NP: Two Mrs Daleís Diary, yes.
WR: Oh and I had something marvellous to say!
DW: Oh well if you give me the point... Iíll tell you what Nicholas. I was riveted by that! And Iím glad it was off the other subject! So I donít mind having a point and she can continue.
WR: No, itís all right, please no, you continue...
NP: Oh this is impossible, way, it destroys Just A Minute. Dale you try and continue and...
WR: And I get an extra point for politeness and give it to him to talk about.
NP: Right Dale, you have a correct challenge, you have Daleís diary, 24 seconds starting now.
DW: The truth is I donít keep a diary because I have yet to learn how to control...
NP PUSHES WRíS BUZZER
NP: Yes because he said he did keep a diary before. And now he said he didnít keep a diary!
DW: True! Youíre not wrong there! Not bad!
NP: Dale Winton hasnít got a diary, heís admitted it himself. So another very good challenge Wendy! Thirteen seconds, they do want to hear about Mrs...
WR: But Iím, Iím supposed to press my own buzzer! I donít come there and fiddle with yours! So keep your hands off mine!
NP: They wanted you...
WR: Iím very particular who presses my buzzer!
NP: Youíre entitled to be particular who presses your buzzers but ah... we want to hear about Daleís, ah, Mrs Daleís Diary. Try not to say Mrs but go on, Daleís dairy, 13 seconds starting now.
WR: Daleís diary ran for years and ages on the radio and...
LIZA GODDARD: Repetition of radio Iím afraid.
NP: Yes weíll never going to get the story are we? Liza correct challenge, eight seconds, Daleís diary starting now.
LG: He does have an appointments diary which his agent looks after and itís full of commitments for television?
TS: Repetition of full of. You said full of before.
LG: I did, I did, I did!
NP: Yes I know, itís a tough game!
DW: I wish it was true!
NP: Three seconds Tony on Daleís diary starting now.
TS: There was an incident with a chain saw and a chicken and a...
TS: Yes! Yes!
NP: When I, when I activate that whistle it tells us that 60 seconds are up and whoever is speaking at that moment gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Tony Slattery. So heís in the lead at the end of the round.
NP: Dale Winton, your turn to begin, making up. I donít know why theyíve given it to you Dale, but will you talk about the subject in this game starting now.
DW: Making up is something I do every morning. Look at this face. It is 72 years old, true! So I start by bathing in goatís milk, followed by, well, I have combination skin. So I have to attack my epidermis with wire wool and a gallon of kitchen cleaning fluid. This is brilliant because I end up looking like Zsa-Zsa Gabor. As you...
TS: Repetition of Zsa!
WR: Thatís cruel!
DW: Actually you could have been kinder and said deviation. I donít look anything like Zsa-Zsa Gabor!
NP: No, no, they enjoyed...
TS: No, no!
NP: They enjoyed that, I think you...
TS: Actually you donít, you look like Captain Scarlett! I just thought!
NP: Right repetition, Tony, 40 seconds, making up starting now.
TS: When I fall out with friends or family, I find the best way to make up with them again is simply give them money! When I was alienated from a...
LG: Repetition of when I.
NP: When I. This is true, you did repeat that.
NP: Liza yes you have a point for a correct challenge, you have the subject of making up with 31 seconds starting now.
LG: I love making up. When Iím working in the theatre, I get in two hours before the performance. I sit down, have a coffee, a little quiet time to myself, put on my favourite dressing gown, turn on the lights, get my brushes in a proper order, get the makeup laid out in front of me. And I start with the base which I put on with a sponge, lightly dampened in a little water, put it all over like that...
LG: Of put.
TS: There were two puts quite close together.
LG: There were, there were.
NP: You were putting too much on then.
LG: I was putting too much on, I usually do.
NP: Yes, 10 seconds, making up starting now.
TS: Oh I canít be bothered!
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: Well I mean hesitation there.
NP: Yes definitely, nine seconds, making up Dale starting now.
DW: The aforementioned actress I was telling you about, her from America who I duplicated with her name, I have to tell you I look nothing really...
NP: Yes? Yes?
LG: Her, her.
DW: Yeah I know, I know, well said.
NP: Why worry, why worry? The Midlands team...
DW: Oh she gets a point.
NP: You get the point and the Midlands gets the point as well. So youíre working for yourselves but also for your team. So youíve cleverly got in with three seconds to go Liza on making up starting now.
LG: I think you look like Barbara Bel Geddes, but of course Iím only...
NP: Well Liza was endeavouring to speak as the whistle went so she gains an extra point for doing so and at the end of that round, sheís equal with Tony Slattery in the lead, and the Midlands team are also leading the London team. And Iím going to change direction slightly. Instead of giving them a subject, Iím going to offer them an object. Those black segments will part, and from the centre of this piece of furniture in front of me rises an object.
OBJECT RISES THROUGH HOLE ON THE DESK IN FRONT OF NP MAKING A WHIRRING NOISE AS IT RISES, AND THEN ROTATES IN FRONT OF THE PANEL
NP: Now what has to happen now is Liza it is your turn to begin. There is an object, identify it if you can, but you have to talk about that object for 60 seconds without hesitation, repetition or deviation and you start now.
LG: Well itís a hideous object, but itís obviously a skull. I would imagine from a medical school, used to demonstrate to students. Itís obviously plastic...
TS: Two obviouslys.
LG: Yes, too obvious.
NP: Yes too... 52 seconds for you Tony on the object starting now.
TS: The fourth Beverley sister! (laughs)
NP: Dale your challenge?
DW: Yes, hesitation Iím afraid.
NP: Hesitation yes and deviation.
DW: The lot!
NP: Dale you have a correct challenge, you have the object for 50 seconds are left starting now.
DW: I donít know how you managed it, your researchers have done their work, but this is the last date I ever had! As you can see, they didnít survive terribly well which is how I feel having met the person again. On reflection I think this is a Midlands connection. If Iím not mistaken this has something to do with Robin Hood, Friar Tuck. Probably itís an early skull to be found in Newstead Abbey in the Midlands region, which is what Iím talking about because weíre here in the Midlands...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: Midlands three times.
NP: You repeated Midlands.
DW: Oh thank God!
DW: You are right.
NP: Anyway your team gets a point for the Midlands. Liza itís back with you, 27 seconds are available, thereís the object starting now.
LG: Of course Newstead Abbey was the home of Byron and I think he used this to ponder upon his musings when he was thinking up his pomes which he wrote...
TS: I think there was a bit of hesitation there.
NP: Yes there is...
TS: I like the idea of Lord Byron writing pomes! (in posh voice) Iím going to write pomes today! Make mine up, itís up to me!
NP: Tony thereís 17 seconds...
TS: Yeah I know!
NP: Right, 17 seconds starting now.
TS: Problem skin? What you need is not soap, you need a bar with one quarter moisturiser...
DW: You need, you need.
TS: Oh yes.
NP: Well listened Dale, 11 seconds on the object starting now.
DW: Iím in two minds about this...
TS: Repetition of mind isnít it!
DW: Oh stop! Oh stop! No Iím not having that!
NP: What we do on that occasion, because we enjoyed the challenge so much, we give Tony a bonus point because the audience applauded vociferously there.
NP: But as Dale was interrupted because he, itís not a repetitious thought, itís repeating a word, thatís what happens in Just A Minute. You didnít repeat a word so Dale you keep the subject, Iím sorry, you keep the object, there it is. Nine seconds starting now.
DW: I donít actually want the object but I will tell you what it is. It is a brainless head with no eyes and no, well half a nose...
NP: So Dale Winton was speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point and er heís moved forward into second place. I can give a bonus point to anyone who can actually correctly identify the object.
NP: Well done! One to you. Itís Yorickís skull. It was used in a production of Hamlet at Stratford quite recently. And now it will go back down there, back to Stratford all the way...
OBJECT DISAPPEARS BACK BENEATH THE DESK THROUGH A HOLE AGAIN MAKING A LOUD WHIRRING NOISE
NP: ... on a long journey to the Midlands. And weíve reached the halfway mark in our contest. Itís a very even contest, the Midlands are leading London by one point! I think weíve had enough for a moment so Iím just going to take a short walk. Please donít do the same, stay tuned and youíll see us after this.
NP: Welcome back to Just A Minute. Letís choose our weapons and have a stab at the next round which is going to be taken by Wendy Richard and the subject is working out. Wendy, tell us something about that in 60 seconds if you can starting now.
WR: I go to a gym to work out. Unfortunately I donít go as often as I should because I have a tendency to be rather lazy. On one occasion when I was working out, I was lying on this slanting board and was supposed to be doing roll ups. But I happened to glance out the window and was starting to make pictures with the clouds out of this lovely blue sky. And I was quite happily reclining...
DW: Well that was hesitation. Actually there were three wases before that.
NP: Yes right, Dale you have a correct challenge, you have 37 seconds starting now.
DW: I go to a gym also to work out. I stand there bewildered at all these bodies I see, on the weights, on the bench...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: I thought Iíd challenge before they did.
DW: There were two on thes.
DW: On the.
NP: Yes youíre right, so little words there but we grant it. So Liza you have a correct challenge, 29 seconds, working out starting now.
LG: I love going to the gym, all those sweaty glistening bodies, the pec decks and the running...
TS: Pec decks?
NP: Pec decks.
TS: Pec decks.
LG: Pec decks.
LG MOTIONS WITH HER ARMS AS IF USING THE SORT OF MACHINE THAT DEVELOPS THE PECTORAL MUSCLES
LG: You do pec decks.
TS: Do you?
NP: Itís an abbreviation...
TS: What of, Nicholas?
NP: For the, for the...
LG: Oh sorry!
NP: For the pec...
LG: Sorry, sorry!
NP: For the pectoral muscles!
TS: Okay, sorry, incorrect challenge, carry on.
NP: Right, pec decks for the pectoral muscles, 24 seconds, working out Liza, starting now.
LG: Rowing, running, bicycling, just to warm up, you understand. And then the serious work, the muscles get going...
WR: Have we had more than one muscle?
NP: Yes you had the pectoral muscles before, yes.
LG: Yes, pectoral muscles.
NP: Sixteen muscles for you Wendy, working out starting now.
WR: Lizaís place where she goes sounds much more fun than mine. Anyway you know, remember where I was before when I was saying earlier on, and all of the sudden...
LG: Little hesitation I thought.
WR: I was pausing for breath!
LG: Oh right, well I didnít think youíre allowed to.
NP: Itís one of those difficult decisions....
WR: We all know Nicholas could go on for hours and hours without pausing for breath, but some of us have to breathe.
TS: Yes and Iím only thixteen!
NP: Right Liza, eight seconds, working out starting now.
LG: I go at least three times a week because I like to have strong arms. I have horses, you know, so I have to...
WR: Sheís hesitating.
NP: I think she did hesitate.
LG: I ran out of steam.
NP: Youíve cleverly got in with one second to go Wendy on working out starting now.
WR: Shout it out! Wendy!
NP: So Wendy Richard was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. Sheís in fourth place but theyíre all fairly close. Tony Slatteryís just in the lead and the Midlands team are leading the London team. Dale Winton your turn to begin, Brum. Will you tell us something about Brum in this game starting now.
DW: The reason youíve asked me to talk about Brum...
NP: Oh Brum then all right.
DW: ... is because I represent the Midlands team. Itís Birmingham, an affectionate term Brum, used for people who live in that area. Let me tell you exactly where it is. Itís in the Midlands, nestling somewhere between Nuneaton and Coventry, up as far as Derby to the left and Nottingham to the right. It has a ballroom which is the main shopping centre. Very glamorous, not unlike Brent Cross in London. It also has lots of fabulous fabulous...
NP: Right, Wendy you challenged.
WR: It was too fabulous Dale!
DW: I know, I just get so excited when I think of Birmingham!
NP: Yes there we are...
DW MAKES A FACE AT THE AUDIENCE
NP: So right Wendy, back to Just A Minute, 35 seconds, Brum starting now.
WR: Many years ago I worked on a soap in the 60s in Birmingham and I commuted daily, backwards and forwards to that city...
NP: Yes Liza?
LG: Well a little bit of hesitation I think actually, sorry Wendy.
NP: There we are, Brum, 27 seconds starting now.
LG: You may not know this but I was born at Birmingham, a little outside at a place called Smethwick. Julie Walters and me are the only two people, actresses, that I know of who were born in this...
TS: Repetition of born.
NP: Yes you were born too often Iím afraid.
LG: I was.
NP: Seventeen seconds Tony, on the subject starting now.
TS: Brum brum brum went...
DW: Oh no! Oh no!
LG: Just say your hand slipped!
DW: Oh no!
LG: Your hand slipped!
DW: Oh no! Oh how could I do that!
LG: Your hand slipped Dale, your hand slipped!
NP: Right, 15 seconds, Tony, he had an incorrect challenge of course, itís the subject on the card, you can repeat it, starting...
DW: Heís smirking at my displeasure! Look at him!
NP: Fifteen seconds Tony starting now.
TS: Brum brum brum went Noddyís car. That was the sound that that particular vehicle made. He met Big Ears. ďWhat are you doing?Ē ďShoplifting,Ē said Noddy...
NP: Yes, Big Ears would never have shoplifted!
LG: He would never have shoplifted!
NP: Enid Blyton would never have allowed something like that.
NP: Yes so you got in there with four seconds to go Liza on Brum starting now.
LG: I love Birmingham, thereíd be...
TS: Repetition of love, you said love earlier.
NP: Yes you said love before, yes. You got in with two seconds on the subject Tony starting now.
TS: Brum is a place Iíd like to live...
NP: So ah Tony Slattery was then speaking when the whistle went, gained the extra point for doing so. Itís a very even contest. Thereís only one point separating the Midlands from London but the Midlands are in the lead. Liza Goddard...
NP: Will you take the next round?
LG: Right, okay.
NP: The subject, the Utoxiter races. Itís in your part of the area...
NP: Are you a racing lady? You love horses, I know that.
LG: I love horses yes.
NP: A great horsewoman, right! Tell us something about the races at Utoxiter, 60 seconds starting now.
LG: I love nothing better than going to the races. What a wonderful day out for the whole family. I get in my Rolls Royce, I drive from Nottingham down the motorway towards Derby, and go to Utoxiter where I turn off, get into the car park, out of the car, through the gate. And then I buy my ticket. I find my friends there. We go to the beer tent, we buy a few pints of lager. Then we get down to the serious business of the day which of course is betting on the horses. And there they are, a marvellous sight! Bays, chestnuts, greys (starts to laugh)...
DW: I had to save you there!
LG: I know! I ran out of horses.
NP: You ran out of horses.
LG: I knew only three.
TS: Halimino ponies.
NP: Yes thatís right. Any other suggestions from the audience?
TS: Champion the wonder horse, Ed the talking horse, the wooden horse of Troy.
NP: And Tex Tuckerís horse, from Four Feather Falls for which I did the voice for the childrenís puppet series way back before...
WR: Oh! We donít want your CV Nicholas, weíre here to play a game!
NP: Dale you had a correct challenge...
DW: How much timeís left?
NP: Thirty-one seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
DW: Not really being a gambling man, I often like to go to the Utoxiter races to have a small flutter. I get particularly excited by the jockeys on horseback as they race along and go over the mounts wearing their sometimes green and yellow. Iím particularly fond of the... the... the...
NP: Yes Dale?
DW: Iím challenging myself here!
NP: Liza got in first so your team got in which is important for you, and Liza your challenge? Hesitation Iím sure youíre right. Sixteen seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
LG: The most important part at the er bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh...
NP: Youíre helping your team magnificently.
DW: Well I mean, if I didnít, they would!
NP: I know, but thatís right. So 14 seconds, the Utoxiter races Dale starting now.
DW: Galloping along over the mounts they...
TS: Repetition of over the mounts.
TS: You said that before.
NP: Tony, correct challenge, the Utoxiter races, 12 seconds starting now.
TS: When I go to the Utoxiter races, I like to distract the jockeys as they...
DW: No I mean he was errrr the jockeys.
NP: The jockeys, yes.
DW: The jockeys.
NP: Yes I think thatís deviation from English as we understand it, or hesitation, whichever interpretation you wish. Dale, another point to you, gosh, the Midlands are doing well. Eight seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
DW: Come to think of it, I recall one horseman who actually had a purple and yellow hat. Very smart it was too...
NP: Yes Liza?
DW: Two many yellows.
LG: Yellow, repetition of yellow.
NP: Yellow, well listened Liza.
DW: I lost the will to live!
NP: No, but your team are going like great guns on this one.
TS: Theyíre not called hats, theyíre called caps, arenít they, jockeyís hats. Jockeys donít call hats. Itís not Ascot! They donít go around with big flowery numbers!
NP: They have jockey caps but they have the...
WR: You donít know some of the jockeys he obviously knows!
LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
NP: Oh over the jump they do have the crash helmets now.
TS: Do they?
NP: Yes indeed they do. Liza, two seconds, the Utoxiter races starting now.
LG: The most exciting part is the betting. You go to the tote and you get out your money...
NP: Well Liza Goddard brought that round to a finish with a flourish. She got a point for doing so, she finished in second place just ahead of her partner Dale Winton. Tony Slattery was in the lead so congratulations to Tony.
WR: Iím losing!
NP: No, no, nobody loses, nobody loses. Congratulations to Tony.
TS: Thank you.
NP: A round of applause, you can give him a round of applause. But by a very narrow margin, two points ahead, the Midlands team are the victors this week. Congratulations, Dale Winton and Liza Goddard! Well we have no more time to play Just A Minute. As Methuselah said all things come to a sticky end. So I think itís time to say good-bye from Tony Slattery, Wendy Richard, Liza Goddard, Dale Winton and myself, until the next time we take to the air and we play Just A Minute. Until then from all of us here good-bye.