JAM:GNorton,THawks,TRice,JEclair
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring GRAHAM NORTON, TONY HAWKS, TIM RICE and JENNY ECLAIR, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 25 February 2002)

NOTE: Tony Hawks's 50th appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Oh, thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And once more it is my infinite pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but throughout the world. And to welcome four exciting and regular players of the game. We welcome back with great pleasure that outrageous leprechaun of comedy, Graham Norton. We also welcome that outrageous mistress of comedy, Jenny Eclair. And we also welcome back with great pleasure that master of the lyric phrase who has written more musicals than many of us have had hot dinners, that is, Tim Rice. And we welcome back another master of improvised comedy, that is Tony Hawks. Will you please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask them to speak on a subject that I give them and they will try and do that without a hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. And beside me sits Janet Staplehurst whoís going to help me keep the score, sheíll blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are finally elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Harrogate Theatre in the delightful spa town of Harrogate in the beautiful county of Yorkshire. And we have a warm passionate Yorkshire audience in front of us ready to cheer us on our way. As we start the show this week with Tony Hawks. Tony the subject is how to complain in a restaurant. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

TONY HAWKS: I donít think we British have ever been that good at complaining in restaurants. The waiter will bring our food. It may...

BUZZ

NP: And Jenny Eclair challenged.

JENNY ECLAIR: I was so wrong, I was so wrong! But we are quite good at complaining in restaurants. I am fantastic at complaining in restaurants.

TH: Yes, thatís why I never go to dinner with you!

NP: Jenny it was a pretty sharp challenge...

JE: It was a poor challenge. Iíd like to apologise to Tony...

NP: No, no, no, you pressed your buzzer and therefore you did challenge. But Tony it was not a correct challenge, so you gain a point for that, you keep the subject, you still have how to complain in a restaurant and there are 53 seconds available starting now.

TH: As Nicholas rightly said, in the short interlude between the speaking that was going there, Jenny Eclair does complain. But as I said before, the...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged.

GRAHAM NORTON: Psychic challenge but Iím sensing a repetition!

TH: I was going to phrase it in another way.

NP: So what is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

GN: Repetition of before.

NP: Yes.

GN: Nicholas said before, and you said before. Before...

TH: No, no, no, as Nicholas said in that exciting interlude between, I didnít say before.

NP: Yes, he didnít say before when he was speaking in the round. Tony another incorrect challenge, so another point to you, and 34 seconds, how to complain in a restaurant starting now.

TH: Here are some important tips you should remember when you are going to complain in a restaurant. One, make sure you are fully clothed. Nudity just leads to an argument with the staff...

BUZZ

NP: Tim you are quite...

TIM RICE: I thought, I thought, Iím going to be very nit picking here but I thought there was a little stumbling over...

NP: No!

SHOUTS OF ďNOĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Over keen! I think Tim! But no, no, gosh, you never got so many points for wrong challenges before! So Tony, another point to you, how to complain in a restaurant starting now.

TH: Generally speaking, it is not a good idea to complain...

BUZZ

NP: Tim Rice.

TR: Repeat of speaking.

NP: Yes.

TR: two speakings.

TH: Thatís right.

NP: That is the correct challenge Tim.

TH: Oh did I.

NP: And you have 29 seconds...

TH: Anyway Iíd had enough! Iíve got to make it fair, or Iíd have won after the first round!

NP: Tim a point to you and the subject, how to complain in a restaurant starting now.

TR: The first thing you should do is grab the matireíd by the throat and shove his head into the lobster aquarium. Following up that with a quick knee in the goolies for the waiter. This is the only way...

BUZZ

NP: Tony, Tonyís pressed his buzzer. Yes Tony?

TH: I think the first thing you should do is have your starter!

NP: Yeah but Tony, you, perhaps to you, you should have your starter first. But he could have complained...

TH: Well certainly before sticking the waiterís head in the lobster tank.

NP: He might have complained about the fact he didnít like the venue. He might have complained about the waiter was rude. We havenít established why. So if he wants to go in and complain right away, we cannot say that he is not justified within the rules of Just A Minute. So Tim you have the benefit of the doubt, we might redress the balance later, 19 seconds still available, how to complain in a restaurant starting now.

TR: Thereís another way to complain and that is subtly. To win them over with your charm, wit and gay repartee. Caress the waiterís thighs gently with your...

BUZZ

NP: Graham Norton you challenged.

GN: I worked in a restaurant many years and right now Iím running towards the kitchen screaming!

NP: Youíve never had...

GN: That manís just harassed me in a horrible way!

NP: Youíve never had your thighs caressed in a restaurant?

GN: Well you know, I did once!

TH: Was it before or after the starter?

GN: It was while I was taking their order!

TR: Was it a very dark restaurant?

NP: Oh!

SHOUTS OF ďOOOOOHĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

GN: It was but I still recognised you!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM NP AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Oh the edge comes out when theyíre provoked doesnít it. Graham you had a correct challenge, and you have the subject of how to complain in a restaurant, 11 seconds starting now.

GN: Working in a restaurant, I learned you should never complain in a restaurant. It will lead to something disgusting happening to you...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny Jenny you challenged, yes?

JE: Well I thought he said restaurant twice but...

NP: He did.

JE: Itís in the title isnít it.

NP: Itís in the title.

JE: I just wanted to be heard.

GN: Oh Jenny!

NP: No, you can repeat the phrase or even words in the phrase. And so it was an incorrect challenge, Graham another point to you, seven seconds available, how to complain ina restaurant starting now.

GN: Waiter, whereís my food? Is it on your table? No. Then I presume itís in the kitchen, shut up, itíll be here when itís ready! I donít understand people who complain...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking in this game when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Graham Norton so heís now equal in the lead with Tony Hawks. And then comes Tim Rice and Jenny Eclair. And Jenny your turn to begin, the subject, manicure. Tell us something about manicure in Just A Minute starting now.

JE: Iím so glad you reminded me! Itís time I went! I love the ritual of a manicure. Taking your clothes off, slipping the feet into the dirt. I got confused again, thatís smear tests!

BUZZ

LAUGHTER FROM GN, TR AND THE AUDIENCE

JE: No it is, details is...

NP: Jenny Iím sorry...

JE: What?

NP: Tim, yes?

TR: I would like to withdraw my challenge, I want to know what happens next!

NP: Well you won a correct challenge.

TR: I see.

NP: So you have manicure, you have 50 seconds starting now.

TR: Manicures are extremely important. They give a little elegance to your extremities. And every single end of your body that could stick out and cause problems in public should be...

BUZZ

NP: Tony you challenged. Tony you challenged first.

TH: Well there are certain ends of my body I donít want manicured!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

TR: You may not want them manicured!

NP: I think you echoed the sentiments of all of us Tony. This is the problem of keeping going in Just A Minute, isnít it. And correct challenge, another point, 39 seconds, manicure with you Tony starting now.

TH: Two weeks ago I came to Harrogate and went to the manicure parlour. And what a time I had! The service is terrific! They said ďsit down Tony, we remember you the last time you were up here. You came last but you did better...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you challenged.

JE: Two lasts.

NP: Yes.

TH: Yes.

NP: Well listened Jenny, 28 seconds, you tell us something about, correctly about manicure starting now.

JE: Detail is the essence of a well groomed woman...

BUZZ

NP: Graham has buzzed you very rapidly.

GN: Do you know you said detail before?

JE: But I was buzzed before I said detail.

GN: I canít remember that, can I! I just sat here listening to you say detail.

NP: And you did in the other round say detail.

JE: Did I?

NP: Yes.

JE: Oh.

NP: So Graham, correct challenge, manicure is with you starting now.

GN: If you go to a male doctor, you get a manicure. If you got to a female doctor, oh i said doctor twice...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you, so you got the subject back Jenny, so you got another point, so youíve got 21 seconds, tell us something about manicure starting now.

JE: I go to a very nice lady in Chelsea Green who wears this white coat. And takes my hand in hers and talks to me about my problems. I she a manicurist?

BUZZ

NP: Tony you challenged.

TH: Jenny doesnít know what a manicurist is!

LAUGHTER FROM TR AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Yes it is very interesting, isnít it.

TH: It is.

NP: But Tony you had a correct challenge, you have 11 seconds to tell us something about manicure starting now.

TH: As I lay on the couch and he looked into my eyes and said ďyour nails are the most beautiful ones I have ever seen. Iíve been working in Harro... bee Place for some time...Ē

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged.

GN: Oh hesitation.

NP: Yes because he tried to say Harrogate...

TH: Yes.

NP: And he said it before.

TH: I couldnít say it.

NP: Right, and so he hesitated in the process. And youíve got in with two seconds to go Graham on manicure starting now.

GN: ďIn the buffĒ, my manicurist said. I said ďyes..Ē

WHISTLE

NP: So Graham Norton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. Heís now equal with Tony Hawks in the lead followed by Tim Rice and Jenny Eclair in that order. And Graham itís your turn to begin. Hereís a nice subject for Harrogate. Itís the poshest person in Harrogate. I donít know whether you know them but talk on that subject, 60 seconds starting now.

GN: The poshest person in Harrogate is a woman sitting in the third row wearing a rather silky scarf and a nice necklace. No-one knows her name because her voice is so refined, they canít hear her...

BUZZ

NP: Tim Rice.

TR: I canít believe no-one knows her name!

GN: No, itís true! Itís true!

TR: Somebody must know her name!

GN: No, it isnít audible to the ear!

TR: She must know her name!

GN: No!

TH: Well hang on, letís ask her!

GN: You see, sheís speaking now and we canít hear her!

NP: No Tim, that logically was a correct challenge...

TR: Absolutely!

NP: And once before I gave the benefit of the doubt against...

TR: Well chaired! Well chaired!

NP: No, I gave the benefit of the doubt against him before, he gets the benefit of doubt on occasion. No, somebody, she must know somebody in the world.

GN: Let me tell you now! No! Because her mother, her mother, now deceased, now deceased, she was refined so you couldnít hear her voice either.

TH: Graham, Graham, which one are you talking about?

GN: I am talking about her!

NP: Tim a correct challenge...

GN: I wonít point her out though.


NP: You have...

GN: That would be common!

LAUGHTER FROM TR AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: You have a point and you have... in fact if she hadnít used her voice, you wouldnít know. Fifty seconds Tim, the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

TR: The beautiful woman in the third row was hitherto the poshest person in Harrogate. But this title has now been usurped because of the arrival of Nicholas Parsons in this beautiful town. Nicholas... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Graham, Graham you challenged.

GN: Repe... I know we canít hear it enough! But repetition of Nicholas.

TR: Yes you are so right.

NP: Itís very sweet of you to say that, we canít hear it enough. But there we are, Graham you still get the point even if you hadnít said it! And um you have 40 seconds, tell us more about the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

GN: She has more potpourri in her house than anyone else. Vast mountains of it tumble down her lovely staircase. (sniffs) Sheís...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny, Jenny you challenged.

JE: He was breathing but he was hesitating as he breathed.

NP: Yes that long breath. That was sniffing...

GN: I could smell that!

NP: No you decided to demonstrate that you were taking in this...

GN SNIFFS

NP: Thatís right, exactly what you did with potpourri. That is a pause, thatís hesitation.

GN: No!

NP: Yes itís...

GN: Itís a very posh word! You canít quite hear it!

NP: It may be a very posh noise but itís not a posh word.

GN: The lady in the third row is nodding now, sheís shaking vigourously! Sheís trying to tell us something! What is it Skippy?

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Jenny a correct challenge, 29 seconds available, tell us something about the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

JE: Iíd much rather meet, meet the roughest person...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged, no, Tony was first that time.

TH: There was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation, yes.

JE: A stumble.

NP: So 27 seconds available, the poshest person in Harrogate Tony starting now.

TH: The poshest person in Harrogate is Ian Gledthorpe who lives in Parliament Street above a shop, and not many people...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged.

GN: Above a shop?

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM TH, TR AND THE AUDIENCE

TH: Yes!

GN: Semi-detached doesnít cut it here!

TH: When I tell you what shop it is, you will change your challenge.

GN: I donít know!

NP: Right!

GN: Go on, tell us, tell us!

JE: Is there a Harvey Nicks in Harrogate?

NP: Iím, this is one of those difficult things, isnít it. Because the image, above a shop, makes out not to be very posh.

GN: You think Rita! You think Rita!

NP: There might be a justification for being posh! Back to you Tony with um another point, 20 seconds, the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

TH: Because he is in fact related to the Royal Family and nobody knows quite how he has been forgotten...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged.

GN: Someone must know how he has been forgotten!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM TH, NP AND THE AUDIENCE

TH: The lady in the third row!

NP: As Tony said, probably the lady in the fourth row. Graham, hoisted on his own petard. So you have a correct challenge and you have 15 seconds, the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

GN: She brings her own linen napkins to McDonaldís! She is smart!

BUZZ

NP: Tony...

TH: How does he know so much about this woman?

NP: Iím not going to enquire into that.

GN: Oh!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you want to say something.

JE: He said she twice.

NP: Itís too late now darling.

JE: And itís common saying she. Sheís the catís mother!

GN: Sheís the poshest woman in Harrogate!

NP: Right...

GN: We donít know her name!

NP: It doesnít matter but you know she brings her, her own linen to wherever she went. Ah 13 seconds Graham still with you, another point to you, the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

GN: Her entire house is covered in one knitted doily!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you challenged.

JE: House! House!

NP: You mentioned her house before.

GN: In fairness, I did! But it is beautiful!

NP: Mmmm! So Jenny you have a correct challenge, you have nine seconds, tell us something about the poshest person in Harrogate starting now.

JE: Her name is Marjory Huffington-Puffington-Pansticks-Smythe. Every morning she eats an ostrich egg fried in a little truffle oil...

WHISTLE

NP: The utter fiction you hear in Just A Minute! Jenny you were speaking as the whistle went, you gained an extra point for that. Youíve moved forward ahead of Tim Rice. But youíre still trailing Tony Hawks and Graham Norton in that order. And Tony your turn to begin. The subject is sound effects. Can you tell us something about sound effects in this game starting now.

TH: (makes noise like racing car) Meeeeeeooooooooowwww is a car going round the corner if you like. (click) Could be a horseís hoof or...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged.

GN: These arenít words, are they?

NP: No, theyíre sound effects. He was illustrating some sound effects.

GN: Yes but not actually using words. So that was a hesitation then, wasnít it?

TH: Well sound effects is on the card so I thought I might be able to do them.

NP: He didnít er, he didnít elongate them or drag them out. He didnít a clip-clop like that, he just did a click. No, no, I donít...

GN: All right, youíre sitting a precedent now Nicholas. You can make funny noises for 60 seconds!

TH: Only in a round called sound effects!

LAUGHTER FROM GN AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Tony you took the words out of my mouth. So you have a point, you have 54 seconds, sound effects starting now.

TH: The British Broadcasting Corporation very often in their comedy light entertainment shows will have a sound effects person. And this young or old individual will stand clopping coconut hooves together which donít really exist but nobody seems...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny you challenged.

TH: Coconut hooves?

JE: Oh poor love! Poor love! He needed help!

TH: I expected to win...

JE: Three words, he hesitated.

NP: Well he did because he said coconut hooves.

JE: Yes.

NP: He used coconut...

JE: That was deviation.

TH: Amazingly you didnít spot that though. I could have got away with it!

NP: Sometimes if you carry on with...

GN: Weíre silly folk!

NP: Yes the coconut shells to make horseís hooves. But he didnít say it. Sound effects with you Jenny and 37 seconds available starting now.

JE: My favourite sound effect is the one entitled ďman gets head stuck in zipĒ! (laughs) The other good one...

BUZZ

NP: Tim?

TR: Well she was pausing to get huge laughter and appreciation. Which she did! But it was still a hesitation Iím afraid. She, she stopped.

JE: I call it timing. You call it hesitation.

NP: Itís one of those shows where you canít really, as we say in show business, ride the laugh. You have to keep going and go through the laugh. And Tim she didnít do it on this occasion, and you so have the subject, you have 31 seconds on sound effects starting now.

TR: What the audience at home listening donít know is that there is no group of people attending this show live. Everything is faked. Itís all sound effects. There is no laughter...

BUZZ

TR: ... there is no clapping...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: There was a repetition of no.

NP: You repeated no...

TR: After I was interrupted!

NP: No, no, no, no...

TH: No, no...

NP: No, no, no...

TH: There were quite a few...

NP: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So Tony correct challenge, repetition of no, 19 seconds, sound effects starting now.

TH: (drunken voice) Oh God, I canít face another day (normal voice) is the sound effect of Nicholas Parsons getting up in the morning! On a day when he has to look after a...

BUZZ

NP: Graham Norton challenged.

GN: Repetition of day.

NP: Yes you did have day before. Graham, sound effects, 10 seconds starting now.

GN: If this theatre were on fire, (scrunches paper) I would sound like this. A huge blaze is rustling behind me. Oooh ow, itís quite hot now! Oh Jennyís hairís ablaze!

JE: (screaming) Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

GN: Sheís running round like something Iíve never seen! This is really good!

BUZZ

NP: Graham please quiet! Tim you challenged.

TR: Repetition of (scrunches paper)

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: That, that was very clever Tim! But very clever! What weíll do there on this occasion, I give you a bonus point...

TR: Thank you!

NP: ... because the audience enjoyed the challenge. But actually he didnít stop speaking so we cannot within the rules of Just A Minute say that...

TH: (scrunches paper) Iím sorry! The place is on fire! Weíve got to go!

NP: Graham you have another point, you have two seconds, sound effects starting now.

GN: Should this programme be recorded in the city baths, it might sound a little like...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Graham Norton speaking as the whistle went gained an extra point. He has moved forward. I must say, in this show, I mean, thereís been more points scored at this particular time than has ever been scored between the four of them in Just A Minute. And I donít know whether youíre interested...

GN: Ever?

NP: Ever!

GN: Thereíll be letters!

NP: How do I know that...

TH: Iím writing one now!

NP: How do I know that after 35 years? Iím going on a hunch! Right Jenny itís your turn to begin, the subject is the Dales. Tell us about that beautiful part of this country starting now.

JE: Oh the Dales as in Yorkshireís stunning vistas. Take a car, pack a picnic, stop and enjoy the view...

BUZZ

NP: Graham why have you...

GN: Encouraging theft! Take a car!

LAUGHTER FROM JE AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Graham, a clever challenge and as the audience enjoyed it so much, we give you a bonus point for that...

JE: I wasnít saying anything of the kind.

GN: Yeah yeah yeah!

NP: You werenít, there wasnít anything wrong within the rules of Just A Minute. So Jenny you get a point actually for being interrupted and you keep the subject, and you have 52 seconds, the Dales starting now.

JE: A babbling brook, a fat sheep, mmm, how fascinating! Donít get out of your automobile, it will be raining and youíll step in something brown and stickeeeeee, ah, and...

BUZZ

NP: Graham challenged. Graham you challenged.

GN: Oh surely she stopped. I call it hesitation.

NP: Well you would if you stepped in one of those, wouldnít you? She did stop yes, so you have the subject, you have another point, you have the Dales starting now.

GN: Of all the Dales, my favourite is probably Dale Winton, the charming host of Supermarket Sweep. Itís a little known fact that Radio Four...

BUZZ

NP: Tim Rice challenged.

TR: Heís long since given up Supermarket Sweep and moved on to greater things, surely.

GN: No, do you know, his mantra, this is dull but true. His mantra is donít quit the hit.

TR: He has!

GN: No! Supermarket Sweep still continues!

TR: Does it really?

GN: Yes.

TR: Gosh! I apologise, Iím just not up with the intellectual life. Youíre lying!

GN: It does! It does!

NP: It doesnít matter. He still presented Supermarket Sweep. So Tim, an incorrect challenge, and Graham another point to you, the Dales starting now.

GN: Emmerdale is surely one of the dales, where they tell a simple story of country folk and a lesbian vet! I love that show and yet...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny? It was Tony who challenged. Oh yes Tony, your buzzer came on first.

TH: Yes repetition of show.

NP: Thatís right yes, you had the show before.

GN: Yes I did.

NP: Right so Tony, correct challenge, 24 seconds, the Dales starting now.

TH: The Dales are actually the poshest family in Harrogate. And Iíve been to see them many times in this palatial residence that they have, nowhere near a shop! Interestingly enough! And what a pleasant couple they are! Mister Dale and his wife. He makes tea, Iíve lost the will to live!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny your buzzer came in first and your challenge?

JE: Only out of the kindness of my heart. He just, he did lose the will...

NP: Thatís right!

JE: Hesitation.

NP: Yes he paused and hesitated.

JE: How many seconds have I got left?

NP: Youíve only got five so youíre on a good thing here, the Dales with you starting now.

JE: Mrs Daleís Diary, apparently that was a Radio Four series...

WHISTLE

NP: And by the way Jenny, it was before Radio Four. It was a Home Service series.

JE: Oh, only youíd know that!

NP: Yes I know! Right, and Tim Rice is in fourth place as we go into the final round. Just behind Jenny Eclair who is some points behind Graham Norton who is two points only behind Tony Hawks.

GN: Oh!

NP: Yes! Oh! And Graham itís your turn to begin, the final round is filing. Tell us something about filing in Just A Minute starting now.

GN: Filing is an Irish word meaning to dance with joy. Not many people know that, even Irish people...

BUZZ

NP: Tim Rice.

TR: Two Irish. Two Irish.

NP: There was too much Irish there Iím afraid.

GN: Oh was there? So sorry.

NP: Mind you, some people say you couldnít have too much Irish, I donít know. Ah...

GN: I think Iíve heard it said!

NP: In the nicest possible way I mean, as well as the Irish whisky.

GN: Just not enough? I donít know!

NP: Tim you have a correct challenge, 55 seconds, tell us something about filing starting now.

TR: My brother used to work in Japan, and he had a secretary who was Japanese and he looked in the filing cabinet one day, to find every letter empty except for D. And he asked...

BUZZ

NP: Jenny challenged.

JE: I thought he couldnít have every letter empty. But then he was talking about filing cabinets probably with a sticker on it. D on it.

NP: No it could have had every, every compartment empty. It couldnít have had every letter empty.

TR: Start again! Start again!

JE: He did say every letter empty.

NP: Thatís right, it doesnít make sense.

JE: No he was deviating.

NP: Thatís right.

JE: From sense!

TR: No, Iím talking about filing! This is a true story!

NP: I know!

TR: A tragic take if youíd had the patience to stay with it! You would have heard the moral!

GN: Itís all on in The Archers later! Calm down!

NP: But you should have said the compartment or the filing container, you said it had every letter empty. The letter canít be empty, the letter indicates the file. So Jennyís got a correct challenge...

TR: Cobblers!

JE: Yes!

NP: Forty-five seconds...

TR: Or as they say in Japan, cobras!

JE: Donít worry Tim, youíll get this round back. If you buzz in a second...

NP: Jenny...

TR: I donít want it back now!

NP: Filing starting now.

JE: I make sure my drawers are in pristine condition but as for everything else, itís on a heap in my study and when it gets knee high...

BUZZ

JE: ... I just drop a lighted match...

NP: Tim challenged. Tim you were in first.

TR: Well I thought Jenny ah kind of faded away there a bit. And hesitated.

NP: Yes she hesitated.

TR: Yes.

NP: So you got it back you see. Thereís fairness in this game...

TR: Itís a very fair game and...

JE: I felt sorry for him!

TR: I was unreasonable last time, I think.

NP: Yes.

TR: I, I sit corrected!

NP: After your regression, your contrition doesnít sound so hot! Right um 36 seconds for you Tim on filing starting now.

TR: When filing, put things in the following order. A, B, C, E, F...

BUZZ

NP: Graham you challenged.

GN: Sweet Jesus! Stop it! Um er I just ah, oh no, he hesitated!

NP: No he didnít but he repeated D.

TR: Only because you buzzed!

GN: Did he repeat? Oh of course he did! Yes he said D before!

TR: No!

GN: He repeated D!

TR: No!

GN: D! He repeated D!

TR: I left D Out!

NP: But your first challenge was for hesitation and he didnít hesitate.

GN: If he missed D out, there was a gap!

NP: Right so Tim another point to you, 31 seconds, filing starting now.

TR: Filing is an extremely important part of a manicure. Look at my beautiful hands, those nails are quite staggering because they have been filed by a team of experts from Argentina, Patagonia to be precise. (laughs) I would like the world to swallow me up but they... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Jenny, Jennyís buzzer came on first. I think they all pressed then, but yours came, your little light came up here, right. Jenny your challenge please?

JE: Um he ah stopped really!

NP: Yes he did, right...

JE: And threw his hands up and crashed his head on to the desk and cried a bit.

NP: Thatís right, I donít think it went as far as that. I know, I know itís radio but donít overplay it. Fifteen seconds, filing, with you Jenny starting now.

JE: First of all youíve got to get a cabinet, and then some sticky black labels. Then have yourself a cup of black coffee, youíve done enough for heavenís sake. How dull is filing? Do you know, I think Iím about to collapse into a coma of boredom as I go on about it! I have no interest...

WHISTLE

NP: Even though the subject bored you Jenny you kept going till the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. And now to give you the final situation. Tim Rice who has triumphed in the past, finished just in fourth place.

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I know it is an aw because his contribution was so good. Jenny Eclair who triumphed last time she was at the Harrogate Theatre surged forward with that last little flourish of hers and came in third place. She was a few points behind behind Graham Norton who was in second place. But only two points ahead of him was Tony Hawks, so Tony we say this week you are the winner! So it shows how fair it is. The last time we were in Harrogate, Tony Hawks came fourth, this time he comes first. And it only remains for me to say thank you to these four exciting and delightful players of the game, Graham Norton, Jenny Eclair, Tim Rice and Tony Hawks. I thank Janet Staplehurst for helping me keep the score, for blowing her whistle so delicately. And we thank our producer Claire Jones for keeping us in order. And of course we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this delightful and amazing game. And we are also very grateful to our audience here in this lovely Harrogate Theatre in the spa town of Harrogate for cheering us on our way! We thank our audience, from them, from me Nicholas Parsons, from our panel, good-bye, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute! Until then good-bye! Yes!

THEME MUSIC