JAM:KWilliams,CFreud,PJones,VWood
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring KENNETH WILLIAMS, CLEMENT FREUD, PETER JONES and VICTORIA WOOD, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 24 September 1983)


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Throughout the 1980s Just A Minute was evolving. As the regular players of the game became sharper and more inventive in their challenges, I began to define the rules more precisely. My instinct told me that this made the show more entertaining, and that if Just A Minute was to achieve any longevity, this was the natural way to play the game, The challenges for hesitation became more keen, and repetition was now definitely based on the repeating of a word. However what I decided to do, in consultation with Ian Messiter and the producer, was to allow the players to repeat the subject, or the phrase I had given them. This was a shrewd decision. Otherwise at the pace the show was now being played, there would have been far too many challenges of repetition which would have risked inducing boredom and irritation in the listener. Players had to be able to get under way and take the subject in different directions if they wished. In this next edition from 1983, Kenneth Williams is in fine form, even finding an opportunity to work in his pet phrase about coming all the way from Great Portland Street, which the listeners always enjoyed. Regular listeners to Just A Minute may have observed how Peter Jones became less competitive over the years, waiting instead for those moments when he could make one of his astute and witty comments, which often got some of the biggest laughs in the show. Clement Freud has remained amazingly consistent, over the years, bringing intelligent and lucid thought to whatever he is talking about, and on occasions interpreting the subject in a clever and original way. These three regulars are in this recording, along with guest Victoria Wood. Like any first-time player, she struggled a little at the start, but with her agile mind, she was soon playing the game in great style. At the time she was married to a magician and illusionist, so for the first round Ian Messiter thought of a suitably apt subject. Part of the fun of such an approach comes when one of the other players gets the subject, and has to then improvise on something that is completely incongruous to their personality. The fun and comedy certainly buzz in this recording, first broadcast in September 1983.

THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: We present Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Peter Jones and Victoria Wood in Just A Minute. And as the Minute Waltz fades away here to tell you about it is our chairman Nicholas Parsons.

NP: Thank you, thank you very much. Hello and welcome once again to Just A Minute. Once again I知 going to ask them if they can speak on the subject I will give them, and try and do it without hesitation, repetition, or deviating from the subject. And let us begin the show this week with Kenneth Williams, the subject is going off at the deep end.

KENNETH WILLIAMS: Oh right.

NP: So something that you would never dream of doing, I知 sure, Kenneth. But can you talk on the subject for 60 seconds starting now.

KW: Divers are advised to go off at the deep end. Because if they do it at the shallow one, well they池e liable to have a lot of trouble on impact, you see. I was at school, and the swimming lessons were obligatory. In other words, I was forced to attend them. And I didn稚 take a lot of pleasure in the idea of it, because I知 not really given to athleticism in any way. I知 more your cup of tea and an aspirin and a lie down type. Because I don稚 think you should expend an awful lot of energy, least of all in swimming baths where I think you...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of swimming.

NP: Yes you mentioned swimming before, I知 afraid Kenneth. So Clement Freud has a correct challenge, he gets a point for that of course. And he takes over the subject with 24 seconds left, going off at the deep end starting now.

CF: If you are going to go off, the deep end is not a bad place in which to do it. And an extraordinary smell emanates from your person, while all around the municipal baths, people nudge each other and say 的 believe he is going off. And especially at the deep end. At the shallow side of the pool...

WHISTLE

NP: When Ian Messiter blows his whistle, that tells us 60 seconds is up. Whoever is speaking at that moment gains the extra point. It was Clement Freud on this occasion, and I don稚 need to tell you that he has the lead at the end of the first round. In fact he痴 the only one who has scored any points. We壇 also like you to begin the second round Clement, and the subject...

CF: Has the monopoly commission looked into this?

NP: Well the subject is so much you that we thought we should ask you to take this round. The subject is stewed hippo. And I知 sure you can tell us something about that in the game starting now.

CF: Stewing is an alternate culinary methodology to boiling, roasting, deep or shallow frying, and baking. And I suggest by far the best way of doing it is to cut the meat into small cubes, such as you might put on a skewer or be able to put it into your mouth at one time. Saut it, which is French for... I致e said it, I知 sorry...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PETER JONES: Hesitation.

NP: Yes, I think you are right. And you have the subject, and you have stewed hippo with 17 seconds left starting now.

PJ: Well hippos usually lie about in mud and water. And if they were immersed in gin or some other alcoholic beverage, they would become stewed hippos. And I think that痴 about all I can say. Fortunately I don稚 have...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams challenged.

KW: I don稚 agree! I知 sure there痴 a lot more he could say on that subject! With his inventiveness, and his extraordinary verbal dexterity! I think he could go on forever if he wanted to!

NP: So you池e accusing him of deviation...

KW: Yes certainly.

NP: Well you致e been very clever because you致e got in with two seconds to go, and a point for a correct challenge, and stewed hippo starting now.

KW: Well of course, nobody has it. Nobody civilised would have it, it痴 a pachyderm...

WHISTLE

NP: Right so Kenneth Williams got the extra point, speaking as the whistle went. He痴 in a strong second position, two points behind Clement Freud who is still in the lead. Peter Jones has one point, he begins the next round. And the subject is getting stuck in the lift. Peter... don稚 laugh! It痴 happened to me once, it is frightening! There are 60 seconds starting now.

PJ: Well if you池e going to get stuck in a lift, the important thing is to choose a companion who is congenial, and will help pass the time in as pleasant a way as possible. And then getting stuck in a lift can be relatively pleasant. Between two floors, perhaps during ah er...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood challenged.

VICTORIA WOOD: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation is right Victoria. You have 30, no, 42 seconds which are left for this subject. So could you tell us something about getting stuck in the lift starting now.

VW: Getting stuck in a lift is much easier if you put in more people in the lift than the lift instruction which is usually on the wall tells you you should have. So what I would suggest if you want to get stuck in the lift, is to get in the lift, and then bring in your friends, or your wives, or your husbands, or your animals, so that there are more kilograms inside the cube that is moving up and down. Because I don稚 know if I知 supposed to say lift any more times or not. Nicholas? Can I?

BUZZ

CF: Well almost everything!

VW: Everything! Yes!

CF: You name it! You name it, she did it!

NP: So Clement you have 14 seconds on getting stuck in the lift starting now.

CF: If you get stuck in a lift, I suggest you lose weight, and it will be quite easy to get out. But if the lift gets stuck, you really are in trouble. Especially if it does so between two floors. Because it is extraordinarily difficult if you池e caught...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud, another point for speaking as the whistle went, and has increased his lead. So Victoria Wood, your turn to begin. The subject that Ian Messiter痴 chosen is the last time my husband sawed me in half.

VW: Starting from when?

NP: That痴 the subject.

VW: Yes but...

NP: Would you tell us something about it...

VW: Yes...

NP: ... in the game starting now.

VW: The last time my husband sawed me in half was in November, when he wanted to test out a trick which is called a stomach zopper, which is a piece of equipment which he was using to cut in two the actor Roy Kinnear who was appearing in pantomime with him at the Palace Theatre in Manchester. And he called me in from the other room, and he said he壇 like to try out this particular thing that I致e just mentioned. And I lay on it, it was a very large oblong black thing with casters and a bit that fitted over the top, over your stomach, with a Black and Decker saw that went across in the middle. So I lay down and he switched it on and pressed it right across the middle, after having said the words 登le Torremilinos! And then, then he switched it on, and it goes bzzzz, makes a very frightening noise. I can稚 tell you how it works though I do know. It痴 something to do with an extra bit of equipment which I can稚 mention. And then he ran it across backwards. And lo, there I was! Not in two bits, but in one, because it was magic! And that痴 actually the end of the story. I don稚 know if I have to keep on talking...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud, you致e challenged.

CF: Deviation, it痴 the end of the story.

VW: That痴 not deviation.

NP: That is not deviation.

CF: Deviation from the subject of the last time I...

NP: She said that was the end of the story, she was still keeping on the subject. So that challenge is incorrect Clement. And you have four more seconds, Victoria, to try and keep going on the last time my husband sawed me in half, starting now.

VW: The last time my husband sawed me in half was half past four on a wet Wednesday...

WHISTLE

NP: So Victoria Wood was then speaking as the whistle went, and she has gained points in that round with which she began. And she is now in second place behind our leader Clement Freud.

VW: Hooray!

NP: Kenneth will you begin the next subject. The subject is the three bears, 60 seconds starting now.

KW: This is a children痴 nursery rhyme as I recall...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood challenged.

VW: It痴 not one. It痴 a story. Sorry.

KW: I beg your pardon. Yes it痴 a story. A children痴 story. Shall I go on?

NP: (laughs) It is a, that痴 a good challenge Victoria. Yes.

VW: Yes I think so.

NP: I知 sorry, I was a bit confused. I thought it was the children痴 aspect you were challenging on. I apologise.

VW: No.

NP: There are 53 seconds...

PJ: You thought it was a grown-up nursery rhyme?

NP: You do have to make allowances for my rather weak mental capacity.

PJ: Yes!

NP: That痴 why I have the job. If i was as intelligent as you, we wouldn稚 be able to have a good game.

PJ: Oh come on now! Come on! Come on! Be serious!

NP: Ah, 52...

PJ: If I wanted to be funny, I壇 wear a suit like that!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM KW AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: You were, you were before I bought it! Right, let痴 get back to Just A Minute. Fifty-two seconds, Victoria Wood, the three bears.

VW: The three bears is a children痴 story. Though some people, I believe, think it痴 a nursery rhyme, but actually it痴 not. It痴 a children痴 story and it was originally...

BUZZ

NP: And Clement Freud challenged.

VW: Hello?

CF: Repetition of children痴 story.

NP: Yes.

VW: Yes I think so.

NP: I知 afraid so. So Clement there are 50 seconds on the three bears starting now.

CF: When my husband sawed the three bears in half...

BUZZ

VW: That痴 insanity!

NP: It may be insanity, but we don稚 know yet whether he痴 deviated from the subject. So we値l give him the benefit of the doubt...

VW: Oh!

NP: ... and ask him to continue on the three bears, with 47 seconds left starting now.

CF: He did it vertically instead of horizontally. So there were six bears which was embarrassing as each...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood.

VW: You can稚 make six bears by cutting three into two. You only get six bits!

NP: Six halves yes, well done Victoria.

VW: Yes.

NP: There are...

CF: Oh, oh really!

NP: Forty seconds on the three bears starting now.

VW: The three bears takes place in a wood, in a little cottage. It痴 about three hairy animals, who eat porridge and sleep in wooden beds. And one day they池e visited by a tiny girl called Goldilocks. And the reason she痴 called that is because she痴 got long blonde hair. And one day she goes into the house, breaks and enters even while they池e not there. And she eats all their porridge and sleeps in one of their beds...

BUZZ

VW: I said porridge! I致e said beds! I know!

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: I don稚 think you could tell the story of the three bears without repeating yourself.

VW: It痴 the charm of the story, isn稚 it.

PJ: Exactly! It is!

VW: That痴 what children like.

PJ: That痴 why it痴 so devilishly cunning of them to have set this as a subject.

VW: Yes.

NP: So their devilish cunning has helped you Peter and you have 17 seconds on the three bears starting now.

PJ: I致e never heard the end of the story, because my interest begins to wane on the third repetition! And when it痴 discovered...

BUZZ

VW: Repetition.

NP: Victoria Wood痴 challenged.

PJ: What?

VW: Repetition. He said repetition.

NP: Yeah but he used the word repetition, he didn稚 repeat. Peter you have a point for that and Victoria gets a round of applause from her mother in the audience! There are eight seconds for the three bears starting now.

PJ: I致e always thought this Goldilocks character must have been a dumb blonde, because she doesn稚 really take in the fact that there are intruders in the...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of the round Peter was speaking as the whistle went. He痴 still in third place. Kenneth痴 gone back to fourth place. And Clement begins the next round, the subject Clement is being kind to the taxman. Will you tell us something about that subject starting now.

CF: When I met the taxman, I said I am proud to pay tax, but could be just as much so if I paid less. And I then decided that the best thing to do was to kill him with kindness. And my...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood challenged.

VW: Hesitation. There seemed to be an awfully long gap with nothing happening, I thought.

PJ: Well it was a tremendously big decision to make!

NP: As you are our guest and Clement has a strong lead...

VW: No, no, I don稚...

NP: No, no, I want...

VW: I don稚 want favours! I don稚 want it!

NP: Someone has to have the benefit of the doubt...

VW: No! No!

PJ: No!

NP: In my mind somebody has to have the benefit of the doubt....

VW: No, I don稚 want it!

NP: ... for that one...

VW: I don稚 want it!

NP: ... and I知 giving you the benefit of the doubt for that one...

VW: No! I知 not taking it!

PJ: Won稚 have it! Won稚 have it!

NP: And Clement痴 not taking it either...

VW: No!

NP: So I値l take over the subject!

VW: I don稚 want it!

NP: No...

VW: I concede the whole, I don稚 want it!

NP: You have it because we want to know what you have to say about being kind to the taxman, starting now.

VW: Being kind to the taxman consists of giving him a cup of coffee, and a biscuit and sitting him in your favourite chair in your own living room and listening to him talk about his wife and his golf and his hobbies and giving him a lot of money...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams challenged.

KW: Well there were a lot of his his hises, weren稚 there, there were three actually.

VW: Yes. I keep forgetting the rules, yes, you池e right.

NP: I think there were too many for the game.

VW: There were too many yes.

KW: There were too many, you see Nicholas.

VW: There were yes.

KW: I felt, I had to...

VW: Duty bound!

KW: Do you follow me?

VW: Yes!

NP: And I thought you protested charmingly.

KW: Thank you very much.

NP: And you have 34 seconds for the subject of being kind to the taxman starting now.

KW: I had to be kind to a taxman. It was in Kingsway, and actually he pointed out to me, I thought most revealingly, that you could not go through every dossier in your area. He said otherwise like London Airport, no planes would ever take off. You can only inspect one or two at random. And he said W came up! I said 努hat a shame! Because I致e been lying more or less dormant for ages, like a hibernating moth or mouse...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kenneth Williams is now in a strong third place alongside Peter Jones, two behind Victoria Wood, and four behind Clement Freud. And Peter begins the next round, my favourite sound. That is the subject Peter, you have 60 seconds as usual starting now.

PJ: I suppose it is really the sound of the human voice, which I prefer to musical instruments or machinery or people battering about in heavy shoes on wooden floors, or throwing tins of fruit on to corrugated iron roofs, or practically any...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood challenged.

VW: Lot of ors.

NP: Let Victoria Wood continue on the subject of my favourite sound with 39 seconds left starting now.

VW: My favourite sound is the noise you get when one person takes the palm of one hand and puts it against the other and does it over and over again very very quickly...

BUZZ

VW: Oh I said over twice!

NP: Yes!

CF: She said over and over.

VW: I know.

NP: Yes she did, over and over again. Twenty-nine seconds left for my favourite sound Clement starting now.

CF: My favourite sound is Nicholas Parsons saying 殿nd so we come to another game of Just A Minute and Clement Freud has won again...

BUZZ

NP: And Kenneth Williams challenged.

KW: Hesitation.

NP: Yes you did hesitate when you thought...

KW: Loads of hesitations there. He just didn稚 know really what to say next, poor fellow! He was literally floundering, wasn稚 he, in that...

NP: He obviously, he obviously never listens to what I say at the end because he couldn稚 remember!

CF: Quite!

NP: There are 21 seconds for you Kenneth on my favourite sound starting now.

KW: It is the guitar. And I had the most marvellous time in the dressing room at the old Empire at Hackney where Gordon Jackson played this wonderful melody to me which he壇 only recently learned and conquered, so to speak. He is the fellow I adore...

WHISTLE

NP: Well after that round with Kenneth gaining more points, including one when speaking as the whistle went, he痴 now in second place alongside Victoria Wood, only two behind our leader Clement Freud. And Peter Jones follows them. Victoria Wood would you take the next round, the subject is the night I forgot my lines. Will you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

VW: The night I forgot my lines was in a show called Funny Turns, in which I appeared at the Duchess Theatre in Catherine Street in London last summer. And it was a er matinee on a Friday...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: Hesitation.

NP: Fifty seconds are left for you Peter on the night I forgot my lines starting now.

PJ: Since my only object in appearing in this programme is to advertise the fact that I知 available for a real job of work, I don稚 see why I should advertise the fact...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Ah two advertise.

NP: Yes.

PJ: Oh I did, yes, of course.

NP: Too much advertising I知 afraid Peter.

PJ: Yes how unfortunate.

NP: There are 37 seconds on the night I forgot my lines with you Clement starting now.

CF: On the morning of the night I forgot my lines, the schoolmaster who was looking after me at the time in Berkshire said 擢reud, take 450 lines. 添es sir, I said, because I was an obedient child. And went to my study to write out 妬t is the mark of insincerity of purpose to seek a highborn Emperor in a low-down teashop. When I had done this only 139 times...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Kenneth?

KW: Well hesitation I thought.

CF: After you pressed the buzzer, I hesitated.

NP: But he did repeat the word times, well done! There are 12 seconds...

CF: Do you want an unfair game!

NP: ... for the time I forgot my lines starting now.

KW: Well I immediately, the night I forgot my lines, just sort of, you know, played it for, I mean, I knew what I was doing...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: That was hesitation.

NP: Yes I think so.

KW: Well I was trying to think of a word for 吐ill in. That痴 what I couldn稚 think of.

NP: You forgot your lines.

KW: I was filling in, that痴 what I was doing, you see.

NP: You were demonstrating how to forget your lines. Clement you have four seconds on the night I forgot my lines starting now.

CF: Might I as an alternative copy out 登h that we now...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud, speaking again as the whistle went, has increased his lead. And Kenneth Williams begins the next round. The subject Kenneth is Giotto. Will you tell us something about him in the game starting now.

KW: The first we really know of him is about 1304, because of that incredible decoration in, what is known I think as the Arena Chapel in Padua. Of course there are other works that spring to mind. I always think the most outstanding is Faith, that wonderful picture of the woman in the arch, which looks incidentally almost as if it were a statue. And this is where he is so far ahead in that incredible renaissance world, because he takes one from the Byzantine flatness, almost two dimensional, to this reality. The lovely paintings that he痴 done at Assisi depict various moments in the life of the great saint. And he was at pains to show the beginning as a reprobate, a man who really liked a lot of money, incidentally...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kenneth Williams took an intellectual subject there, and kept going with great style to the end. He gets a point for speaking as the whistle went, and he痴 only two points behind our leader Clement Freud who begins the next round. The subject Clement, when the car breaks down. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: When the car breaks down and you are about to talk about it on Just A Minute, on BBC Radio Television, or...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood.

CF: Yes! Mmmm!

VW: It痴 on the radio, not on the television. So far!

NP: Yes and radio-television is a very strange medium to work in. So Victoria I agree with the challenge, you have 52 and a half seconds, when the car breaks down starting now.

BUZZ

VW: When the car breaks down...

NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Hesitation.

VW: What?

NP: No! You have 50 seconds now on when the car breaks down...

VW: The thing to do is to make sure you don稚 burst into tears. Because when you池e crying it痴 very hard to make yourself heard on the other end of the telephone on the motorway, what with the lorries going past and roaring, and people overtaking. It痴 very difficult and it gets a bit upsetting if they can稚 quite catch what you池e saying and the nature of your breakdown...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: She repeated saying.

NP: That痴 right, what you池e saying.

VW: Did I?

NP: Yes.

VW: Gosh.

NP: There are 32, 31 and a half seconds actually for you Peter, when the car breaks down starting now.

PJ: They will then instruct you to stand by your vehicle. Well, after two or three days, a man will come in a van and he will say 的 think your battery is flat. And you then give him about four pounds and he値l connect the battery...

BUZZ

PJ: Oh shit!

NP: Clement Freud.

PJ: I beg your pardon! Oh! Oh I知 terribly sorry! How embarrassing!

KW: What are you sorry about?

NP: What are you sorry about?

KW: What are you going on about, you池e sorry? What happened?

VW: Nothing happened!

KW: He keeps on saying he痴 sorry!

NP: Victoria Wood, who is sitting next to you, seems to be enjoying it all! Whatever you were sorry about Peter.

PJ: Yes! Quite!

NP: Clement Freud you have the subject and there are 11 seconds, when the car breaks down starting now.

CF: While broadcasting, never ever mention the name of the maker. Otherwise you will be sued and have to appear in court, either on slander or libel charges which tend to be terribly expensive...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud, extra point for speaking as the whistle went, has increased his lead. And Peter Jones begins the next round. The subject Peter is puzzles. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

PJ: I suppose the worst kind of puzzles are those little things that you carry about in your pocket with a lot of little balls or er ball-bearings perhaps they are. Anyway they池e tiny and they are, they池e a lot of holes like a miniature golf course and you have to sort of manoeuvre this little box around in such a way. I think they致e given up, haven稚 they, over there? Have they, er...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams you challenged.

PJ: Have they...

KW: I challenged because Clement and I have certainly not given up! So it痴 deviation!

PJ: I thought you...

NP: Kenneth you have the subject and there are 37 seconds on puzzles starting now.

KW: I don稚 like them, you know, because they池e really a test, you see. And I don稚 think people should be submitted to any of these tests. On one occasion...

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood challenged.

VW: Test test.

NP: Test test, yes.

KW: No, I said 鍍hey池e really a test and 的 don稚 like tests.

CF: That痴 what he said.

KW: So I used the singular, and then a plural. You ought to listen, you want to wash your ears out! Instead of interrupting me all the time!

CF: Quite right!

NP: She hasn稚 come all the way from the north of England to be insulted.

KW: I致e come all the way from Great Portland Street, mate! How痴 that! Oh I can show them!

NP: Last time she was here she had great trouble arriving because of the train problems.

KW: What痴 that got to do with puzzles?

NP: Because of the aggressive way in which you speak to our charming guest.

KW: Oh on the contrary, there痴 nothing aggressive about me, is there! I am the most pacific...

NP: For once you haven稚 got a, the audience reaction you expected. They may like you, but they know you池e aggressive. But you were also correct, so I must be fair within the game and say that you continue with 28 seconds on puzzles starting now.

KW: One of them is this snakes and ladders. They say you致e got to throw this dice and the puzzle is to get to this place without falling over a snake which is on some sort of ladder...

BUZZ

NP: Clement.

CF: Repetition of this.

NP: Oh you are mean!

KW: Don稚 allow it! It痴 ridiculous! You池e the chairman! Don稚 allow it! It痴 a barmy challenge! Ludicrous! Oh it痴 just childishly petulant...

NP: Yes...

KW: ... because he痴 not winning! That痴 the reason! He can see that I知 leaping into the lead!

NP: Well actually...

KW: That痴 what that thing痴 about! Plus the fact that he envies my hair! It痴 like spun gold! He痴 always envied it, you see.

NP: Ah we don稚 challenge, it痴 like with the ors. We had four ors, we had three hises, but we only had two thises. And I think that痴 one of those things...

KW: Hear hear!

NP: ... on which we desist, we do not...


KW: Precisely! Yes! What a very good chairman!

NP: So ah...

KW: Very good! Yes!

NP: Kenneth you have 19 seconds on puzzles starting now.

KW: Of course the monkey puzzle is another. And there is a tree which is called the monkey puzzle. I always think it痴 rather funny...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of monkey.

NP: Twelve seconds...

PJ: Actually I met a brass one outside. He told me the most amazing story!

BUZZ

NP: Ah Kenneth Williams.

KW: Hesitation. He stopped.

NP: Well he hadn稚 started actually!

PJ: I hadn稚 started!

NP: There are still 12 seconds left Peter, for you to go on puzzles starting now.

PJ: And there really is... (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

NP: Victoria Wood has challenged.

VW: Everything!

PJ: Everything, yes.

NP: Absolutely everything yes. That痴 what happens if you stop and start and don稚 get a chance... there are nine and a half seconds for puzzles with you Victoria starting now.

VW: The most famous kind and the original kind and the worst...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

VW: Kind, kind, thank you, yes! Carry on! Don稚 mind me!

CF: Repetition of kind.

NP: Yes it wasn稚 very kind, but you are right on the er your challenge. And there are seven seconds for puzzles with you Clement starting now.

CF: I was given one last Christmas. It had four jugglers and three balls, trying to get two hats into one aperture which was...

WHISTLE

NP: Well I知 afraid we have no more time to play Just A Minute so let me give you the final score. A lot of points were scored in this particular game. Peter Jones picked up quite a number but still finished in fourth place. Our guest Victoria Wood was a little way behind Kenneth Williams who nearly won. But at that last throw of the dice, Clement Freud came back to overtake him, and is this week痴 winner, Clement Freud! We do hope you致e enjoyed listening to Just A Minute, we hope you致e enjoyed it in the audience as much as we致e enjoyed playing it. And will want to tune in again when we take to the air, and we play this delightful game. Till then from all of us here, good-bye.

THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: The chairman of Just A Minute was Nicholas Parsons, the programme was devised by Ian Messiter and produced by Pete Atkin.