JAM:PMerton,CFreud,MBrigstocke,RBrydon
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WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE and ROB BRYDON, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 6 September 2004)

NOTE: Rob Brydon's first appearance, Marcus Brigstocke's first appearance.


NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC

NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners, not only those who receive us via Radio Four, but also on BBC7 and the Internet and of course on the World Service. And this particular show is coming from Edinburgh and we are in the Pleasance which is one of the venues which is on the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. And we have an excited audience here. We have somebody who has played it frequently, and is one of our top comedians and very popular on the show, and that is Paul Merton. And sitting beside him is somebody, he always gives a huge contribution, that is Clement Freud. And sitting on my left is two comedians who have not played Just A Minute before, and they are Rob Brydon and Marcus Brigstocke. And will you please welcome all four of them! And as usual Iím going to ask them to speak on a subject that I give them, and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst, she is going to help me with the score, she has a stopwatch in one hand, a whistle in the other, and sheíll blow that when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And in front of us we have a really excited hyped-up Festival Fringe audience eager to get going. So letís start the show with Rob Brydon. Being a Celt.

BUZZ

NP: Clement you challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Hesitation.

NP: Yes right.

ROB BRYDON: That is almost...

NP: No, it wasnít, I think he was...

RB: ... systematic...

NP: No, I think he...

RB: ... institutionalised intimidation and abuse on a hitherto... Why am I wasting this now when itís not my...

NP: Exactly what I was going to say.

RB: Yes.

NP: But I think also he was being slightly generous to make sure you got a point.

RB: Oh thank you very much.

NP: So you have a point for being interrupted before you got going.

RB: In which case, feel free to interrupt me again before I get going!

NP: And you have um 59 and a half seconds, being a Celt starting now.

RB: To begin at the beginning, being a Celt is surely one of the greatest gifts that God can bestow on any man of this Earth, particularly those that find themselves to be natives of the British Isles, whether you be an English person or a Welsh person, it is...

BUZZ

NP: Ah...

RB: What did I do? What did I do?

NP: Person. Oh Clement you challenged.

CF: Person.

NP: Person, English person, Welsh person. Itís a difficult game.

RB: Iíve not played it before.

NP: I know, I know! And you were going so well, you were actually just carried away with it, werenít you.

RB: I was getting a bit full of myself, wasnít I.

NP: No you werenít, you were giving such wonderful information. Clement, a correct challenge so you have being a Celt, 41 seconds Clement, being a Celt starting now.

CF: Iím not sure what being a Celt is, I am not. But...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PAUL MERTON: A hesitation there.

NP: There was a hesitation.

PM: Yes.

CF: Really?

NP: Heís not a Celt. He was wondering for a moment what he was, I think.

CF: Between two words?

PM: Hesitation between two words, thatís right. Just clari, just clarifying your ruling, Nicholas.

NP: Yes yes.

PM: Wonderful chairman! Best chairman weíve got! Wonderful!

NP: The only one whoíd ever put up with all of you, isnít he. So Paul you have a challenge which is correct, you have 37 seconds, being a Celt starting now.

PM: If anybody knows about being a Celt, itís Nicholas Parsons. When he walks through the Courtyard at the Pleasance, people shout ďlook at that Celt over there!Ē

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PM: And itís wonderful because nobody actually knows his origin or where he was born, but itís undoubtedly true. As he walks through this magnificent city of Edinburgh...

BUZZ

NP: Rob challenged.

RB: I thought there was a repetition of walks.

NP: No, he said walk and walks. You see, this is the awful thing about this game.

BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: And, and they are so clever at it, because theyíve been playing it so often you see. They do that walk...

PM: Nicholas I have to say, I think I said walks twice.

NP: Well thatís very generous of you, because knowing how you play the game Paul, and once or twice youíve done this...

PM: Normally I would, but I made a mistake then.

NP: So well done.

RB: Thank you very much. Thank you.

NP: And well listened. So you got in there, Iíll have to twist Janetís arm again and say you have 22 seconds, being a Celt starting now.

RB: There are many qualities which mark out a Celt. Dark swarthy frame, a low centre of gravity, an ability with the rugby ball that borders on genius, although as the years have gone by, the performances on the pitch havenít been what they once used to be. In the old days, players such as JPR Williams, Gareth Edwards, Phil Bennett, Ray Gravell...

WHISTLE

NP: So Rob Brydon was listening well and got in there before the end, and kept going to get that extra point when the whistle went. Heís now equal with Clement Freud and Paul Merton, ah, in the lead all three together. Marcus Brigstocke is yet to speak, and now it is his chance.

MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE: What?

NP: Marcus, yes.

MB: Oh good.

NP: Good, right.

MB: Iím ready.

NP: Sorry Marcus, you want to say something?

MB: Yes. Iím ready.

NP: All right. The subject is corduroy.

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Have a little moment to think about it. I donít know why they laugh. I donít know what youíre wearing but itís not corduroy, is it. No.

MB: No, not this evening.

NP: Corduroy, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

MB: Iím a big fan of corduroy. I think itís a very reliable fabric. One thing you do have to be enormously careful of though is walking too fast, because the two sides of the trouser will rub together, causing a terrible friction between the legs, and can often start what we corduroy wearers refer to as a small bush fire which can be tremendously uncomfortable. You will have seen this if you follow portly women in corduroy trousers in a hurry to get a shop down the High Street. I have always favoured the corduroy myself, because I think it carries with it a certain gravitas, a certain... oh certain!

BUZZ

NP: Yes. Oh yeah. can I give you a tip?

MB: Please do.

NP: If you happen to slip up like that, donít draw attention to it. Because...

MB: Right yes, yeah.

NP: Because sometimes they can be generous, the regulars, and let you go on.

MB: Theyíd have to be generous and stupid to have missed that one! But bless you, Iíll, Iíll make a note of it.

NP: Paul, Paul you challenged.

PM: Repetition of certain.

NP: Thatís right, so youíve got the subject of corduroy Paul and you have 22 seconds starting now.

PM: Iím amazed that Iíve got 22 seconds to talk on corduroy because itís not nearly long enough. Corduroy for me has been an obsession since I was seven years old, and I was given some for my birthday. And what a beautiful present it was. You could imagine my eyes alight with wonder and surprise, as I opened up the package and said to my parents ďyou have bought me corduroy! How wonderful!Ē I immediately constructed a motor car...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point, and heís now taken the lead at the end of that round. And Paul itís also your turn to begin, the subject here is how to tell when someone is lying. Interesting subject, off you go, 60 seconds as usual starting now.

PM: Hello my name is Tony Blair, and I believe there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq! This is one of the lies that if you hear, you can tell the person is lying. There are other physical attributes such as scratching your nose, or just rubbing your chin. Sometimes perhaps you go purple, because there is a belief that your skin, your... (laughs)

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yes we call that hesitation. Clement, how to tell when someone is lying and there are 41 seconds starting now.

CF: If you meet a Celt who says ďwhere is Hollywood, I am ah wearing corduroy...Ē

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Hesitation on, on wearing corduroy.

NP: Yes well he did, I mean, all that sort of confused speech, we interpret that as hesitation Marcus. And so Marcus youíve got in with a correct challenge, a point to you, 35 seconds, how to tell when someone is lying starting now.

MB: As Paul was pointing out, there are lots of different ways of telling...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well itís repetition.

NP: Why?

PM: Because itís as I pointed out.

NP: Because the audience enjoyed Paulís interruption, give him a bonus point. But it was not a correct challenge within the rules of Just A Minute, Marcus, so you have another point, which is good for you, and you have 32 seconds to continue on how to tell if someone is lying starting now.

MB: There are lots of ways to tell if somebody is lying. Body language would be one of them. Talking to Jeffrey Archer would be another. Thatís a sure sign that somebody is fibbing. There are also lots of opportunities to...

BUZZ

NP: Rob challenged.

RB: Repetition of lots.

NP: Yes lots.

MB: Mmmm, lots of it.

NP: Lots.

MB: Lots of repetition.

NP: So well listened Rob, and you got in with 21 seconds, on the subject of how to tell when someone is lying starting now.

RB: Some say that lying is an important part of everyday life, so as not to cause offence to people. For example some who maybe have put on some weight, and you donít...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Three somes.

NP: There were three somes.

RB: Three?

NP: Three, yes.

MB: It was almost an equation!

RB: Thatís appalling, isnít it.

CF: We...

NP: Itís not really appalling, I mean itís just a bit of fun, isnít it. I should explain to all of our listeners overseas, that is a phrase that Rob uses in his stage show and also on his television show.

RB: Almost incessantly!

NP: And itís very effective. But that was a...

RB: Itís still repetition!

NP: What? And yes but donít use it too often here or it will be repetition if you say it. Right Clement, a correct challenge, how to tell when someone is lying, and there are 11 seconds starting now.

CF: You look them carefully into the face and watch...

BUZZ

NP: To the face?

RB: What was that?

NP: You look them carefully...

RB: You look them careful into the? What is that? That is, that is deviation from the English language! Certainly something in that area.

NP: This area, right.

RB: Yes.

NP: So Rob you have the benefit of the doubt, you have the subject and you have seven seconds, how to tell when someone is lying starting now.

RB: Often when a person is lying...

BUZZ

RB: What?

NP: Clement challenged.

RB: What?

CF: He said person earlier.

NP: You said person earlier.

RB: You, you...

NP: Oh no you canít, if youíve already used it when you were speaking before...

PM: Any words that youíve used in your previous life appearing here, you canít use any of those!

RB: Oh!

NP: No you canít use the same word in the same round again.

RB: Iíll play with the rules, but Iím not happy!

NP: Well if you genuinely didnít know, maybe Clement will be generous and er let it go on this occasion.

CF: Yes.

NP: Right! Give him a bonus point for his generosity. Clement gets a bonus point for his generosity. But for the newcomers, if youíve got the, lost the subject and get it back, you mustnít use words you used when you were talking before on this subject, only. Right, how to tell when someone is lying and there are five seconds left Rob, starting now.

RB: Sometimes...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Clement?

CF: He said some before.

NP: Ah!

RB: Sometimes!

NP: But this time he said sometimes which is one word.

CF: No it isnít.

NP: Yes it is.

RB: Yes it is.

NP: Yes it is. As a literate man who writes articles frequently in the newspapers, Iím quite surprised to hear you say that. But then bluffing is one of your big...

CF: Some.... times.

PM: Heís right! Thereís a gap the way he says it! There is! There is a gap! There is a gap!

BUZZ

MB: Hesitation!

NP: Sometimes... I agree with you Clement, the context in which you use it, it can be some times. On this occasion, he was saying sometimes and as an opener...

CF: No, no!

NP: So Rob an incorrect challenge, you have another point, and you have four seconds starting now.

RB: A person will often find...

BUZZ

NP: Oh no!

APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: I will say this Rob, youíre about the only person who gets rounds of applause when they make a mistake!

RB: You should come home with me! Oh dear dear! Dear dear!

NP: Right Paul yes?

PM: Repetition of person.

NP: Yes, person.

PM: Incredibly!

NP: Incredibly, surprisingly! And Paul you got in with two seconds to go on how to tell when someone is lying starting now.

PM: How to tell when someone is lying, itís a very...

WHISTLE

NP: So at the end of that round, Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Heís now one ahead of Clement Freud, heís two ahead of Rob Brydon, and Marcus Brigstocke is bringing up the rear. Weíre back with Clement Freud. Clement, another Scottish subject up here in Edinburgh, Mary Queen of Scots, oh what a fascinating character! Talk about her if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

CF: In Australia if someone is lucky, they say she landed with her bum in the butter. Now Mary Queen of Scots could not ever be said to be like that. Ah she had a really unhappy childhood. She became Queen when she was one week old. Born in fifteen hundred and forty-two, she was executed before the age of 50, having spent 19 years in prison. Elizabeth ah...

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Yes there was a hesitation.

NP: There was a hesitation yes Marcus. And so you have Mary Queen of Scots...

CF: Between Mary and Elizabeth, there has to be!

MB: In order to pay due deference to....

CF: They didnít like each other.

MB: No. Yes.

NP: But I donít think your pause conveyed all that!

CF: I failed!

NP: Ah 32 seconds for you Marcus, to tell us something about Mary Queen of Scots starting now.

MB: Mary Queen of Scots, or as sheís known here in Scotland, Mary Queen. Ah was Queen for a while, and ah thatís...

BUZZ

MB: History, you know, I just do programmes about it, I donít really know anything about it!

NP: But Paul you challenged first.

PM: A slight hesitation.

NP: A slight hesitation yes right.

MB: It was going to get longer as well, so you were right to buzz me!

NP: So Paul another point to you, and 22 seconds, Mary Queen of Scots starting now.

PM: How lovely to have 22 seconds to talk about Mary Queen of Scots, as indeed I had for the very same subject of corduroy a little while ago. Well Iím going to take those seconds and Iím...

BUZZ

NP: Ah! Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of seconds.

NP: Seconds.

PM: No I said second that time.

NP: No! No, no, you didnít, I was listening! Clement a correct challenge, Mary Queen of Scots and there are 13 seconds starting now.

CF: When I came from Kingís Cross in London, I travelled on a train called Mary Queen of Stots which...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Had the bloke painting the side of the train had a stroke in the middle of...?

NP: So your challenge is...

PM: Well itís, itís deviation from Mary Queen of Scots.

NP: Yes and it was Mary Queen of, whatever it was. Yes I think benefit of the doubt, and seven seconds on Mary Queen of Scots with you Paul starting now.

PM: Acneís been a terrible problem here in Edinburgh. But if you go to a chemist called Mary, sheís Mary Queen of Spots. What a wonderful woman! She puts the cream right on your face, disappears...

WHISTLE

NP: So once again Paul Merton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Heís a few points ahead of Clement Freud, Rob Brydon and Marcus Brigstocke in that order. And Rob, back with you to begin. The subject, DJs. Can you tell us something about DJs in this game starting now.

RB: I was once a DJ for the BBC in Wales...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: BBC.

RB: Oh for heavenís sake! This is victimisation!

NP: Itís one of the things that happens in Just A Minute.

CF: But...

RB: Well it oughtnít!

CF: Let him go on!

NP: And of course...

CF: Let him go on! Iím sorry.

NP: Itís the regulars, listen for those sort of things which are common. Itís almost like a word, isnít it, BBC.

RB: Almost!

NP: Actually within the rules of Just A Minute, it is repetition of B.

CF: But Iím not...

NP: No, no, no, no, Clement is being generous...

GROANS FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Listen, who is running this show? No, Clement has been very generous so give him a point for generosity. You were interrupted so you get a point for that and you have DJs and you have 56 seconds starting now.

RB: My programme begin at six... oh!

BUZZ

NP: And thatís what happens if you get interrupted, you lost the flow, havenít you.

RB: Absolutely awful, yeah.

NP: No, not awful, it was lovely, they love it, they love it. Fifty-three seconds, Marcus youíve challenged first. I think I know what it was, but can you tell me just to be sure?

MB: Yes it was sort of slow grinding down...

NP: It was hesitation.

MB: ... of Robís ability to speak.

NP: Right so we call that hesitation.

MB: Hesitation yeah.

NP: Itís much simpler to put it into one word.

MB: Okay.

NP: And you have DJs and you have 53 seconds starting now.

MB: Clement was absolutely right to interrupt because people are always complaining about repeats on the British Broadcasting Corporation. However the modern DJ is a slightly different animal from the one that broadcasts on the radio. Ah being ah...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Ah.

NP: Hesitation ah, yes. So Clement you have...

MB: Have we decided what...

NP: And you have DJs Clement, you have 37 seconds starting now.

CF: I donít know many DJs. I believe itís short for disc jockey. But I know a lot of jockeys. Let me tell you the names of a few, Gordon Richards, Steve Donoghue, Lester Piggott, Arthur Breezeley...

BUZZ

NP: Yes...

RB: Well itís a deviation, itís a clever deviation, but itís a deviation.

NP: Itís a deviation.

RB: Horse jockeys.

NP: Because heís talking about jockeys and not DJs.

RB: Yes.


CF: What are DJs?

NP: Disc jockeys.

CF: I was talking about jockeys.

NP: But the subject is disc jockeys.

CF: And Iím owed the benefit of the doubt!

NP: No, no! But you wonít get it for that one, because I think itís definitely, DJs are disc jockeys and you were talking about, presumably, jockeys who ride horses. So er you have the subject Rob and you have another point of course, and you have 21 seconds, DJs starting now.

RB: If Clement had decided to list DJs, he might have come up with names along the lines of Dave Lee Travers, Tony Blackburn, Mike Read...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: I donít think Clement would ever come up with that list!

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM NP AND THE AUDIENCE

NP: The point is we donít know. He might surprise us all and come up with...

PM: Is there any way we could ask him?

NP: No, no!

PM: Has anybody seen Clement Freud? Heís in the building, Iím sure!

NP: Well what we do is, we donít ask him. We give you a bonus point because the audience enjoyed your interruption. Ah but you were interrupted so you get a point for that Rob, and you keep DJs, 12 seconds starting now.

RB: Pete Thoms, Steve Wright, Mark Lamarr, Terry Wogan, Ken Bruce... ah...

BUZZ

NP: Ah! The thing about listing is eventually you dry up! Five seconds Paul on DJs starting now.

PM: The first DJ to work on radio in this country was called Christopher Stone. He broadcast in 1925...

WHISTLE

NP: So Paul Merton has increased his lead with an extra point for speaking as the whistle went. And heís ahead of Clement Freud and Rob Brydon who are equal in second place, Marcus Brigstocke is bringing up the rear, heís only just in fourth place. And um and...

MB: Thatís very kind of you Nicholas, but I think we all know itís not true!

NP: It is actually. But itís your turn to begin Marcus. For some reason, the subject theyíve thought of for you is here, working on an oil rig. I donít know whether you have any personal experience of that.

MB: I do.

NP: You have? Well thereís the subject. Sixty seconds as usual, off you go now.

MB: Theyíve given me the subject of working on an oil rig because itís what I did when I was a teenager. I have to say at the time I was also working as a podium dancer, in between working on the oil rig. Which was enormous fun. I had long hair and a goatee beard and I was tremendously popular with many of the other workers aboard the rig, while we drilled in the North Sea for oil. And in between my long two-week shifts...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of long.

NP: Yes, long hair, you see.

MB: Hair and shifts.

SHOUTS OF ďAWWWWĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Those are the rules of Just A Minute, audience.

MB: And also that was quite patronising, so...

NP: Correct challenge Clement, you have 35 seconds, tell us something about, oh this will be interesting, working on an oil rig starting now.

CF: If you want to visit someone who is working on an oil rig, as I did recently, in order to ascertain what sort of food and drink was available to such work-ers, I went...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Slight hesitation.

NP: Yeah, definite hesitation. Right, working on an oil rig with you Paul, 21 seconds starting now.

PM: Unusual to have 21 seconds instead of the normal figure that I normally are allocated for a subject. But working on an oil rig is a fascinating experience. I was 19 years old at the time...

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Yeah deviation, I worked on an oil rig, and itís not fascinating!

NP: You see that is one of those difficult decisions I have to make. That could be a matter of opinion. You maybe didnít think it was fascinating, Paul could think it was fascinating.

CF: Iím prepared to come in.

MB: Itís not fascinating, itís terrifying is what it is.

NP: Why?

CF: The benefit of the doubt.

NP: The benefit of the doubt was going to you Paul.

PM: Oh Iíll have it then!

NP: Right! And you have er 12 seconds, working on an oil rig starting now.

PM: The North Sea brushing across the steel legs that are embedded in the ocean. It was fantastic to be...

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Terribly sorry, deviation again, theyíre not embedded in the ocean. The oil rigs that operate in the North Sea float.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: You seem to doubt that Paul?

PM: No absolutely, the one I had was embedded in the ocean. Thatís what made it so fascinating! Itís the only one in the world! They quickly abandoned the idea because they said ďwhatís the point, we could have them floatingĒ. And someone else went ďsea, float, duh!Ē So after that they abandoned it, which is probably when you went.

MB: Yes!

NP: And um Marcus, a correct challenge and you have the subject, because you know and we donít! Six seconds, working on an oil rig starting now.

MB: I happen to know that oil rigs float, because when I was working on one, we tipped our oil rig up on 12 degrees...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Have we had ďwe tippedĒ?

NP: No!

SHOUTS OF ďNOĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: The audience are listening as well as me, thatís good! You have half a second Marcus, on working on an oil rig starting now.

WHISTLE

NP: No! So Marcus Brigstocke was speaking as the whistle went then! And he got that extra point. Heís leapt forward, heís still in fourth place but heís, no, heís now only two points behind Rob Brydon, three behind Clement Freud, and five behind Paul Merton in that order. And Rob it is also your turn to begin, the subject is optimism. Youíre very optimistic in your show I think, and itís lovely. But you talk on the subject, 60 seconds starting now.

RB: This is my first appearance on...

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Yeah I just wanted to say I think this roundís going to go really well for you. And I...

NP: So the new boys are playing together over there on the left. So Marcus, give him a bonus, the audience applauded, give him a bonus point because they enjoyed the interruption. But Rob gets a point because he was interrupted. And you have 58 seconds on optimism Rob starting now.

RB: A sense of optimism is vital as you step into the arena here, next to Nicholas, as you look out at the audience and wonder how am I going to manage to fill a minute on a variety of subjects that I perhaps know...

BUZZ

NP: Marcus challenged.

MB: Deviation.

NP: Why?

MB: Plus the bellís a bit broken. But um ah, because, you donít fill your minute with a variety of subjects. The minute is filled with one subject at a time.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

MB: Iím sorry! Iíve got a lot of points to make up!

NP: Yes. I think that was a very clever challenge. And maybe a certain benefit of the doubt, but you have it. And you have...

MB: What do I have? Sorry.

NP: You have the point, you have the subject, yes.

MB: Which is?

NP: Optimism.

MB: Oh optimism.

NP: And you have an optimistic attitude already.

MB: Absolutely.

NP: And you have 46 seconds starting now.

MB: People say you can define optimism by whether or not somebody looks at a glass of milk and says that itís half full or 50 percent empty. But I donít think thatís actually the best way of judging whether somebody is really optimistic...

BUZZ

NP: Rob challenged.

RB: Ah repetition of whether.

NP: Whether yes, there were two whethers.

MB: Much like being in Scotland, raining!

NP: And Rob youíve got it back, and the two of you are fighting it out here to bring up the rear. Thirty-two seconds, optimism starting now.

RB: Iím pretty optimistic that Iíll be able to bring up the rear very convincingly against Marcus as my point tally slips ever downward on the slope to...

BUZZ

NP: Paul challenged.

PM: Well that is deviation, because your point tally canít slip downwards.

NP: Downward, no that was deviation.

RB: Relatively, it can.

NP: No.

RB: As others rise, surely my tally appears to slip downwards.

NP: No, no. No in the realm of pure mathematics, it stays stationary. Relatively, it will, it will appear less. But it will not go down. It was a correct challenge Paul, so Iíve got to be fair and just within the rules of Just A Minute. You have the subject, you have 22 seconds, optimism starting now.

PM: Once again 22 seconds to talk about the subject. How curious that that number should come round every time. Perhaps if you are optimistic you can think perhaps yes...

BUZZ

NP: Clement challenged.

CF: Repetition of perhaps.

NP: Yes and you have optimism Clement, and you have 14 seconds starting now.

CF: One would have to be hugely optimistic to do the subject in 14 seconds. Itís an odd number but I shall do my very best to... optimism in that number...

BUZZ


NP: Rob challenged.

RB: Well there was a repetition of do, and also hesitation...

NP: Do?

RB: Yeah, to do the number, one would have to be...

NP: One challenge will be sufficient Rob.

RB: Okay! The challenge Iím going to go with is hesitation.

NP: And hesitation Iíd agree with entirely.

RB: Yeah.

NP: So you have optimism back, you have four seconds and you start now.

RB: With a total of four seconds remaining, surely even the bleakest optimist would feel that...

WHISTLE

NP: Well as I said before, this was to be the last round. And what an interesting round it was, a lot of points were scored. And Iíll just give you the final situation. Marcus Brigstocke who has never played the game before, came back and he finished in a brilliant fourth place. He really did. And he was a point or two behind someone who has played the game more times than anybody else, that was Clement Freud who gave great value as always. And he was one point behind Rob Brydon who has never played it, but he was in second place. And a few points ahead of them was Paul Merton, so Paul youíve come out on top as the victor this week! It only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Marcus Brigstocke, Rob Brydon and Clement Freud. I thank Janet Staplehurst, who has helped me keep the score, and sheís blown her whistle, well, nearly every time, with such delicacy, except for the time she swallowed it. And we thank our producer, that is Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this delightful game. And we are very grateful to this lovely audience here on the Fringe, who have cheered us on our way, in a magnificent way. From this audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and this team, thank you, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!

THEME MUSIC