JAM:PMerton,KHesketh-Harvey,RNoble,SFrost
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, KIT HESKETH-HARVEY, ROSS NOBLE and STEVE FROST, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 27 January 2003)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my infinite pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but those who listen to this show throughout the world. But also itís such a huge pleasure to welcome to the show four outstanding, resourceful and talented players of the game. Itís a pleasure to have back with us once more one of our countryís most talented and inventive and creative comedians, Paul Merton. Beside him sits another highly creative and talented and witty writer and performer, Kit Hesketh-Harvey. And on my left we have another young comedian whoís very original and resourceful, that is Ross Noble. And beside him another delightful stand-up comedian and actor, that is Steve Frost. Would you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Claire Bartlett who will help me keep the score, and she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Picture Playhouse Theatre in that delightful and picturesque town of Beverley in East Yorkshire. And we are part of the Beverley Comedy Festival!

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Iíll explain to our listeners that cheer was because itís the first comedy festival in Beverley and they are making it a first and memorable occasion. And we have in front of us a very excited hyped -up Yorkshire audience who are just ready and keen to enjoy the fun. As we start the show with Paul Merton. And Paul, the subject I have in front of me is what I love about queuing. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

PAUL MERTON: Well itís about how you make your hands work. Your left hand must form a bridge. Your right can be bringing the cue forward. Itís very important to keep the eye on the object ball, probably the right one if youíre playing snooker or billiards. And what you have to do is to make sure your geometric angles are spot on. If thereís a red, you want to go into the top pocket. Then you knock the spherical object towards the reddish ball, Iíve said ball twice.

BUZZ

NP: Kit you, Hesketh-Harvey you challenged.

KIT HESKETH-HARVEY: So two balls, Iím afraid Paul!

NP: (laughs) Yes I know, you, we donít want too many balls in Just A Minute! But er but that is repetition. So Kit, you have a correct challenge which means you get a point for that, you take over the subject. There are 30 seconds available and tell us something about what I love about queuing starting now.

KHH: I was waiting in the malodorous back passages of this beautiful cinema here in Beverley. And I looked at the queue of people of Beverley trying, I said Beverley twice.

BUZZ

KHH: You canít have enough Beverley!

NP: Well some people think you canít say Beverley too often! But ah certainly the people in front of us here. Yes apparently this is the oldest cinema in, active cinema in the country.

KHH: Is it really?

NP: Yes. Paul you challenged for repetition of Beverley, and you have the subject back again, you have 22 seconds, what I love about queuing starting now.

PM: Well itís very democratic isnít it. If the Lord Onslow is queuing up behind a dustman then...

BUZZ

NP: Steve Frost you pressed your buzzer, what is your challenge?

STEVE FROST: Um... I canít remember now! It was, it was um deviation.

NP: Why?

SF: Because Lord Onslow would never queue. Heíd send a butler to do it.

NP: It is quite possible that Lord Onslow would queue. We have no proof that he doesnít queue. We donít even know if Lord Onslow exists!

PM: He does exist! He does exist!

NP: But thereís no reason why a Lord shouldnít queue behind a dustman.

PM: No!

NP: Strictly speaking he was not deviating from the subject. So Paul an incorrect challenge, another point to you, 16 seconds available, what I love about queuing starting now.

PM: The British are fantastic at it, and they donít mind whether it be outside a fishmongers or a cobblers. Thereís nothing they more like than they go forward...

BUZZ

NP: Ross challenged.

ROSS NOBLE: Thereís nothing thatís more like, what ooh ah!

NP: What, deviation from...?

RN: Deviation from grammar.

NP: ... from English as we understand it.

RN: Yeah.

NP: All right, as it is normally spoken. Yes right, Ross I would agree with that challenge. So you have a point and you have seven seconds and you tell us something about what I love about queuing starting now.

RN: I like queuing because you can stand at the back and pretend youíre in a conga line at a very dull party. I also...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking in this game when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Ross Noble. So Ross, you have two points at the end of the round, so does Paul Merton. Kit has one, Steve is yet to score. But itís early days and Steve, your turn to begin. The subject is igloos. Tell us something about igloos in this game starting now.

SF: The first thing you need if you want to make a very good igloo is of course some... (pauses)

BUZZ

NP: (laughs) Paul challenged.

SF: Whatís it... whatís it.... itís all, what do you mean? I always forget!

PM: Hesitation.

NP: I think you would call that hesitation. A complete dry-up, a complete mental block, and um...

SF: Thatís it! Block! Thatís it!

LAUGHTER FROM PM, KHH AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Itís an ice block you need, not a mental block! Ah Paul a correct challenge, 55 seconds available, igloos starting now.

PM: The Eskimos build igloos. I donít know if they resemble the objects we see in cartoons. Vaguely itís like a dome-like effect, made out of ice and snow I suppose. The idea being that in harsh winter months in eskimo land, they can hide into this little igloo and feel nice and warm and snug. You build a fire in the middle, and you have a bicycle where you can power...

BUZZ

NP: So Steve what was your challenge now?

SF: It was deviation, er because if you light a fire in a igloo, an igloo, it will melt.

NP: Oh it will, youíre quite right, yes.

PM: I didnít say it wouldnít!

NP: I know! And that is, that is the difficulty that I have...

SF: No, listen, Paul Merton...

NP: You can light a fire but it would be rather a dangerous and foolish thing to do.

PM: Yes it would be foolish...

NP: If youíd had him for the bicycle that would have been all right, because I donít think you could ride a bicycle in an igloo.

SF: Donít be stupid, theyíve all got one!

NP: So Paul, an incorrect challenge, another point to you, and 34 seconds, igloos starting now.

PM: Apparently they have 33 different words for fire extinguisher which is what you need when youíre building a conflaguation in the middle of your igloo...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: What, a conflaguation?

PM: Oh I donít know!

KHH: I wasnít quite sure...

NP: Deviation...

KHH: Deviation from Inuit as it is spoken!

NP: Right so...

PM: If youíre going to pick people up on grammar, what chance have I got?

NP: Twenty-five seconds with you Kit, on igloos starting now.

KHH: I once stayed in one of those igloo hotels that Craig Doyle is so frightfully keen on. The Corby trouser press disappeared through the floor, I ended up on an ice float, some 18 miles north-northwest of Reykjavik. I took a hot shower...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well if you say ďsomewhere 18 milesĒ, thatís exactly where you are! Itís not somewhere 18 miles north-northwest of Reykjavik. Thatís precisely where you are!

NP: Paul, another point to you, 14 seconds, igloos starting now.

PM: Perhaps the finest igloo joke I know, and Iím sure youíre prepared for this. Two Eskimos...

BUZZ

PM: I said eskimo before.

NP: I know you did, Ross, you challenged.

RN: This is really petty but itís, itís igloo, but itís igloos on the card.

NP: Igloos is on the card and you used the word igloo before.

RN: So itís repetition.

PM: Oh!

SF: Oh!

SHOUTS OF ďOHHHHHĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

RN: Sorry, I just, I hadnít said anything for a while and I thought...

NP: I know, but it shows you are concentrating. So youíve got igloos now...

RN: I donít really want it now!

NP: No, that ďohhhĒ was an ohhhh of appreciation.

RN: No, it wasnít, it was an ohhh, letís get pitchforks and run him out of town!

LAUGHTER FROM PM, SF AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: I think it was appreciation. Ross there are eight seconds, you tell us something about igloos starting now.

RN: The eskimo people have 50 words for snow, but not a single one for patio doors! Thatís because they donít know what a patios are...

WHISTLE

BUZZ

SF: Oh! Oh! Oh!

NP: The whistle came, you were saved by the whistle, it came in infinitesimally before the challenge from Paul. So you got that extra point for speaking when the whistle went Ross, and youíre one point behind our leader Paul Merton. And Kit itís your turn to begin, and the subject, ah how apt for this lovely county of Yorkshire. Yorkshire pudding and you have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

KHH: Surely nothing has contributed to human happiness as much as the Yorkshire pudding. From this fair county which has so...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Alcohol!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM NP AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: No-one would disagree with the challenge Paul, what I do...

PM: You think Yorkshire puddingís made more people happier than alcohol?

NP: Itís made me more happy and therefore I think thereís a lot of other people...

PM: Well letís put it to the audience!

NP: No, what I will do is, because the audience enjoyed your challenge which was very amusing and creative, we give you a bonus point for that. But as he wasnít strictly speaking deviating within the rules of Just A Minute, Kit gets a point for being interrupted, he keeps the subject of Yorkshire pudding, 54 seconds starting now.

KHH: Itís craggy edges like Michael Parkinson. Itís soggy bottom like Norah Battyís knickers...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Two likes.

NP: Yes, two likes, yes.

KHH: Oh yes there were, sorry! Well done!

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: Themís are the rules!

NP: I know, they are the rules but sometimes you canít win your audience with them. Right... Paul a correct challenge, 49 seconds, Yorkshire pudding starting now.

PM: If you want to make the perfect Yorkshire pudding, then what you have to do is...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Two yous.

LAUGHTER FROM NP AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Hoisted on your own verbal petard! Kit...

PM: More a vowel sound really, isnít it!

NP: Well it was a correct challenge, heís got his own back...

KHH: Thank you.

NP: And you have a point of course Kit, and you have the subject, and you have 44 seconds, Yorkshire pudding starting now.

KHH: Making a well in the flour into which you pour your egg and milk mixture. I, on the contrary, prefer to put the parachanated substance into the fluid, and then put it in a sizzling hot baking tray...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Put, repetition of put.

NP: Put yes.

KHH: Very silly! (laughs)

NP: You were putting too much into this subject Kit! Paul, you have 33 seconds, you tell us something about Yorkshire pudding starting now.

PM: (in very good impression of Clement Freud) To make the most perfect Yorkshire pudding...

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM KHH, RN, SF, NP AND THE AUDIENCE

PM: (continuing in Clement Freud voice complete with Freudian pauses and slow pace) ... in the beginning, first of all, you must get your milk and then... add and stir it... deeply.... until... it is ready... and right... to eat...

BUZZ


NP: For the sake of our listeners abroad, I should explain that Paul Merton was then doing an impersonation of Clement Freud, and a very good one as well, who is regularly on our show and is of course a great gourmet, and he used to be in the catering business. But Ross you challenged.

RN: (laughs) Yeah he used to have a kebab van, didnít he? Um...

PM: (in Clement Freud voice) Do you want fries with that?

RN: (laughs then in his own impersonation of Clement Freud) Yes!

NP: What was your challenge?

RN: Well deviation from his own personality! And er repetition of milk.

NP: Yes he did say milk more than once, yes. So Ross, you have the subject of Yorkshire pudding and 19 seconds starting now.

RN: Yorkshire Pudding was the greatest professional wrestler that ever lived. He used to run into the ring, but he preferred a circle...

BUZZ

NP: Steve Frost challenged.

SF: He was so big, he never ran into the ring! He used to waddle into the ring. So deviation.

NP: Within the rules, no, itís not deviation. I mean, even if he waddled on occasions, he still could run into the ring and that might have been his way of running...

PM: Are we not losing sight of the fact that there was no wrestler ever called that?

LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE

RN: How dare you, sir!

PM: He certainly wasnít the finest wrestler! Yorkshire Pudding!

NP: That might have been...



PM: The name is a give-away, surely!

NP: That might have been his nickname, you never know. Anyway it was an incorrect challenge Ross, and you keep the subject, and you have 12 seconds, Yorkshire pudding starting now.

RN: One of the latest things that supermarkets offer is big Yorkshire puddings. Now I think that this is wrong. In fact what you should do is get a cabbage and pretend itís a massive brussel sprout because that way you can...

WHISTLE

NP: So Ross Noble was speaking when the whistle went, gained an extra point for doing so. Heís got quite a few points, heís one behind our leader who is still Paul Merton, followed by Kit Hesketh-Harvey and then Steve Frost. And Ross itís your turn to begin, the subject is getting a tan. Could you tell us something about getting a tan, youíve just come back from a hot country, havenít you.

RN: I have just come back from Australia.

NP: Australia, right, so you know all about the heat and the sun and the tans, tell us something about the subject starting now.

RN: The best way to get a tan in this country is to go to your nearest kebab shop, and hug the meat. Simply wrap your arms around it and allow it to rotate next to that lovely hot surface. You might find that youíll need to apply, not lotion, but mayonnaise into your skin as you gently sizzle for everybodyís pleasure and delight. Possibly a large Greek man might get a pitobread and wrap you in it, and gently rock you to sleep, as you sing him popular folk songs about what itís like to gently... I said gently twice.

BUZZ

RN: I said it twice!

NP: Oh they enjoyed that flight of fantasy! But you challenged, Paul Merton, first?

PM: Yes, repetition of gently.

NP: Thatís right, 26 seconds with you Paul, getting a tan starting now.

PM: Well we are told these days that itís actually inadvisable to try and get a tan. And if you do go out in the sun, then you must put on some sun factor 26 which is in fact an anorak. And when you are out in the rays of that shining orb in the sky, you must protect yourself. Because there are all kinds of nasty diseases that can be caught from those very infrared ray-beams coming at you. I think the best way of getting a tan, undoubtedly, is to go to a sun...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton, getting a tan, kept him going till the whistle, gained an extra point for doing so. And he has increased his lead, slightly, over Ross Noble, and marginally, er, well more than marginally over Kit Hesketh-Harvey, and considerably over Steve Frost, and thatís the order. Steve Frost, your turn to begin and the subject is how to score. I hope you wonít be too intimate on this. I know youíre a stand-up comedian. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

SF: First, raise your eyebrows. Second, catch their eye. Then roll it back to them, because thatís not going to be any good to you. Of course you need the right amount of hair on the type of your forehead where the aforementioned... bodily...

BUZZ

NP: Kit you challenged.

KHH: He sort of stopped! I mean it was very magical and he was wooing them but...

NP: They were wondering how the hell he could get anybody with that... It was hesitation so Kit you have the subject, 44 seconds, how to score starting now.

KHH: I think itís the French composer Maurice Revell, who is generally acknowledged to be the master of this particular craft, how to score...

BUZZ

NP: Ross challenged.

RN: You havenít met my mate, Dave!

NP: Ross, I, that was ...

RN: Straight in like that every time! The ladies are there, doesnít even buy them a drink!

NP: No, no challenge within the rules of Just A Minute, but the audience enjoyed it and they applauded. So I will do what Iíve done with the others, give you a bonus point because they enjoyed that, Kit gets a point because he was interrupted, he keeps the subject and there are 38 seconds, how to score, starting now.

KHH: (in Clement Freud voice) You tightly flesh your meat or fowl and you slash it (normal voice) with a very sharp knife. And then you pour orange juice or lemon juice, oil or sarsaparilla...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Repetition of juice.

NP: Juice yes.

KHH: Juice, two juices, sorry.

NP: Paul you had a correct challenge, you have 29 seconds, how to score starting now.

PM: I remember when I started playing football for the little league which is an associated club system in Mordern, a place which is just at the end of the Northern Line in London, and I wasnít very good as a professional footballer which was just as well because we were amateurs. But I did once score a marvellous goal with my left boot. Unfortunately I wasnít wearing it at the time, it was around my neck. The ball came off the crossbar, I seem to remember, from Johnny King. Ah Iím being taken back to those glorious days of 1968. The goalkeeper was befuddled, he didnít know what to do...

WHISTLE

NP: I love befuddled goalkeepers yes, lovely word, befuddled. But you kept going till the whistle, gained that extra point, increased your lead. And nobody spotted that you repeated the word football. And Kit itís your turn to begin and the subject is Neptune. Tell us something about that god or that whatever way you want to take the subject, starting now.

KHH: He was rather a late arrival at the planets ball, wasnít he? There was an enormous thing called Uranus, Nicholas, and something was pulling in the opposite direction. They worked out there must be some vast body distorting the readings and they named it after the Roman god, Neptune, whose brothers were Zeus, in charge of the Earth, and the Cray twins, who were in charge of the underworld. He was made god of the sea. He carried an enormous great triton which looked like a crumpet fork. What sort of crumpets... oh ah!

BUZZ

NP: Oh thatís what happens in this game, you were going so magnificently...

KHH: Yes and suddenly I had this image ...

NP: You were carried away with the...

KHH: Halle Berry, someone said.

NP: Halle yes. Right, 33 seconds, Paul you came in...

PM: Can I just say actually I think he said crumpet and crumpets. Because I challenged on the second crumpet. You said crumpet fork and then you said crumpets.

KHH: Itís the igloo principle.

PM: Yes, so Iím wrong, Iím wrong.

KHH: How very honest and sweet of you Paul.

NP: What a generous player! A most generous player of the game, I was going to say exactly the same thing but I...

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE, AND LAUGHTER FROM PM AND KHH

PM: No, I could hear it because Iím sitting next to him.

NP: I know.

RN: Well how cool is that that it now has the name, ďthe igloo principleĒ? Thatís brilliant! Itís like a straight to video release movie, that!

NP: So we have established that he didnít repeat anything so Kit you can carry on, which the audience will be pleased about and you as well. And you have 33 seconds, tell us more about Neptune starting now.

KHH: I imagine that Gustav Holst must have a movement named after Neptune, but I canít for the life of me think how the tune goes. Itís not as er...

BUZZ

NP: Ah there was a double challenge there. Steve I think you were fractionally earlier so you have... what was your challenge?

SF: Hesitation Iím afraid.

NP: Oh yes there was, well there was a stumble which we interpret as hesitation. Steve tell us something about Neptune and 26 seconds available starting now.

SF: If you look at the planet Neptune through an eight inch reflector telescope, you will notice that it is blue with a white dot on its northern... most part...

BUZZ

NP: Ross.

RN: There was a bit of a hesitation there.

NP: Yes there was yes. He was trying to visualise the dot on the... Ross you have 18 seconds, tell us something about Neptune starting now.

RN: We always hear about King Neptune, but we donít often get to listen about the rest of the Nep...

BUZZ

RN: I just wanted to avoid the igloo principle! Thatís all I was trying to do!

NP: I think youíve got jet lag actually, youíve just come back from Australia. But Paul what was the challenge?

PM: It was repetition of about.

NP: Oh yes, amongst other things! Right, 12 seconds Paul, tell us something about Neptune starting now.

PM: I was having a conversation with Sir Patrick Moore once. He appeared on a television programme that I was on. And I asked him his idea of what Neptune would be like. And he said to me, and I never forgot what he, actually, he er...

BUZZ

NP: Ross yes! Youíll never forget it will you! Ross youíve got in with half a second to go...

PM: Whoa!

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: It hasnít won you any friends, but whatís your challenge?

RN: Ah, he said.

NP: He said, hesitation, whatever you like.

KHH: What Patrick Moore said.

PM: I didnít say said, I didnít say said twice. I hesitated.

RN: All right then, he.

NP: Whatís that?

RN: And you hesitated as well, Iíll have that.

NP: And he hesitated. I donít know what to say because I normally accept the first challenge...

KHH: Can we hear what Patrick Moore said, Iím agog!

NP: I want to hear it...

RN: What, in half a second?

NP: In half a second. Oh come on Ross...

PM: Patrick Moore speaks very quickly, I can get it in in half a second!

NP: Weíll hear it afterwards! Half a second from you Ross, on Neptune starting now.

RN: There are...

WHISTLE

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well there was a definite hesitation there.

NP: Yeah, I donít think so. I wonít charge anything for that and will say that you were speaking when the whistle went Ross, Ross gets the extra point for speaking as the whistle went. And Ross itís your turn to begin, cheek. Tell us something about cheek in this game starting now.

RN: Cheek is very important when pulling a mooning from a moving car. It is essentially the most important ingredient when...

BUZZ

NP: Kit challenged.

KHH: Sorry, two importants.

NP: Yes it was, so Kit you got in on the important and you have the subject, 53 seconds, cheek starting now.

KHH: I once came across a recipe for pigís cheek which involved cleaning the skull of the animal, scooping out the brains, burying it in salt peter, and baking it for 29 days, turning it regularly and then smoking it for a further week. Very odd it didnít catch on at all in this country but it were something I er ah dah!

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Hesitation.

NP: Well it was sort of rubbish, wasnít it! So...

PM: Yes but we canít start challenging on that! These buzzers can only last so much!

NP: Right, ah so yes anyway Paul, correct challenge, and you have cheek and you have 35 seconds starting now.

PM: Cheek, or nerve as itís sometimes called, is quite an attractive quality, I think, in people. Where would we be today if Geoff Hirst hadnít had the cheek to claim that goal that came off the crossbar? If you look at that match thereís no way the football went over the line. And yet somehow we were given the goals that won the match. Now I think perhaps the marvellous Winston Churchill showed an enormous amount of cheek when he first came to the position of being Prime Minister. Because up to that point heíd been a bit of the black sheep of English politics. The Conservatives didnít like him very much, in fact heíd been a Liberal at some point...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton speaking as the whistle went gained an extra point and has moved forward ahead of Ross Noble, Kit Hesketh-Harvey and Steve Frost in that order. And Paul itís actually your turn to begin and weíre moving into the final round. Paul begins, it, the life of Riley starting now.

PM: Well itís a miserable life. Heís an alcoholic, he lives in a workmanís hut in Balham. Nobody wants the life of Riley, least of all Riley. He used to be a very successful quiz show host, one of the best. Just A Minute was a show that he always enjoyed performing on, in fact you might know him better under the name of Nicholas Parsons. Of course now Iím talking about some time in the future, round about March 2003. I donít know who Riley was originally...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Ross challenged.

RN: Well he was living in Balham before.

PM: Yeah but I donít know who he was originally, thatís where he is now. I donít know what he was originally.

RN: He changed his identity to live in Balham?

NP: I think youíre, technically, an incorrect challenge, but 31 seconds Paul, the life of Riley starting now.

PM: Drink flowed like wine, which funny enough, is a drink...

BUZZ


NP: So Kit your challenge?

KHH: Ah repetition of drink.

NP: Thatís right.

KHH: Yes.

NP: You have the subject, the life of Riley, 27 seconds starting now.

KHH: Bridget Reilly, the painter, I think she must be about 70 now. She painted black and white things that give you epilepsy or mild headaches when you stare at them. I think I liked her...

BUZZ

NP: Steve Frost challenged.

SF: Repetition of think.

KHH: Yes sorry.

NP: Yes you did, yes correct challenge, well listened Steve, you got in before the end. Eighteen seconds, the life of Riley starting now.

SF: Sitting on a beach, drinking beer, surrounded by beautiful women, with lots of gold falling off your lap, into the dogs that bay beneath your knees, looking at...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Where is this gold? This gold is falling into your lap from where? Into the mouths of dogs? Well itís just rubbish, itís deviation, deviation from life as we know it!

NP: Life as we know it but that is a pure fantasy. But I mean can you challenge for fantasy?

PM: Well whereís this gold coming from? Itís dropping into your lap.

SF: Well if you hadnít interrupted, I would have told ya!

PM: Okay!

NP: I must be fair to Steve, I mean, this could be that he did have all this gold and he did, itís the dogs baying around him, thatís what got me!

PM: Itís a worry, isnít it!

NP: Itís a real worry because I mean if heís like that, that is not er a very happy picture, but the rest was, a very exotic picture. But I think Iíll give you the benefit of the doubt...

SF: Thank you.

NP: ... because I donít think you were deviating within the rules of Just A Minute and you have eight seconds to continue on the life of Riley starting now.

SF: If I won the lottery, the first thing I would go out and do...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well deviation, he said he was going to tell us how this gold landed in his lap! If he was given the chance...

KHH: Maybe he won the lottery!

PM: Heís been given a chance and now heís started talking about the lottery!

KHH: He won the lottery, itís just pouring it down into his lap.

NP: In the rules of Just A Minute, you can start off on something and leave it and carry on and talk about something else. Thereís nothing to, itís not that you have to continue on the same theme throughout. You have gone off in certain different directions all the time when youíre talking like that. So Steve youíre doing well, youíre catching up like mad!

SF: I know a lot about the life of Riley! (laughs)

NP: Right, but you have, I donít know whether youíre going to get enough points in the last four seconds! But have a go, life of Riley starting now.

SF: Not...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Paul challenged.

PM: How many points does he need?

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: More than you can give him in four seconds!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM PM AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Life of Riley still with you, and another point of course, three seconds starting now.

SF: Getting free points on Just A Minute surely is the ultimate life of...

WHISTLE

NP: Yes! So we have no more time to play Just A Minute. Let me give you the final situation. But ah as I say basically I mean theyíre all winners in this show because itís the contribution that matters. But youíre interested, if youíre interested in the points, Steve Frost who was trailing nowhere a while ago, in that last round leapt forward. He was still in fourth place, but he was ah, well actually no he leapt forward into third place, alongside Kit Hesketh-Harvey. But in second place, only a few points ahead was Ross Noble. But quite a considerable number of points ahead was Paul Merton, so we say Paul in this particular game, you are the winner! It only remains for me to say thank you to our four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Kit Hesketh-Harvey, Ross Noble and Steve Frost. I thank Claire Bartlett for helping with the score, and blowing her whistle so delicately. And also we thank our producer, Claire Jones, for the way she directs and produces the show. And we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this particular idea. And we are most grateful to this lovely Yorkshire audience at the Picture Playhouse Theatre in Beverley who have cheered us on our way. From the audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, good-bye until we tune in and play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC