JAM:WRichard,LSmith,MMcErlane,SPunt
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

Starring WENDY RICHARD, LINDA SMITH, MARIA McERLANE and STEVE PUNT, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (TV, 13 May 1999)

NOTE: Steve Punt's last appearance, Wendy Richard's last television appaearance, Linda Smith's last television appearance, Maria McErlane's last television appearance.



THEME MUSIC

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, thank you, thank you, hello and welcome to Just A Minute, this delightful, engaging, often challenging and sometimes quite ridiculous game in which I ask my four guests to speak on a subject I will give them and they try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Let us meet the four bright entertainers who today are going to play Just A Minute. They are the delightful Maria McErlane and sitting beside her the engaging Steve Punt. And on my left the always amusing Wendy Richard, and beside her the equally funny Linda Smith. Please welcome all four of them. And they are going to display their verbal ingenuity and dexterity as they try and keep going on the subject I give them. And weíre going to begin with Maria McErlane and who better? The subject, the great British public. What a good subject to start the show with today. Maria speak on it for Just A Minute if you can starting now.

MARIA McERLANE: The great British publicd are... the publicd!

NP: Whoís challenged?

MM: Nobody did! The great British public are represented here by our wonderful and charming audience. And they are really...

BUZZ

NP: Youíve challenged Steve?

STEVE PUNT: Well itís not repetition or deviation, but it is just gross bottom licking! And I know where the gross bottom is as well!

NP: What is your challenge within the rules of Just A Minute?

SP: Well the, the, the...

NP: Nothing at all!

SP: ... challenge is that... Could I invent a new challenge?

LINDA SMITH: Hesitation!

WENDY RICHARD: Nauseating!

NP: I think you could have had her for hesitation when she started but you failed to do that. So I say Iím sorry itís a wrong challenge. So Maria you have a point for an incorrect challenge, you keep the subject, there are 50 seconds available, the great British public starting now.

MM: One of the members of the great British public is the man on the Clapham omnibus. Iíve never been too sure of who this particular chappie is on this particular contraption...

BUZZ

NP: So Wendy you got in first.

WR: A bit too particular there!

MM: A bit too particular for my own...

WR: I thought you were going to say Clapham Common for a minute!

NP: The great British public is the man on Clapham Common? Yes! Forty seconds for you Wendy, youíve got a correct challenge, you get a point for that of course, itís the great British public with you, starting now.

WR: I think the great British public are truly wonderful! Because they watch the programmes weíre in and they in a way they are paying our wages. They also send really nice fan letters. Sometimes you get the odd dodgy one but in the main theyíre all really friendly and obviously pleased to see you. The great...

BUZZ

NP: Steve Punt?

SP: I still havenít thought of a name for this particular challenge yet but itís the same one as last time!

NP: What...

SP: Do I take it that Iíve failed again?

MM: I think Wendy called it nauseating last time when I was doing it...

NP: I donít think anyone plays the game...

WR: I wasnít being nauseating!

MM: Ohhh!

WR: I wasnít buttering them up like what you were!

NP: Ah nobody plays the game like you do Steve! But Iím sorry it wasnít a correct challenge within the rules of Just A Minute. I think we enjoyed hearing from you! Give him a bonus point!

SP: Yes thank you!

NP: But Wendy was interrupted so she gets a point for being interrupted because technically it was an incorrect challenge. Wendy you still keep the subject, there are 23 seconds available, the great British public starting now.

WR: The great British public are so true and loyal to this wonderful country in which we live. Theyíre the ones that keep the place going and have the fighting spirit which is what we need, especially in these rather dark days we happen to be going through. Hopefully they will soon be over and there will be sunnier times ahead. The great British public are the ones that support...

BUZZ

NP: Steve you challenged.

SP: Iím not really challenging, Iím just saying I will vote for Wendy Richard!

NP: Another point to you Steve, we enjoyed what you said. But Wendy wasnít really technically deviating from the subject of the great British public. You have one second Wendy to go on it starting now.

WR: The great British public...

WHISTLE

NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point and it was Wendy Richard and she has taken the lead, a strong lead at the end of the round. Steve Punt would you like to take the subject of friendship. Friendship is whatís on the card, speak on it if you can, 60 seconds starting now.

SP: Friendship is a wonderful thing, a sustaining thing through the minefields...

BUZZ

SP: Ohhhh!

NP: Yes, too many things!

SP: Too many things!

NP: Maria youíve got friendship, you have 56 seconds starting now.

MM: I have a special friendship with someone not a million miles from here! His name happens to be Nicholas Parsons. His wife Annie...

BUZZ

WR: Oh please, donít letís go down that old route!

NP: Why shouldnít she go down that old route?

WR: Oh go on then! Get on with it!

NP: An incorrect challenge, Maria youíve got another point, you have 47 sec... 48 seconds on friendship starting now.

MM: His wife Annie is fully aware of this particular friendship and chooses to turn a blind eye, because she knows I come from a home for the criminally insane and that Nicholas is not at all interested...

BUZZ

NP: Why have you challenged Wendy?

WR: Would you believe too much Nicholas!

MM: Two Nicholases! Iíve never been nickerless in my life!

NP: Oh yes whatís the old gag! What do they say to someone, excuse me sir, do you know someone who knows Nicholas Parsons, and other people say they know parsons... it doesnít matter, I thought of the gag! Wendy you have a correct challenge on that occasion, there are 38 seconds on friendship starting now.

WR: Friendship is the most important thing in your life. To have a true friendship with someone is so enriching. I am most fortunate in having at least three good friendships with various folk and this makes me I think a wealthy person. Because if you can count on one hand the friendship you have known during your time then youíre a most fortunate person...

BUZZ

NP: Linda you challenged?

LS: Just that Iíll vote for her as well!

NP: She did repeat fortunate.

LS: She did.

WR: Oh did I?

NP: Yes you did.

WR: Oh how unfortunate!

NP: So weíre going to hear from Linda, having got a point for a correct challenge, on the subject of friendship, 15 seconds starting now.

LS: Friendship is a marvellous and important thing! Because if it werenít for your friends who on earth would you talk about behind their backs? You need someone to gossip about in this life...

BUZZ

NP: Er Maria?

MM: Two abouts.

NP: Two abouts, you were getting about too much. So Maria... the audience was about to react to that, that was a correct challenge. Five seconds are available Maria on friendship starting now.

MM: I would like to be able to talk about friendship but as I have absolutely no friends I find myself unable...

WHISTLE

NP: Maria McErlane kept going until the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so and I would have challenged for deviation because I know Maria McErlane has got lots of friends. She is deeply loved...

WR: Nicholas youíre being pathetic! Just get on with the game!

NP: Iím just giving back to Maria what she gives to me and itís lovely! The audience enjoyed that! Gave you a vicarious thrill didnít it! Thereís all sorts of titilation going on!

WR: It would take more than that to give me a vicarious thrill, I can tell you!

LS: I think for you Nicholas, it would be a precarious thrill!

NP: Thank you Linda, thank you! Iím a good sport for...

LS: Points off for me!

NP: Right! Whoís going to speak next? Wendy itís you. At the end of that round by the way, Wendy, Maria McErlaneís equal in the lead with Wendy Richard. Wendy you begin the next round, the subject, oh this is a good one, nicker elastic. Nice audience reaction! Tell us something about nicker elastic in 60 seconds starting now.

WR: Nicker elastic can be most important especially when youíre at school and you had to wear those dreadful great navy blue bloomers. Iím sure most people will remember them.

NP: I donít.

WR: Nicker elastic... ĎScuse me! You interrupted me! Give me an extra point!

NP: She demands and she gets an extra point. Forty... carry on quickly, 37 seconds starting now.

WR: And itís also useful for making catapults. Unfortunately some little lads will use this nicker elastic for making these devices and then firing...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Maria?

MM: I donít really want it but itís two makings.

WR: It was, yes.

NP: Yes it was!

WR: Itís Nicholasí fault! He threw me! Interrupting me like that.

MM: Well then I think you should get it back...

NP: You got a point from it Wendy. I gave you an extra point..

WR: Thatís not the point Nicholas! You interrupted my train of thought!

LS: Oh stop...

NP: Oooooohh! Sharp isnít she!

LS: Look! Stop all this arguing! Iíll take it Nicholas! Iíll take the subject to stop all this arguing.

NP: No, Mariaís won the subject legitimately.

LS: She doesnít want it.

MM: But I donít care to give it to you!

NP: Oh steady! Itís a girlsí bunfight!

LS: You remember what she was saying before about no friends? Do you wonder at it?

NP: Maria try and go on nicker elastic for 26 seconds if you can starting now.

MM: I donít think they actually make nickers with nicker elastic any longer, do they? Because nowadays in popular...

BUZZ

NP: Linda?

LS: Hesitation!

NP: Yes you did get in after all on this subject Linda. So 19 seconds you tell us something about nicker elastic starting now.

LS: Nicker elastic is rather an outmoded item these days because it has been superceded by lycra. Whenever Iím walking behind someone in lycra cycling shorts I always think...

BUZZ

NP: Oh yes!

WR: Too much lycra.

LS: Can you have too much lycra?

WR: Yes!

LS: And youíre a woman whoíd know!

WR: It depends who youíre walking behind! Sometimes thereís too much lycra!

LS: Well sometimes it does make you think "oh I must get a bag of sapsumas!"

WR: Yes! Yes I agree entirely!

NP: Right! Yes well sapsumas right! We do get round the world donít we! Nine seconds Wendy for... donít look at me like that darling! You got an extra point the last time I interrupted you!

WR: I know! Iím trying to look intelligent Nicholas! I know itís very difficult for me! Go on!

NP: Nine seconds, nicker elastic, starting now.

WR: Nicker elastic is actually obsolete these days, because most ladies intimate apparel...

BUZZ

NP: Maria McErlane?

MM: I think she had a these days in the last time...

NP: You did say these days before when you were talking.

WR: I donít know, I canít remember Nicholas. Youíve been waffling on for so long, Iíve forgotten everything thatís gone on before.

NP: I havenít spoken nearly as much as you have.

WR: Yes but youíre not supposed to, are you! Youíre only supposed to announce the... how many rounds are there in this game anyway?

NP: Oh we get round, everybody speaks three times so thereís 12 rounds usually.

WR: Twelve rounds? Well thatís 12 rounds more than youíve ever bought!

NP: I donít mind her making the remarks but the idea that you should applaud her! Youíve never been out with me to the pub or anywhere!

WR: Thank God! I know! I spoke to the others first!

NP: Anyway it doesnít matter, itís all good fun! Wendy, ah Maria you had a correct challenge, youíve four seconds on nicker elastic starting now.

MM: Nicker elastic can be very useful for changing your fan belt should you...

WHISTLE

NP: Maria McErlane speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point and has gone into the lead ahend... Ahend? Ahend? (in Scottish accent) Thereís so many hens here today, the wee hens as well, thatís my Glaswegian coming out now...

MM: Go on now! Get on with it!

NP: (in Scottish accent) Hens, get on with it, donít tell me not to speak like that now, I canít help it! My Glasgow background comes out occasionally. Right! A lot of wee hens, three hens and a stallion here! Right! Now...

MM: Donít you mean three hens and a cock?

NP: (Normal voice) Yes I do! I thought Iíd try to do that...

SP: Hang on! I...

NP: I wasnít trying to put the two together! I just thought...

MM: I think you were mixing your metaphors!

NP: I know I was, but I was paying him this extra compliment! It seemed to me to be better to be a stallion than a cock! Cocks have a good life but stallions...

MM: Not if youíre a hen I tell you!

WR: Excuse me! Are we doing Just A Minute or Farming Today? Somebody make their mind up!

SP: Are you going to release one of those videos where it says all the bits they couldnít show on TV? Because otherwise people will never see all these gems!

NP: No, no, theyíll keep all of this because itís fun and thatís whatís Just A Minuteís all about.

SP: Ah!

NP: Linda Smith your turn to begin. Airports. Tell us something about those frustrating places in this game starting now.

LS: Airports, the trouble with airports is that theyíre always too far out of town. Iím sure if Heathrow was somewhere more sensible, like Leicester Square, Iíd miss far fewer flights. One could thing about airports though is the travelator. I love that! I think pavements should be replaced with those walking aids. We could glide along like lovely swans! It would be a beautiful world! And also the roads could be replaced with...

BUZZ

NP: What have you challenged for Steve?

SP: Well the travelator is a relatively minor part of an airport. And weíre spending quite a long time on this...

NP: It is part of an airport.

MM: No but she was being so lyrical about it!

NP: She was! She was going with style and aplomb...

SP: But there are also travelators...

WR: And probably four suitcases which is why she needs the travelator!

NP: Linda I think you did magnificently.

LS: Thank you Nicholas.

NP: And I had this wonderful image of you and your travelator running along the pavement at Pembico or wherever you live. So you had an incorrect challenge and 37 seconds...

SP: I think youíve misunderstood what a travelator is.

NP: Itís one of those things you stand on and you move along and you donít have to walk.

SP: Yes...

NP: Oh you can walk on it if you want to. They carry you...

SP: Do they have them in Pembico?

NP: No, she was suggesting in her world of fantasy wouldnít it be lovely if pavements were travelators or whatever you call the things!

SP: Yes...

LS: Oh I wish Iíd never mentioned it! Canít you see this travelator talk is tearing us all apart!

NP: Steve you can go into...

SP: Iím being over pedantic.

NP: No youíre not. You can go into a realm of fantasy in Just A Minute if you wish, and thatís what Linda was doing, poetically I think...

LS: Itís spoilt now though Nicholas.

WR: The momentís gone.

LS: The momentís gone.

NP: The travelatorís broken has it? Well gather your forces, pull in your nicker elastic and go on airports, you have another 37 seconds starting now.

LS: The thing I donít like about airports is when they ask you that stupid question did you pack your bags yourself? Of course I did! And then they say things like is there any electrical goods in your bleurgh!

BUZZ

NP: Yes!

LS: I was better with the fantasy really wasnít I?

WR: Yes!

NP: Yes it was a great fantasy, I loved it! But Wendy you challenged first, yes she did hesitate there, 24 seconds with you, airports, starting now.

WR: Airports can be the most depressing places, especially when youíve just been told your flight is delayed by over half an hour. But in actual fact theyíre lying because two hours later, youíre still sat there. Anyway...

BUZZ

WR: It was hour and hours!

SP: No I thought there was a little touch of hesitation.

NP: No Iím afraid there wasnít Steve.

WR: Heís trying to get round me now!

NP: I donít have to get round you Wendy! I know you well enough!

WR: Not in the biblical sense I hasten to add!

NP: Wendy I disagree with the challenge so youíve got 10 and a half seconds on airports starting now.

WR: Iíve forgot what I was saying now. Anyway...

NP: Well press on quickly.

WR: Most airports I find can be upsetting. I had the most unfortunate flight back from Belfast the other day. The plane was delayed and then we were taxiing all round...

BUZZ

WHISTLE

NP: Maria you challenged just before the whistle.

MM: There was a delayed.

NP: There was a delayed, you were delayed twice earlier on when you were speaking about being delayed.

WR: I know! We were delayed with the plane taking off and then we were delayed getting off it when we got to the airport.

NP: Earlier on when you were talking you said your flight ...

WR: Yes I know Nicholas!

NP: Iím only trying to justify....

WR: But the bell went, the whistle went.

NP: No, she buzzed just before the whistle. I know sometimes when you get into an argument you like to...

WR: You are such a crawler! Youíve been sucking up to her all day! Donít think I havenít noticed!

NP: Well sheís a lovely creature to suck up to, isnít she Wendy! But Iím always fair within the rules of Just A Minute. Maria McErlane you have half a second on airports starting now.

MM: On my way to the airport...

WHISTLE

NP: Maria McErlane was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. Sheís now one point ahead of Wendy Richard. Sheís in the lead and Wendyís second and then comes Linda Smith and Steve Punt in that order. And Maria itís your turn to begin. The subject, endangered species. Tell us something about that in this game starting now.

MM: Many people would say that you are an endangered species Nicholas... (starts to giggle)

NP: Spunt! Punt, press your buzzer! Punt!

BUZZ

NP: Yes you challenged. What for?

SP: Where do I start?

MM: You said to him challenge, challenge! What for?

NP: Hesitation.

SP: Yes yeah well I mean there were any number of things. Hesitation was one of them.

NP: Deviation, am I an endangered species, you could have had her for that.

WR: Listen, from where youíre sitting, youíre very much endangered Nicholas! Iíd be careful if I were you!

NP: Steve, correct challenge, well listened! In there like a shot!

SP: Thank you! She was laughing...

NP: I know she was!

SP: She was laughing....

MM: I have mass hysteria when I think about Nicholas, I donít know why!

WR: We frequently do!

NP: That wasnít very funny and they didnít laugh! I mean to say...

WR: I wasnít talking to them, I was talking to her!

MM: And I laughed heartily!

NP: A correct challenge to you Steve Punt...

SP: Thank you! I donít know how I managed it!

NP: Well you managed it well, you have 53 seconds, tell us something about endangered species starting now.

SP: Fifty-three seconds worth of endangered species, er, a far from simple task... Endangered species (starts to giggle)... for which I feel...

BUZZ

NP: Maria?

SP: Oh for heavens sake!

MM: No! That was all eurgh!

NP: I know! But it was the best eurgh Iíve heard for a long time! So Iím going to be generous, Iím going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and say that you didnít hesitate, though obviously you did and say carry on please, 45 seconds, endangered species... no Maria come on we want to hear from Steve on this endangered species, youíll give it to him...

SP: I was not hesitating! I was demonstrating the mating call of the blue whale which is an endangered species. All whales are an endangered species, because they are being hunted to extinction principally by the Japanese and Norwegians who enjoy eating whales in special restaurants...

BUZZ

NP: Maria, why have you challenged?

MM: Two whales!

NP: You had two whales. I said youíd get in again you see, so there you are!

MM: I just wanted him to know that he was wrong, but Iíd like him to have it back!

SP: It was whale and then whales...

NP: No this time...

MM: No you had whale and whales and then whales.

NP: You had whale and whales and then you repeated whales. I assure you of that. When you listen...

SP: Iím sure I did! Iím sure I did! Yes!

NP: Maria it was a correct challenge. You take over the subject, you get the subject back of endangered species.

SP: Sheís delighted! She wants the subject back because itís a really easy one!

NP: Right, 33 seconds, endangered species, Maria, starting now.

MM: Maybe when species become extinct is because we donít need them any more. The dodo... please donít buzz me because itís repetition because itís not, itís do and then another word like that, that goes (starts to giggle)

BUZZ

NP: Whoís challenged?

LS: Me. But probably Iím wrong.

NP: Why? Why have you challenged?

WR: She had three dos there didnít she!

LS: There was a lot of doh!s. It was a bit like listening to Homer Simpson.

NP: She did hesitate. Dodo..

LS: She did hesitate...

MM: I caught myself on dodo and then I realised that was the name of a bird...

LS: You should never question yourself.

MM: No...

LS: Ever!

NP: Dodo is a word, itís not a hyphenated word or two words, so it werenít repetitious. So Linda...

MM: It;s the name of a bird.

LS: But she did hesitate.

NP: She did hesitate Linda so you have a correct challenge. There are 21 seconds, tell us something about endangered species starting now.

LS: I think endangered species were first brought to our attention by the delightful Mr Attenborough with his lovely safari suits. Heís such a cheeky monkey going all over the world watching animals mate. Which is a bit of a sauce really, isnít it! You wouldnít like it if he came round your house and looked in the window. But anyway as theyíre animals he feels he has the right. But thatís how he got to know that so..

BUZZ

NP: Maria?

MM: There were two animals mating.

NP: Yes...

MM: I know thatís the usual way!

LS: Itís difficult with one! Itís difficult with one!

NP: Yes I know! Maria you got in with two seconds to go on endangered species starting now.

MM: As this was my subject I donít...

WHISTLE

NP: Maria McErlane speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. Sheís now, oh, sheís now four points ahead of Wendy Richard, and the other two are trailing just a little. Steve Punt your turn to begin. Yesterday. That is the subject actually Steve. Iím giving you a little time to think and gurgitate or regurgiatte or whatever you have to do before you get going. Sixty seconds if you can, starting now.

SP: Yesterday holds the distinction of being the most recorded popular song by any song writer.

BUZZ

MM: Song.

SP: Rubbish!

NP: Song writer is hyphenated.

SP: Song and song writer... forgive me! Two completely different words!

MM: No I just love it when Steve gets angry! Thatís all I wanted to see!

SP: I knew that was what you liked and that was why I did it!

NP: Steve I was actually supporting you, song writer is hyphenated so you were perfectly all right.

MM: Carry on darling!

SP: Thank you!

NP: Steve an incorrect challenge so you have a point for that, you keep the subject, and there are 55 seconds, yesterday, starting now.

SP: It was written in 1965 by Paul McCartney who wrote it while living with the Ashes in Rimpole Street in London. He fell out of bed one morning with the tune already in his head and ran to the piano which was downstairs. The original lyrics which you may know...

BUZZ

NP: Yes Maria?

MM: There might have been two originals.

NP: Yes there was, the original Yesterday written by the Beatles, yes...

SP: Well Iím not telling you the rest then!

NP: Youíll probably get in again if you listen strong enough. Forty-two seconds, Maria, correct challenge and you have yesterday starting now.

MM: Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though theyíre here to stay, oh I believe...

BUZZ

NP: Yes?

SP: I have pointed out this is the most recorded popular song in history, so that must be repetition!

MM: Oooooh! He gets very nasty doesnít he when you challenge him!

NP: I know! But mind you he has had a bit of a lead from a bit of acid from three ladies today, hasnít he? But itís been fun! Steve...

SP: What?

NP: You have the subject still. No you havenít, youíve got it back again, 36 seconds, yesterday, starting now.

SP: Yesterday...

NP: He didnít start did he? Carry on quickly before they buzz you.

BUZZ

NP: She got in there, didnít she?

LS: Hesitation, Steve.

NP: Steve...

SP: Yeah, I didnít even realise it was my turn to speak.

NP: I said Steve start now.

SP: Did you? Right! Well I failed then!

NP: Linda you have 20, you have 33 seconds, tell us something about yesterday starting now.

LS: Itís hard to believe that the same man who wrote Yesterday also wrote The Frog Corpse...

BUZZ

WR: Two wrotes.

NP: There were two wrotes there yes. So you have yesterday Wendy Richard, you have 27 seconds starting now.

WR: Yesterday was such a beautiful day! I took my pet dog Shirley Brahms for...

NP: Awww!

WR: .... a lovely walk in the park. And donít go aww Nicholas because sheís really very cute and everybody loves her! So there! So yesterday was most...

BUZZ

NP: So Maria?

MM: So yesterday.

NP: So, so.

WR: Two sos.

NP: Two sos...

WR: Thatís you annoying me!

NP: I became a right so-and-so to her, Iím so sorry, right! But Shirley Brahms does come into Just A Minute so often, doesnít she?

WR: Yes well if I hadnít been buzzed I would have gone on to explain who Shirley was, wouldnít I! And theyíd all have been riveted!

NP: You might get a chance...

MM: How many seconds do I have?

NP: You have 15 seconds available on yesterday starting now.

MM: Yesterday I was full of anticipation and excitement at coming here today to hear all about Wendy Richardís dog...

BUZZ

NP: Yes! So Linda you got in first on hesitation. Seven seconds tell us something more about yesterday starting now.

LS: Yesterday I traveled up to this beautiful city of Birmingham and admired its...

BUZZ

NP: Steve you challenged.

SP: I just desperately wanted to get back in on this subject before we finish. Can I invent a challenge of some sort? Er deviation!

NP: Thatís not inventing thatís one of the regular challenges.

SP: Yeah but she must be going to deviate because sheís plainly just going to say something that happened yesterday...

NP: Iím going to say do you want him to have it or are you going to carry on? Because correctly itís an incorrect challenge.

LS: Oh...

MM: Keep it Linda. Keep it.

LS: Yes Iíll keep it, yes!

NP: Why should he have it? Three seconds Linda on yesterday starting now.

LS: Yesterday fades now ber from my memory.....

BUZZ

NP: Thatís what happens when they get interrupted.

LS: Psyched out!

NP: But you got a point...

MM: Sorry Linda! I gave so I could take away with one second left.

NP: You got a point for an incorrect challenge so it wasnít all lost. So Maria you got in first and thereís only half a second left, youíre the lucky one arenít you, on yesterday, starting now.

MM: Yesterday...

WHISTLE

NP: Maria McErlane again speaking as the whistle went has increased her lead at the end of that round. Then its Wendy Richard and Linda Smith and Steve Punt in that order. And Wendy, itís you now. The subject is soaps. Can you tell us something about that subject in this game, Iím sure you can, but you start now.

WR: There are so many different types of soaps. I think that you Maria would be probably camae. Iím not sure about Steven, he would be probably carbolic. But Nicholas is definitely simple. Those are the soaps that appertain to you but I cannot take full credit for that because somebody said it before me but itís such a brilliant line I thought I cannot possibly waste it. But the other sort of soaps are of course what you get on television, and I happen to appear in one of them from time to time. In this show...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Linda?

LS: Time to time!

WR: Silly me!

NP: Correct challenge...

LS: What was the subject now?

NP: Itís soaps and there are 29 seconds available starting now.

LS: I much prefer soaps, soap operas as theyíre called on TV to real opera with that absurd singing of normal conversation. (sings) Would you like a cup of tea?

BUZZ

LS: (sings) Only if youíre having one, donít make one just for me.

NP: Sorry Linda you were interrupted.

LS: Sorry I was just in my aria.

SP: Can I sniff a certain level of deviation here?

NP: Well I donít know if you sniff it, how can you sniff it? Youíve heard it, you canít sniff it.

SP: We swipped... we swipped? We didnít swip it, we swapped...

NP: Yeah...

SP: We swapped to the subject of opera, and then we stayed on opera for a little long.

NP: All right yes Iíll give you the benefit of the doubt. You see Iím always fair yes. Give you the benefit of the doubt, a little too long, a bit of deviation there into opera from soap. And so Steve you have 18 seconds to tell us about soaps starting now.

SP: When I was a lad there was a thing called Soap On A Rope which was a bit of a fad of the mid 70s in which a bar of this substance and I just realised Iím allowed to say soap anyway. So a bar of soap was attached to a piece of string...

BUZZ

WR: Two barred.

SP: No Iím not, youíre right!

NP: Wendy got in first so Wendy you have soaps back and you have seven seconds starting now.

WR: Itís very important to pick the right sort of soaps to use because they can bring you up in a nasty rash if you donít get the right...

WHISTLE

NP: And Wendy Richard speaking as the whistle went gains an extra point for doing so. And weíve reached the end of the show today. What a pity, weíve enjoyed ourselves. Let me give you the final situation. Steve Punt who contributed so much finished up in fourth place, but only just. He was only one point behind Linda Smith with a great contribution there. And then came Wendy Richard who has won on occasions. But just a few points ahead of her was Maria McErlane so Maria we say today you are our winner! We do hope you enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It only remains for me to say thank you to these four delightful and intrepid players of the game, Maria McErlane, Steve Punt, Wendy Richard and Linda Smith. From them, from me, goodbye, we hope you enjoyed it, be with us the next time we play Just A Minute, till then from all of us, goodbye!

THEME MUSIC