JAM:GBrandreth,LGoddard,RMorton,KBruce
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring GYLES BRANDRETH, LIZA GODDARD, RICHARD MORTON and KEN BRUCE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (TV, 5 May 1999)

NOTE: Ken Bruce's first appearance.


THEME MUSIC

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you. Hello and welcome to Just A Minute, this exciting engaging and sometimes impossible game in which I ask my four guests to speak on the subject that I give them, and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Let us now meet those four talented people who are going to play the game today. And first of all we welcome that delightful and talented actress Liza Goddard. Beside her that engaging Scotsman Ken Bruce. And on my left the comedian Richard Morton, and beside him writer and longest after dinner speech record holder Gyles Brandreth. Please welcome all four of them. Thank you. They will score points or lose points as they challenge and youíll see the rest of the game as we proceed. And we begin the show today with Liza Goddard. Liza, who better? Oh the subject, a bit on the side. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.

LIZA GODDARD: My favourite bit on the side is Mrs Christieís cucumber pickles. Her husband has a cheese stall in Bakenham Market. I go every Thursday to stock up on these extraordinary comestibles. Theyíre wonderful with cheese or ham...

BUZZ

NP: And Gyles you challenged?

GYLES BRANDRETH: I was going to challenge for repetition of cheese. But then I realised, of course, deviation. Bakenham Market has afternoon closing on a Thursday.

NP: How do you know? How often have you been to Bakenham Market?

GB: Youíll discover in a moment when I tell you about my bit on the side!

NP: Oooooh I say! Anyway it was a correct challenge and whoever gets a correct challenge gets a point for a correct challenge, he takes over the subject, and there are 47 seconds left, a bit on the side with you Gyles starting now.

GB: A bit on the side could either be a horseís snaffle on the dresser, or as in my case, Liza Goddard! In my fantasy I have lusted after this woman for years...

BUZZ

NP: Ken you challenged.

KEN BRUCE: This is patent deviation.

NP: Why?

KB: Because heís lusted after Liza Goddard! Itís not right for a man in his position, nor for a woman of this delicacy to be lusted after by that...

NP: He can reveal, he can reveal his fantasies in this show if he wants to. But he has not given way to the temptation as I happen to know. Because his, his wife Michelle has got, well sheís got the first love of his life. Let is carry on with Gyles, a point for an incorrect challenge...

GB: Thank you Nicholas. Excellent chairman you are!

RICHARD MORTON: Yes thanks mate!

NP: And there are still 36 seconds, a bit on the side, Gyles, starting now.

GB: Nicholas is quite right that my wife Michelle would not necessarily approve. But my mother-in-law would be delighted because she has always admired this particular actress...

BUZZ

NP: Liza why have you...

LG: Repetition of would.

NP: Oh sheís getting tough again Nicholas. Right! Liza...

LG: Yeah?

NP: You have the subject and a correct challenge of course, a point for that, 28 seconds, a bit on the side, starting now.

LG: My motorcycle has a bit on the side. Itís a sidecar in which I put my dogs. Close the top, and off we go into the wide blue yonder. Up mountains, down the other side...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles?

GB: The beginnings of a hesitation there. Indeed the completion of a hesitation.

NP: So it must have been a hesitation then if she started it and finished it.

GB: Well I was trying to put it in a sort of poetic way.

NP: I know you were yes. I think it was just about long enough to be hesitation, I will grant you the benefit of the doubt and try and redress the balance if the opportunity arises. So you have another correct challenge, another point and you have a bit on the side and... no you donít, you have the subject of a bit on the side and you have 17 seconds starting now.

GB: When you think of the great lovers of history, Romeo and Juliet, Troyidus and Cressida, Andy Pandy and Looby Lou, I hope that you will also think of Gyles Brandreth and the person that he is now gazing at for whom he has the hots in a very big way. I can tell you I donít think I have perspired like this or felt quite the lump in my throat...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point. On this occasion it was Gyles Brandreth. We should also give one to Liza Goddard I think for blushing so badly. Anyway at the end of the round letís look at the score. Gyles Brandreth you may not be surprised to discover has got most points. In fact heís in a strong lead. And Ken Bruce will you take the next round. Skipping. Will you tell us something about skipping in Just A Minute starting now.

KB: My six year old daughter recently took part in a skipping competition at school. And Iím delighted to say she managed 47 consecutive skips without interruption. I was tremendously proud because it is in the genes. At school when I was a boy...

BUZZ

NP: And Gyles?

GB: The second school.

NP: Yes a second school I know. Itís a difficult game isnít it Ken? And Gyles another correct challenge. Skipping is with you, 46 seconds, starting now.

GB: Skipping was indeed my favourite sporting activity. Skipping football, skipping cricket. Indeed when I eventually had to give up skipping rugger I came off the playing field and went down in the showers on my knees and said "Good Lord! Thank you for sparing me that kind of physical activity!" Now of course that I have a little of eu bom pwois, my poor darling ...

BUZZ

NP: Richard Morton you challenged.

RM: Iíd just like to say I am playing this game! And I donít know what eu bom pwois is!

GB: Well you donít know because you havenít got one! Youíre so slim!

RM: Okay! Thank you!

GB: An eu bom pwois is a little bit of a tummy.

RM: Thank you.

GB: And Iíve got it and you havenít.

RM: Fair play, forgive me!

NP: No we donít have to forgive you. We love to hear from you Richard. But have you got a challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

RM: No!

NP: Well give him a bonus point because we loved hearing from him. So Richard a bonus point for your...

RM: Thanks! Sorry Gyles, carry on!

NP: No, no, no, itís lovely to come on and discover things new isnít it.

RM: Yes I have an eu bom pwois to look forward to! One day I too will have a... how do I say that Gyles?

GB: Eu bom pwois.

RM: Eu bom pwois.

NP: No I think with the genes you have, you probably will never have one. Who does your tailoring by the way?

RM: Mother Care! Cheeky!

NP: Anyway he has a point and of course Gyles was interupted so he gets a point for being interrupted, keeps the subject, 23 seconds available, skipping, still with you Gyles, starting now.

GB: On my 25th wedding anniversary my dear darling child bride said to me "what are you going to give me for this special occasion?" And I said "Iíd like to give you anything that you want." She said "I would...

BUZZ

NP: Ken why have you challenged?

KB: Heís been giving far too widely. Two gives.

NP: There were two gives. Yes right. So Ken well listened, youíve got the subject, you have 13 seconds on skipping, starting now.

KB: Many of our best boxers are of course wonderful skippers. Iím thinking of Lennox Lewis, Evander Holyfield, Frank Bruno...

BUZZ

NP: Why have you challenged?

LG: I think Evander Holyfield is not one of ours. Isnt he American?

KB: Well this is taking a purely British and rather insular point of view if you donít mind my saying. I take our best boxers as in the entire world.

NP: I think probably thatís what you intended. But within the rules of Just A Minute I think it could be interpreted as a form of deviation...

KB: It could be interpreted, but I hope you wouldnít interpret it in that way Mr Chairman.

NP: Well as I also have the hots for Liza Goddard I think I will...

LG: Oh!

GB: Thatís it!

KB: How many clothes do I have to take off to do well on this programme?

RM: Donít look at me Ken!

LG: I havenít taken off any of them!

NP: Liza I think you have deviation there, six seconds, skipping, starting now.

LG: Skipping meals is a very good way of losing weight. I have frequently tried this method...

WHISTLE

NP: So Liza Goddard was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. And sheís moved forward, sheís in second place behind Gyles Brandreth who is our leader. And Richard Morton will you take the next subject. Nannies. Now thereís a good subject, you could take it so many different ways couldnít you. tell us something about nannies starting now.

RM: Nannies should be buxom, big breasted, bosomy ladies who can nurture and cherish a small boy at least until the age of about 25, I reckon. And make him feel as though heís grown up in the heart and soul of a woman. Because men lack so many of the qualities that women can teach them...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Ken?

KB: Um he didnít actually repeat woman, he said women didnít he?

NP: Oh well spotted. Yes...

RM: You corrected yourself there!

KB: Sorry, sorry. I said nothing!

NP: Yes and so he didnít repeat it. Yes, he said woman and women and so an incorrect challenge. So a point to you Richard and you keep the subject of nannies starting now.

RM: Such activities as housework, the hoovering, the washing up, the cleaning, the putting the rubbish out of an evening, the even the placing down of the toilet seat, would be things that men could possibly learn from women in a big way...

BUZZ

NP: Yes? Liza Goddard?

LG: Repetition of women.

NP: We did have a repetition of women there, yes.

RM: The more women the better really!

NP: Yes...

RM: Iím just following what Gyles started really!

NP: Thirty-four seconds available Liza for nannies starting now.

LG: Looking after babies is quite simple. Keep one end full and the other empty. As a working mother of course I have to employ nannies all the time. I had a succession of Spanish girls, lovely in their way. But parties, moustache removing...

BUZZ

GB: Iím afraid thatís just insulting to the good foreign people whoíll be watching this! I mean really, Spanish women with moustaches, how in... I mean really!

NP: Liza you get a point for being interrupted, you keep the subject, 20 seconds on nannies starting now.

LG: And leg waxing! Theyíre terrible drivers too! We gave them a car and they smashed it up. It was known eventually as the Spanish Bumper Car.

BUZZ

NP: Ah...

GB: Repetition of Spanish.

LG: Repetition of Spanish yes. You had Spanish girl before and now Spanish bumpers. And Gyles you got in there with 10, no 10 and a half seconds on nannies starting now.

GB: Theyíre changing guards at Buckingham Palace,

Christopher Robin went down with Alice,

are the first lines of a famous poem by Allan Alexander Milne, which celebrates perhaps one of the most famous nannies...

WHISTLE

NP: Gyles Brandreth speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Heís increased his lead at the end of the round and itís your turn to begin Gyles. And after talking about celebrations the next subject is celebrations and itís your turn to begin. Sixty seconds if you can use it starting now.

GB: In our family the best celebrations are always ones involving the pets. We are enthusiastic about our four legged friends. Indeed our French poodle ...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Ken?

KB: He hesitated slightly there.

NP: Well it was enough to say hesitation Ken. So you have a correct challenge and you have 50 seconds, tell us something about celebrations in Just A Minute starting now.

KB: The Scots are the most famous celebrators in the history of the world. On Hogmanay, you show me a crowd full of Scottish people, and they will be going at it hammer and tongs. The whiskey will be flowing, the flah flah flah flah!

BUZZ

KB: Haha!

RM: I think the whiskeyís flowed! I think!

NP: I think just the thought of all that whiskey Ken and youíd gone (in Scottish accent) oh my goodness, I can see it... Hogmanay, oh yes right...

RM: Hesitation for the...

NP: Yes yes I agree with hesitation. You you have got a point and youíve got the subject and youíve got 35 seconds starting now.

RM: In the north east of England we always celebrate by having a tattoo done in a really painful place! So I had mine done in Swindon!

BUZZ

KB: (Laughing) Hesitation.

NP: You must ride it...

RM: I know, I just...

GB: It wasnít so much hesitation as pause for applause!

RM: I know yes.

NP: Well he paused for the laugh! You should, actually in Just A Minute itís very difficult. You have to ride the laugh...

RM: I was so pleased to get one! Thanks everyone!

NP: I mean just carry on. I think actually having got the laugh you paused for applause as well. But Ken correct challenge, weíre back with you, celebrations and there are 23 seconds starting now.

KB: In 23 seconds I hope to be able to celebrate the winning of a round on Just A Minute. Before that though I want to look ahead to some of the great celebrations almost upon us. The Millennium, that ending of a thousand years of history will be with us in the matter of a few shorts months...

BUZZ

NP: Um..

GB: Technically the next Millennium doesnít begin until the 1st of January 2001. And itís not a few short months, itís about a year and you know, several months...

KB: Compared to...

NP: On the other hand Ken... I know... heís talking about celebrations and I think we are all... or at least most of us are going to celebrate the Millennium on this New Years Eve. So I think Iíll give you the benefit of the doubt and you keep the subject ...

KB: Good chairman!

NP: ..because thatís what youíre on, celebrations. Good chairman is it? Oh well...

KB: Good chairman! Very good chairman!

NP: Nine seconds starting now.

KB: Put me in a room with a bottle of whiskey and a boiled egg...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

LG: Iím afraid whiskey...

NP: Whiskey...

LG: Again!

NP: You had it before!

KB: Yes...

GB: Heís got a one track mind this man isnít he!

NP: Heís a Scotsman we all love our whiskey donít we!

LG: Donít they!

NP: Right! So Liza you have six seconds on celebrations starting now.

LG: I absolutely love my celebrations, birthdays, weddings, funerals. Youíll find me cooking...

WHISTLE

NP: I wanted to discover what she did at funerals! But she was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. So Liza Goddardís moved forward, sheís in second place behind Gyles Brandreth, our leader, followed by Richard Morton and Ken Bruce in that order. And Liza Goddard, weíre back with you....

LG: Oh right.

NP: ... to take, to start. Fish net tights. Iím not quite sure who thought of this one...

RM: Steady!

NP: Talk on fish net tights if you can in Just A Minute starting now.

LG: I absolutely love fish net tights. They make oneís legs look so long and slender and firm. Iím thinking of Cyd Charise here. No showgirl in Las Vegas despite what little they may wear, would be considered...

BUZZ

NP: Gyles?

GB: I could listen to her hesitating and fumbling all day.

NP: You have a correct challenge and you have 49 seconds to tell us about fish net tights starting now.

GB: The equivalent of putting bromide in oneís tea, when it comes to fish net tights, is to conceive of Nicholas Parsons wearing them. And indeed Iíve done just that, not simply as a fantasy but in reality. Because in the successful musical The Rocky Horror Show, now celebrating its quarter of a century, the host of our programme appears, believe it or not...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Liza?

LG: Sorry he hesitated, he did fall over.

NP: I know, I was rather enjoying it actually! Liza you had a correct challenge on fish net tights, 29 seconds available starting now.

LG: Fish net tights are also very useful when fishing. My Great Uncle Tatton hooked a huge salmon and heíd forgotten his landing net. Got his mistress to remove her fish net tights, scooped up this huge fish...

BUZZ

NP: Yes and who challenged...

GB: Itís just the way sheís holding her arms! Just the way sheís doing it! So Iím asking for repetition of that physical movement.

NP: So you interrupted her but you didnít have her for the repeating of the word fish. So itís too late now, Liza you were interrupted, you have an incorrect challenge so you get another point for that, and there are 15 and a half seconds, fish net tights starting now.

LG: And landed this great beast on the shore...

BUZZ

NP: Richard?

RM: Repetition of the word great.

NP: Yes.

LG: Oh.

NP: So Richard Morton, tell us something about fish net tights. Have you ever worn them by the way yourself?

RM: Er no thank you.

NP: Talk on the subject, 13 seconds now, fish net tights with Richard, starting now.

RM: Wouldnít it be marvellous if a group of master criminal haddocks stole some stockings? Because then in the tabloid press we would see the fantastic headline, Fish Net Tights. This would be a great day for all our tabloid readers ...

WHISTLE

RM: ... around the country. This would be the neatest story and Iím a big fan...

GB: The whistleís gone a couple of minutes ago!

NP: I was going to let you go on because I was enjoying it very much! So Richard Morton was not only gaining the laughs, he was also speaking as the whistle went, gained the extra point for doing so and he has leapt forward but he is still in fourth place. Ahead is Ken Bruce but out in front there is Liza Goddard, just one behind our leader Gyles Brandreth. And Liza that was your subject. Ken Bruce itís now with you. Pandoraís box. What a good subject! Talk about it in this game if this game starting now.

KB: Fred Pandora was possibly the greatest cricketer I have seen in my life. And Pandora could face WG Grace or Ian Botham if he had been alive at the time with equal respect. The only thing he worried about was his own protection. The other Pandora I would like to speak to you about is of course the Pandora who was given a box by Zeus, the great god, which contained every evil known to man and indeed women in the world. And this was to be opened and... those terrible...

BUZZ

GB: It was so good wasnít it?

LG: So good!

NP: Twenty-nine seconds, itís difficult enough to get to 60 seconds! Twenty-nine was great but you challenged yes. Hesitation Gyles?

GB: Iím afraid so.

NP: There are 31 seconds on Pandoraís box starting now.

GB: Pandora Twisseldon-Wickham-Fines is a gracious hostess and one of the most beautiful and generous people I know. To be in her box at the Royal Opera House or indeed at the theatre is something of a treat. She took me recently to see Romeo and Juliet, a remarkable ballet which was spoilt rather by the Japanese...

BUZZ

NP: Ken you challenged?

KB: Did we not have a ballet earlier on?

NP: No it was the opera before, they went to the ballet this time.

KB: Well theyíre much the same!

NP: I donít... I would have challenged right away for fickleness, because heís gone off Liza Goddard and now heís on to Pandora. But you didnít, so Iím sorry, he did have the opera before and it was the ballet this time. So Gyles an incorrect challenge, you still have the subject and you have eight seconds starting now.

GB: I discovered that Pandora in fact is of Spanish descent and has had her facial hair removed. And as a result of this she has...

WHISTLE

NP: So Gyles Brandreth speaking as the whistle went, gained another point and has increased his lead at the end of the round. And itís Richard Morton, itís your turn to begin. Fan mail. Oh Iím sure youíve had plenty of that Richard! Tell us something about fan mail, your fan mail, anybodyís fan mail, in this game starting now.

RM: Personally I feel very sorry for the postman who must walk to Nicholas Parsonsí house every day with curvature of the spine, a double hernia, arms like chimpanzees, lugging the great big bag that is full of the hate mail that must be sent to Nicholas after these shows. I meant fan mail, of course!

BUZZ

NP: Why have you challenged Gyles?

GB: Well know I was going to say repetition of mail but the word mail is in the... and also it was...

NP: It doesnít matter, itís how it sounds, not how you spell it. So an incorrect challenge Richard and talk on the subject of fan mail, 43 seconds, starting now.

RM: Despite my lifelong ambition to have an eu bom pwois, my status as fan mail is simply all unrecorded because...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Gyles?

GB: Well it was getting a bit of a muddle. And we have heard eu bom pwois pronounced correctly, incorrectly, three times so far by him.

NP: I know because heís only just discovered the word so heís allowed to pronounce it anyway he wishes until heís practiced it a bit more. So I disagree with the challenge so Richard keeps...

GB: What!

NP: Yes!

GB: Oh really!

NP: Youíve got a few fans out there Richard.

RM: I have now!

NP: They all love your eu bom pwois. So you carry on, 36 seconds, on fan mail starting now.

RM: As a lifelong Newcastle United supporter, the only status I am recorded is fan, male, due to the fact that the fans...

BUZZ

NP: Yes that was hesitation.

GB: I think it was.

RM: That was hesitation.

NP: Gyles correct challenge, you have fan mail and 28 seconds starting now.

GB: Itís pretty damn incredible that I do have a fan, and he is male. And what is rather sad is that I think his interest in me is unhealthy. He sends me poetry, fortunately not penned by himself but by people like Keats, Yeats, Wordsworth...

BUZZ

NP: Ken?

KB: Oh Yeats was a long time coming I thought. Hesitation I thought.

NP: Yes. It was a little time... no, I have to be fair... All right, I give you the benefit of the doubt, I gave it to Gyles last time, I balance the things this way. Right so yes it wasnít quite but you got the benefit of the doubt. There are nine, there are 11 seconds on fan mail Ken starting now.

KB: Only today I received a touching letter which read "Dear Ken I have followed your career as a broadcaster with great interest. I would love to be as good as you one day. Yours sincerely, love, Nicholas Parsons."

WHISTLE

NP: The whistle almost defeated the pay off but I hope they heard it. And he kept speaking as the whistle went. Gyles Brandreth is still in the lead at the end of that round. And Gyles your turn to begin. The subject, my second cousin once removed. Thatís an involved subject but talk on it if you can, 60 seconds, starting now.

GB: My second cousin once removed has now been removed permanently in that he is no longer with us. In fact, this is true, he was the last person to be beheaded for treason in this country. His name, Jeremiah Brandreth, and he was a Luddite who in 1812, led a demonstration near Nottingham that was put down by the government of the day. He was hung, drawn and quartered and eventually his head was held up and the axeman said "behold the head of a word I have used before and therefore cannot repeat...

BUZZ

NP: So Liza what was...

RM: I wish I could have been there!

NP: What was your challenge?

LG: Repetition of head. But it was so good!

NP: Yes it was!

GB: I thought Iíd hold this position for you!

RM: It was like being in Braveheart that wasnít it, it was like Braveheart!

NP: So the head was a repetition. So Liza you have the subject of my second cousin once removed, 27 seconds starting now.

LG: My second cousin once removed is a lovely girl. And she taught physics and chemistry at St Paulís Girls School in London. But sadly had to return to her native New Zealand only two years ago because she felt it was healthier for her children than living in London, Kew in fact, near the bridge. She was worried by (starts to giggle)...

BUZZ

NP: Ken you challenged.

KB: She was over the bridge and into the water there.

LG: She was!

NP: And you cleverly got in with only seven seconds to go on my second cousin once removed starting now.

KB: My second cousin once removed. Pickfordís helped him. There was a big van outside. It was filled with all the furniture he could get...

WHISTLE

GB: Well done! Very well done!

NP: So Ken Bruce cleverly got going until the whistle went, gained that extra point. Theyíre both moving up, thatís he and Richard Morton, on Liza Goddard and Gyles Brandreth in that order. Gyles is just in the lead and Liza weíre back with you to start. Bloody Mary, well! Talk on that subject if you can, Just A Minute, starting now.

LG: Bloody Mary was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Catherine of Aragon. She was given in marriage to the Dauphin of France at the tender age of two years old. She came to the throne in 1553 and ruled for six years. During that time 300 Protestants...

BUZZ

NP: Ken you challenged?

KB: Thereís a repetition of years I think was it not? Years of age and er something else.

NP: Yes...

LG: Yes youíre right, six years, youíre right.

NP: Yes youíre right Ken yes well listened yes. There were too many years there. Bloody Mary is with you, there are 46 seconds, Ken Bruce, starting now.

KB: Thereís a character in the musical South Pacific called Bloody Mary. (starts to sing) Bloody Mary is the girl for me, now aint that too damn bad. (speaking again) I could sing...

BUZZ

NP: Richard you challenged.

RM: I was just putting Ken out of his misery!

NP: I thought youíd say put the audience out of their misery! But what is your, within the rules of Just A Minute, what is your challenge?

RM: Um, there isnít really a genuine one, sorry..

NP: Iíll tell you what...

RM: A tiny bit of deviation, do you think?

NP: No, no, I donít think so...

RM: Repetition?

NP: No...

RM: Hesitation?

NP: Eu bom pwois?

RM: Eu bom pwois? Any of the eu bom pwois?

NP: Weíll give you a bonus point because we enjoyed the challenge Richard.

RM: Okay thank you.

NP: But you have a point for being interrupted Ken. You keep the subject, Bloody Mary, 36 seconds, starting now.

KB: The perfect bloody mary involves a tall glass, a little ice, a certain amount of vodka and then it should be topped up with preferably V8 which is a vegetable juice comprising carrot, celery, a touch of spice. And after youíve mixed all that up put in a slice of lemon followed by Worcestershire sauce and then some of that delicious Tobasco stuff. Stir it all up, knock it back, lie on your back, and Iíve repeated back so somebody...

BUZZ

NP: Oh who challenged there? Richard?

RM: Repetition of the word back Iím afraid Ken. Although you mix a fantastic cocktail mate!

GB: Oh yeah! I was ringing the bell to order one!

RM: Yeah! Over here! We want one over here!

GB: My word!

NP: So itís back to Kenís place afterwards for the bloody marys! But Richard Morton you had a correct challenge, you take over Bloody Mary and you have 11 seconds in which to do it starting now.

RM: I once walked into a bar in my native Newcastle and asked for a...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

GB: Frankly we have heard enough about Newcastle!

RM: No!

GB: We have heard enough about Newcastle!

RM: No!

GB: Yes we have!

RM: All right...

GB: No we have had Newcastle, Newcastle, Newcastle!

RM: Iíll change it! Iíll change it! Okay!

NP: No why should you? You can say whatever you like in Just A Minute.

GB: Heís talking about, itís repetition.

RM: You were saying you and Liza, you and Liza, you and Liza!

GB: Yes! I want to talk about Liza if you donít mind!

NP: He can mention Newcastle as often as he likes as long as he doesnít do it in the same round. Mind you, he does go on a bit about it!

RM: Right, Iíll change it to another thing! Right, letís go!

NP: Right (in Newcastle accent) Newcastle then, itís a wonderful area, weíre in Newcastle now...

RM: No not Liverpool, Newcastle!

KB: No that was Pakistan wasnít it!

NP: (in Newcastle accent) I did this once before because I worked up there. I did the pantomime, and told them about the last time I was on the show when I did the pantomime up there! Do you know the last time you were on the show I was telling you about this. (Dissolves into fast paced Geordie accented gibberish)

BUZZ

RM: Cut!

NP: So he didnít repeat Newcastle in that round though he would have liked to have done, Iím sure. So Richard Iím still with you, seven seconds on bloody Mary starting now.

RM: The toughest pub Iíve ever walked in, in my life, was the one on which I ordered half a lager and lime and the barman said "we donít do cocktails here!"

WHISTLE

NP: Richard Morton was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so. We have no more time to play this delightful game. Let me give you the final situation. They all got lots of points. But they all contributed so much, it would be fair if they were all equal. But actually they were Liza Goddard, Ken Bruce and Richard Morton were all equal in second place, but a few points ahead of them was Gyles Brandreth, so we say Gyles youíre the winner today!

GB: Am I right, that Liza Goddard is the first prize?

NP: So it only remains for me to say thank you to our four intrepid players of the game, Liza Goddard, Ken Bruce, Richard Morton and Gyles Brandreth. From them, from me, Nicholas Parsons, hope youíve enjoyed Just A Minute. Be with us the next time we play this delightful game. Goodbye.

THEME MUSIC