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WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE! starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, STEPHEN FRY and LIZA TARBUCK, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 7 January 2002)
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute! THEME MUSIC NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but throughout the world. But also to welcome the four dynamic and diverse personalities who are going to play Just A Minute this week. With pleasure we welcome back that clever, witty and man who plays the show with such humorous panache, Paul Merton. We also welcome back after a bit of an absence actually, someone who’s equally clever and witty at playing the game, that is Stephen Fry. And someone who plays the game with wonderful feminine charm and verve and that is Liza Tarbuck. And someone who’s been playing the game with incredible skill for many years than we care to remember, that is Clement Freud. Would you please welcome all four of them! As usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst who’s going to help me keep the score, she’ll blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute comes from the Radio Theatre in the heart of Broadcasting House in the West One district of London. And we have a truly cosmopolitan audience in front of us, excited and ready for us to get going. So let us start the show with Paul Merton. And Paul the subject in front of me is crow’s feet. Will you tell us something about crow’s feet in Just A Minute if you can starting now. PAUL MERTON: Well crow’s feet, I suppose, aren’t as useful to the crow as crow’s wings. We tend to measure distances by how far the crow flies rather than how far it is (laughs)... BUZZ NP: Clement Freud challenged. CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition. NP: Repetition of how far. Yes Clement, you have a point for that, you have a correct challenge, you take over the subject. It is crow’s feet and there are 49 seconds available starting now. CF: To many people, crow’s feet will mean a referral to Sebastian W Crowe who swam 80 metres under water in the swimming pool of Totness in Devon. Crow’s feet is remembered... BUZZ NP: Ah Stephen Fry you challenged. STEPHEN FRY: Um yes. I doubt that! I doubt many people! NP: Yes... SF: Some! It’s possible. NP: I doubt it... SF: Some of the small cast of phantasms that inhabit... NP: The trouble is, he’s being very clever there, because none of us can prove it, can we? It could have been that this did happen. PM: Let’s phone him up! SF: You could prove it in a fight! NP: So you want him for deviation, do you? SF: Rather vaguely I want him for deviation, yes, but that’s a separate issue, I suppose! LAUGHTER FROM LT AND THE AUDIENCE NP: I’ve got a very fair way of handling this one. Give Stephen a bonus point for that wonderful remark of his and Clement, we can’t prove that Clement’s not speaking the truth so we have to go with you Clement on this one. And you get a point for an incorrect challenge, you keep going on crow’s feet, 34 seconds starting now. CF: Crowe drowned. BUZZ NP: Stephen you challenged. SF: That pause must count as hesitation. NP: It’s more than hesitation, it’s a definite hesitation. You have another point Stephen for a correct challenge this time and you take over the subject of crow’s feet, 31 seconds available starting now. SF: Rather a dashing feature of old people as they age, I suppose. Paul Newman has splendid crow’s feet. Those little slits that come from the edge of the eyes. Rather noticeable of course if you’re in a soot explosion or something similar. Blink and those white er striations appear, apparently causing some pleasure to women, who enjoy that kind of man. Rather like the flash of white on the side of Stewart Granger... BUZZ NP: Clement Freud challenged. CF: Repetition of like. NP: Yes, yes. SF: Oh good point! Well spotted! Well spotted indeed! NP: Yes he’s been playing the game for quite a while. Right, 17, no there’s 11 seconds only available for you Clement, having got another point for a correct challenge, to go on with crow’s feet starting now. CF: If you see a crow flying towards you, the feet are always the first thing that touch the ground. Not the knees, nor the elbows, seldom the wings... BUZZ NP: Ah Paul challenged? PM: Do crows have elbows? LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE PM: Don’t think they do, do they? NP: No so Paul you had a correct challenge and you got in with half a second to go on crow’s feet starting now. PM: Crow’s feet... WHISTLE NP: So in this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Paul Merton so at the end of that round he has er, oh no, he’s equal with Clement Freud actually. Stephen will you take the next round and the subject is, oh this is a good one for you because you’ve written about it with great style, my school days. SF: Oh Lord! NP: Tell us something about my school days in Just A Minute starting now. SF: My school days were the source of unimaginable pain, despair and disappointment for those who taught me! For myself they were unmeasured bliss from start to finish! I was a wretched child, misbehaved at every possible point and turn. I was expelled from more schools than many of us could name. And for good reason, I was a shocker! Horrible! Nasty! Unpleasant! Vicious! Lying! Duplicitous! Um... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged... I’ve never heard anybody put himself down so much! The audience were in shock! This man we love and admire immensely... SF: Oh dear! NP: Well anyway Paul your challenge? PM: It was hesitation. NP: Hesitation. PM: Ran out of bad things to say about himself! NP: So you have the subject and my school days and there are 31, no, 27 seconds starting now. PM: My school days, difficult really. I went to several different schools. The first one, I remember quite clearly, was a nursery school in Fulham. And there was one particular incident one lunchtime.. ah! BUZZ NP: Oh! Liza you challenged. LIZA TARBUCK: I got in with a bit of repetition there. NP: You did get in with repetition, you have a point Liza you have 27 seconds, tell us something about my school days starting now. LT: My school days were wonderful. I enjoyed them from beginning to end. My favourite subjects would include things like art. I was particularly good at biology, funnily enough. And PE which is physical education. I used to trot down to the games field for a... BUZZ NP: Clement challenged. CF: Repetition of I used to. NP: I used to. LT: Ah that’d be right. NP: Yes. LT: At least I’ve broken the ice! (laughs) NP: Clement, another point, and 12 seconds, my school days starting now. CF: My school days were varied. BUZZ NP: Sometimes in this game if they get a laugh they’re satisfied. Liza you came in first. LT: Hesitation. NP: Hesitation, 10 more seconds on my school days please starting now. LT: I remember the Lacks field, otherwise known as La Crosse... BUZZ NP: Um Stephen challenged. SF: That was her second field, you took down to the games field. LT: Yeah you’re right. NP: You went down to the games field, right, yes indeed, well listened there. Stephen, seven seconds available, my school days starting now. SF: My school days straddled the period from round about 1960 to 1970... BUZZ SF: Bugger! Two! All one word! NP: Clement, right, you challenged, what was it for? CF: Repetition. NP: Repetition yes. SF: It’s all one word! Nineteen-sixty and 1972, all one word! CF: No. SF: No, it isn’t, you’re right! I mean point to him. NP: It appears in writing like that... SF: Yes. NP: But we’re dealing in the word of sound so we go by what you say. My school days, three seconds Clement starting now. CF: My autobiography called Freud Ego... WHISTLE NP: You got a very subdued laugh when you mentioned your autobiography I thought, Clement. But you were speaking as the whistle went, so you gain an extra point and you’re now in the lead at the end of that round. Liza Tarbuck would you take the next round, the subject is snobs. Tell us something about snobs in Just A Minute starting now. LT: A snob is a person who believes they are of higher social standing than some other people. Therefore they may be rather condescending to those types. Famous snobs for me would include Captain Mainwaring of Dad’s Army fa, er, fame... BUZZ LT: Oh! NP: Paul? PM: A sort of, sort of hesitation over fame. NP: Yes we call that hesitation, yes. You have snobs now, you have 45 seconds starting now. PM: Well I don’t know really. I don’t meet many snobs in life. I think we’re all very much the same. Look at Clement. Who would see him now and think that he lost his virginity in Russell Square! Unlike most of us it was in the open air, rather than in the vicinity of a warm bed. But he wasn’t caring about this at the time. In fact he mentions it in his autobiography which is called Freud Ego. He’s particularly happy for me to mention... BUZZ NP: Stephen Fry challenged. SF: He said Clement Freud, and then Freud Ego. NP: That’s right, yes. PM: Oh did I? NP: Yes, yes, 23 seconds, Stephen you have snobs starting now. SF: Of course there’s inverted snobbery as well, isn’t there? Nobody likes the kind of snob who thinks just because someone wears a cravat and a blazer, they’re a gibbering idiot. Otherwise people would dislike Nicholas Parsons, and that wouldn’t be fair! So there are various kinds if you like of snobbism. Alan Bennett once called it an amiable vice when it looks upwards and of course a vicious one when it’s downwards that it regards. And I would agree with that... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Downwards it regards? There was a, Stephen then tried to fluff his way out of a sentence there, I think. NP: Yes I think it was. SF: Otherwise it was looks twice, that’s what I was doing. NP: I think he was going... SF: Regards means looks and so it’s... NP: I think he kept going with style and panache, so we wouldn’t recognise that he was rather mangling the English language which is unusual for Stephen. Yes, I, I call that a deviation from English as we understand it. Right... SF: Do you? NP: Yes. And so benefit of the doubt to you Paul, seven, no, only one second, it’s not in the game! One second to go, snobs, Paul starting now. PM: Cravats of course... WHISTLE NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went gained the extra point and er he’s now just ahead of Clement Freud at the end of that round. Right Paul it’s your turn to begin and the subject is er the A to Z. So can you tell us something about the A to Z in Just A Minute starting now. PM: The A to Z was invited in the 1930s by a woman called Mavis Drinkwater. It was an extraordinary invention because up to that point nobody else had thought of it. When in the 1920s for example people used to walk around, they would leave their house, go about five minutes down the road... BUZZ NP: Stephen challenged. SF: It’s very late but there was 1930s and then there was 1920s. PM: Yes there was. SF: And I was picked up on a similar one, so... NP: Yes the 19s coming in a lot, yes. Lots of dates are coming in here. Forty-five seconds for you Stephen, you tell us something about the A to Z starting now. SF: And dear old Drinkwater’s company, I think, still does the graves in Rome... BUZZ NP: Ah Paul challenged. PM: Deviation. NP: Why? PM: Well it’s not Mavis Drinkwater, I made that up! LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: Hence, I said I think! (laughs) NP: This is a new way to play the game... SF: I do believe it. PM: It wasn’t Drinkwater’s company! SF: I said I think! I mean, I didn’t say it was. I said I think. I mean, I can’t, you know... NP: I think you’re struggling a little here Stephen. SF: How so. NP: I think he cleverly played the game a different way. He created a fiction and you took up the fiction... SF: But if I challenged him on it, you would, you would have said he was right, because he couldn’t, you couldn’t prove it. NP: As I did with Clement earlier. SF: As happened earlier yes. So you’re deeply inconsistent if I may say so! That does you no credit at all! NP: And you’re consistently, and you’re consistently clever. It’s always a challenge! SF: No, no, no! Just... NP: Um so... SF: Just striving for fairness! So think on! NP: Where were we? Who challenged who? I’ve forgotten now! Yes he did so you have the subject back, 43 seconds, the A to Z starting now. PM: Of course it came from the marvellous brain of Hilda Biscuit. What a wonderful... BUZZ NP: Stephen you challenged. SF: I want to give you advance warning that if I win the next challenge, I am going to mention Hilda Biscuit. And if he says he’s made her up, I want you to accept that she exists! NP: I, I don’t believe... SF: I don’t believe there is such a woman called Hilda Biscuit! NP: So you have the benefit of the doubt so it’s evenly balanced. SF: Yes. NP: You see how fair I always am! So on this one you have the correct challenge, you have ... PM: No, no! It really was Hilda Biscuit! SF: We happen to know... NP: Well I don’t believe it was Hilda Biscuit. PM: Ah no, you see, it’s only because I threw you off the scent with Mavis Drinkwater. Hilda Biscuit, you actually look it up. You look at the front of any A to Z, and you’ll see “the product of the Biscuit Company”. NP: I went with you on Mavis Drinkwater, but Hilda Biscuit, I think that one takes the biscuit! Right, 38 seconds, the A to Z with you Stephen starting now. SF: It may well have been Dorothy Parker who said of er... oh dear! NP: Clement, yes? CF: Hesitation. NP: Oh yes, 35 seconds, the A to Z, Clement starting now. CF: It was actually a woman called Phyllis Pearsall and she... BUZZ NP: Paul you challenged. PM: You don’t expect us to believe that! NP: I’ve got to be consistent here. Yes, Paul you get the benefit of the doubt! Twenty-nine seconds, the A to Z starting now. PM: It’s a remarkable read! The characters aren’t particularly lifelike, but the places seem so real. You can go all the way from Platinum Junction down to Brixton and across to the Oval. And then if you fancy you can follow the road through Kennington which will take you to Waterloo. This kind of part of London is very nice because I like it very much, where Charlie... BUZZ NP: Liza? LT: Two verys. NP: Two verys, yes. PM: I became about seven years old didn’t I? I like it very much! NP: Liza you got in with eight seconds to go on the subject of the A to Z and you start now. LT: I find the A to Z Invaluable because I’ve never done the Knowledge which well known London cabbies who bore the neck off... BUZZ NP: Ah Paul challenged. PM: Ah well known London cabbies? I don’t think... LT: Yes, Fred Housego. PM: Well that’s one. LT: I always go with Fred Housego. PM: I don’t think, I don’t think there are well known London cabbies. LT: Well it could be London cabbies who are well known and I’ve just got the punctuation wrong vocally. SF: Yeah! CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE LT: Thanks! SF: There’s a lot of spunk to this girl! LT: Oh! NP: I know, I know, you’ve got, you have the audience on your side with you and you have the chairman on your side. I quite agree. I believe there are a lot of well known London cabbies. There’s not only Fred Housego but... PM: Do people hail a cab and they say “oh good, it’s Robert Watson!” LAUGHTER FROM LT AND THE AUDIENCE PM: He’ll see us safely home. SF: Good point. NP: Liza an incorrect challenge, you have two seconds to tell us more about the A to Z starting now. LT: The beautiful journeys that one can take... WHISTLE NP: So Liza Tarbuck was then speaking as the whistle went and gained that extra point for doing so and has leapt forward. She’s still in fourth place but she has leapt. She’s not very far behind Clement Freud who’s just behind Stephen Fry, and just behind Paul Merton in that order. And Stephen your turn to begin, the subject, going to the optician. Tell us something about that in this game starting now. SF: This is something, melancholy to relate, that I have to do more and more often these days... BUZZ SF: Bugger! I said more twice! Damn! NP: Yes... SF: It’s a trap for the unwary, this game, isn’t it! NP: I know! SF: Dear me! NP: Yes! Particularly with the language! Um... SF: Oh! NP: Who challenged? i don’t know. CF: I did. NP: You did, Clement, what was your challenge? CF: He said bugger twice! LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE NP: I know... but not in this round. Was it a serious challenge then? CF: More and more. NP: More and more, right, okay Clement. Fifty-six seconds, going to the optician starting now. CF: You hail a well known cab and ask for any good optician. And the great difficulty is that if you go to an optician you are likely to miss the place where he lives by virtue... of your cycle... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Well probably more likely the place where he works rather than where he lives. Because opticians don’t live in their shop. You look at me as if I’m talking nonsense Nicholas! NP: Um no... PM: The famous opticians of London, they don’t live in their shop. NP: Ah no... SF: Mister Tickle and Mister Conway do! NP: Yes! You have a correct challenge Paul, and 44 seconds, going to the optician starting now. PM: And if you keep on doing it, you’ll go blind! That was a marvellous piece of advice that was given to me on my 18th birthday. So I went to see an opticians and they said “well you need glasses.” I said “well that’s why I’ve come to see you.” He said “that’s lucky, because...” BUZZ NP: Stephen challenged. SF: He went to see him twice. NP: You went to see him twice. PM: Well I had to do both eyes! LOUD LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE PM: It’s a false economy otherwise! NP: I’m giving out bonus points, he gets one for that... SF: Yes! NP: And you get a round of applause from the audience, right. But Stephen got a point from a correct challenge, 34 seconds Stephen, going to the optician starting now. SF: A mild stigmatism was what I was first prescribed as having. And myopia in the right eye. It’s now developed into presbia which is Greek... of course... BUZZ NP: Clement challenged. CF: Hesitation. NP: Yes there was a hesitation. SF: There was a tidge, wasn’t there, yeah. NP: Yes you were searching for the Greek, I think, weren’t you? Twenty-six seconds... LT: Which of us isn’t? (laughs) SF: Well now please! LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE NP: Going to the optician, going to the optician Clement starting now. CF: The extraordinary thing about going to opticians is they won’t see you unless you have glasses or... some other... BUZZ NP: Liza challenged. LT: It was a bit of a hesitation. NP: It was a bit of a hesitation. CF: That’s true. NP: Liza you got in with 20 seconds to go, going to the optician starting now. LT: I went to the opticians when I was a young girl as I was studying quite hard and I was beginning to get a funny turn in my eye. So Mum took me down to a guy, an ophthalmic opticians who er prescribed me... BUZZ NP: Stephen challenged. SF: Well who er prescribed them. It’s rather mean of me. HISSES FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: Sorry you’re right to hiss. Hiss off! But er yes... NP: You haven’t won many friends with that challenge. SF: No, I’m sorry, it was cruel. But then that’s patronising for them to treat you as if she’s made of glass! She’s as strong as we are, you know! LT: Maybe I like it! (laughs) NP: It was a correct challenge Stephen, so seven seconds, tell us more about going to the optician starting now. SF: Can’t get on with contact lenses, not at all. Tried them for about two weeks. Made me itch, caused my lachrymal ducts to swell and expand... WHISTLE NP: So Stephen Fry with one point from when the whistle went but also other points in the round has moved forward and he is now one ahead of Paul Merton, and he’s three ahead of Clement Freud and he’s one or two ahead of Liza Tarbuck. And Paul it’s your turn to begin, the subject is that sinking feeling. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now. PM: As the Titanic left Southampton. There’s a film actually, made by Bill Forsythe called That Sinking Feeling. It was made in the 1970s and it’s quite a good movie. It’s all made on a very low budget and it’s about a gang of Glaswegian youngsters who describe themselves as various objects. I don’t know what I’m talking about! The Titanic... BUZZ PM: As I’ve mentioned twice! I shouldn’t have said that out loud, should I? NP: Stephen challenged. SF: Well I thought that a self-confessed person not knowing what he was talking about was almost certainly deviation. NP: Yes that’s right yes. Forty-three seconds for you Stephen, that sinking feeling starting now. SF: Though really he did know what he was talking about because That Sinking Feeling was the one that preceded Gregory’s Girl and then Bill Forsythe’s Cabinets and... BUZZ NP: And Clement challenged. CF: I, I thought Bill Forsythe but of course, I... NP: No... CF: On the subject... PM: You knew you’d heard the name before! NP: Yes! CF: Exactly! Yah! NP: But it came out of a different mouth and a different person. CF: Yes! Fine! Right! NP: And he’s facing you and the other one is sitting beside you. CF: Thank you. NP: Very very very easy to make a mistake like that, yes. Thirty-seven seconds, an incorrect challenge Stephen so you keep that sinking feeling starting now. SF: In this game in a way as you start optimistically and youthfully off on a sentence, you develop that sinking feeling as the end approaches and you wonder how on earth you’re going to round it off in some semblance of sense. It doesn’t often happen. Sometimes it does and when that occurs of course, you’re very pleased. But that sinking feeling always tells you that at some point you’re going to collapse in a giggle of words and a fart of nonsense which is just about happening to me now, as I feel that sinking feeling coming upon me and I know that I’m not going to get properly to the end of this assemblage of words... BUZZ NP: Clement you challenged. CF: Deviation. NP: Why? CF: Yes he was going to get to the end. SF: But I didn’t! Because you interrupted! NP: That is an impossible challenge on which to make a decision... PM: I was waiting for the fart of nonsense! NP: I thought he illustrated that quite well actually but er. So he was going to get to the end, that is your challenge, um... SF: But I didn’t because he interrupted me! So he proved himself wrong by interrupting me! NP: You didn’t because you interrupted me so it’s an impossible decision. The only thing I can do on this occasion is the thing I do about once in every series... SF: Oh no! Don’t do that! LT: Please! LAUGHTER FROM PM AND THE AUDIENCE SF: Oh you mean ask the audience? NP: Yes. SF: Right! All right, do that. Sorry I thought you meant the other thing! Whew! NP: Stephen you mustn’t give too much of my private life away. SF: Sorry. NP: Please. And... especially the way you say it! Leaves all kind of imagination there. But er they’ve gone... what I do... is ask the audience to be the superior judge and with the wisdom that I can see is in this audience at the present moment and the wit and the... Would you all decide whether Clement Freud deserves his challenge. And therefore you either cheer for his correct challenge and you boo for an incorrect challenge. And you all do it together now. CHEERS AND BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE NP: I think the boos had it. It was an incorrect challenge so Stephen you have a point... SF: Thank you very much! NP: And you have that sinking feeling... SF: I owe a lot to boos! NP: Yes! You’ve had time to gather your forces and your mental acumen together for another nine seconds on that sinking feeling starting now. SF: That sinking feeling, something of course that golfers look very much forward to as they... BUZZ NP: Clement Freud challenged. CF: He said of course before. NP: You did say of course, yes. SF: I almost certainly did, I do say it a lot. NP: Yes. SF: I’m sorry. NP: So Clement at last you’ve got your point and er you’ve got seven seconds, that sinking feeling starting now. CF: If you putt a golf ball on say the 11th green of St Andrew’s and it goes in... WHISTLE NP: So Clement Freud has moved forward. He’s still in third place but not far behind our joint leaders now which are Stephen Fry and Paul Merton. And we’re moving into the last round. Stephen it’s your turn to begin and the subject, oh this isa good subject. Zeus. SF: Zeus. NP: Tell us something about Zeus in Just A Minute starting now. SF: Well it’s interesting actually because Uranus and Geyer who were warners and titans of the era before Zeus really reigned, they told Cronos that he would be subsumed and dethroned by his own child. And so he took to the habit... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Isn’t this just gossip? LOUD LONG LAUGHTER FROM SF, LT, NP AND THE AUDIENCE NP: Give Paul another bonus point for that, but it was an incorrect challenge. No, Zeus was the son of Cronos. PM: Was he really? NP: Yes he really was. So you still have Zeus, you have another point and you have 43 seconds starting now. SF: So the aforementioned master of divinity from whom we get our Greek word for time, took to the habit of eating all his children. Now the mother, Rhea, who was pregnant with the baby Zeus, didn’t like this idea at all. So she hid in Crete in a cave en dicta and gave birth to the child... BUZZ NP: Ah Clement challenged. CF: We’ve had a child. NP: You had a child. SF: Oh yes, we have, we have. NP: Child came too often. So Clement you’ve got in with 26 seconds, tell us something about Zeus starting now. CF: Zeus was a sort of Nicholas Parsons of his day. The God of Gods... BUZZ NP: Ah Stephen’s challenged. SF: Zeus was butch, he was all knowing, he was... LOUD LAUGHTER FROM CF, SF, LT AND THE AUDIENCE NP: I don’t know why you clap! Right! Oh there we are. Stephen you challenged, did you. SF: Yes. NP: And what is it? SF: Deviation, he couldn’t have been further from Nicholas Parsons. You can’t because Zeus was arbitrary, he wasn’t judicious, he was capricious, he was mean, he was unfair, ah, he went to bed with little boys. I mean all kinds of things, he was totally different than Nicholas Parsons! PM: Nicholas it’s up to you, are you, are you like Zeus? LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: The thing we like to do is throw it open to Nicholas from time to time! PM: Shall we ask the audience? NP: What I, I will ask the audience! What I have to say is in Just A Minute, I have on occasion displayed Zeus-like qualities. And be a God... PM: I think so! NP: Yes! And make arbitrary decisions which you all have to accept and live by... SF: And you once went to bed with a swan, I think as well, didn’t you, on Just A Minute? NP: It wasn’t very comfortable, I can tell you! SF: No, no! NP: They peck a lot! SF: Yes! NP: Um so an incorrect challenge, Clement you still have the subject, you have 20 seconds on Zeus starting now. CF: Mrs Zeus whose name was Hera nagged him appallingly. He was well... BUZZ NP: Stephen... SF: Sorry, I thought there was a hesitation in there. NP: There was a hesitation. SF: I think so yes. CF: Between two words? SF: Oh yes! NP: There was a hesitation Stephen so you’ve got the point anyway, 15 seconds, Zeus starting now. SF: The Romans called him Jupiter or Skyfather and also Yoven from which we get our word jovial, a quality much possessed by... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Did we have father before? SF: Skyfather is all one word as is Jupiter. PM: Oh is it? Sorry. SF: Yeah, it is, Skyfather, it’s, it’s er it’s a sort of mythological word, Skyfather. LT: Like I know! SF: That’s what Jupiter is! Jupiter! Jupiter is the early Latin from which pater came, meaning father! Jupiter is Skyfather. It’s one word. NP: No, it was me who said that Cronos was er... PM: I can’t tell the difference between you and Zeus! I mean, it’s... NP: I used the word father. Stephen... PM: Did you? NP: Actually, yes, nine seconds on Zeus still with you Stephen starting now. SF: He liked both girls and boys. Europa... BUZZ NP: Clement challenged. CF: We’ve had boys before. SF: Boy, we had, boy. Single boy. I accused you of not going to bed with boys earlier outside the actual round. NP: That’s the thing you did... SF: But that wasn’t during the round. NP: You had the boy, singular, in the show, that’s right. SF: Yeah. NP: Boys was outside the show, you had a boy in the show. PM: So, hang on a minute, you go to bed with boys outside of the show? LOUD LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE NP: And I’m Zeus-like in the show, but utterly un-Zeus-like outside! SF: Right! (laughs) NP: And so um it’s still with you Stephen on Zeus and six seconds starting now. SF: Gannymede, a very comely youth, or Athoebe was actually promoted into heaven, and we get our name Catamite... WHISTLE NP: So it now remains for me to give you the final situation. Liza who gives wonderful value and we love having her on the show finished just in fourth place. She was a few points behind Clement Freud who finished in third place. He was only four points behind Paul Merton who was in second place and he was a number of points behind Stephen Fry because that one subject, earlier on, he surged with such an incredible pace. He’s got a commanding lead, and we say Stephen you are our winner this week! It only remains for me to say thank you to these four exciting players of the game, Paul Merton, Stephen Fry, Liza Tarbuck and Clement Freud. Also to thank Janet Staplehurst for helping me with the stopwatch and blowing her whistle so delicately when the 60 seconds was up. And also we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this game. And we thank our producer Claire Jones for trying to keep us in order. And we are grateful to this audience who have cheered us on our way magnificently! From them, from me, from the panel, and me Nicholas Parsons, good-bye! THEME MUSIC |
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