JAM:RVranch,LGoddard,RMorton,TO'Connor
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring RICHARD VRANCH, LIZA GODDARD, RICHARD MORTON and TOM O'CONNOR, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (TV, 28 April 1999)

NOTE: Tom O'Connor's last appearance, Richard Vranch's last television appearance.


THEME MUSIC

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, thank you, thank you, hello and welcome to Just A Minute, this exciting and challenging game where I ask my four guests to speak on a subject I will give them and they try and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. And to meet the four exciting guests today, first of all we welcome that consummate actress Liza Goddard, and beside her the writer and comedian Richard Morton, and on my left the very talented musician Richard Vranch and finally the irrepressible comedy performer, man of comedy Tom OíConnor. Please welcome all four of them! And theyíre going to try and display their verbal wit and dexterity as they speak on the subject I give them and they will challenge according to well or how well theyíre doing it. And we begin the show with Liza Goddard today. Liza the subject we have, and I donít know why this subject has been chosen for you, Liza. Itís rude words.

LIZA GODDARD: Oh!

NP: Can you talk on the subject of rude words starting now.

LG: When I was a girl being educated at the Convent of the Sacred Heart in Farnham, Surrey, the rudest word we knew was armpit. For some reason this innocuous part of the human body reduced us to helpless jibbering wrecks, women lying on the floor with tears rolling down our faces. At any solemn moment, and there were many and oft of these at that establishment, a mention of that little rudery and serried ranks of schoolgirls would be lying down like ninepins...

BUZZ

NP: Tom you challenged

TOM OíCONNOR: I think it, well thereís lost of things but hesitation is certainly one of them.

LG: I think so.

NP: I thought you did very well, you went for 36 seconds, thatís jolly good.

LG: Wow!

NP: So thatís a correct challenge, Tom OíConnor gets a point for a correct challenge, he takes over the subject and there are 34 seconds available starting now.

TO: Rude words are very unusual in our family...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch has challenged.

RICHARD VRANCH: Itís very mean of me because Tom had only just got going but there was a bit of hesitation.

NP: There was a definite hesitation there.

TO: Yes.

NP: So Richard, a point to him for a correct challenge, he takes over the subject, there are 30 seconds available, rude words, starting now.

RV: Well I think you need rude words. Because every now and then when something awful happens, some frustration hits you, and...

BUZZ

NP: Liza why have you challenged?

LG: I donít know, Iím sorry. I was going to say some but he said some and something.

NP: Thatís right.

LG: It was a really stupid challenge! Just ignore it, just pretend I didnít do that!

NP: No I canít do that, it happened! If someone is interrupted, they get a point for an incorrect challenge. So Richard you have another point, you still have rude words and you have 23 seconds starting now.

RV: The trouble is these days you hear rude words all the time, on the television, on the bus...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: Repetition of on the! Hurrah!

NP: On the! We usually let little things like that go, Liza!

LG: Oh do you?

NP: Yes. But it was correct, it was a repetition of on the. So Liza has another point, no she doesnít itís her first point actually.

LG: Good! Whew!

NP: Because you started yeah. You have a point for a correct challenge.

LG: Hurray!

NP: You take over the subject, there are 17 seconds, rude words, starting now.

LG: Rude words usually refer to parts of the body or bodily functions like bum or fart. My granny though thought that bottom was a rude word so we had to say situpon...

BUZZ

RICHARD MORTON: Shock really!

NP: What was...

RM: To hear Liza Goddard say those words has made my day frankly! Itís been... I think hesitation actually.

NP: Situpon! Her saying situpon has made your day!

RM: Yeah! I didnít know you could use the S word, situpon, yes.

NP: Good. It was a hesitation, yes. Well done Richard weíre going to hear from you, on the subject of this round there are five seconds available, rude words, starting now.

RM: As Liza was saying, serried ranks of schoolgirls. That phrase has stayed in my mind for the last two minutes!

WHISTLE

NP: Seried ranks of schoolgirls! Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point, on this occasion it was Richard Morton and he is equal in the lead with Richard Vranch at the end of that round. Right! Which Richard? Richard Morton would you like to take the next round?

RM: All right then.

NP: The subject, patience. Tell us something about patience in Just A Minute starting now.

RM: Patients is something I know all about coming from the north east of England. Because all the natives of that part of the world after a certain altercation will then have a fight and then find themselves in Casualty. When in Accident and Emergency...

BUZZ

NP: Liza...

LG: I think a little hesitation.

NP: No, no, he was going with style and aplomb. No, no, no. We can get too over conscientious...

LG: Right.

NP: Too keen on ...

RM: Youíre keen!

LG: I am!

NP: Sheís dead keen!

RM: Serried ranks of schoolgirls, and situpons and you stop me!

NP: Richard you had an incorrect challenge, you get another point for that and you still have, you have 49 seconds to continue on patients starting now.

RM: In Accident and Emergency erm we...

BUZZ

TO: Heís repeating Accident and Emergency.

NP: He did indeed Tom so you have a correct challenge, Tom OíConnor, you take over the subject, 46 seconds available, patients starting now.

TO: Patience is not only a virtue of course, itís also a game of cards. I use to play it at college when I was a young lad, and itís build... itís character building. Patience...

BUZZ

RM: A kind of hesitation but there was two builds in there really.

NP: Which one do you want?

RM: Iíll have building twice thank you.

NP: All right, you can have either but I didnít know, I might have disagreed with one, but I was thinking at the time. Right, there are 38 seconds available, patience back with you Richard, and another point of course starting now.

RM: In hospital two Geordies can even start a fight. Youíll often see them sitting in opposite hospital beds...

BUZZ

LG: Very close!

NP: Itís a tough game!

RM: I hesitated myself then!

NP: Yes Liza that definitely was hesitation...

RM: I thought it might be!

NP: When you get totally confused like that it is hesitation. So Liza you have the correct challenge, another point for that, there are 33 seconds available on patients starting now.

LG: Voltaire said that medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. My husband is a typical male when it comes to illness. He says "no Iím fine, I donít need to go to bed", droops around the house, sneezing, coughing, looking terrible, feeling...

BUZZ

TO: Surely this is deviation, this is not patients, this is illness.

NP: Well I thought she was conveying to me that her husband by that time was a patient but she didnít establish it very strongly did she? Talking more about the... Yes I think so, I think so. Itís a difficult job on which to interpret but yes, deviation, now illness and not patients. Right. Itís with you Tom OíConnor and there are 16 seconds available, patients, starting now.

TO: Patients are wonderful people because they have to put up with things in hospital that nobody else would ever have to do. They have nurses who wake them up to give them sleeping tablets...

BUZZ

LG: Iím sorry, he said have twice.

NP: He did say have twice.

LG: Iím sorry!

NP: Sheís the dead keenest player of the game!

LG: Iím sorry Tom, Iím just trying to get a point out of it! I keep having points taken away...

NP: You donít ever have points taken away to Just A Minute...

LG: You just give them to other people!

NP: You gain points for a correct challenge. But if itís an incorrect challenge we might give them to somebody else. But patients that was correct, eight seconds starting now.

LG: Patients have a very difficult time at the moment with the NHS I think. They have to wait in corridors, sitting on trolleys, they wait for the doctor for...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: I thank our audience for that spontaneous round of applause but quarter or even half a second before Richard Morton challenged and your challenge was?

RM: Wait, it was a...

NP: Yes, repetition of wait, so Richard you have quarter of a second on patients starting now.

RM: You see two Geordie blood donors...

WHISTLE

NP: Yes!

RM: Nicholas shall I tell the joke?

NP: Yeah yeah tell the joke.

RM: I was going to say you see two Geordie blood donors sitting in hospital in opposite beds and one says "are you looking at my pint?" Thatís all I was trying to say!

NP: It wasnít really worth it, was it! At the end of that round, Richard Morton has, in spite of his jokes, taken the lead! Heís just ahead of Liza Goddard and Tom OíConnor. And Richard Vranch, itís your turn to begin. The subject is nursery food. Tell us something about nursery food in 60 seconds starting now.

RV: Nursery food must be the most difficult food to prepare because of who you are making it for. Itís not as if youíve got adults in a posh restaurant who will eat up anything you stick in front of them for fear of infuriating the chef...

BUZZ

NP: Tom OíConnor?

TO: I think he said for twice.

NP: He did...

TO: I...

NP: Gosh this is a tough show this today isnít it? It really is. Tom, correct challenge....

TO: Liza started it!

LG: Ohhh!

TO: Iíve forgotten what the topic is now.

NP: Well itís all right, youíve got 47 seconds, nursery food, starting now.

TO: At school...

NP: He didnít start! No-one challenged then! Itís amazing isnít it!

TO: Hahhaha!

NP: And they still havenít challenged!

TO: Oh ! Er...BUZZ

NP: Richard?

RV: Interruption by you!

TO: Yes!

RV: Hesitation!

NP: Hesitation...

RM: Yes yes I thought that!

NP: He did hesitate a long time. Richard, you got in rather late, brilliant! Brilliant reaction there! You came in like a knife! You have nursery foods back with you, 36 seconds starting now.

RV: So you need to make the nursery food palatable for the little children who will eat it, because they will reject it if itís slightly er...

BUZZ

NP: Liza?

LG: Hesitation.

NP: Yes indeed Liza, there are 28 seconds available, you tell us something about nursery foods starting now.

LG: I love nursery foods. Cottage pie, shepherds of the same, bananas and custard, jelly, tapioca, semolina...

BUZZ

RM: Hesitation.

LG: I think so. Because I ran out of nursery foods!

RM: Yeah! But I would love to order shepherds of the same. Letís go in a pub now: "what will you have for lunch?" "Iíll have shepherds of the same please!"

NP: Right Richard, correct challenge, there are 18 seconds, you tell us about nursery foods starting now.

RM: Up in Newcastle where Iím from we all love nursery foods because itís all made out of lard, chips, fried eggs, um, baked beans, um...

BUZZ

RM: ... hesitation foods...

LG: Um um um um! Um um um!

NP: Um um, we call that hesitation, 12 seconds, Liza, nursery foods, starting now.

LG: The trouble is when you have small children you put on an enormous amount of weight because of the nursery food. Feed the little ones, they donít eat it. So you think Iíd better not waste it, Iíll shove it down my own throat...

WHISTLE

NP: Liza Goddard speaking when the whistle went gained the extra point at the end of that round. She has moved forward, sheís now equal in the lead with Richard Morton. And Tom OíConnor your turn to begin. The subject is the millennium. As if we havenít... theyíre already groaning in the audience already! Well maybe Tom will tell us something else about the millennium that we havenít heard but you have 60 seconds to try and do it starting now.

TO: The millennium is going to give us good and bad news. The best news I think will be hopefully the Queen Mother will still be alive, she will be as old as the century. So sheíll be the first Queen Mother in history who will get a telegram from her own daughter!

BUZZ

NP: And Richard Vranch challenged.

RV: Iím sorry Tom, two Queen Mothers.

NP: We canít have two Queen Mothers.

TO: No.

NP: You can only have the one.

TO: Okay.

NP: In this game you can only have one. Richard, correct challenge, another point, the Queen... no, the millennium. There are 52 seconds starting now.

RV: I am one of those pedantic people who will be celebrating the millennium on the 31st of December 2000 because strictly speaking it doesnít start until then. It would be like having your first birthday on the day you were born...

BUZZ

TO: There were two days there I think.

NP: Two days.

TO: Yes.

NP: No birthday is one word.

TO: Oh is it? All right.

NP: Yes. And day is another word. Yes. Grammatically thatís right. So 32 seconds for you to continue, Richard, having got another point on the millennium starting now.

RV: Well the great thing is that all the parties that will be happening at the time everyone expects them, Iíll be joining in as well. So basically you get two goes. So the first time we will all celebrate this fantastic calendar event...

BUZZ

NP: And Liza?

LG: Iím afraid a hesitation. He just stopped.

NP: Yes, donít apologise you got a correct challenge, and youíve got the subject, the millennium...

LG: I donít want it!

NP: You donít want it, youíve got to try and go on it!

LG: How many seconds have I got?

NP: Youíve got 23 seconds, the millennium, starting now.

LG: Iím not looking forward to the millennium. Weíve decided to get away from the world, just close the door, get in huge amounts of champagne, chocolates, caviar, and... dulphr!

BUZZ

NP: She sounded, sort of the lifestyle she was presenting, she got a bit overwhelmed by it.

RM: Iíd like to hesitate to say you hesitated.

LG: I did!

RM: But it was a wonderful party you were at. Liza was off wasnít she with the champagne, the chocolate, the caviar. Iím sorry about that.

NP: Yes! Are we all invited? Richard you have a correct challenge, there are 12 seconds, the millennium, starting now.

RM: Tony Blair is quoted as saying the millennium dome will be the greatest day trip ever. And I thought Tony, youíve got to get out more...

BUZZ

NP: Yes and...

TO: Two Tonys I think.

NP: Two Tonys yes. Oh its a difficult game isn't it? The millenniumís with Tom OíConnor with six seconds to go starting now.

TO: The millennium bug is the thing weíre all worried about of course. This is apparently going to affect...

BUZZ

NP: Liza you challenged.

LG: Iím not worried about it at all! Not at all!

NP: Liza you can have a bonus point because we liked the challenge. But you interrupted Tom OíConnor so he gets a point. And he has one second still to talk on the millennium starting now.

TO: The bug will affect.....

WHISTLE

NP: Tom OíConnor speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point for doing so. And what is the situation? Itís very very close. Liza Goddard is actually in the lead, sheís gone one ahead of Richard Morton and Tom OíConnor and only one behind is Richard Vranch. And Liza weíre back with you to begin.

LG: Oh no!

NP: The subject is snoring. I donít know whether there are any snorers in your family or you know anything about it. But tell us something about it in Just A Minute starting now.

LG: Great Snoring and Little Snoring are villages near where I live. And the postamster of one is mamed Mr Gotobed. My Great Uncle Walter comes to stay, very welcome guest, but we do have a problem at bedtime because he snores for England! And when heís asleep, the house is quiet, we all lie there, we hear the how... the ho...

BUZZ

RM: Yes! Great story though! Hesitation Iím afraid Nicholas.

NP: Yes Iím afraid so!

RM: And also your great uncle was mamed!

LG: Was he? Mamed, oh!

RM: Mamed, yes! You said they mamed him!

LG: Probably was!

RM: Whatís your name, John? (makes a throat cutting sound)

LG: Stop that snoring!

RM: Okay.

NP: Richard Morton you have 40 seconds to tell us something about snoring starting now.

RM: By placing your thumb and index finger over the nostrils of the offending snorer just for a second you will prevent them carrying on. But however the temptation to put it there sometimes is so great you just want to put it there! And sorry everyone, Iíve lost it! Okay!

BUZZ

NP: Tom OíConnor?

TO: Yes I think hesitation, deviation and everything you like on that one!

RM: Deviation...

NP: You donít half rub it in when you challenge. But it was hesitation and Tom OíConnor youíve got snoring and 28 seconds starting now.

TO: One of lifeís biggest questions is why is the person who snores loudest the first one to fall asleep? ... I have an uncle...

BUZZ

NP: You challenged?

LG: Pause for laugh!

NP: I know. Heís a comedian!

TO: Itís my job!

NP: In Just A Minute you have to ride the laughs. And nothing is worse, nothing is worse than waiting for a laugh that doesnít come!

TO: Itís like my act!

NP: Liza correct challenge, there are about 21 seconds available, snoring, starting now.

LG: The husband of old Aunt Mary goes to sleep and soon the house reverberates with the noise of his... (starts to giggle)

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch.

RV: Repetition of ppppppppt!

LG: P-p-p-p-p!

NP: We still donít know what it reverberates with!

LG: I know!

NP: Right! Snoring is with you Richard Vranch and you have 13 seconds starting now.

RV: I donít snore! Or at least Iíve never heard myself do it! And thatís the great thing about snoring! You never hear yourself...

BUZZ

LG: Never heard twice!

NP: Never heard yes. Actually itís not true! You can wake yourself up with a big snore.

RV: Donít tell them Nicholas! We werenít there together!

NP: Oneís life can be revealed on this show but that wasnít one of them! Right Liza with you, five seconds, snoring, starting now.

LG: Snoring is caused by the soft palate vibrating so it sounds like a fruit....

WHISTLE

NP: Liza Goddard was then speaking as the whistle went and has increased her lead at the end of the round. And Richard Morton, we would like you to take the next round. A right cock-up. Try an dtalk on the subject of a right cock-up, 60 seconds, starting now.

RM: I think itís fair to say that we all love a right cock-up. Yes indeed. I certainly do. Um but what springs to mind are television shows like er It Will Be All Right On The Night or Aunties TV Bloomers which show the mistakes in television programmes which have been made by TV celebrities and performers, which we love to watch. Or Blue Peter, when that elephant went rampaging around do you remember, and left all the little bits on the floor which was much funnier than the actual show. Or he could have gone back to one and said "thatís one I made earlier!" Erm er...

BUZZ

NP: Liza Goddard challenged.

LG: Um Iím afraid he ran out!

RM: I know it was obvious, he put me right off with that subject!

NP: Correct challenge Liza and you have the subject, a right cock-up and there are 36 seconds available starting now.

LG: My chickens like to peck around the yard and spend the day on the muckheap. Now Sean Teclear, the cockerel, likes to get up there first, so that heís the cock right up on top of the heap! The girls...

BUZZ

NP: Iím glad you challenged then! I wasnít sure what was going to come next!

LG: I know.

RM: Repetition of the word up.

LG: Yes.

NP: Up yes, right. No up is on the cardso you have an incorrect challenge Liza.

LG: Oh no.

NP: Up was on the card. There are 18, no sorry 23 seconds available, starting now.

LG: Iím not going to tell you any more about the chickens. But a cock... a right... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Richard Vranch.

RV: That was a little hesitation.

LG: It was!

NP: That was a major hesitation. There are 19 seconds now for you to tell us a right cock-up starting now.

RV: There must be a reason why we use the phrase cock-up to mean some sort of debacle or disaster. And maybe something happened centuries ago with a cock that gave it its name. For example it could have been a competition where two cocks were involved in a fight or a race and the winning one was the right cock and so they tried to put the right cock up...

WHISTLE

NP: So he was speaking as the whistle went, Richard Vranch, heís got an extra point for doing so and it is very interesting for those who are interested in the points. They are all equal in second place, just behind Liza Goddard whoís got a short lead. Richard Vranch will you take the next round. Overnight guests. Tell us something about those in Just A Minute starting now.

RV: Imagine the scene. Youíve got some friends around at your house, youíve had a lovely dinner, perhaps a glass of wine, youíve watched some TV and youíve talked into the early...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

TO: Weíve had at least three youíves there. Sorry.

NP: Youíve, youíve, youíve. Yes I think that one very strongly was repetition there. So youíve got in with 53 seconds to go Tom on overnight guests. Tell us something about them starting now.

TO: The worst persons to stay overnight of course have got to be relatives. Because relatives have always heard all your stories. No matter what you say, theyíve got it...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Liza?

LG: Sorry repetition of relatives.

NP: Relatives.

TO: Did I say relatives twice? Sorry.

NP: You did say relatives twice. So Liza you got in first, another point to you increasing your lead, overnight guests is with you and there are 47 seconds starting now.

LG: Guests and fish stink after four days but personally I love overnight guests. I spend a lot of trouble. I do up the bedroom, put flowers, books, a radio, biscuits, water jug, a glass, clean tub...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

RV: Is all this for the guests or the fish?

LG: The guests.

NP: I think youíd run out of things to do for the guests.

LG: I had, Iíd run out.

NP: Mind you, I wouldnít mind coming to stay with all those things. Richard...

RV: A rest station.

NP: Yes very definitely. Richard, a correct challenge, there are 33 seconds, overnight guests with you, starting now.

RV: The trouble is you never know if while youíre asleep, during the night, theyíre going to get up and start going through your things. For example you might... have...

BUZZ

NP: Tom?

TO: A massive hesitation there!

NP: All right, enough hesitation. Tom tell us something about overnight guests with 23 seconds available starting now.

TO: Wives are a nuisance because when they know guests are coming, they spend all day and possibly the day before preparing...

BUZZ

NP: Richard?

RM: Hesitation.

NP: Yes I think he hesitated because he knew heíd repeated something!

TO: Yes I had!

NP: Sometimes if you keep going with penache Tom they donít notice it. But Richard correct challenge and you have 18 seconds on overnight guests starting now.

RM: The most unwelcome overnight guests are the ones you might pick up in a sort of a way at a sort of a place and...

BUZZ

RM: Iím glad you stopped me! Somebody stopped me!

LG: I donít think I want to hear the rest of that story!

NP: Nor do I, no. Nine seconds Liza tell us...

LG: You said sort of a, sort of a.

RM: Yeah I know.

NP: Tell us something else you do for your overnight guests, nine seconds, starting now.

LG: My overnight guests when they arrive in the afternoon can ride the horses. They can help me muck out, they can take the...

BUZZ

TO: I think we had two theys there.

NP: We did have two theys there.

LG: Yah!

NP: Youíre getting keen again arenít you!

TO: I am!

LG: Heís getting keen!

NP: Right Tom youíve got four seconds, overnight guests starting now.

TO: The worst thing about having overnight guests is that the manager is never there. You stay...

WHISTLE

NP: Tom OíConnor speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point and heís moved into second place behind Liza Goddard who is still in the lead. And Tom OíConnor itís also your turn to begin.

TO: All right.

NP: Spotted dick. Thatís a good subject isnít it. Sixty seconds if you can starting now.

TO: I was a school teacher and in all the days I... worked at my profession bla bla bla...

BUZZ

NP: Oh Liza?

LG: Oh I had to because he just hesitated.

NP: I know! I know!

LG: Please donít!

NP: Sheís so kind, she wanted you to go on you see.

LG: I do, I wanted to hear your story!

NP: About your spotted dick! Well you tell us something about your spotted dick and youíve got 57 seconds starting now.

LG: Spotted Dick is a public house near where I live, so-named after Richard the Third. Before he lost his horse he came through the area, fell down a well, cut his face and so he had spots all over him, so he was called Spotted Dick (starts to giggle)

BUZZ

NP: What rubbish they talk sometimes donít they! But itís delightful. Right...

RM: A bit of hesitation, sorry there. Because all you said it was all just twaddle wasnít it?

NP: I know but thatís what you can do in Just A Minute you see.

RM: Okay.

NP: As long as you keep going with style they donít know if itís not right, 43 seconds, spotted dicks with you Richard Morton starting now.

RM: I would love to get German measles and then get arrested and then find...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

TO: Two gets.

NP: Gets, repetition of get. Yes, I would love to get and then get. Right so Tom OíConnor...

RM: Getting me back for the time before!

NP: ... Youíve got the subject back, youíve got your spotted dick back and there are 38 seconds starting now.

TO: When I was a school teacher I supervised the meals.

BUZZ

NP: You said that before...

LG: Oh yes Iím so sorry. I canít stand it but you said school teacher before!

TO: Oh?

NP: You did. You started off before with school teacher.

TO: Wasnít that a different life when I did that?

NP: No, no, no.

TO: Because you used there twice in two different things!

NP: I know! But you see as you said it before you canít say it in the same round again!

TO: Ah!

NP: You started off before when I was a school teacher and itís quite a long phrase too.

TO: All right.

NP: So Liza got in first...

LG: Iím sorry.

TO: Donít worry.

NP: Spotted dick, 34 seconds, Liza starting now.

LG: Spotted dick is a delicious pudding, I absolutely love it. you make it with flour and suet and a little bit of butter and water. You make the pastry and build it up. And the very most important ingredient of all are the raisins. You fill it full of these little... dried fruit...

BUZZ

NP: Ah...

TO: Hesitation I think.

NP: Yes you couldnít get something else until you thought of dried fruit for raisins, right! Tom OíConnor donít start by saying when you were a school teacher.

TO: I wonít.

NP: Spotted dick is with you and there are 16 seconds, 17 actually, starting now.

TO: When I was a student... I used to... (starts to giggle)

BUZZ

NP: He was riding a laugh and the applause, so Iím going to be generous and say you had us with that one! So Iím going to be really generous and not charge any points, keep going, 11 seconds, spotted dick, starting now.

TO: My favourite pudding was always spotted dick. Other things I liked, semolina was okay, a bit sloppy, tapioca, duh! Spotted dick was okay because it felt homemade. Others I liked were custard, ice cream...

WHISTLE

NP: Tom OíConnor kept going until the whistle went, he got the extra point. Heís creeping up on Liza Goddard which is rather devious in this game. But Lizaís just in the lead, two ahead and then its Richard Morton and Richard Vranch in that order. And Liza Goddard, itís your turn to begin. I have something here for you Liza, muscles.

LG: Right!

NP: Thereís so many different ways you can take it. But just talk on it for Just A Minute starting now.

LG: Mussels are bivalves of the family lamina brankea. You find them between the high and the low water mark at the beach...

BUZZ

NP: Yeah?

TO: Can I interrupt just because she sounds like a smart aleck?

NP: You can if you like, you can interrupt her. Iíll give you a bonus point because it was a naughty if facetious remark which made the audience laugh so you get a bonus point for that. But Liza gets a point for being interrupted...

TO: Certainly.

NP: And she continues on mussels and there are 53 seconds available starting now.

LG: My favourite way of cooking mussels is mern yeh. Take an onion, cut it up very small, cook it up in butter, throw in some white wine, water, mussels. Make sure the mussels are live, because if theyíre not youíll get very very poorly again and end up dead yourself. Cook them in the pan for about 10 minutes and pour them into soup bowls. Serve with bread freshly made, white, wholemeal, granary... with...

BUZZ

LG: Someone help me!

TO: We were actually filibustering by doing nothing.

NP: Yes you do, there you are.

LG: Very mean!

NP: It was turning into Ready Steady Cook. Mussels, correct challenge Richard Vranch and there are 27 seconds available starting now.

RV: There are several places which are famous for their mussels. Belgium is one of them. In Antwerp you can get the most fabulous mussels. And Dublin of course had a mussel seller who was enshrined in a song. (begins to sing) In Dublinís fair city where the girls are so...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Richard Vranch!

RM: Repetition of the word Dublin.

NP: Dublin, yes right. Dublin, repetition Richard Morton and there are 14 seconds mussels starting now.

RM: Where I come from in Newcastle weíve got muscles up to the eyelashes because weíre that tough. Muscles on the little bit of our lips where we have tattooes done...

BUZZ

NP: Why have you challenged Tom?

TO: He repeated wah!

RM: Itís short for where are I!

TO: He said muscles on wah lips!

NP: No I donít think that was a legitimate challenge. Itís just his idiosyncratic way of speaking.

TO: He said it, he said it, he said wah twice!

LG: They meant different things though.

RM: Yeah I did wah didnít I?

NP: Well if you come from Newcastle or wherever you come from, you take...

RM: Where did you come from? Okay.

NP: Seven seconds, muscles, starting now.

RM: Where I come from people are so hard they get tat...

BUZZ

NP: Well yes.

TO: Where I come from, he said that twice.

NP: Yes he certainly did, yes he did...

RM: Did I? Iíve just come from there, now I go back there.

NP: Right Tom you got in with five seconds to go, muscles, starting now.

TO: Muscles I admire. My son in law actually is one of these bodybuilders. He has arms like this...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: Wait a minute! Before the whistle, what happened?

RM: That was a little bit of hesitation.

NP: It was a little bit of hesitation, yes. So with half a second to go, Richard Morton, youíve got muscles starting now.

RM: From my place of origin...

WHISTLE

NP: So Richard Morton speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. There is no more time today to play Just A Minute so let me tell you the final situation. Richard Vranch was in fourth place and then Richard Morton in that order, and then Tom OíConnor was one point behind Liza Goddard, so Liza youíre the winner today! We do hope you enjoyed Just A Minute. And on behalf of Liza Goddard, Richard Morton, Richard Vranch and Tom OíConnor tune in the next time we want to play Just A Minute. Until then from all of us here goodbye.

THEME MUSIC