JAM:KWilliams,CFreud,BCryer,LPurves
WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring KENNETH WILLIAMS, CLEMENT FREUD, BARRY CRYER and LIBBY PURVES, with commentary from PAUL MERTON, and chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 6 March 1982)

NOTE: Libby Purves's first appearance.


PAUL MERTON: This next edition, Nicholas, of Just A Minute...

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Mmmm.

PM: ... is from March 1982, and features not one but two guest players, which I think was rather unusual in those days. We have a panel of Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Barry Cryer and Libby Purves.

NP: Yes.

PM: Who of course is a very familiar Radio Four voice. Do you remember this show particularly?

NP: Yes. By the early 80s we were moving into having other guests coming in, because some of the regulars werenít free to make it. Derek was by now travelling the world...

PM: Yes.

NP: ... with his shows and things. And um, Libby Purves had never done it before.

PM: Mmmm.

NP: She came in with her very cool sharp clear brain, and was immediately successful. In fact I think she got the first points.

PM: Yes yes.

NP: And towards the end of the show she was doing so well, the regulars began to resent it! Itís the first time I remember that they actually turned on a first-time player of the game.

PM: Yes.

NP: Now theyíre very generous to the first-time player.

PM: Yes. Well often of course, letís talk here about first-time players, often you see, you know, I remember my first time, and also you see other people coming on for the first time. And some people make the mistake of listening to what theyíre saying, hearing the mistake, and then stopping...

NP: Yes.

PM: ... because they think someone is going to challenge them.

NP: Yeah.

PM: New people, we, yeah I say itís good to let them have a bit of a flow and a bit of a go. But quite often as well, these new people, once theyíve established theyíve go a challenge right, then all, all bets are off! And they come straight in with thatís a repetition of this, repetition of that.

NP: No, nowadays what I find is that the regulars when someone is new, on the whole theyíre generous.

PM: Mmmm.

NP: And give a little bit of leeway to them, and I of course lean over backwards to favour the newcomer till they get established.

PM: Absolutely.

NP: Itís because the showís got sharper. But at this time that weíre talking about, 1982, it didnít happen because people got away with a lot of hesitation, repetition. For someone, Libby Purves, coming in...

PM: Yes.

NP: And doing so well...

PM: Yes.

NP: ... and being so sharp...

PM: Yes, well I think.

NP: They wonít going to let her get away with it.

PM: No they finally gang up on her at one point or other...

NP: Yes.

PM: And I think Kenneth at the end of this recording says, when she wins says ďitís a con! Itís a con!Ē You can hear him shouting in the background.

NP: The phrase he used to use which doesnít come into this recording which he used more than once, we shouldnít have women on this show.

PM: Yeah.

NP: Do you remember that?

PM: Yeah. Yes indeed.

NP: But I think it was much earlier on he used to say that. We were talking just before about small words. The word get was used by somebody.

PM: Yes.

NP: And itís a small word, and the resentment was tremendous because they didnít want to allow for repetition. Oh itís such a small word, but nowadays it doesnít matter how small a word, youíre in there, arenít you.

PM: Yes. Well yes, you know, itís, itís, and I think sometimes the audience do, you know, they have their favourites but they, they are quite partisan. They can shift from one player to another in a split second!

NP: Oh absolutely fickle as anything!

PM: Yes exactly.

NP: I think the listeners who are regular will hear it.

PM: Yes.

NP: If somebody comes on for the first time nowadays and theyíre obviously struggling a little, they get all the sympathy of the audience...

PM: Yes.

NP: ... but if they start to get a few points, itíll shift!

PM: Yes.

NP: And suddenly if youíre going well...

PM: Yes.

NP: ... and youíre enjoying what youíre doing and you get challenged quite legitimately...

PM: Yes.

NP: Theyíll start to sort of ohhhhhhhhhhh! And so itís all gone to you! Itís fascinating sitting where I am because I have to concentrate so hard, but I get all these vibes from the audience...

PM: Yes.

NP: They are such an integral part of the show...

PM: Oh absolutely.

NP: Itís not only the team there...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... itís the rapport we make with them which is a fascinating theatrical experience.

PM: Yes yes and I think itís one of the joys about the show is also the fact that because it is spontaneous the show doesnít exist until it starts!

NP: No!

PM: There is no show! I mean we have the desks, we have the buzzers, we have the the whistle blower, we have subjects which are given to us, ah, by you. But before you say ďwelcome to Just A MinuteĒ there isnít anything!

NP: No! I have said, people have said to me ďdo you still get nervous?Ē And I say ďwell when i was young and inexperienced, I would walk out there and face an audience and think ďoh dear, will this work? Can I hack it? Will I make them laugh?Ē Now I walk out and say ďweíve done it before, itís worked before, but will it work again?Ē Because we never know, itís all coming off the top of our heads.

PM: Yes yeah.

NP: It could all fall asunder, couldnít it.

PM: Yes. It never does of course.

NP: No it never does.

PM: It never does.

NP: Once we get the first challenge and the first laugh...

PM: Mmmmm.

NP: ... suddenly weíre away.

PM: Yeah absolutely, absolutely.

NP: Kenneth Williams was a unique performer. When he first joined the show, he was a bit lost and confused. He found his feet and his way of doing it. And of course he found it a wonderful vehicle in which to show off, not only his erudition, but his various voices.

PM: Yes.

NP: And he would play to the audience and thereís a moment in this show when he suddenly came, defends Clement over something. And then Ken laughs for some reason, gets his laugh, and then he goes into a maniacal kind of laugh. Which gets a huge audience response. And he would do this on occasions, suddenly heíd get the audience going, and heíd go off in laughter or...

PM: Yeah.

NP: ... anything, so when Ken was on form it was absolutely fantastic.

PM: Yes yes.

NP: It was him playing his own individual performance to the audience in the context of the show.

PM: Yes yes, now he, he used to sit next to Clement of course. And so did Kenneth used to turn his body to the audience and sort of play straight out to them?

NP: He would turn his chair to the audience and play straight out to them. And then heíd turn sometimes to Clement, and play to Clement. I mean Clement, you wouldnít have thought it, but suddenly he would flatter Clement. There was one famous occasion when he actually kissed him! And Clement, Clement kept going through it. I donít think he would have suffered it from anybody else.

PM: No.

NP: Clement is one of these people who greatly admires talent, and he knew Kenneth was very talented. You sit next to him...

PM: Mmmm.

NP: And I know heís a great admirer of yours.

PM: I havenít tried kissing him yet! (laughs) I may do that next time and see what happens!

NP: Hereís a good moment to hear this next recording.

PM: Absolutely, why not, this is from the 6th of March 1982.

THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: We present Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Barry Cryer and Libby Purves in Just A Minute. And as the Minute Waltz fades away here to tell you about it is our chairman Nicholas Parsons.

NP: Thank you, thank you very much, hello and welcome once again to Just A Minute. And this week we have two of our regulars, Kenneth Williams and Clement Freud. We welcome back a guest who has played the game before with great success, Barry Cryer. And we welcome someone who has courageously come on the programme and she has never played the game before, that is Libby Purves. Once again or as usual, I will ask our four panellists at different times that is, to try and speak on the subject that I will give them and they will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviating from the subject. Weíll begin the show this week with one of our guests, Barry Cryer. And Barry the subject is laurel. Will you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

BARRY CRYER: The word laurel conjures up to me the man born... Stanley Jefferson...

BUZZ

NP: And Libby Purves has challenged.

LIBBY PURVES: I would have said that was a hesitation.

NP: Yes Iíve never known him start so slowly in my life!

BC: I was adopting a reverent tone!

NP: I thought youíd gone to sleep for a moment. Libby I agree with your challenge so you get a point for a correct challenge, and you take over the subject of laurel, and there are 53 seconds left starting now.

LP: The plant laurel has long been associated with what I intend to carry away at the end of this game, and that is victory! You wear a wreath of laurel when you are the victor. If you have laurels you may rest on them. Witness Clement Freud, witness Kenneth Williams...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Clement Freud has challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Two witnesses.

NP: There were two witnesses.

CF: Too many witnesses.

NP: And while you can have two witnesses in Just A Minute, it was repetitious. So Clement you have a correct challenge, a point and 36 seconds are left, for laurel starting now.

CF: It really is very odd that if you win something you get a wreath of laurels around your forehead, laurel being bay. You never get parsley, chive...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams has challenged.

KENNETH WILLIAMS: Two gets.

NP: Oh!

CF: Itís very petty!

NP: Yes, it is rather petty. But on the other hand...

CF: A nasty little challenge!

NP: ... you had been going for a time and you are a regular player of the game. So Kenneth is all geared to move with 26 seconds on laurel starting now.

KW: Laurel immediately puts me in mind of that famous partner of that wonderful comedian. I always thought what was so delightful about his work was the delicate nature of the comedy. You see, you expected something clumsy, awkwardness perhaps. But on the contrary, the light touch, almost soufflť, if you could put it that way, and I donít see any reason why on earth you should not do so...

WHISTLE

NP: Well Kenneth kept going until the whistle went...

BC: And never mentioned who he was talking about!

NP: I know, I was just about to say that. Nobody challenged him.

BC: It was of course Stanley Jefferson...

KW: I was trying to think of Oliver Hardy, you see.

BC: Yes, I was, Stanley Jefferson, born in Alberston in Lancashire, I was about to say, you know, thatís why I adopted that tone of reverence...

NP: You never got round to it, I know.

BC: I know.

NP: Iím glad youíve woken up Barry!

BC: I think Libbyís very pushy for a newcomer! Very!

NP: Yes!

LP: Youíve got to be! Youíve got to be in this business!

KW: Anyway nobody could challenge Kenneth, because nobody could understand a word he was talking about! But when Ian Messiter blew his whistle there with that aplomb for which he is known, whoever is speaking at that moment gets an extra point. It is Kenneth Williams on this occasion and Kenneth is of course in the lead at the end of that round. And Clement Freud will you begin the next round, the subject, plain English. Will you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

CF: This is something which could not be said of Kenneth Williams. Who is in fact devest er...

BUZZ

CF: Can I start again?

NP: So Kenneth you challenged.

KW: Yes I thought it was hesitation.

NP: Yes indeed, you are right, hesitation.

CF: You did yourself a terrible injustice.

KW: There you are.

NP: He stumbled to a halt which is unusual for Clement. There are 52 and a half seconds on plain English with you Clement, Kenneth, Kenneth starting now.

KW: The most marvellous work on this subject was written by Professor Gowers. And in a notable chapter on the misuse of the plural in English, he cited the famous sequence in the play Hamlet where a character called Ophelia says ďthere is pansiesĒ. He said that of course it is a wrong piece of grammar. But on the other hand, he added, she wasnít herself at the time. It was of course the mad scene you see...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: Repetition of of course.

NP: If youíre going to get him on get, he can get you on of course.

KW: Youíre quite right! No-one could deny youíre a chairman with his eye on the ball!

NP: I get very suspicious when I get compliments from the regulars! Ah Clement you have a correct challenge, you take back the subject of plain English and there are 18 seconds starting now.

CF: Pretty Welsh would be pretty well the opposite...

BUZZ

NP: Barry Cryer challenged.

BC: Two prettys.

CF: No, pretty well is one word, pretty-well.

BC: Pretty-well is one word?

CF: Of course.

KW: Itís a place in Southampton, Prettiwell.

NP: Yes.

BC: Pretty-well.

NP: He does this occasionally to try and trip you up, so youíll challenge and he gets another point.

BC: If anybody believes that, you want to buy my watch! Yes pretty-well!

NP: So Clement another point to you and 14 seconds on plain English starting now.

CF: Oh that we now had here but one ten-thousandth of those men in England...

BUZZ

NP: Libby Purves has challenged.

LP: Deviation.

NP: Why?

LP: Heís not speaking plain English, heís speaking floral English. Oh but that we now had here.

NP: What a clever challenge! Yes I think, I think we should give it to you...

CF: If you think that...

NP: Especially as youíre a guest for the first time. So there are 10...

CF: If you think that I think we all ought to go home!

BC: Hear hear! Hear hear!

CF: Put it, put it to the audience! Go on!

NP: Well, well, six of them clapped so six of them can go home. The rest of them can stay and hear Libby Purves talk on plain English for 10 and a half seconds if she can starting now.

LP: Plain English is something which is not spoken much in local government in any of the English speaking countries. If an officer of such an authority...

WHISTLE

BC: Pretty-well! Pretty-well!

NP: Well on this occasion Libby Purves, our guest, was speaking as the whistle went, she got that all important extra point, and has got the lead at the end of the round. Libby Purves your turn to begin, the subject sailing. Will you talk on that, there are 60 seconds for you to go starting now.

LP: The point of sailing is to get a small wind-powered boat from A to B without hesitation, deviating from your course or banging into the Isle of Wight. If you see somebody else doing it wrong, you put your finger on the buzzer of your foghorn and...

BUZZ

NP: Ah Barry Cryer challenged.

BC: Just illustrating her point. I thought it needed a bit of colour there! Rather dull narrative!

LP: And thank you, and thank you for the two points!

NP: You made your point, Barry I disagree with your challenge unfortunately so Libby gets another point and she continues on sailing with 42 seconds starting now.

LP: The problem about sailing these days is a song written by Mister Rod Stewart and sung...

BUZZ

NP: Barry.

BC: Deviation from the truth, not written by Rod Stewart.

NP: It was sung by Rod Stewart.

LP: Ah.

NP: Right, bad luck Libby, so Barry does get in on this occasion with 35 seconds on the subject of sailing Barry, starting now.

BC: Sailing is fascinating. It conjures up visions of a song people often think to be written by Rod Stewart, but in fact composed by another person entirely, used as the theme for a television series by the noble employer the BBC, called Ark...

BUZZ

NP: Libby Purves has...

LP: There were two Bs.

NP: There were two Bs, BBC. Libby well listened, well challenged, and 14, 15 seconds on sailing starting now.

LP: The aforementioned song is a considerable...

BUZZ

NP: Um Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of song.

NP: Yes you did use the word song before, Iím afraid Libby. Twelve seconds Clement on sailing starting now.

CF: There used to be a very good Victorian music hall song about sailing which Christopher Brocklebank-Fowler once performed in a theatre in Wisbeach to which I was privileged to have been invited...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud got in just before the whistle, was speaking as the whistle went, and has increased his lead at the end of the round. And Barry Cryerís going to begin the next round. The subject Barry is wizards. Can you tell us something about those in the game starting now.

BC: Wizards, an evocative colourful word, conjuring up aptly, synonyms like warlocks, soothsayers...

BUZZ

NP: Libby Purves has challenged.

LP: A warlock isnít the same thing as a soothsayer.

NP: No, but it conjures up images like warlock...

LP: But itís not a synonym then! Synonym means a word meaning the same thing as. Doesnít it Kenneth?

KW: Exactly!

NP: It conjures up in his mind that thought, whether he was correct...

LP: Itís not much of a mind then!

LAUGHTER FROM NP, CF, LP AND THE AUDIENCE

BC: Must have been a great loss when you left the diplomatic corps!

NP: There are 48 seconds for you Libby on wizards starting now.

LP: The...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams has challenged.

KW: Hesitation.

BC: Whatever that was, I agree with it!

NP: Iíll have to grant it this time Libby, Iím very sorry. So Kenneth you are in with 47 seconds on wizards starting now.

KW: This is the title given to a man who holds authority in the Ku Klux Klan. And a special hat is worn by him. And there are various incantations that are spoken, rather like those old hags on the heath. (in witch voice) When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning or in rain? (normal voice) And I canít say the rest, because itís unfortunately a bit of repetishionay! So I donít want to fall into the M-U-C-K, do I? No indeed! Well they perform these magic chants, and the idea is that this gives them some kind of esoteric right, because you see itís very difficult to challenge anyone when the formula is a secret one, thus saying...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kenneth Williams kept going magnificently on the subject of wizards until the whistle went, and as the applause showed, they appreciated his brilliance and he gained only one point in the process Iím afraid, for speaking as the whistle went. Heís in third place, just behind Libby Purves who is just behind our leader Clement Freud, and Barry Cryer is trailing a little. Clement will you begin the next round, the subject is the 1666 fire of London. You have 60 seconds on 1666 fire of London starting now.

CF: The 1666 fire of London happened two thirds of the way through the 17th century. In the city of London, of that name. And it started in Fish Lane, near Veg Hill, quite close to Meat And Two Vegetables Row. Um much of the metropolis was destroyed thereby, giving immense opportunity to famous architects of the time to rebuild London in the manner in which we now have it. And many most beautiful buildings were thereby constructed. And children from all over the world are taken to the... enclave of the square mile...

BUZZ

NP: Libby Purves has challenged.

LP: Hesitation.

CF: Oh no no no!

NP: He did indeed, he couldnít remember where they were taken...

CF: Slowed down a bit!

NP: Mmmm! Slowed down and you hesitated...

BC: No Pudding Lane? Is that a fallacy?

NP: He was wrong, itís Pudding Lane, not Fish Lane.

LP: Thatís what I thought!

NP: So um Libby Purves had a success, had the successful challenge so she has 17 seconds on the 1666 fire of London starting now.

LP: The fact that the 1666 fire of London began in Pudding Lane conjures up a splendid picture of some early Clement Freud experimenting with a omeletto surise flambť in the aforesaid thoroughfare and dropping his frying pan while attempting to compose at the same time...

WHISTLE

NP: So Libby Purvesís inventiveness not only kept her going, she got an extra point for speaking as the whistle went, and sheís now in the lead alongside Clement Freud. Kenneth Williams your turn to begin, the subject, oil.

KW: What?

NP: Oil. O-I-L.

CF: Oh that oil?

NP: That oil! You have 60 seconds on the subject starting now.

KW: I was given a very good tip by a girl behind the counter in this shop. And she said ďspike oil of lavender is a marvellous reviver for these old bits you shove in the drawer, you know, filled with seeds and things, supposed to be herbal odoursĒ. And she said ďyou know, they go off.Ē I said ďI know about this dear! Weíve certainly gone! I mean you canít really feel or detect indeed any kind of scent.Ē ďNo? Well, get this oil and shove it...Ē

BUZZ

CF: It was...

NP: Barry Cryer...

CF: It was the diplomatic corps training!

BC: Exactly! Exactly Clement!

NP: Your challenge was diplomatic, was it?

BC: It was indeed, yes! I thought er...

NP: Are you going to say anything else, because otherwise youíve lost the point.

BC: No, Iíll say pretty-well and Pudding Lane, and just shut up, I think!

NP: Kenneth it was an incorrect challenge so you have another point for that and you keep the subject of oil and there are 24 seconds left starting now.

KW: Thank goodness we have found oil in the North Sea! Because as you know, the Chancellor sits on the Woolsack because that once...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Two becauses, neither of which were justified. We havenít found North Sea oil, because the Chancellor sits on the Woolsack!

BC: Hear hear!

CF: We found oil because it was there!

BC: Does the Chancellor sit on the Woolsack?

KW: The Lord Chancellor sits on the Woolsack.

NP: Yes.

BC: I apologise.

KW: You didnít know that, you great fool!

BC: I withdraw.

NP: I donít know where youíve been, you great illiterate twit!

NP: Now listen...

KW: You donít even know what a synonym is, you great fool!

NP: Now listen, you cannot be rude to our guest...

BC: Quite right!

NP: He was the one who drew our attention to Pudding Lane.

KW: I donít like that business of the pudding. I mean, I donít like that word at all! Pudding, I donít like it!

BC: Well leave the pudding club immediately then!

KW: I was always as a child being told ďeat your puddingĒ and it was rice, and I hated milk pudding! I hated it! I donít like the name! I donít like the name pudding! I donít mind, I donít mind dessert or sweet or confection or conciere, but pudding, oooooohhh! It sounds awful, all splodge!

NP: Will you put a pudding in it and shut up for a moment while we get on with the game? Clement Freud won a correct challenge and he has 15 seconds to go on oil starting now.

CF: Oil is something which when it gets hot, bursts into flames. Which is possibly why there was a fire in 1666, in or around Pudding Lane in the city of London. Many famous arsonists have used oil...

WHISTLE

NP: So Clement Freud has taken the lead back at the end of that round from Libby Purves and Libby begins the next round. Libby, the subject, roses.

LP: Roses?

NP: Will you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

LP: Roses have long been a symbol of the best of womankind, the sweetest, the noblest and the highest. You might for example call me the rose of the radio, if you so wished. And this would be a not inappropriate thing to call me as...

BUZZ

NP: Barry Cryer has challenged.

BC: Deviation, it would!

LP: The point I was wishing to make is that roses grow when you heap manure upon them!

BC: Normal Purves will be resumed as soon as possible!

NP: Yes! Ah Libby I disagree with the challenge so you have 45 seconds to continue with roses starting now.

LP: It is highly unlikely...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams.

KW: Hesitation.

BC: Very good! Very good!

NP: Hesitation? I donít think so, no, no...

KW: She took ages to make up her mind. You could see it all ticking over!

LP: Theyíve got the knives, theyíve got the knives into me!

NP: No, last time she did take a long time, it was not then because it was only half a second if you want to know. There are 44 and a half seconds with you Libby on roses starting now.

LP: It is highly unlikely...

BUZZ

NP: No, Clement Freud!

KW: Thatís hesitation, itís ridiculous!

NP: Whatís your challenge?

KW: She doesnít come in!

CF: I thought that was deviation, she came in quite quickly!

NP: Right, give Clement a bonus point for a good challenge, Libby a point for an incorrect challenge and we continue with, that keeps them equal because theyíre still neck and neck at the moment. The subject is roses with you Libby, and there are 43 seconds starting now.

LP: It is not impossible that the primitive Clement Freud who caused the great fire of London in 1666...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams.

KW: Deviation! Thereís nothing primitive about Clement Freud! Good gracious! I mean thatís disgraceful isnít it! I mean...

CF: Very good challenge!

LP: But this was a prototype!

KW: ... a more sophisticated, a more refined, a more civilised man you could not envisage!

CF: A very good challenge! Very good!

LP: I was talking about a 17th century prototype of Clement Freud...

KW: No, donít try and worm your way out of it! You put your foot in it! You called him a primitive, and that cannot be said about this refined, this noble visage! Look at his face, this brow! Oh no! Canít be said!

NP: Iím not going to judge on whether people think that Clement Freud is primitive or not...

KW: Well itís high time you started judging and doing your job! Itís what youíre paid for!

NP: Iím going to let the audience judge on this time. If you agree with Kennethís challenge about the primitives, you cheer for Kenneth, and you boo for Libby, and you all do it together now.

CHEERS AND BOOS FROM THE AUDIENCE

CF: Hooray!

KW: Yes! Of course theyíre all of a mind!

NP: Yes!

KW: Of a mind!

NP: They have decided with one accord that you are not a primitive Clement! So Kenneth you have a correct challenge, no Kenneth had the correct challenge...

KW: Oh Iím stuck with these roses, am I?

NP: You thought of the game, Ian Messiter! You must know how the points go! And Kenneth has the subject and there are 38 seconds starting now.

KW: One of the finest of these specimens is the paranguana. And when they told Ludwig Koch it could be seen in the rain forest of Peru, he said that famous phrase ďIím not going to get wet for a load of rosesĒ which makes...

BUZZ

NP: Barry Cryer challenged.

BC: That wasnít a phrase.

NP: What about it?

BC: It wasnít a phrase. So itís a deviation from terminological exactitude.

NP: Whatís come over you Barry?

KW: Heís gone funny!

BC: Iíve got delusions of adequacy!

NP: Kenneth...

KW: If thatís not a phrase...

NP: ... thatís an incorrect challenge...

KW: Of course it is!

NP: ... you have ...

BC: Itís not a phrase!

NP: ... 22 seconds starting now.

KW: Roses are red, violets are blueish, and thereís some sort of rhyme that ends up in a way thatís quite witty, but I canít recall it at the moment. Nevertheless they have always been recognised, roses, as a standard of English beauty, as my friend Libby Whatsit has remarked, to...

BUZZ

NP: Libby has challenged.

BC: Itís not Libby Whatsit.

LP: Deviation, my name is not Libby Whatsit.

NP: How do you judge on that? We have to keep going, we know what he meant, but her name is not Libby Whatsit! Her challenge, what is your challenge then? Deviation?

LP: Deviation.

NP: Oh dear!

KW: Sheís got a point Nicholas, you canít deny it.

NP: Sheís got a point.

BC: I would agree with that.

NP: She is our guest as well, and sheís very good at the game, ah two seconds...

KW: Well sheís our guest, I donít know about anything else! (laughs loudly) Ah laugh, laugh, I nearly bought my own beer! (laughs loudly)

NP: Libby you have two seconds on the subject of roses starting now.

LP: Norman St John Stevas...

WHISTLE

NP: So Libby Purves who has not played the game before but knows all the little gimmicks that you can produce in order to win, kept going till the whistle went, gained an extra point and she is now in the lead ahead of Clement Freud, a few points ahead of Kenneth Williams. And Barry itís your turn to begin, and the subject is a Scotch mist. Can you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

BC: If one omits the indefinite article from this expression, one removes it from the realms of rhyming slang and moves to a material... oh!

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: Ah hesitation there.

NP: Yes the subject is a Scotch mist, there are 49 seconds left starting now.

CF: This is a er...

BUZZ

NP: Such a simple subject, itís boggling them! Um Kenneth you...

KW: Yes I thought hesitation there.

NP: Yes, 47 seconds on a Scotch mist starting now.

KW: A dear friend of mine told me that he experienced a Scotch mist in the valley of Glencoe. And he said it was extraordinarily appropriate since this was the place where such a horrific thing occurred, that even today those who are mindful of the past feel the hackles rise! And low, they say, a mist, Scotch of course, covered that place and forever after it evokes a pall in the memory. Because you see, there are some things which need to be hidden, veiled if you will, like a curtain...

BUZZ

NP: Barry Cryerís challenged.

BC: I donít know what heís talking about!

NP: Well he did say some things need to be hidden, and he was giving a very good demonstration! Your challenge is...?

BC: (laughs) Deviation from...

NP: Scotch mist?

BC: ... comprehensibility!

NP: No, no, no...

BC: Oh?

NP: I mean for once we did understand the words even if we didnít make much sense. But I did feel he was stuck in his Scotch mist well and truly.

KW: I did not hesitate and I did not deviate! I...

NP: Itís all right! Iím agreeing with you!

KW: Oh! I see! Well you looked so aggressive!

NP: Kenneth it was an incorrect challenge and you have three seconds, or two and a half to keep going on a Scotch mist starting now.

KW: A Scotch mist can be evoked of course by a...

BUZZ

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: The second evocation. Heís evoked before.

KW: No, I said evoke, thatís evoked. Thatís the past tense, so thatís a different word dearie! And you want to wash your ears out!

NP: So Kenneth you have half a second to go on a Scotch mist starting now.

KW: Spreading like a veil...

WHISTLE

NP: So Kenneth Williams with his usual flamboyance brought not only another round to an end, but heís also brought this show to an end. And it remains for me to give you the final score. Barry...

BC: My God, the suspense!

NP: Barry Cryer giving his usual good value and thatís why we love him to come on as a guest didnít get many points, but my goodness, he was marvellous in other ways. Kenneth Williams with that last flourish of his through the Scotch mist caught up with Clement Freud and they both scored a great number of points between them. But they were one point behind our guest for the first time on the show, this weekís winner, Libby Purves!

KW: I canít believe it!

NP: So...

KW: I canít believe it! Itís a con! It must be a con!

NP: No she did very well! Get out the laurel leaves that she was talking about at the beginning of the show, put them round Libby. Thank you for your contribution Libby, hope youíll come back on the show again some time.

LP: When Iíve recovered!

NP: And we hope that this audience will come back again because we have enjoyed playing to you here. But we have also particularly enjoyed playing to all those hundreds and thousands of people who tune in to listen to Just A Minute. And we want you to tune in again at the same time next week when we take to the air because we will be back here...

BUZZ

NP: Shut up, Libby Purves!

LP: Two tune ins!

NP: Two tunes ins, yes! You canít tune in too often to Just A Minute because we hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed playing it. Till then from all of us here good-bye!

THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: The chairman of Just A Minute was Nicholas Parsons, the programme was devised by Ian Messiter and produced by Pete Atkin.