JAM:CFreud,THawks,JClary,SFry
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring CLEMENT FREUD, TONY HAWKS, JULIAN CLARY and STEPHEN FRY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 23 February 2004)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners not only in this country but throughout the world. But also to welcome to the show four exciting, and highly talented players of the game. Itís always a pleasure to welcome back that multitalented person, great performer, comedian, writer and now of course film director, that is Stephen Fry. And sitting beside him on my right, is someone, multitalented person in many other directions, a successful restauranteur, a successful politician, a successful writer, and also very successful for many years on Just A Minute, that is Clement Freud. And sitting on my left we have one of Britainís most popular and most loved comedians, who can be quite outstanding on occasions, and sometimes quite outrageous, that is Julian Clary. And beside him, thereís another comedian and stand-up performer, and also talented writer in every direction and that is Tony Hawks. Would you please welcome all four of them! And as usual in this game I am going to ask them all to speak at some different time if they can on a subject that I will give them, and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst, she is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from that magnificent Old Vic Theatre in the Waterloo area of London. Itís packed to the rafters, the galleryís full as well. But they have come from all parts of this great capital city to cheer us on our way and enjoy themselves. As we start the show with Tony Hawks. Tony, the subject I have in front of me is why I never rely on a single source. Oh the topicalityís got you already hasnít it! Tony will you talk on that subject, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

TONY HAWKS: I consulted all my intelligence sources before coming on this show. I had Stephen, Clement and the very lovely Julian checked to see if they were carrying weapons of mass destruction and none were found. But we will...

BUZZ

NP: Ah who was that? I canít read that name there.

STEPHEN FRY: Stephen.

NP: Oh thatís Stephen! Right! Anyway Stephen?

SF: I shall get booed and hissed for this because itís a small pedantic point but he said he had us checked for weapons of mass destruction and none were found. This is deviation from English grammar, it should be ďnone was foundĒ.

LAUGHTER FROM CF AND BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: Told you!

NP: Oh! Oh!

SF: Iím keeping my end up for the Radio Four listener who cares about this kind of thing!

NP: Stephen as ah, legitimately in one sense it was a correct challenge, we give you a point for that. But Tony a point to you for that, you keep the subject and there are 46 seconds available, why I never rely on a single source starting now.

TH: Unlike our senior politicians of the day, I would never rely on a single intelligence source, I...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you challenged.

SF: Iím afraid itís repetition of intelligence.

NP: Yes you had intelligence before.

TH: Itís true.

NP: It was a long time ago but ah...

TH: Yeah!

NP: So Stephen youíve got in there, youíve got 40 seconds, you tell us something about why I never rely on a single source starting now.

SF: Well when there was set cuisine and c-cooking books of the world...

BUZZ

SF: (laughs) Look itís a stammer, all right?

NP: Yes! Clement Freud you challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Hesitation.

NP: I call that hesitation yes. So you take over the subject and there are 37 seconds, why I never rely on a single source starting now.

CF: ďBrand,Ē said the King, ďthis sauce is A-1.Ē And so it has remained to this day. This was a label on a bottle of rather unpleasant brown liquid which people poured over chops and steaks. And looking at that, I always wondered whether His Majesty was at that time sane or not. Seventeen sixty to 1820 is a long time for one monarch to...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen you challenged again.

SF: One monarch and we had A-1.

NP: Yes right.

SF: Two ones.

BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: I, I, itís, I mean business now!

NP: Ten seconds, why I never rely on a single source starting now.

SF: We have bernaise and hollandaise and sauce tartare, which some say was invented by Gustav Scofier, though history is divided on the subject. There are so many to choose from it would be absurd to rely on a single sauce...

WHISTLE

NP: In this game whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Stephen Fry, and heís got more points than anybody else at the end of that round. And Julian Clary is yet to speak so let him take the next round. Julian the subject is stag nights.

LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE

JULIAN CLARY: Thank you God!

NP: Itís playing into your hands, is it? Right, stag nights Julian, 60 seconds starting now.

JC: Well of course for me every night is a stag event! For the dreary, lonely heterosexual, itís a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But imagine the scene, every Friday, Saturday or Sunday, when I troll around the streets with 15 or 20 burly young men. And if Iím not chained to a lamppost naked by the end of the evening, well thereís going to be a lot of questions asked! Last Friday week I...

BUZZ

JC: Two Fridays.

SF: Oh sorry, there were two Fridays.

NP: There were yes.

SF: Iíll hand it back to you, because I havenít got anything to say on the subject.

NP: You talked about Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

JC: And you were there as well!

SF: (laughs) Thatís...

NP: So Stephen, a correct challenge, repeat of Friday, stag nights is with you and you have 37 seconds starting now.

SF: Usually pretty grim events, arenít they. The poor groom is made to feel extremely drunk, and to ingest all kinds of disgusting cocktails, huge quarts of...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I think there was a hesitation.

SF: (laughs) I think there was.

NP: You are right, yes, yes, after that ingestion there was a hesitation. Twenty-nine seconds are still available, Tony Hawks, you tell us something about stag nights starting now.

TH: My friend Trevor is the proud owner of a Triumph Stag. And every Thursday evening he invites some of his chums round for what he calls a Stag night. And itís so enjoyable. He whips up his bonnet, and in we look, and see the workings of this magnificent vehicle. Sometimes weíll have a drink, but thatís not absolutely necessary. In that sense it differs from the traditional stag night at which...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Julian challenged.

JC: Well heís repeated night, and itís ďnightsĒ, it is stag night.

NP: Well listened, yes!

GASPS FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: Oh! And they call me a pedant!

NP: It is the rules, audience, by the way. So yes he did repeat the word ďnightĒ, and itís ďstag nightsĒ is the subject. So Julian youíve got in with five seconds to go on stag nights starting now.

JC: Iíve just got off a flight from New York where there were hundreds of...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Clement challenged.

CF: He got off a flight from Majorca!

NP: Well he can say that he got off a flight from New York.

CF: In that case...

JC: I was trying to make it sound more glamorous!

CF: In that case, heís a liar!

JC: Itís not against the rules, is it!

NP: Itís not against the rules to go off, he just got off a flight from New York...

TH: What flight did you just get off?

JC: It was Majorca!

TH: Well!

SF: It sounds very similar, Majorca, New Yorker!

NP: No I was just trying to play fair within the rules of Just A Minute, and fair within the ah... we do happen to know that he did get off a flight from Majorca...

TH: Well weíre not sure now!

JC: Yeah, I may have been lying earlier on!

NP: I think Iíll give you the benefit of the doubt.

JC: Thank you.

NP: One second Julian, on stag nights starting now.

JC: There were 35...

WHISTLE

NP: So Julian Clary speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, heís one point behind our leader Stephen Fry, and then itís Tony Hawks and Clement Freud. And Stephen Fry, itís your turn to begin, and the subject is my nastiest habit.

SF: Oh dear!

NP: Can you tell us, have we seen it about grammar or is it another one? Sixty seconds starting now.

SF: Pedantry on an almost industrial scale has got to be one of my nastiest habits. I suppose a loving for grammar and a desire for things to be expressed correctly may be seen as a nasty habit...

BUZZ

NP: Julian challenged.

JC: Not particularly nasty.

SF: No, maybe, may be seen.

NP: No, he did put a maybe in.

SF: I said I suppose it may be. Because I agree, itís a lovely idea.

NP: No, no, but itís still my nastiest habit, with you Stephen, and I canít read this watch at the moment, 51 seconds starting now.

SF: My nastiest habit is...

BUZZ

SF: Hello?

NP: Hello Clement.

CF: That was a very long delay.

SF: Oh was it?

NP: It was yes. Um I never know whether it was my fault ot not because I said I couldnít read the watch. Yes it was two seconds actually.

SF: Oh heavens thatís a bit much.

NP: Quite surprising, well in this show itís a long time. Clement you have another point, you have my nastiest habit starting now.

CF: The extraordinary thing is that I have no nasty habits, therefore no nastier, let alone nastiest habits. When I...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Yes itís impossible for him to carry on without deviating! The subject is my nastiest habit, and he cannot speak on that, because he hasnít got one.

NP: Right. Ah...

TH: Therefore Iím saving him the embarrassment of deviating in a second from now. Why not letís just get it all out of the way now?

NP: Really, what you would call that a psychic challenge, isnít it.

TH: Well yeah, predictive.

NP: I think he hasnít deviated yet...

TH: Okay.

NP: So...

BUZZ

SF: Iíll give you a real challenge then.

NP: Right...

SF: Well just based on what was said earlier, he said habits twice.

NP: I know...

SF: And itís habit on the card.

NP: I know he did, I noticed that as well. You can save that if you want to.

SF: Yeah yeah, if you want me to.

NP: You can still come on it.

SF: Okay then.

NP: Forty-one seconds, my nastiest habit Clement starting now.

CF: If I were to say...

BUZZ

NP: You challenged.

SF: Yeah, he said in his earlier tranche, he said habits twice.

NP: He did say habits twice, well done. Stephenís was a correct challenge, he has my nastiest habit, and he has 40 seconds starting now.

SF: As a child I picked my nose, and ate the matter therefrom. And some people considered it extremely nasty! I thought it was delicious and Iím afraid I found it very hard to apologise. Itís an natural thing to do...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I think there was a repetition of found in there.

NP: Yes yes.

SF: Oh well done.

NP: What you found there...

SF: Patronising is another one...

LAUGHTER FROM TH, CF AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: Right, having told us the nastiest, right, my nastiest habit is with you Tony and you have 32 seconds starting now.

TH: My nastiest habit is singing in the car which I deliberately do to annoy the other passengers. (sings) Roxanne (speaks) is an example of the kind of thing I can just throw in when weíre at traffic lights, causing people to become tearful, upset, suicidal in some...

BUZZ

NP: Julianís challenged.

JC: Did we have two people? Did he say people twice? Oh it was passengers, was it.

NP: Passengers for...

JC: Oh hush my mouth! Edit that bit out!

NP: Right, 15 seconds still with you Tony, my nastiest habit starting now.

TH: On the M25 I will sometimes go...

BUZZ

NP: Ah...

SF: I think we did have sometimes in the previous thing...

NP: You did have sometimes before yes.

SF: Definitely yeah.

NP: Well listened Stephen, youíve got in now at last, 12 seconds my nastiest habit starting now.

SF: Impatience I suppose cannot be considered...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Heís already supposed.

SF: Iím always supposing, isnít it. Itís true, thank you. Youíve got to cure me of that...

NP: Yes, 10 seconds for you Clement on my nastiest habit starting now.

CF: A Dominican monk gave me a garment which has got to be my nastiest habit. It has soup stains down the front, it has old bits of marmite...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Clement Freud justifiably got a very strong round of applause then. He got another point for speaking as the whistle went, heís two points behind our leader Stephen Fry, and two points ahead of Tony Hawks and Julian Clary. And Tony itís your turn to begin, the subject now is bright young things. Um Tony, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

TH: Quite why I was overlooked as the male lead in Bright Young Things, the movie that was made recently, is something I hope to take up with the director, if I ever get the chance to find out who that was! Not long ago I was deeply disappointed to be invited on a show called Grumpy Old Men! And I believed I should have been asked on to one called Bright Young Things. Because I am bright, Iím relatively young if you compare me with the oldest man in the world, who is something in the region of 117 years old. And I have a thing! A fine one which I polish on a regular basis, Thursday or Friday evenings, usually set aside for that task...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: He repeated old. I let him go on a bit because I havenít got much to say.

NP: Yes you did repeat old Tony. So Clement a correct challenge, 18 seconds, bright young things starting now.

CF: Being a bright young thing is very much in the eyes of the beholder. I personally use a stair lift and a walk-in bath, and bright young things in general are to be found, like Dame Thora Hird, the late lamented, waving as they disappear...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clementís making a late surge, heís got another point for speaking as the whistle went. Heís now equal with Stephen Fry in the lead, and the other two are just behind him. And Julian Clary, your turn to begin, the subject now is how I usually spend Sundays. Will you talk on that subject starting now.

JC: I usually spend Sundays on my knees, which doesnít particularly make it any different from any other day of the week. But then I nip home, I open the oven and I prod the joint. I take a great big fork out of the drawer, and you just get on with it. Then I might have some friends round for a pleasant soiree. Could be compared to a stag night, but itís not necessarily an all male event. If you know what Iím saying. And then, I pop...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well actually I thought he was going to hesitate, but then I think he recovered at the last minute. So Iíd like to withdraw my challenge.

NP: He did recover at the last minute.

TH: Yes he was, he was almost like skilfully dummying a hesitation. I didnít realise he was quite so proficient.

JC: Maybe you were predicting again, my ways.

TH: Yes possibly.

NP: But the fact is he was hesitated so he gets a point for that...

TH: Yes.

NP: And Julian you carry on with 35 seconds to go, how I usually spend Sundays starting now.

JC: Last Sunday I was performing at the Birmingham Hippodrome, and I had awful food poisoning. And someone had to stand in the wings with a bucket and I would rush off between each scene and do what came naturally. Thatís not a usual way to spend a Sunday, but thatís what I found I was doing. It was our final performance and at the end, the crowd stood up and roared. I donít know why, because I hadnít been at my best. I was rather pale and pasty. But way up in the wings, up at the top of the theatre, I could see my mother winking at me...

BUZZ

NP: Um Tony challenged.

TH: I want to hear more about how he usually spends his Sundays. And less about this one specific Sunday.

JC: Well I have been in the show for six weeks, so that had been my usual Sunday routine.

NP: No, that was a correct challenge, because you were talking once, about one specific Sunday...

JC: All right.

NP: ... and not about how I usually spend Sundays. You donít usually spend Sundays being sick like that.

JC: Thatís for me to know!

BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Just because youíre partisan, I still have the rules to interpret! And Tony your challenge was correct, that was deviation. So you take how I usually spend Sundays and you have five seconds starting now.

TH: I usually spend Sundays in the audience at the Birmingham Hippodrome, where I love watching Julian...

WHISTLE

NP: So Tony Hawks was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Heís now moved forward, heís only two behind Clement Freud and Stephen Fry, our two leaders. Julianís just behind him. And Clement your turn to begin, the subject now, the importance of art. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

CF: I donít think Art, which is a diminutive of Arthur, is particularly important. I believe that man to be genuinely second-rate as are Bernard, Charles, David, Eric, Francis, George...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen challenged.

SF: I believe we have a rule against listing.

CF: No we donít.

NP: No we donít.

SF: Oh donít you?

NP: No, no.

SF: Oh I always thought there was.

CF: Can I have two extra points?

NP: No, thereís...

SF: Oh hello! (laughs)

NP: So an incorrect challenge, so Clement another point to you, 46 seconds on the importance of art starting now.

CF: The importance of art when it comes to listing is really pretty pretty important...

BUZZ

NP: Oh itís a tough game! Tony you were the first to challenge.

TH: Yes! How many years have you been playing this game? i love it when people repeat things consecutively, it makes it all worthwhile.

NP: Right, the importance of art is with you Tony, and there are 41 seconds starting now.

TH: Paul Simon would have felt that the importance of Art was something that mattered to him, as Simon and Garfunkel would never have operated obviously...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Stephen.

SF: Double Simon, I think there.

NP: Yes.

SF: Yeah.

TH: Yes yes.

NP: Two Simons, so we have the importance of art with you Stephen, 33 seconds starting now.

SF: Thereís a paradox at the heart of this. Wine, love and art are all absolutely unnecessary to the furtherance of the human spirit, and yet therefore somehow are the most important things we have. Itís the necessities...

BUZZ

SF: Hello?

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Ah was there a repetition of important?

NP: No, importance was in before, wasnít it, and important there.

SF: Mmmm!

TH: Oh okay, right...

SF: Someone in the audience disagrees! Somebody in the audience wants me out of there!

NP: Right, 23 seconds, another point to you Stephen, the importance of art starting...

SF: Itís a kind of spiritual food, I suppose youíd call it, without which...

BUZZ

SF: Hello?

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Supposing again.

SF: Ah I havenít said it in this round, have I?

CF: You keep saying it all the time!

SF: Do I always say it all the time?

CF: All the time!

SF: Do we just sort of, we suppose that Iíve said it always! If I say it once, it counts as a repetition, is that the idea?

NP: If you repeat suppose, then it is a repetition yes.

SF: Yes.

NP: So Clement has...

SF: But from a previous round! Or had I said it in that round as well?

NP: I canít be sure actually. Thatís why... I was listening for other things. I think he did say it, didnít he Clement?

SF: ďYou think he did, didnít he Clement?Ē You ask the man who benefits from the point!

NP: Right...

TH: No, we donít...

NP: I know, I know!

SHOUTS OF ďNOĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

SF: Thank you audience!

NP: Right Stephen you still have the subject and ah...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: You see, youíre the most fickle audience! One minute you wanted Stephen not to have the subject, and now you want him to have it! So the importance of art is with you Stephen, 20 seconds starting now.

SF: It is my supposition that art has the greatest possible importance in human life. It gives a dimension, a depth and a spirituality to all our commerce, trade and doings generally. Without it, it seems to me, we are lost, sunk, desolated forever. Art, it is after all, that makes life beautiful, and without...

BUZZ

SF: Hello?

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Ah repetition of life.

SF: Oh. Fair point, yeah I think I had probably.

NP: Life yes, you had mentioned life before, and there are two seconds, you come in cleverly...

SF: Damn!

NP: ... with two seconds to go Tony, I know itís a tough game, the importance of art with you Tony starting now.

TH: Like a bridge over troubled water...

WHISTLE

NP: Right! So Tonyís moving forward rapidly, with that extra point as well as helped of course, so heís now equal in second place with Clement Freud. Theyíre both two points behind Stephen Fry, and three or four points ahead of Julian Clary. And Tony itís your turn to begin, the subject is dog days. Tell us something about dog days in this game starting now.

TH: If itís raining cats and dogs, and a dog falls on your head, the chances are youíll be knocked unconscious and into a daze, which you could argue is something of a dog daze. If you were a pedant. The trouble is youíd have to talk for quite some time afterwards, on that subject within Just A Minute, if you were playing that game when you brought it up, which is interestingly what has just happened to me. Now dog days should be introduced on Thursdays in my view, we should all get together with our dogs, chat to them, bond in any way we can. Because to be honest, human beings donít work hard enough in this general area. And what better day of the week to do it? The day between Wednesday and...

BUZZ

NP: Julian challenged.

JC: We have two days?

SF: Yeah.

NP: Thatís right, we did indeed Julian. So youíre in there on dog days, whatís the matter? Janetís telling me something, whatís that about? Oh yes, dog days is, ah, but he did say dogs twice, and itís dog days on the, on the card.

JC: And he said day, not days.

SF: He said day as the singular, he said twice.

NP: He said day as the singular. Sorry Janet, he said day as the singular.

CF: And heís not wearing a tie!

NP: So itís a correct challenge anyway Julian, 21 seconds, dog days starting now.

JC: Iíve got a delightful dog called Valerie who you may have seen on Celebrity Challenge programme that I did recently. So every day for me is a dog day which is not a negative...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: Well heís done exactly what he buzzed me for!

SF: No he hasnít!

NP: No he hasnít.

SF: He said dog which is singular which is on the card. And you said day as singular and it should have been days.

NP: It should have been days.

TH: He said day twice, thatís what Iím buzzing him for. Repetition of day.

SF: Oh did he? Oh well well in that case, youíre right!

LAUGHTER FROM TH AND THE AUDIENCE

SF: Well done!

NP: Stephen...

SF: Thatís a point to, a point to Tony...

NP: Would you like to take over? Iím quite happy to do IQ for you! Right, Iím afraid heís got you on the same thing which you got him on. Dog days is on, is the subject. Tony, 11 seconds, dog days starting now.

TH: Dog Days Afternoon was not a film, but I couldnít say the correct title, or I would have... ah!

BUZZ

NP: Ah Clement challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yes Iím afraid we call that hesitation, a stumble, six seconds Clement, dog days starting now.

CF: If you are an aficionado of greyhound racing, Wembley, Wimbledon, Hendon, Slough...

WHISTLE

NP: That small list kept him going until the whistle and an extra point. And therefore heís increased his lead, heís three ahead of Stephen Fry now, and four or five ahead of Tony Hawks. And Julian itís your turn to begin, the subject now is the nationís favourite. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

JC: The nationís favourite TV star of the moment is probably Jordan, who I had the pleasure of meeting recently at a club called China White. I took her back to my place and gave her a good going-over and then I chucked her out! The nationís favourite food is probably chips. And the nationís favourite sexual position is over the breakfast bar, apart from in Wales, where itís over the paddock gate...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

LAUGHTER FROM TH, NP AND THE AUDIENCE

TH: I thought Iíd better stop him, before we come off the air in Wales! No there was a repetition of over.

NP: Yes he did go over a bit too much.

TH: Yes!

JC: Youíre telling me!

NP: I think heís gone over the top actually!

TH: Yes!

NP: But um, we hope itís sustainable, and people, a lot of nice-minded people wonít understand what he was talking about! And um, but nobody really is like that nowadays, are they? Right, um, you all knew, didnít you? Right Tony, 38 seconds, the nationís favourite starting now.

TH: Take yourself back to the 70s, Norwich, a magnificent television show called Sale Of The Century. Who is the nationís favourite? None other than the assistant to Nicholas Parsons who presented that show! How she was adored up and down this land, as she strutted around in rather a loose fitting top if I remember rightly. I was only a wee thing at the time, mind you Iíve grown, but thatís something else we donít need to go into. Now, Nicholas, who Iíve said...

BUZZ

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Oh you are sweet to do that awww when he mentioned Nicholas. Clement, yes?

CF: Repetition of Nicholas.

NP: Yes I know, isnít it. Itís ah, so Clement, nine seconds, the nationís favourite starting now.

CF: I think usually politicians like Attlee, Churchill, Macmillan. But not always, rugby footballers, cricketers...

WHISTLE

NP: Right so Iíve just got a message to say weíre moving into the final round. Let me give you the score as we do so. Clement Freud with that extra round, extra point I should say, at the end of the round, has gone forward. Heís four ahead of Stephen Fry. And five ahead of Tony Hawks, and heís more ahead of Julian Clary. And Stephen itís your turn to begin, and the subject, very apt for the time which weíre recording this, Valentineís Day. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.

SF: On twenty-one double two North Clarke Street in the south side of Chicago on the 14th of February, St Valentineís Day, there was a famous massacre enacted by Al Capone, the great er bootlegger and...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: I think that was a hesitation.

NP: I think there was.

SF: Yeah it probably was.

NP: Fifty seconds for you Tony on Valentineís Day starting now.

TH: Valentineís Day, the patron saint of florists and restauranteurs. Because letís face it, you have to go out on those days. You cannot remain at home with your loved one, or she... or indeed he...

BUZZ

NP: Stephen?

SF: Well there was a sort of mess, which I suppose you could call a hesitation.

NP: He had you for a hesitation, a similar one comes up for him. And Stephen you have 35 seconds, the subject is Valentineís Day and you start now.

SF: The hagiographies, or Foxís Books of Martyrs as well, only list three saints scalled Valentine. They were different, they were all martyrs...

BUZZ

NP: Tony challenged.

TH: What does scalled mean?

SF: Scalled?

NP: It was an elision of words. I mean itís a thing the French indulge in, and we donít usually do it. But Iíll let him have it...

TH: Yes I think you should.

NP: ... the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and say 26 seconds, Valentineís Day with you Stephen starting now.

SF: But itís generally considered that because around the time of the middle of the second month of the year, birds pair off. And thatís where Chaucer in his great book, The Parliament Of Fowls, described this time as one for lovers, for romance, which we, since the Middle Ages, associated with those who adore each other. In the exchange of tokens and cards and gifts and things of that nature. However I donít subscribe to this great Hallmark resurrection of the holiday if you can call it that, which of course you canít...

WHISTLE

NP: So Stephen Fry with that final surge kept going till the whistle went, and gained an extra point for doing so with other points in the round. Let me give you the final situation. Julian Clary who always gives incredible value on the show, finished only just in fourth place. A very very strong fourth place. Tony Hawks who is always great as well, ah, was very close to the leaders and he was in third place. And what has happened, I think a very fair result. Because they both contributed so much. Clement Freud and Stephen Fry have finished up equal, so letís say they are the winners this week! Right, thank you, thank you, thank you, it only remains for me to say thank you to these four fine players of the game, Stephen Fry, Julian Clary, Tony Hawks and Clement Freud. Also thank Janet Staplehurst, who has helped to keep the score, sheís blown her whistle with great delicacy. And we thank our producer, Chris Neill. And we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And we are also indebted to this lovely audience here in the Old Vic Theatre, down in the Waterloo area of London who have cheered us on our way magnificently. They seem to have enjoyed themselves, we have enjoyed ourselves. So from the audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, and everyone, thank you, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC