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WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE! starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, TONY HAWKS and STEPHEN FRY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 12 July 2004)
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute! THEME MUSIC NP: Thank you, thank you! Hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my amazing pleasure to welcome all our many listeners, not only those who tune in to Radio Four and Radio Seven, but also on the World Service and on the Internet. And also it’s a huge pleasure to welcome the four exciting, talented, skilled and experienced players who have joined us this week. And sitting on my right we have that versatile and highly talented and individual comedian, Paul Merton. Beside him we have the distinctive personality, a man who has achieved so much in many areas of our public life and also on Just A Minute, that is Clement Freud. And seated on my left we have a man who is a writer, an author, a comedian, an actor, a novelist, a producer, a director, I don’t know what it is, the multitalented Stephen Fry. And beside him we have another very talented comedian, and also a very humorous writer, that is Tony Hawks. And would you please welcome all four of them! And as usual I am going to ask them speak on a subject that I will give them, and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst, and she is going to run the stopwatch for me, and blow a whistle when the 60 seconds are up. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Drill Hall, which is a venue near Soho in the centre of London. And Stephen your turn to begin, the subject, my favourite proverb, starting now. STEPHEN FRY: It’s interesting I should be given this because some time ago I was actually asked to research the er question... BUZZ NP: Tony yes. SF: Sorry! I got all excited! So sorry! NP: That was hesitation. SF: It was a mess. TONY HAWKS: Yes. NP: So Tony you’ve got the subject. SF: Crash landing! NP: My favourite proverb, and there are 55 seconds starting now. TH: I’ve actually made up my own proverb, which is called, you’re never too old to be told off by a park keeper. Because in fact that would be true of life. How we go through stopping with our ju... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PAUL MERTON: Well he’s, what is he talking about? How do we go through life stopping? He’s just picking words at random now! TH: Well that’s... PM: It’s like having a dictionary at the microphone! TH: That’s the nature of building a sentence. Yeah. Pick ‘em at random... NP: I don’t think the sentence, the sentence wasn’t going anywhere, so I think within the rules of Just A Minute... TH: Ohhhh! NP: Paul what is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute? PM: Well it was deviation from common sense. From English understanding. NP: All right, I’ll give it to you, benefit of the doubt this time, but the benefit may come back to you in a minute, I try to balance it. Forty seconds available, my favourite proverb Paul starting now. PM: People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones is one of those unusual proverbs that doesn’t really make a great deal of sense to me. Because I don’t imagine there are many folks that live in a home... BUZZ PM: Oh! NP: Stephen challenged. SF: That was live, I think, wasn’t it. NP: Yes. PM: I was concentrating on glass house coming up. SF: Yeah. NP: I know. PM: I was going to say crystal cottage! LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE NP: Well you didn’t say it in the round, but you got a laugh for saying it outside the round. Yes it is, and you’re letting, you’re letting the listeners know the way you think in this game... PM: Yes. NP: ... which is very interesting Paul. PM: Yeah. NP: Um 30 seconds, 30 seconds Stephen with you now on my favourite proverb. SF: A bird’s bush is worth two in your hand, or something similar comes to mind. There’s a genuine English proverb which is there’s many a good cock comes out of a tattered bag. And that you’ll find in any dictionary of proverbs, as is children suck the mother, but when they’re grown up, they suck the father. That’s a repetition... BUZZ SF: That is a genuine ah proverb. NP: Clement has challenged. CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition. NP: Of what? CF: A word ending in U-C-K. NP: I have to know in case you said something else. I quite agree with you Clement. He did repeat that word but he couldn’t have got the laugh without it. Clement you have my favourite proverb, you have 11 seconds starting now. CF: It is a mark of insincerity of purpose to seek an Emperor in a low-down tea shop, was Confuscious’s remark, which I think is a splendid proverb. Better... WHISTLE NP: So Clement Freud was then speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point. He’s now equal in the lead with Stephen Fry and Tony Hawks. Paul Merton’s trailing a little. Um just to digress for a moment. There’s a very amusing little, only amusing thing that ever happened in a programme I once did called Sale Of The Century. SF: Hooray! NP: I asked, because of what Paul said about glass houses, I asked the question for one pound, “what should you not do in a glass house”. And the woman pressed her buzzer and said “take a bath”! Which if it had been a comedy show, she’d have got points. But she didn’t, I had to take them away from her. Tony would you take the next round, how to do well in examinations, 60 seconds as usual starting now. TH: Don’t pay any attention to examination questions that end with the word discuss, because you’re not allowed to! I was sitting there and the vigilator came over and said “no discussion Hawks, answer this question in a written manner”. I was most upset... BUZZ NP: Stephen challenged. SF: I think there were two questions. Answer this question and any question that ends with the word discuss. NP: Exactly! Well done! TH: Mmmm! NP: And you have the subject... BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: Boo! Boo! NP: You’re not winning many friends... SF: (laughs) I know! Oh dear! NP: But you’re playing the game extremely skilfully. SF: I’m trying. NP: Forty-three seconds, with you Stephen, how to do well in examinations starting now. SF: In my experience the way to do well in examinations is to cheat! And by that I mean to answer the questions properly and to be good at exams. Which is so unfair, because in life you’re not asked to be good at these examinations at all... BUZZ NP: Tony challenged. TH: Repetition of good. SF: Oh right. NP: Yes indeed there was. And Tony you’ve got the subject back, you have 32 seconds, how to do well in examinations starting now. TH: Write all the answers on your arms, like David Beckham has done! I’ve noticed that recently. They clearly give him the team talk, and he jots it down, and why the hell not? Of course examinations can be very trying, testing times for young people. They’re under enormous pressure. I feel for them, particularly as the summer coms on, and how... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Summer coms on? We visited, we visited Somerset briefly I think! (in Somerset accent) Summer coms on! NP: Yes, I think we call that deviation from English as we understand it. PM: Yeah. NP: So you’ve got in with nine seconds to go Paul on how to do well in examinations starting now. PM: During my A-level examination, history, in fact, I did cheat. I wrote down all the dates on tiny bits of paper and hid them around my person. So therefore written... WHISTLE NP: That must be the first time anybody’s got a round of applause for admitting they cheated! Paul Merton you got the point for speaking as the whistle went, and other points, and now you’re equal with Clement Freud, you’re one point behind Stephen Fry and Tony Hawks. And Clement your turn to begin, the subject, porridge. Tell us something about porridge in Just A Minute starting now. CF: Porridge is made of oatmeal, or harris tweed. It rather depends on whether you come from Scotland or not. There are those who add salt, others milk... yet... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. CF: I was, I was pacing myself! PM: I knew something was distracting you! I think deviation, I don’t think porridge is made out of harris tweed. NP: All right, it is not made out of harris tweed. PM: No. NP: We all know that. PM: No. NP: So deviation, and um 47 seconds, porridge with you Paul starting now. PM: A marvellous sitcom, written by Dick Clement and Ian Le Frenais, starring Ronnie Barker. It first aired, I believe, in about 1975. I think Brian Wilde as Barrowclough, the... oh! BUZZ NP: So starting again, the flow goes. Stephen you interrupted, I mean, sorry, you challenged for... SF: Yes well it was a sort of mixture of... NP: There was a hesitation, right, you have the subject, 33 seconds, porridge starting now. SF: (in Barrowclough’s voice) Come along Fletcher. (normal voice) Brian Wilde used to say. Marvellous character, I enjoyed them all. You know, Fulton Mackay, can’t improve on that sort of acting in a situation comedy on the BBC, can you? It sort of sets the benchmark... BUZZ SF: Hello! NP: Ah Clement Freud challenged. CF: I’m afraid BBC. NP: BB. SF: Oh! (laughs) LAUGHTER AND CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: Oh dear dear! Oh I fell into a beginner’s trap, didn’t I! That’s terrible! Oh! NP: You’re hardly a beginner at this game now, Stephen. SF: I know, I know, I should know better. Oh dear me! NP: It is a beginner’s trap! SF: Book one, page two, line three, I’m sorry. I mean it’s there, BBC, don’t say it! NP: Anyway BBC is repetition of B, 24 seconds for you Clement, porridge starting now. CF: I rather enjoyed Porridge. I thought Ronnie Fraser... who... BUZZ PM: Ronnie Barker! CF: Ronnie... NP: You couldn’t have enjoyed it very much, if you thought Ronnie Fraser was in it! CF: You didn’t let me finish! NP: Ronnie Fraser... CF: Ronnie Fraser was not in it! (laughs) NP: Ronnie Fraser was never in it. CF: No! I didn’t say he was! NP: What is your challenge then Stephen? SF: (laughs) Yes! Well I think he may have squirmed out of it, but I could tell from his body language, as could you, that he went, his hand went to his mouth when he said Ronnie Fraser. (as if Clement was saying it) Oh blow! (normal voice) And he turned to Paul Merton... NP: And what you demonstrated there showed that he definitely paused! SF: Yeah! Exactly! Ronnie Fraser and a huge pause. NP: So you have 20 seconds on porridge Stephen starting now. SF: The Scots spell it P-O-R-A-G-E as opposed to two of the third letter, which we do in English with a D added and the letter I as well. Which is a different appellation, and one which I’m perfectly prepared to accept. I find the stuff disgusting, if hot. However with cool, cold, crisp milk, I adore it... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Deviation, crisp milk? LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE PM: Crisp milk? SF: When it’s... (laughs) when it’s very cold, it’s got a little thin sheet of ice on the top, and it’s just crisp! NP: I think you’re trying to wriggle out of it now Stephen really. I think... PM: The sort of it milk that has a crease in it? You know, very... NP: I think, I think it creates a lovely image with a lovely use of words, but within Just A Minute, I think it’s inaccurate. So Paul I give you the benefit of the doubt... SF: Oh dear! NP: Two seconds, porridge starting now. PM: My favourite episode of Porridge was undoubtedly... WHISTLE NP: And Paul Merton again speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point. He’s one point ahead of Stephen Fry, and two of Clement Freud and Tony Hawks. And Stephen your turn to begin, Narcissus. What a lovely subject! Tell us something about it in this game starting now. SF: A gorgeous boy, a heavenly youth, an Effebee, as the Greeks called him, who was enamoured of the... nymph... BUZZ NP: Tony challenged. TH: I think he did hesitate then. NP: He did hesitate. SF: Yeah I was struggling, wasn’t I. TH: And I’d like to say, I don’t even need the benefit of the doubt for that one! I’d kind of like to put that benefit of the doubt on hold and... NP: Yes... TH: ... use it later on. NP: I was going to say, I was going to say exactly the same thing. TH: Thank you very much Nicholas, thank you. SF: Like a get out of jail card. TH: Exactly yes! NP: You have 54 seconds on Narcissus starting now. TH: I re... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Could I have the benefit of the doubt as well? NP: When you deserve it Paul, you will have the benefit of the doubt. PM: Okay, thank you. NP: At the moment, that didn’t deserve it. It didn’t even get much of a laugh either. So ah... SF: Oh! Oh! Saucer! PM: Let’s not start pointing out who’s getting laughs and who isn’t! NP: I’m entitled to be a little acerbic occasionally. Because I do, I do suffer a great deal... PM: You do, don’t you. NP: ... at all your hands! I set myself up for it most of the time, but I take it in good part. Narcissus with you Tony starting now. TH: Not so long ago, I passed a mirror in my home. And I snatched a little glance, and immediately fell in love with myself. Much like Narcissus dud, ah, dud, dud, dud... BUZZ NP: Stephen. SF: I don’t think Narcissus dud makes any real sense, does it. NP: No, no, no, no, no... TH: I’m doing all right, but just not making any sense! SF: Yes! Exactly! TH: I’m not repeating anything! NP: The pressure’s on, and the words get confused sometimes, and that’s happened to Tony. Stephen got in first, 42 seconds, Narcissus, Stephen starting now. SF: So in love with his own image reflected in a pool, was he, that eventually he didn’t eat or do anything else except stare at this beautiful boy looking back through the water... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: I think we’ve had beautiful before. NP: He did, you talked about the beautiful image and the beautiful person... SF: You’re right, it was in a earlier tranche, but that carries over... NP: It carries over, yes yes. You can take, you can have as many tranches as you want in one round... SF: Thank you dear. NP: They all count against you. Thirty-five seconds, Narcissus with you Paul starting now. PM: Well I don’t really know much more about Narcissus than what we’ve already been told. But perhaps I can illuminate by making some stuff up. Narcissus worked as an ironmonger’s assistant in Lewisham from 1926 through to... BUZZ NP: Tony challenged. TH: He’s making that up! PM: I shouldn’t have said that bit, should I! TH: No! NP: No, but on the other hand Tony, there’s nothing in the rules which says that as long as you talk without hesitation... TH: Hang on! I’ve got the rules here! NP: No, he didn’t hesitate, he didn’t repeat himself, he didn’t deviate... TH: Oh, do we really want to listen to him making more stuff about... yes we do! Yes! NP: He can make up what he wants, providing he doesn’t break the three rules of Just A Minute. Twenty-five seconds with you Paul, Narcissus starting now. PM: Narcissus was a golden youth. He would walk through the forest, and the gulls and the starlings would come down and they would sing... BUZZ NP: Clement challenged. CF: Is he still making it up? PM: At the moment, I just don’t know! I might end up saying something that’s true, but at the moment I don’t know. NP: Yes. PM: Destination is, you know, up for grabs. CF: You should know. NP: There weren’t many starlings in Greece at that time, actually. No. PM: What about the 46 starlings of Thebes? NP: Paul you still have the subject... LAUGHTER FROM PM, TH, SF AND THE AUDIENCE NP: You were interrupted so you get a point as well, Narcissus still with you starting now. PM: Once he’d done his paper round, he was straight down to the pond, looking at his reflection and reflecting to himself “I am the most beautiful...” BUZZ NP: Stephen challenged. SF: Did he say beautiful as well? PM: I have. NP: Yes he has, he said beautiful as well. SF: Yeah. NP: Difficult isn’t it, when you’re talking about Narcissus anyway. PM: Mmmmm. NP: Eleven seconds, back with you Stephen, Narcissus starting now. SF: So the gods took pity on the lad, and turned him into the purple scented daffodil relation that we also call Narcissus. This act of metamorphosis which has been celebrated by many painters including of course Salvador Dali who was a very... WHISTLE NP: So Stephen Fry, speaking as the whistle went again, has moved forward, he’s still one point behind Paul Merton our leader. Then is Clement Freud and Tony Hawks in that order. Tony your turn to begin, and the subject, and there’s no benefit of doubt in this, it is your subject. It is what I miss about the 70s. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now. TH: The Bay City Rollers, shang-a-lang, they don’t write lyrics like that any more! What a marvellous decade it was. Penny collars, tank tops, flared trousers were still in... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Did you say penny collars? NP: Yes that’s right. PM: What’s a penny collar? TH: It was a sort of little loopy collar that obviously you didn’t have at your school. PM: No. TH: But ah yeah they were those sort of loopy ones... NP: Absolutely, he’s right. You don’t need the benefit of the doubt on that... TH: Thank you very much! Still got that benefit up my sleeve. NP: And you have 47 seconds to continue on what I miss about the 70s starting now. TH: And indeed my childhood. Because, youthful though I look to you tonight, studio audience, I have moved on from that section of my life. And in the 70s I was enjoying it to the full, skipping about the place, maybe whatever I felt like doing. You can tell I’m winging it a bit now, but it’s still making sense, so they can’t get in! And also I’ve got the benefit of the doubt up my sleeve which I haven’t used yet. I don’t know whether I’ve pointed that out. Anyway the 70s... BUZZ NP: Clement challenged. CF: Deviation. NP: I agree, he’s deviating from what I miss about the 70s. PM: Yes. NP: He’s talking about deviation and the benefit of the doubt. So Clement, you got in with 19 seconds on what I miss about the 70s starting now. CF: What I miss about the 70s is the youthfulness of that decade. When I was only 79, I had such a terrific time. I used to play cricket, run, pole vault. I think perhaps, more than any other pastime, that running along a cliff... WHISTLE NP: So Clement Freud was then speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point. He’s still in third place, but he’s catching up on Paul Merton and Stephen Fry in that order. And Clement it’s also your turn to begin, the subject is the person who should play me in a movie. Have a thought about that and if you’d like to go on the subject starting now. CF: You know, to have 60 seconds in which to describe the person who should play me in a movie is exceeding it. The answer is Zoe Wannamaker! LAUGHTER FROM NP, SF, TH AND THE AUDIENCE BUZZ NP: Well you, you rightly stopped because you didn’t ride the laugh, you decided to enjoy it. And so, and Tony was the first to challenge. TH: Wanna make a bet? Um, no I think um, I think he definitely hesitated... NP: He definitely hesitated yes. TH: ... on the strength, I mean, it was a huge laugh, but he did look like, once again, the sleeping bag was coming out and he’d packed up. NP: No, no, he not only hesitated, he stopped. He stopped, he rested on his laurels. And you’ve got in with 47 seconds on the person who should play me in a movie starting now. TH: This is rather an alarming subject for me to talk on, because there is talk of making... BUZZ NP: Um yes Stephen? BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: What? What is it? Why? Why do I get picked on like this? He said talk twice. TH: Yes! NP: I know he did. SF: But I get booed by the audience. TH: Talking. Did I... SF: No, he said talk twice! Talk. NP: No, he said talk twice. TH: No, I did say talk twice. PM: Okay. NP: Two talks. Right, 43 seconds, the person who should play me in a movie Stephen, starting now. SF: Well obviously, given the audience’s attitude towards me, it should be someone from Satan’s inner ring! A little microbe from hell, given that I’m such a villainous person. I’d always imagined that it should be Brad Pitt, but I’m going to have to re-examine the whole issue. There are various actors I wouldn’t mind representing me. I suppose, naturally, I would like them to be beautiful and slim, in exactly the way that I am not! Because that’s human nature really, isn’t it, we wish to be seen as the very thing that we are the opposite of. But obviously as I say, someone who should be remarkably clear headed and wise, and interrupting occasionally when other people are saying things that are perhaps repetitive or even deviatory or... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: Sorry, I’m, I’m probably completely wrong here. But is there such a word as deviatory? SF: It’s, it’s a kind of, you feel that given the tools we have in the English language, you could build it and it makes sense. NP: That's right, it made sense and if you’d kept going and nobody challenged you, you’d have got away with it. SF: Yeah. NP: But we’re not going to let you get away with it because... SF: Okay, fair enough, fair enough. NP: Quite right, you’ve got in with seven seconds to go Paul on the person who should play me in a movie starting now. PM: Bagpuss! I can’t really see further than that! Sitting in a window, nice pink face, bit of whiskers, that would be my life story encapsulated... WHISTLE NP: I think we should have all four of them in a movie, all being played by the people they suggested. I think it would be lovely. I think we’re moving into the last round which is rather sad because... SF: Awww! Tragedy! Tragedy! Tragedy! NP: Let me give you the scores as we go into the final round. Well Paul Merton and Stephen Fry are equal in the lead, followed closely by Clement Freud, and only two points behind him is Tony Hawks. We’re still got the benefit of the round coming up for him. And Paul Merton it’s your turn to begin, and the subject is the person I should like to play in a movie. That is the subject, the person I should like to play in a movie, 60 seconds starting now. PM: I’m not really sure I know what sort of person I should like to play in a movie. I suppose some kind of comic relief best friend... BUZZ NP: Tony challenged. TH: I think he said suppose twice. NP: He did say suppose twice. PM: Did I? NP: Yes you did indeed. And Tony you’ve got 55 seconds, the person... PM: In five seconds, I said suppose twice? TH: You said “I suppose I’m not really sure”, and then you said “I suppose” again. Hence the repetition. SHOUTS OF “NO HE DIDN’T” FROM THE AUDIENCE SF: Democracy in action! NP: Excuse me! Excuse me! I’m sorry, it’s got nothing to do with you out there! Tony, 55 seconds, the person I should like to play in a movie starting now. TH: Undoubtedly the person I should like to play in a movie is me! And this may not happen because tragically there’s talk of making Round Ireland... With A Fridge into a movie... BUZZ TH: Oh! SF: Sorry! Sorry! NP: Stephen challenged. SF: He did seem a little, you know, hesitatory. NP: I know... TH: I felt guilty about mentioning my own product. SF: No, it’s wonderful, it’s a wonderful read. NP: I was about to say that he was trying to plug his book and the result is he hesitated. SF: Yeah, plug his fridge! PM: Will, will the fridge be recast as a dishwasher perhaps? TH: No, I mean, tragically, this is the truth. Tragically they are talking about it, and I thought well, it might be the one chance I get to star in a film, because it’s supposed to be me, but I think I’m too tall! Sorry... NP: A bonus point... TH: Thank you very much! NP: All right... SF: Yes. NP: Stephen you got in, you have 44 seconds, the person I should like to play in a movie starting now. SF: If there was a life story of Brad Pitt, I’ve no doubt I would be cast in that role. Because our resemblance is just about as uncanny as you can get, without causing people to go into the Twilight zo, Zone theme tune... BUZZ NP: Tony challenged. TH: I think there was a hesitation. NP: Between Twilight and Zone. SF: Twilight to Zone yes. NP: Thirty-four seconds Tony, you’re moving up rapidly, the person I should like to play in a movie starting now. TH: I would like to play Florence Nightingale, in the Crimea, helping those helpless little soldiers, sitting in their beds wounded. I could move about the hospital ward with an elegance that would surprise many viewers in... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: No, you couldn’t! LOUD LAUGHTER FROM SF AND THE AUDIENCE PM: Deviation, I don’t think he could work, work with an elegance that would surprise many viewers. NP: I definitely, I’m afraid I have to agree with you. PM: Yes! SF: Oh! NP: I can’t see that! SF: That’s the point! The point is it would surprise you! TH: Yes! Yeah! SF: You don’t think he could... TH: Yes! SF: ... and he’s saying “yes, on the face of it, you’re thinking I’m someone who couldn’t be elegant. But I would surprise you.” So it would surprise you. TH: Thank you very much! SF: By definition! NP: Stephen, it would surprise me if he achieved it, but I don’t think he can achieve it! SF: That’s why it would be a surprise! If you expected it, if you expected it... NP: No! SF: ... it wouldn’t surprise you! NP: No, if we’re going to have a talk on logic, it isn’t! PM: But we’ve seen him, we’ve seen Tony walking, haven’t we Nicholas? NP: Absolutely! SF: You’ve never seen him dolled up as Frances, as Florence Nightingale. PM: I don’t, I beg to differ, thank you very much! SF: Show ‘em, girl! Show ‘em! TH: Look! I don’t want to get involved here particularly, because it’s all getting out of hand. But Stephen’s right. He is, he’s got a point! NP: Stephen, Stephen is wrong logically because... TH: He’s never wrong logically! NP: No, no, you said that you might be surprised. We would not be surprised. CF: We’d be amazed! NP: We’d be amazed! SF: That’s not a difference of logic, that’s a difference of intensity! NP: All right, I’ll tell you what, I will give you, shall I give you your benefit of the doubt... TH: Can I have my benefit of the doubt? CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE NP: I will give you now your benefit of the doubt in this last round. You keep the subject, another point, 18 seconds, the person I should play in a movie starting now. TH: Amazed they would be, to see my hair brushed back behind... BUZZ NP: Paul challenged. PM: I’m sorry, why would anybody be amazed to see your hair brushed back? What! “Dear Point Of View, I saw somebody on television with their hair brushed back. Is it possible to get a copy for my family?” TH: Excuse me! Excuse me! I will hand this over to my... NP: No, no! Stephen... SF: No, no, no... NP: Stephen you stay out of this! We don’t like your logic! It’s not accurate! You’ve lost it, Paul’s got it, I agree with his, I agree with Paul’s logic, I agree with Paul’s logic. Fourteen seconds Paul, the person I should play in a movie starting now. PM: I’ve always been fascinated by the life of Charlie Chaplin. Although I’m too tall, I would like to think I could essay a portrait of that marvellous silent screen clown. He had the most extraordinary life, being born in Bermondsey in the early 18s whatever, and then... BUZZ NP: And Stephen challenged. SF: Nothing extraordinary about being born in Bermondsey! Hundreds of thousands of people were born in Bermondsey even in the 19th century! PM: I think the rest, the rest of the sentence “would have ended up as one of the richest men in Hollywood” was how I was going to finish the sentence. SF: Oh fair enough. NP: So you didn’t allow him to finish. SF: No, I know, I was only teasing. NP: And it’s not extraordinary that he should have been born in Bermondsey. TH: Yes, I know we’re not allowed to go back, but you, you don’t know how amazing this hair style was going to be! SF: Yes! Hair brushed back... TH: Yes! SF: ... with a live fox in it... TH: Exactly! SF: ... was what you were about to say. TH: Exactly! Yes! NP: Listen, have you two, Stephen and Tony... SF: Sorry sorry. NP: You’re sitting beside each other. Have you decided to gang up and work as a team, in order to... SF: There’s a bit of a coup going on! NP: ... take over the show and get points for each other? Right Paul, you have one second left, oh it’s hardly fair on the others, is it. The person I should play in a movie starting now. PM: Marilyn Monroe! WHISTLE NP: Well Paul Merton with his flamboyant Marilyn Monroe brought that particular round, and this particular edition of Just A Minute to a flamboyant finish. And how exciting it’s been! And I think more humour’s been generated in this particular edition than has been generated for a very long time. And it’s been a very close situation. Clement Freud came in a very strong position. No, no, he deserves a round of applause, he did extremely well. He happened to finish fourth, but really just a few points, didn’t get ahead of him. And Tony Hawks, with his benefit of the doubt, even with that he only finished in third position. But he did very well and it was a very very powerful third position. And Stephen Fry was in an excellent second position, excellent, it was amazing. And but just out ahead, two points ahead of Stephen was Paul Merton, so we say you are the strongest one in points and numbers, let’s say you are the winner this week, Paul Merton! It only remains for me to say thank you to our four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Stephen Fry, Tony Hawks and Clement Freud. I also thank Janet Staplehurst, who has helped me run the stopwatch as we call it, blow her whistle so elegantly. We also thank our producer-director, that is Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this delightful game. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here in the Drill Hall, cheering us on our way, having a lovely time. From our audience here in London, and from me Nicholas Parsons, and our team, thank you, tune in the next time we take to the air and we play Just A Minute! THEME MUSIC |
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