JAM:RVranch,LGoddard, RMorton,TO'Connor
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring RICHARD VRANCH, LIZA GODDARD, RICHARD MORTON and TOM O'CONNOR, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Television, 20 April 1999)

NOTE: Tom O'Connor's first appearance, Richard Morton's first television appearance.


THEME MUSIC

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, hello my name is Nicholas Parsons. And once again itís my pleasure to welcome you to Just A Minute. And I have four exciting and talented people in the studio with me who are going to play this wonderful game. They are the delightful actress Liza Goddard. And from the Comedy Store, Richard Morton. And that skilled musician and comedy performer Richard Vranch. And that fine and ever popular comedy player Tom OíConnor. Please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask my guests to speak on the subject I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. And we begin the show today with Liza Goddard and who better? Liza, the subject is saying sorry. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

LIZA GODDARD: Iím very good at saying sorry. I never hesitate to apologise when Iím in the wrong. If...

BUZZ

NP: Someone has challenged very rapidly. Tom OíConnor.

TOM OíCONNOR: Repetition of Iím.

NP: Iím?

TO: We had three, two Iíms and an I.

LG: Thatís cruel.

NP: This is a tough challenge.

TO: I know.

NP: Is this the way itís going to go? No holds barred today are there. Yeah well that is a correct challenge so I have to give it to you Tom and you have 56 seconds to say or tell us something about saying sorry starting now.

TO: Iíd like to say sorry to Liza for interrupting!

BUZZ

NP: Lizaís got back in again.

LG: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation. Yes.

LG: But thank you very much, and I accept it.

NP: Righto! So a correct challenge, they get a point. Tom OíConnorís got one point and Liza Goddard you got a point for that for a correct challenge. And you have the subject back and there are 52 seconds available, saying sorry, starting now.

LG: My great-aunt Gracie is incapable of saying sorry, even when she is indisputably in the wrong. Opens her mouth, starts saying sorry and...

BUZZ

NP: Tom.

TO: Hesitating.

NP: Hesitating yes.

LG: I think so.

NP: Yes teetering on the point of hesitation which I will have to give you the benefit of the doubt on occasions. Tom OíConnor youíve got it, another correct challenge, another point to you, saying sorry is still the subject, 42 seconds available starting now.

TO: I have to say sorry to the other two gentlemen because I keep interrupting and really they should have a go as well so er Iím going to mumble...

BUZZ

NP: So Liza you challenged first however.

LG: I think he fell over a lot there.

NP: I know, because he wanted one of the other two fellers to come in!

LG: Oh.

NP: No, it doesnít matter, does it. Now Liza you challenged first...

LG: I did.

NP: Correct challenge, hesitation, a pause so saying sorry is back with you and there are 36 seconds starting now.

LG: My elderly relative, her eyes bulge, her skin goes puce, beads of sweat break out of her forehead, roll...

BUZZ

NP: Richard.

RICHARD MORTON: Repetition of the word her, three times Iím afraid.

LG: Oooohh!

NP: Yes, Richard Morton you got in that time...

RM: Sorry!

NP: Yes! Twenty-seven seconds, Richard Morton, tell us something about saying sorry starting now.

RM: As a man I have great difficulty in saying sorry even when I am wrong and when my partner says to me ďyouíve done something wrongĒ, I just go...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch.

RICHARD VRANCH: I think there were two wrongs there.

NP: Yes.

RM: Two wrongs donít make a right, Rich!

NP: So Rich, at this stage Richard Vranch, a correct challenge, saying sorry with you and 20 seconds starting now.

RV: The British are definitely a nation of apologisers. Itís very strange for foreigners who come here and bash into one of us, that rather than apologising themselves...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: Oooohh! I was going to say apologise and apologise.

NP: Thatís right, he said apologise and apologising.

LG: Yes he did.

NP: Yes right. So an incorrect challenge...

LG: Yes.

NP: So a point for that Richard Vranch and you have 10 seconds, saying sorry, starting now.

RV: If I was in a supermarket and someone bumped into me, as I get up from the floor, I am the person...

BUZZ

NP: Tom OíConnor.

TO: Repetition of I. He had two Is and and Iím! I donít want to be a sneak but I heard him say two Is and an Iím.

NP: I know Tom, but weíre inclined to let little things like that past.

TO: Oh all right, I was just testing.

NP: I know.

TO: Sorry.

NP: No but itís a correct challenge so within the rules of Just A Minute, Iíve got to give it to you, five seconds, saying sorry Tom starting now.

TO: I have to say sorry to everyone concerned because I didnít actually realise that when you repeat er a simple word like...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: No, no, no, before, with just half a second to go, who was it? Liza?

LG: He, he had a hesitation.

NP: He did have a hesitation. So Liza Goddardís got another point and the subject of saying sorry and half a second to go starting now.

LG: Saying...

WHISTLE

NP: Right! Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Liza Goddard who you wonít be surprised to know that she has taken the lead at the end of the round. Richard Morton will you take the next round, fishing. I donít know whether you know anything about it but talk on the subject if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

RM: Fishing to me is the most indescribably boring pastime I can think of. The idea of sitting by a river with a bit of wood, and some string, and a hook and some horrible little squiggly ugly maggolots... maggolots?

BUZZ

RM: Baby maggots! Maggolots! Everyone knows maggolots!

NP: You should have kept going! You should have kept going! You shouldnít have drawn attention to it!

LG: He said maggolots twice.

RM: Did I?

LG: Yes.

RM: Okay.

NP: So Liza, another correct challenge, 51 seconds on fishing starting now.

LG: I loathe fishing! We once were on holiday in California and took a boat on a fishing trip. And the man running the expedition made me put five hooks on my line and baited everyone of them. And every...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton challenged.

RM: Repetition of the word every.

LG: Yes yes.

NP: Yes yes. Richard correct challenge, and there are 37 seconds, fishing starting now.

RM: Meanwhile, back on the river bank, I canít understand why this boring thing goes on. Why not get a two bar electric flier.. fire...

BUZZ

RM: Itís best to stop me now really! Could you see where I was going with that?

TO: Put the maggolots by the flier!

RM: Yes! Thatís easy for you to say!

NP: Richard Vranch you had a correct challenge, 31 seconds, fishing starting now.

RV: Fishing is supposed to be the most popular partici... pastime... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Fishingís going to corpse them all. Isnít it! Tom yes thatís right...

TO: He hesitated and blathered as well! Didnít he?

NP: Yes he did. So youíve got to blather on if you can for 27 seconds on fishing starting now.

TO: Am eskimo cut a hole in the ice. He put his fishing rod through and proceeded to go into the angling position. And a voice above him said ďthere are no fish there!Ē He said ďwhat?Ē ďThere are no fish there!Ē

BUZZ

TO: Let me finish the gag! Let me finish the gag!

NP: Tom...

TO: He said ďis that the Lord speaking?Ē and a voice said ďitís the owner of the ice rink!Ē

NP: Right an extra point to Tom OíConnor for ignoring the rules of Just A Minute to give us a bit of entertainment with a good gag. But Richard Vranch had a correct challenge so he takes over fishing and there are 16 seconds available starting now.

RV: Fishing is supposed to be a sport, but I donít think it is. Itís not like football for example, where youíve got two evenly matched teams and a referee. With fishing...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: I think a marlin fisherman might disagree. I think thatís an evenly matched team, isnít it. You know because a marlin fish is huge...

NP: Yes but still itís a man against the fish, itís not two...

LG: Yes.

NP: The point he was making is two teams fighting against each other.

LG: Yes well, I just thought Iíd say that!

TO: I agree with you because he jumped in on my gag anyway!

NP: So an incorrect challenge Richard, you keep the subject, seven seconds, fishing starting now.

RV: And whatís even more unfair with fishing is that the man has got the equipment and the little thing in the water which swims around has got nothing...

WHISTLE

NP: Richard Vranch was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. At the end of that round, oh itís very even. Liza Goddard and Tom OíConnor are equal together just behind Richard Morton whoís in the lead, no it isnít, itís Richard Vranch in the lead. Richard Vranch, your turn to begin, self-made man, tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

RV: A self-made man is someone who thinks that everything theyíve achieved, theyíve done with the help of nobody else. And I donít think it could be done. How could it be...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Liza?

LG: Done, he said done twice. Iím sorry.

NP: He said done, it could be done. Liza you got in with 51 seconds on this subject, a self-made, no, just self-made man starting now.

LG: I admire a self-made man. Richard Branson, Billy Butlin, George Stubbs. But I think cloning is the latest self-made man. Just think you take a little cell...

BUZZ

NP: Richard.

RM: Repetition of the word think.

LG: Think, yes, think twice.

NP: Yes you were thinking too much there.

LG: I was.

NP: But you were thinking, you heard her say, repeat the word. So Richard Morton youíve got self-made man and there are 39 seconds starting now.

RM: As I was saying, youíre by the river bank and a two bar electric fire, just lob it in, and hey presto! Dinner!

BUZZ

NP: Liza you challenged.

LG: Iím sorry! Hesitation, wait for laugh!

NP: Wait for laughs!

LG: I know! A good gag!

RM: Iíll wait for forever then!

NP: Particularly if you wait for a laugh that doesnít come! I mean...

RM: I wouldnít know!

TO: Iím amazed that Richard has spoken so long and not said maggolots!

RM: Oh leave maggolots out of this!

NP: Right Liza a correct challenge, self-made man, 33 seconds starting now.

LG: Another self-made man is a snowman because you make it yourself. Get snow, stack...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

RM: Hesitation, also the word self was used twice there, repetition.

LG: I think...

NP: What is your challenge?

RM: Hesitation.

NP: No she didnít hesitate.

RM: Oh all right, she said self twice.

LG: Itís on the card.

NP: She said it twice.

LG: Itís on the card.

RM: Hah, good! Just checking everyoneís in the same game!

NP: You can repeat either the phrase on the card or individual words.

RM: I knew that! I knew that!

NP: You did know that? Then why did you challenge for it?

RM: Because I was wrong! And Iím sorry! I have to say Iím sorry! Iíve been on the maggolots all day!

NP: This game creates such passion, you would never believe it! Right, calm down all of you, and keep going Liza, self-made man and there are 26 seconds starting now.

LG: Get the snow... (starts to giggle)

BUZZ

RM: Itís got to be hesitation that time.

NP: It wasnít hesitation, she repeated the word snow.

RM: No she went di-i-er-gah! And hesitated then.

NP: All right, self-made man and there are 23 seconds starting now.

RM: Is of course someone who can make themselves a millionaire by finding maggolots, patenting them and turning them into the biggest money earner in the whole world. Maggolots are of course...

BUZZ

NP: Maggolots! Having established you were going to go on maggolots...

LG: Did I...

NP: Yes! So...

RM: Go on! Talk about maggolots!

NP: No, donít talk about maggolots, talk about self-made man, 15 seconds, Tom starting now.

TO: A self-made man could be a sculptor of course, because he could make a bust of himself. Who knows, I mean, ah er...

BUZZ

TO: Iíve just forgotten how... I could have repeated myself but I didnít!

NP: Liza you jumped in there, youíve got 10 seconds, self-made man starting now.

LG: This sculptor starts with a model of clay which he moulds very slowly with his hand into a form looking like himself. Then he casts it in rubber...

BUZZ

NP: Tom you got in first.

TO: We had at least three hes there!

NP: Did we?

TO: Yes!

LG: He he he!

NP: Youíre a tough player of the game! All right you cleverly got in with half a second to go on self-made man starting now.

TO: Michelangelo could have been a self-made man...

WHISTLE

NP: So speaking as the whistle went, or speaking when the whistle should have gone, was Tom OíConnor. And at the end of that round he has moved forward. Heís one behind Liza Goddard whoís still in the lead and followed by Richard Morton, Richard Vranch and Richard Morton in that order. Tom OíConnor your turn to begin. The subject is agents. We all know something about them in our profession. Would you talk about them if you dare in Just A Minute starting now.

TO: Iím going to talk about agents without swearing. I have signed with an international agent so Iím now out of work all over the world! Unlike a friend of mine...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: He paused for laughter. I hate, I hate to do that...

NP: Well then donít do it. Let him carry on.

LG: All right then.

NP: All right, so Tom it was an incorrect challenge. You have another point, you have agents, you have 53 seconds starting now.

TO: I was about to say unlike a friend of mine, Nick Miller, who signed up with a pair of agents, two agents. And he rang up the office one day and he said ďcan I speak to the liar?Ē And the girl said ďheís not in todayĒ. He said ďput the drunk onĒ and she said ďheís gone to lunchĒ. Agents are amazing people. You can sign...

BUZZ

NP: Liza challenged.

LG: Hesitation.

NP: It was hesitation that time, yes.

LG: A good gag.

NP: It was a good gag yes.

TO: Itís called milking actually!

NP: Thirty-nine seconds, agents with you Liza starting now.

LG: Double O-Seven is a famous agent invented by Ian Fleming, played by Sean Connery, Timothy Dalton, whatever the fellowís name...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch?

RV: Pierce Brosnan.

LG: Yes thatís the one.

RV: Thatís it, I was just going to tell Liza.

NP: No, thatís all right, no, well done, yes. The ah listing is very clever and very difficult isnít it.

LG: Very difficult, yes.

NP: So you got in with 30 seconds on agents starting now.

RV: Well an agent is anyone who takes a percentage of the money by doing a deal. So it doesnít have to be a theatrical agent. It could for example be an agent for a catalogue company who goes round all their friends and relations getting orders for the little booties for the babies, and tank tops and wigs and things. And when theyíve collected up all of this information...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Richard.

RM: Repetition of the word all.

NP: All.

RM: But it was a great story Rich.

NP: It was going well too, wasnít it.

LG: Going awfully well.

NP: Ah, 11 seconds, agents with you Richard Morton starting now.

RM: I would like to follow up Lizaís point about James Bond. Because it would be a marvellous Geordie version. My name is Bail Bond! What do you reckon? Do you like that?

BUZZ

TO: Repetition of Bond I think.

NP: Yes thatís right. It was a good gag. It didnít get much of a laugh, but still!

RM: I only just thought of it now.

NP: I know, I know, we have to think everything up on the spur of the moment here. Right, Tom, agents is with you, youíve got five seconds, a few more gags about them starting now.

TO: Agents could be, of course, the Washington agents...

BUZZ

NP: No, Iím not going to allow it, heís got another go on agents.

TO: Okay.

NP: Go on, off you go Tom.

TO: Agents could be Washington agents...

BUZZ

RM: I just did that to see the look on your face!

NP: Come on Tom, agents.

TO: I want to tell you agents could be Washington agents as in the gag...

WHISTLE

NP: Tom OíConnor endeavouring to speak as the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. And heís actually taken the lead at the end of that round. Where are you working next week, Tom?

TO: Iím not now!

NP: Right so Tom OíConnor has gone into the lead just ahead of Liza Goddard. And Liza Goddard your turn to begin, old tea bags. What do you think about this subject starting now.

LG: There are many and varied uses for old tea bags. Personally I put them on my eyes. They reduce swelling and puffiness and stimulate the lymphatic system. A friend of mine though was in a play, about to go on stage, put on her gloves, filled with old tea bags. Another member of the cast had sabotaged them. We have a cat also called Old Tea bags. Heís very fat, heís brown, thatís why heís called Old...

BUZZ

NP: Tom?

TO: At least three heís there.

NP: I know.

TO: Yeah.

NP: We let the hes and the Is go.

TO: Oh right.

NP: Also the pronouns. But Tom it was a correct challenge, so we give it to you. Old tea bags is with you, 37 seconds starting now.

TO: I only wanted to do the gag about the person who had the boil on their posterior and put tea bags around it. And they went to see the doctor and he said ďwhat is it?Ē He said ďI donít know, but youíre going to meet a tall dark stranger!Ē

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

TO: (laughs)

BUZZ

NP: Oh loved that one! Another gag on old tea bags Tom and there are 27 seconds, 28 seconds starting now.

TO: Oh is it still me? All right...

BUZZ

LG: Hesitation.

NP: Oh thatís rotten! No because he didnít know it was going to be him after the last time. We wonít charge anything on that. Tom youíve got 26 seconds, old tea bags starting now.

TO: Old tea bags of course can, can be used again, because people donít, donít realise...

BUZZ

NP: Yes that time it was.

LG: Donít, donít, donít, donít.

TO: Thank you.

NP: Liza you got in with 22 seconds on old tea bags starting now.

LG: Old tea bags are very useful in the garden. Camellias particularly love them. Put them on as a mulch, stops the weeds growing, prevents the ah...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton you...

RM: It has to be hesitation, prevents ha-ha-hah! What kind of things do you grow in that garden?

LG: Rays...

NP: Right, 13 seconds on old tea bags starting now.

RM: Old tea bags may be used in a James Bond film for example. Or if it was a Geordie version we could call it Golden Why-Eye. But I would prefer to have a coffee kind of drink...

BUZZ

NP: Tom yes?

TO: I thought he hesitated on coffee.

NP: That was hesitation, yes Tom. Youíve got four and a half seconds on old tea bags starting now.

TO: Old tea bags become old by constant use. Naturally itís possible...

WHISTLE

NP: Tom OíConnor was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so, has increased his lead at the end of that round. Richard Morton take the next round. Magic. Tell us something about magic. Have you ever done any magic?

RM: No.

NP: Well tell us something about magic...

LG: Nowís your chance!

NP: ...starting now.

RM: Magic to me summons up the word viagra which is a substance Iím going to be needing very soon I feel. But one must be very careful as there have already been 15 fatalities in the USA already from this substance, eight from errr....

BUZZ

LG: Hesitation, over use of from.

RM: Was it?

NP: Yes. No it was hesitation...

RM: Why wasn't I left?

NP: What was your challenge?

LG: Hesitation. And over use of from.

NP: Which one do you want?

LG: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation right, that was correct. Forty-five seconds, magic with you Liza starting now.

LG: I once saw a magician who sawed a woman in half endways, a remarkable feat. Donít know how he did it, of course they wonít tell you how these things...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton challenged.

RM: A little bit of hesitation.

NP: There was indeed.

LG: Tiny, tiny, tiny...

NP: Enough for this game, 35 seconds, Richard Morton, magic starting now.

RM: Fifteen deaths, eight from cardiac arrests, seven from guys refusing to take it and their wives beating the tar out of them!

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch.

RV: Pause for laugh again. Hesitation.

NP: Well no it wasnít, he was trying to make a point. I donít know why, it was a medical point. Sort of establishing the fact that he never wishes to take viagra or something, I donít understand. But it was all medical points you were making. And Richard Vranch you have a correct challenge, you have magic, you have 29 seconds starting now.

RV: I think magic is anything that you canít find proper explanations for. The sort of thing that you donít know how it works. For example the telephone is a fantastic invention where you can just pick the thing up and speak to someone on the other side of the world. And that to me is magic. How on earth does this machine function? Why should you be able to do that? Aeroplanes, how do they stay up in the sky? One answer. Magic...

BUZZ

NP: Liza.

LG: He repeated how rather a lot.

RM: I thought so.

NP: Yes.

LG: You thought so. Didnít, didnít say anything about it though!

RM: And also, and also he said magic like Paul Daniels! He went (in Paul Daniels voice) ďmagic!Ē

NP: Thereís nothing devious in that. Right, Liza...

LG: Yes?

NP: Correct challenge, seven seconds, magic starting now.

LG: Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee are the apotheosis of magic in this country, or so they would have you believe...

WHISTLE

NP: Who was the Arpy and who was the aposis? Right...

TO: Can I tell you a story, a very quick story about magic?

NP: You can.

TO: I couldnít get in in time. This is true. I was doing a live television show and we had a magician on. And other people would get you on the stage and make a fool of you. And live on television he dragged this bloke on stage and he said ďif I put my hand in your inside pocket and pull out a rabbit, will you be surprised?Ē And the feller said ďIíd be amazed, Iíve got a ferret in there!Ē

NP: Liza Goddard was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so, and sheís now equal in the lead with Tom OíConnor. And equal in second place are Richard Morton and Richard Vranch. And Richard Vranch, your turn to begin and the subject, off the top of my head. And just to remind everybody, they can use the phrase or any word in that phrase as often as they, not as often as they wish, but they can repeat that. But you go for 60 seconds if you can Richard, off the top of my head starting now.

RV: Speaking off the top of my head is exactly what Iím doing now. Iím making up as I go along. So itís the perfect subject for Just A Minute because it encourages me to speak about anything. I can talk about any topic in the world which means itís impossible for me to deviate from it. So for example I could start talking about Tibetan...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

RM: Repetition of the word talking.

NP: Talking yes, you were talking too much.

RM: And he also speak twice but I let you go Rich, because it was a great story.

RV: Thanks very much.

TO: He said a couple of Is as well.

RM: Did he? A couple of Is.

LG: Lots of Is!

RM: What have you got, an I-meter under there?

NP: Heís got the Is and the hes and the his. Right! Richard you had a correct challenge there, you have 43 seconds, off the top of my head starting now.

RM: Paul Daniels was once asked why he wore a toupee and he said ďI donít know, just off the top of my head!Ē

BUZZ

NP: It got the groan it deserved Richard!

RM: I just made it up! Youíve got a hard...

NP: I know but you paused.

TO: It was a pause for silence, that one!

RM: A pause for silence!

NP: I wouldníít wait for laughs if I were you!

RM: You know, 15 percent of that silence, my agent is going to charge me before I sit down!

NP: Liza you got in with a correct challenge on hesitation, 37 seconds, off the top of my head starting now.

LG: When Iím walking the dogs on a cold windswept Norfolk beach I wear a thing around my ears to protect them, and the really and um...

BUZZ

TO: Hesitating on thing round her head, and I wanted to hear about it as well.

NP: I know. But you canít now because you challenged.

TO: I know.

NP: And youíve got the subject, and youíve got 27 seconds, off the top of my head starting now.

TO: Off the top of my head, I always think about hair because I used to have short hair. I donít have it now, not as short as Richardís anywhere, but thatís er like a crew cut. But er...

BUZZ

RM: Ooohh err, repetition of the word hair actually.

NP: Yes.

TO: Was it?

NP: Yes, 19 seconds, Richard Morton, off the top of my head starting now.

RM: Off the top of my head would be something I would be doing right now, trying to think of something to say, because Iíve said the word something about three times and donít, something something...

BUZZ

NP: You know, you must not draw attention to it! Because sometimes they let it go or sometimes they donít notice it.

RM: All right then. But does this look real or can you tell?

LG: No!

NP: Right Liza you had a correct challenge, you have um 13 seconds on off the top of my head starting now.

LG: Hail pings off the top of my head as I walk along, very painful...

BUZZ

TO: Sorry, sorry, I thought she said, she was saying ping again, but she said pain. I beg your pardon.

NP: You donít have to apologise, she gets another point...

TO: Does she? All right.

NP: ...for an incorrect challenge and youíve got another point Liza and youíve got seven seconds, off the top of my head starting now.

LG: Thinking of subjects for this show, off the top of my head is extremely difficult. The pressure is there, itís hot under the lights...

WHISTLE

NP: So Liza Goddard was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so, and has taken the lead at the end of the round ahead of Tom OíConnor and Richard Morton and Richard Vranch in that order. And Tom OíConnor weíre back with you, your turn to begin, the subject is tipping. Tell us something about that in Just A Minute if you can starting now.

TO: Tipping is a most peculiar thing, not just basically associated with Britain but all over the world. Itís hard to tell what to tip people. I always think of the story of the two fellers who were watching a show and they didnít applaud it because they said nobody applauds us coming out of the pit! And I, when I go abroad, I tend to tip. I tend to tip in a most peculiar way. I always take American dollars because you canít tell how big an American dollar is unless you actually see the numbers. Theyíre all the same size, theyíre all the same colour, one looks the same as another. So I fold them up, you see. And when I tip people, I just give them a scrunched up dollar and they donít know whether it is a hundred or not so they donít actually look...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: Repetition of a hundred?

NP: Yes, you were going so well.

TO: I was, I was going extremely well I thought.

NP: Twenty-seven seconds on tipping with you Liza starting now.

LG: We were staying in a hotel and the waiter was so keen to get a tip, that when I asked for a pack of cards, he delivered them one by one, 52 times!

TO: Boom boom!

LG: (laughs) Pause for laugh! No...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton, yes?

RM: A little bit of hesitation there.

LG: Yes.

RM: But you shared my silence Liza, so... thank you.

NP: Fourteen seconds, Richard Morton on tipping starting now.

RM: Tipping for me and most Geordies is a bit of a problem. Because of what happens to you after youíve had a few too many drinks. You tend to go left, and then right, or maybe backwards and forwards. Thatís the kind of tipping where you stay away from, especially with big bottles of brown ale, because thatís the most tippafying thing I can think of saying...

WHISTLE

TO: Well done! Well done!

LG: Yay! Good!

NP: Richard Morton was speaking then when the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. Heís in second place, Liza Goddardís still in the lead. And itís also your turn to begin Liza.

LG: Oh right.

NP: The four seasons. Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

LG: The four seasons. Spring! Daffodils appear, hyacinths, tulips, bluebells, snowdrops, birds appear from Africa, chip...

BUZZ

NP: Richard.

RV: I think we had two appears.

NP: Yes I think everything was appearing too much.

LG: Appearing.

NP: Yes so Richard Vranch, you have a correct challenge and you have 53 seconds on the four seasons starting now.

RV: The four seasons is the pizza that I always order when I go to an Italian restaurant. I find it has four different sections all of which have different stuff on them...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Tom OíConnor?

TO: Repetition of different I think.

NP: There were too many differents yes. Tom you got in, 42 seconds, the four seasons starting now.

TO: Four seasons reminds people of Vivaldi, but not to me. I think of Four Seasons as (goes into high pitched singing reminiscent of the group The Four Seasons) ďSherry, Sherry baby, Sherry baby...Ē

BUZZ

LG: Repetition of Sherry.

TO: They also had a hit with (resumes impression) ďwalk like a man, talk like a...Ē (normal voice) What a strange voice for that!

NP: I loved your impersonation...

TO: Thank you.

NP: It really was, it was...

RM: Was that Emelyn Hughes?

NP: Liza you got in first, you have the correct challenge, you have 36 seconds, the four seasons starting now.

LG: Summer, long days, short nights, beaches, sand, paddling, donkeys on the sand...

BUZZ

TO: Repetition of sand I think.

NP: Yes there was indeed. Tom you got in there now with 28 seconds on the four seasons starting now.

TO: I think the best season of all four has got to be winter. I like winter because it gets cool...

BUZZ

NP: Yes.

TO: Oh repetition.

LG: Repetition of winter.

TO: I did, Iím sorry.

NP: Yes you did, you repeated winter. Very difficult game. Twenty-four seconds, back with you Liza, the four seasons starting now.

LG: Autumn, leaves turning gold and brown, mushrooms in the leaf litter under the tree (laughs)...

BUZZ

RM: Itís poetry!

TO: I think the mushrooms have kicked in!

NP: The leaf litter?

TO: Can I just say something? Iím getting annoyed now! Every time she blubbers, she looks at me! Like that, sheís putting me off.

NP: Right, four seasons, the four seasons is with you and there are 17 seconds, Richard Vranch, starting now.

RV: My favourite season has to be autumn. Thatís when the leaves turn brown and a manís thoughts turn to things...

BUZZ

TO: Er repetition of turn.

NP: Turn brown, turn thoughts, yes. Turn thoughts yes, well done, well listened Tom. Ten seconds, the four seasons with you starting now.

TO: Of course of all the four seasons, we havenít mentioned spring. Spring is the time of course...

BUZZ

TO: Repeating spring of course, just thought Iíd mention that!

NP: Richard?

RM: Couple of springs, Iím afraid there. Repetition.

NP: Did you repeat spring?

TO: I did, Iím afraid.


NP: So fast I donít know. Right, Richard youíve got in there, everybodyís been in on this subject, six seconds on the four seasons starting now.

RM: And in answer to Tomís question, the singer from The Four Seasons was the one and only Frankie Valli, a man with a fantastic...

WHISTLE

RM: Could you see I was on to it there?

NP: Richard Morton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. And weíve no more time today to play Just A Minute so let me tell you the final situation. So Richard Vranch finished just in fourth place, just behind Richard Morton, and then it was Tom OíConnor. But out in the lead, just ahead of them all was Liza Goddard. Sheís our winner this week! So congratulations to Liza Goddard and my thanks to her and to Richard Morton, Richard Vranch and also to Tom OíConnor. From them, from me Nicholas Parsons, hope you have enjoyed Just A Minute. Be with us the next time we play this delightful game. Till then from us all good-bye!

THEME MUSIC