JAM:DNimmo,CFreud,PJones,NParsons
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WELCOME TO JUST A MINUTE!

starring DEREK NIMMO, CLEMENT FREUD, PETER JONES and NICHOLAS PARSONS, chaired by KENNETH WILLIAMS (Radio, 15 October 1983)

NOTE: Nicholas Parsons' last appearance as a panellist, Kenneth Williams' last appearance as chairman.


THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: We present Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Derek Nimmo and Peter Jones in Just A Minute. And as the Minute Waltz fades away here to tell you all about it is our chairman Nicholas Parsons.

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, thank you very much. Hello and welcome to Just A Minute. And as youíve just heard we have our four regular players of the game who are going to compete against each other as usual, and try and speak for Just A Minute without hesitation, repetition, or deviating from that subject. Now in the last series, many weeks ago, we changed for fun the order. And this week we thought we would change the flavour a little. And as Kenneth Williams regularly criticises me for the decisions I make as chairman, weíre going to ask him to sit in my seat, and see how he does, and Iím nobly...

CHEERS FROM THE AUDIENCE

KENNETH WILLIAMS: How do you do. Thank you very much indeed and welcome to Just A Minute, chaired by the one and only, the brilliant, the incomparable, Kenneth put-him-on-the-mantelpiece Williams! And we begin with Nicholas Parsons. And the subject is miller. Would you speak for 60 seconds on miller starting now.

NP: The miller that comes to my mind is a fellow called Andy Miller who I met on Clydebank when I went up there at the beginning of the war to begin an apprenticeship as an engineer...

BUZZ

DEREK NIMMO: Question, which war?

NP: The Boer War!

DN: Well you said it!

KW: Look here, that wasnít a proper challenge. That wasnít a proper challenge so Nicholas gets a point. Will you put a point down. And will you continue, will you continue with the subject, there are 40 seconds, will you continue with the subject of miller for 40 seconds starting now.

NP: This fellow Miller was a pure Glaswegian from Clydebank, and when I arrived he said ďoh Nick...Ē

BUZZ

KW: Whatís the challenge now?

DN: Repetition of Clydebank. We had Clydebank said twice, Mister Chairman.

KW: Oh Iím afraid you did say it before Nicholas.

NP: Yes because he interrupted me.

KW: There remains what, 45, 45 seconds remain?

IAN MESSITER: Mmmm, 45.

KW: Forty-five seconds remains for you on miller starting now.

DN: Joe Miller would break The Wits Vade Mecum...

BUZZ

KW: What was the challenge?

NP: Hesitation.

KW: Hesitation Iím afraid, that was so. You get the subject back, with less than 45 seconds on miller starting now.

NP: Miller said to me (in deep Glaswegian brogue) ďI donít want you to come up here, itís all right for you, you come up from the south here, Iím not going to (brogue becomes deeper and incomprehensible)

BUZZ

NP: (continues Glaswegian gibberish, and then in normal voice) And thatís why he can understand as well as talk about it.

KW: Thereís been a challenge Iím afraid, thereís been a challenge from Derek. What was your challenge?

DN: Repetition of Och!

KW: Och! Yes I canít allow och because after all, it was such a peculiarly involved dialect that I couldnít single out anything wrong there. So you have 20 seconds on the subject of miller starting now.

NP: Miller is also the name of the man who grinds corn with those huge circular stones. It can be done in different ways as well...

BUZZ

KW: Whoís the challenge now?

CLEMENT FREUD: Me.

KW: What are you challenging on?

CF: Hesitation.

KW: Hesitation.

CF: Yes.

KW: Did you hesitate, Nicholas?

NP: Yes.

KW: Oh you did. No question about that.

NP: I want to show how generous and magnanimous I can be in spite of the way he treated me when he was the chairman of Just A Minute a long time ago.

KW: Your behaviour is most commendable, Iíve no question of that. Itís very commendable. But the subject goes to Clement Freud, miller starting now.

CF: I would like to say that the Miller to whom Nicholas Parsons was apprentice at Clydebank has much to answer for. If ever a man had an opportunity of doing away with someone who has been a great bane in our lives...

WHISTLE

KW: Yes so whoís winning? Oh nobodyís winning, no, the two in the lead are Nicholas and Clement. And the next subject is yours Clement, fun with snails starting now.

CF: If you want to have fun with snails, you need quite a lot of time in which to enjoy them. You ask a snail to climb up a lamppost and then go out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and tea, and by the time you return thereís every hope that the illumination which I mentioned before, and can therefore not say again, will have been reached and climbed, at the top of which the snail...

BUZZ

NP: Iím regretting this, he said climb before...

KW: No, he said climbed.

NP: And climbed yes yes. It was climbed this time and climb before.

KW: So why are you challenging though? Itís so silly! Youíre silly interrupting him!

NP: I know!

KW: He was doing so well! Go on Clement, you continue with fun with snails as from now.

CF: Maybe the greatest fun can be had by eating them. Quite simply, sticking them in the oven with a lot of garlic and butter and parsley, and then getting a silver dish which could also be made of aluminium or other metals...

BUZZ

KW: Whoís challenged now? Peter, Peter Jones why have you challenged?

PETER JONES: You canít, because you canít have a silver dish which is also made of aluminium and other metals. It wouldnít be a silver dish if it was.

KW: The handles, as he pointed out, could be made of it, the handles!

PJ: The handlesí made of what?

KW: He knows whatís he talking about, the man is a culinary expert, you great nana! Ridiculous! Iíve never heard anything like it! You continue with the subject...

PJ: What was he talking about for aluminium for then?

KW: With 20 seconds, you have the subject of fun with snails starting now.

CF: Escargot or (speaks French) is how the French would term fun with snails. Schnecken is the German expression for the word, and not very nice they are when you get them in Berlin, especially in Potsdam, where restaurants take great pride in serving you these foul, rubbery chewing gum like insects...

WHISTLE

KW: Very good...

PJ: Snails...

KW: That has put Clement Freud with a number of points commandingly in the lead. And the next subject goes to Peter Jones and you must talk on the Blarney stone for 60 seconds starting now.

PJ: Well last year I happened to be in Ireland, and I visited Cork. And some friends took me out to Blarney which is a small town not very far away. Very disappointing I thought. I didnít actually get to see the stone itself which is the centrepiece really, I suppose, of this place. Itís a sort of magnet for all the people around, visitors, tourists and whatnot. But itís full of rather boring shops with Donegal tweed, Waterford glass and things of that kind, Irish honey, whisky and so forth...

BUZZ

KW: Who challenged?

NP: I donít think thereís anything boring about Waterford glass and Irish whisky. I think theyíre very exciting and exotic things...

KW: That may well be your opinion. But Peter Jones has another opinion, and heís entitled to express it! Yes! Disgraceful! You continue with the subject, you may find it boring, you may find it diverting, but you continue with the subject, you have just over 30 seconds for the Blarney stone starting now.

PJ: I was very disappointed because the main object of going there...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge there, youíve been challenged by Derek, Iím afraid.

DN: Repetition sir, of disappointed, sir.

KW: Did you say disappointed?

PJ: No! Of course I didnít.

DN: He was very disappointed when he saw the town, now he was very disappointed again just then.

KW: Oh well Iím afraid Peter, that is fair enough yes. Well you have 35 seconds Derek for the Blarney stone starting now.

DN: The Blarney stone in Blarney Castle is in fact some 40 feet from the ground. And to actually kiss it, which is what youíre supposed to do, needs to be... quite athletic to...

BUZZ

KW: A lot of buzzers there, seemed to come from Clement Freud. I think Clement Freud was the first.

CF: Hesitation.

KW: Hesitation, yes. Iím afraid so. You have the subject, you speak for 15 seconds on the Blarney stone starting now.

CF: Iíve never quite understood why people wanted to kiss the Blarney stone. They could hug it, they could take it out for tea...

BUZZ

KW: Nicholas.

NP: I donít think you could take the Blarney stone out for tea. I donít think you could move it, and certainly you wouldnít enjoy the tea if you took it.

KW: Yes I think that is deviation.

NP: Oh what a marvellous chairman! Isnít he a wonderful chairman!

KW: Yes so that is deviation...

NP: Oh lackaday!

KW: You have 12 seconds on the Blarney stone starting now.

NP: (in Irish accent) Well I remember when I was last in Ireland, they said you must kiss the Blarney stone. Because all of us over here, we just know how to talk about it. Thatís the whole thing, that youíve been over there to Cork, and youíve been down there, but you havenít...

WHISTLE

KW: Yes well some marks were achieved there, but Iím afraid Clement Freud still has a commanding lead. The subject now goes to Derek, calculators, will you speak on that subject for 60 seconds, calculators starting now.

DN: Well I have a calculator and I find it extraordinarily useful. How you can persuade children to learn mathematics at school today, when they can find all the answers they require, or nearly all that they want, on one of these little machines. Because all you do is press a little button...

BUZZ

KW: Yes Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: Four alls.

KW: Alls, yes, there was two alls yes. You have the subject of calculators with...

DN: Does that mean, does that mean...

KW: ... 45 seconds starting now!

CF: I am almost unique in having bought a calculator when it first came on the market, at 75 pounds. And over the year it has become cheaper and ever less expensive, until you may now pay something like 87 P, and get something which may not work very well, but my goodness it is cheap! And I do...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Nick, yes?

NP: I thought he packed in then.

KW: Yes, I agree, you have 25 seconds for calculators starting now.

NP: I understand that children can now take these into their examination classes...

BUZZ

KW: Oh a challenge from Clement.

CF: You understand wrongly!

NP: Oh no! Because my child has done it and theyíve been...

DN: Your child is a cheat! And Iím not surprised!

CF: Your child is also too old to go to school.

NP: He goes to college, he goes to college.

CF: I know them both.

DN: He was conceived during the Boer War!

CF: The gestation period of the Parsonsí is long!

NP: It doesnít matter whether Iím in the panel or in the chair, they all have a go at me, donít they!

SHOUTS OF ďOHHHHHĒ FROM THE AUDIENCE

NP: Ohhhhh!

KW: Yes I think...

DN: Theyíre walking out, people are walking out!

KW: I think the challenge, Iím afraid I think...

PJ: Some are running!

KW: Definitely, have you got definite knowledge about these things not being allowed in examination periods, Clement? I mean have you real knowledge about this?

CF: It depends on the examination.

KW: I see! Then it is not a rule, there is not a general rule.

CF: There is no general rule.

KW: Then you have the subject...

PJ: If youíre being examined for rheumatism, naturally you wonít have a calculator!

KW: Would you please not interrupt a very distinguished chairman! Please!

PJ: Whenís he arriving?

KW: Nick, now you have 15 seconds, 15 seconds with you on calculators starting now.

NP: And now if you calculate who are the most important cult figures of our time, the first one who comes to mind is undoubtedly Kenneth Williams, our chairman this week, taking over my role. But to get back to the subject of children...

BUZZ

DN: The subject is not children. He said get back to the subject of...

NP: Of children and calculators in schools, which is what I was talking about!

DN: Itís not what you said.

CF: No, no.

DN: Itís not what you said. Youíre lying!

KW: No, he can get back to the, he can get back to the...

CF: No, no, no, no, no.

KW: ... subject you see, that he was on before, it doesnít necessarily have to be the subject on the card...

CF: No, no, no.

KW: ... if it was in the course of...

CF: No, no.

KW: I allow that.

DN: He was talking about...

KW: You now have five seconds on calculators starting now.

NP: I think that...

BUZZ

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Hesitation, did you hesitate Nicholas?

NP: No!

KW: Oh you didnít? Very well then you have four seconds for calculators starting now.

NP: Calculators should not...

BUZZ

KW: Who was that challenging?

PJ: Hesitation!

KW: Hesitation, did you hesitate?

NP: No.

KW: Oh well I donít believe it then. Now you have three seconds on calculators starting now.

NP: Calculators...

BUZZ

DN: Hesitation.

PJ: There must be something in it if everybody thinks so!

DN: we can hear it! I think the trouble is youíre a big cult!

KW: You have two seconds for calculators starting now.

NP: Calculators are those little machines which you press the buttons...

BUZZ

KW: Take no notice, continue with the subject.

DN: Deviation!

BUZZ

KW: Yes?

NP: Calculators...

WHISTLE

KW: There was a lot of, there was a lot of mischief making then from the panel and I donít want any more of it! Itís very very very naughty! Now the next subject, yes oh I see, Nicholas has leapt into the lead! Oh itís outrageous isnít it, heís got 11 points! Disgraceful! Nicholas, itís your subject, the Garden of Eden, 60 seconds starting now.

NP: The Garden of Eden appears in the second...

BUZZ

KW: Derek?

DN: Mister Chairman, why is he not speaking with a funny voice?

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM CF, PJ AND THE AUDIENCE

KW: Derek! Derek I must warn you, Iím in charge here, I will not allow this kind of levity!

DN: Oh sorry!

KW: Itís disgraceful!

DN: Sorry, Mister Chairman I retract.

KW: Now...

PJ: Heís used up his repertoire!

KW: Now you have 55 seconds, for the subject, the Garden of Eden starting now.

NP: The second book of Genesis refers to the Garden of Eden...

BUZZ

KW: Clement Freud.

CF: There isnít a second book of Genesis.

KW: I see. What book is it?

CF: The first book, there is a book of Genesis.

KW: I see, that is fair enough. Therefore you have 55 seconds for the subject of the Garden of Eden starting now.

CF: Gria Savarois who was a great French writer and philosopher said ďoh children of Eden, who gave it all up for an apple, what might they not have done, for a partridge stuffed with prunes, macerated in brandyĒ. And I think that...

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM DN, PJ AND THE AUDIENCE

BUZZ

CF: I think Iíll probably stop there!

KW: A challenge from Nicholas, why did you challenge?

NP: Well he stopped actually after prunes.

KW: Yes he was provoked you see. They were, the pair of them on that side, I watched them! They were laughing and banging the table...

PJ: I wasnít laughing or banging the table!

KW: ... like a pair of naughty, naughty schoolboys.

NP: We werenít banging the table!

KW: I expect better behaviour in the sixth! Itís disgraceful and you continue with the subject Clement starting now.

CF: It was an absolutely terrific place. And there were two people who I think were called Adam, and later Eve. Conceived by someone whose name escapes me. And they had an enormously enjoyable time, first of all getting to know each other, and later going out into the world, and begatting a substantial number of people...

BUZZ

KW: Yes Nicholas?

NP: I donít think they begat a substantial number, I think it was just Cain and Abel. Thatís all thatís recorded, I agree, Iíve made a mistake about...

KW: He didnít mean that they did it as themselves. He means that they were the source for masses of begetting...

NP: He didnít say that! He didnít say that!

KW: Thatís what he meant and thatís what he meant, he acknowledged it to me...

CF: Thatís what begat means.

KW: And he keeps the subject.

NP: He said they enjoyed themselves and it was the enjoyment of their begatting that...

KW: Of the Garden of Eden and he starts now.

CF: On the subject of begatting, which happened in the Garden of Eden, the Parsons family also went in for that sort of thing. And had...

BUZZ

KW: Nicholas?

NP: Well I havenít been in the Garden of Eden and it was Derek established it was during the Boer War I did my begatting! And um...

KW: So itís devious then?

NP: Itís utterly devious yes.

KW: Right you have the subject then, five seconds on the subject of the Garden of Eden, starting now.

NP: Why they gave this subject to me, I suppose, is because they think itís a Parsons one. And er...

WHISTLE

KW: Very good! Very good indeed! Yes Iím afraid your faces will all drop when I tell you that Nicholas Parsons is so, so much in the lead that not many of you have much of a chance! The next subject goes to Clement Freud. Would you speak for 60 seconds on the worldís greatest picture starting now.

CF: The worldís greatest picture is quite undoubtedly in the eyes of the beholder. And Kenneth Williams, asked that selfsame question, would presumably say it is a cult figure in Great Portland Street, known as Kenneth Williams, aged 60...

BUZZ

KW: Yes what is your challenge Derek?

DN: Repetition of Kenneth Williams.

NP: Of Kenneth Williams.

KW: Yes Iím afraid so, the subject goes to Derek, you have 45 seconds on the worldís greatest picture starting now.

DN: The worldís greatest picture for me is without doubt, ET. Who has not been beguiled by that wonderful little monster. Gosh itís fun, isnít it. Did you see him come down from the spaceship, get out, wander through the trees. And everybodyís looking for it, a man with keys hanging down his back. And there is this... great picture...

BUZZ

KW: Yes Iím sorry that was a challenge from Clement? What is your challenge?

CF: Hesitation.

KW: Hesitation, oh did you hesitate? Well as they say...

DN: Well I was...

KW: ... he who hesitates is lost then. You were lost there. So the subject goes to Clement, you have 35 seconds for the worldís greatest picture starting now.

CF: A Star Is Born is a picture which I was incredibly fond of, especially as it was made three times. The first time was Janet Gates...

BUZZ

KW: Yes Nicholas?

NP: Three times, the first time.

KW: Oh yes.

DN: One is singular, one is plural.

CF: Times and time.

KW: You need to listen better, yes.

NP: Look, I havenít come here all the way from Great Portland Street to be insulted like this! Iím sitting in Kenneth Williamsí chair, playing this game...

KW: Yes thatís all right, thereís no need to remonstrate in that fashion. You have the subject, you have the subject Nicholas, and you have 16 seconds...

CF: Why?

KW: ... on the worldís greatest picture...

DN: Youíre wrong!

KW: ... starting now.

NP: The worldís greatest picture as Clement Freud said, is in the eye of the beholder. To me, it must be the one that my little daughter did when she was four years of age. And I now have it framed in my office, and I look at it frequently. It depicts...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Derek.

DN: His daughter, he said his little daughter. Sheís a great big lump!

KW: I will not have this provocation, itís outrageous! Outrageous!

NP: Absolutely!

KW: I mean you wouldnít hear me coming out with a remark like that! Itís disgraceful!

NP: Heís rude about every member of my family!

KW: I will have people properly behaved! I believe in people behaving properly. Iím all for that! Yes! You know what I mean. So you keep the subject, you have six seconds for the worldís greatest picture starting now.

NP: This picture has a little child...

BUZZ

NP: You see you get in incredibly quickly when youíre...

KW: Yes, Clement Freud?

CF: Repetition of little.

KW: Yes Iím afraid so, you have the subject, four seconds on the worldís greatest picture starting now.

CF: Oh I think to...

BUZZ

KW: Oh yes, very bad! Yes Peter youíre quite right, you have three seconds on the worldís greatest picture starting now.

PJ: Well the last supper in Milan...

BUZZ

DN: Repetition of well, he always starts with well.

CF: He hasnít spoken yet!

PJ: I havenít spoken before!

DN: If he had, heíd have still started with well.

PJ: Ah well I get an extra point, Mister Chairman.

KW: You cannot have a game on assumption Derek. He certainly gets a point, he gets a point for that wrong challenge and youíve half a second on the worldís greatest picture starting now.

PJ: Closed on Monday...

WHISTLE

KW: Very good indeed. At the end of that round Nicholas has increased his lead, heís 17 points, closely followed by Clement Freud. And the next subject goes to Peter Jones, a good rebus starting now.

PJ: Isnít that a kind of hieroglyphics game, like ďto be orĒ whatever it is, Shakespeare, the way he had it, you know the way he went. I donít want to repeat the first...

BUZZ

KW: Derekís challenged.

DN: He repeated the way.

KW: Yes Iím afraid so. You have the subject, the good, a good rebus starting now.

DN: In the heraldic sense, a good rebus is a joke which is, is contained upon oneís...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Nick.

NP: I thought that was hesitation.

KW: Iím afraid so, you have 45 seconds for a good rebus starting now.

NP: When I was in France last, this man came up with a good rebus. He said (speaks in French gibberish)

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Derek.

NP: (continues in high speed French gibberish)

DN: Mister Chairman...

NP: (continues in high speed French gibberish)

KW: Thereís been a challenge from Derek.

DN: Why, why is Nicholas Parsons continually allowed to audition?

LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

DN: We come here and play the game, he comes here and auditions.

KW: You can only challenge for deviation or repetition...

DN: Well repetition, (does impression of NPís French gibberish)

KW: Yes yes yes, that was proven, youíre quite right. And so you have 32 seconds on a good rebus starting now.

DN: A good rebus is something which we all like to read, isnít it. Because one picks it up and glances down on the page, and that is to my mind a good...

BUZZ

DN: Whatís the matter now?

KW: Nicholas tell us why you challenged.

NP: I donít like to read it.

KW: No, itís not you heís discussing, itís himself.

NP: He said we all like to read it, I donít!

KW: So he goes on with a good rebus...

PJ: No he said one, one!

KW: ... you have half a second starting now.

DN: Something engines...

WHISTLE

KW: Very good indeed. Iím afraid that last round has ensured a much greater lead for Derek, but itís still nowhere Nicholasís, itís still very much a commanding lead. The next subject goes to Derek, old ladies who help me across the road. Extraordinary subject!

PJ: Do you mean, when you say ďmeĒ, Mister Chairman, do you mean yourself? When you say...

KW: What did you say?

PJ: When you say ďmeĒ, do you mean yourself? You see, you want Derek to talk about these old ladies who helped me across the road.

KW: Itís written down here, old ladies...

PJ: I want you to interpret it for me!

KW: ... who help me across the road. I...

PJ: I want you to interpret it for me! Please!

KW: ... donít know much about it, Iím not in charge of the cards.

PJ: You canít explain then, whether it is or not? I donít want Nicholas to get this, because heíll just give us his Widow Twanky! I want to find out whether you mean me as yourself, or Derek?

KW: I see your point. Iím afraid it evaded me before, but now itís all become crystal clear. Yes well...

PJ: Thank God for that! Heís got his contact lenses in again!

KW: I think that it means, I think you can assume that it is ďmeĒ in a general sense for anyone who takes the subject.

PJ: Ah thank you very much.

KW: So old ladies who help me across the road, Derek starting now.

DN: One of the sweetest old ladies that ever helped me across a road was called Denise Brier. She is most charming, handsome old lady...

BUZZ

KW: A question...

NP: Well I have to challenge, donít I?

KW: Yes go on.

NP: Because Denise Brier is not an old lady.

KW: I quite agree, you get the challenge...

DN: She must be, sheís married to you!

KW: And you have 50 seconds, on old ladies who help me across the road starting now.

NP: The nicest old lady who ever helped me across the road was Mrs Kettle. It was in the village of Swayfield near Grantham where I was born. And she was...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Derek.

DN: Thatís not how they speak in Grantham! They have a very distinct Lincolnshire accent!

KW: Yes well heíll get to that later on.

DN: Oh will he?

KW: So you get 45 seconds, for old ladies who help me across the road starting now.

NP: She had to be very careful because there were a lot of penny farthings and horts and carts on the road at the time.

BUZZ

KW: Another challenge from Clement.

CF: Whatís a hort and cart?

KW: Yes do you mean, your challenge is what, deviation?

CF: Deviation.

KW: Yes.

NP: (in rural accent) In Lincolnshire, they call them horts and carts, they call them horts and carts in Lincolnshire!

KW: You have 40 seconds for old ladies....

PJ: Heís at it again you see!

KW: ... who help me across the road starting now.

CF: My very favourite old lady who helped me across the road said ďas long as you donít know Nicholas Parsons, I should be very pleased to take your arm and escort you to the other side of the pavementĒ. And I said that would be an enormous pleasure to me, especially as I was blind at the time. And so she gripped me, oddly enough by the thigh, because I canít mention the other part of the body by which she held me previously, and avoided an awful lot of oncoming bicycles, motor cars, trucks, buses, and a tram which had come from a museum and was going on to a road show in a neighbouring village. When we reached...

BUZZ

NP: Derek why have you challenged?

DN: A tram wouldnít go to a road show, it would go to a rail show.

CF: No.

KW: I could quite, I can quite, I can quite conceive of a tram going to a road show. So keep it going, you have one second on old ladies who help me across the road starting now.

CF: Agatha Palmer.

WHISTLE

KW: Very good indeed. Heís done nothing to stop the commanding lead enjoyed by Nicholas Parsons, the rest are all trailing horribly. And itís his turn to speak next. You speak for 60 seconds on the subject of power starting now.

NP: Power to your elbow, a thing that Kenneth Williams often says. More power to this part of your anatomy. Power of the voice, the power of speech, the authority that is expressed in the power and the presence of a personality. If you produce this part of your vocal chords in the correct manner, you can reach the back of an auditorium. Right now I am using my diaphragm here and sending the wind up and itís vibrating against the soft palate and itís coming out here forward through my teeth. And the power that is generated there is going forth to arouse this audience up to say ďParsons is the man with powerĒ. Hereís another man with power sitting beside me. He exercises that in another House and over there...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Peter, Peter your challenge?

PJ: Repetition of man.

KW: Man yes, you have the subject then...

NP: Well heís not a woman, Clement Freud!

KW: Power and 20 seconds starting now.

PJ: Well it can also mean the power that you switch on which provides...

BUZZ

KW: A challenge from Derek yes?

DN: I just wanted you to notice he said ďwellĒ again. Itís nice, I think! I like the sort of continuity of it.

KW: Duly noted but you get no points whatsoever and the subject continues with Peter Jones, 16 seconds on power starting now.

PJ: Without it, you wouldnít be able to operate your hair dryer...

BUZZ

KW: Whoís challenging now? Clement what is it?

CF: He didnít say well again, deviation!

KW: (laughs) Yes, very good, you get a point, you get a point for a witty challenge! Oh you are amusing! And Peter Jones has the subject of power starting now.

PJ: Or your electric massager which I know you use regularly before you leave the house, and to which you owe a great deal of your wonderful complexion. Because it opens the pores and the power that is generated...

WHISTLE

KW: Oh! Splendid! Well many thanks, many thanks to Peter Jones for finishing in such style at the end of Just A Minute. Because we have come to the end of that being able to play Just A Minute. The scores were as follows. Derek and Peter more or less in the lead, Clement very very well with 19 points. But miles ahead of everyone else, your winner this week, Nicholas Parsons! And that is...

NP: I would like to say that I think I owe it all to the warmth and generosity...

KW: Donít hog it! Donít hog it! Youíve done well! Donít hog it! And thank you very much. We hope youíve enjoyed listening to Just A Minute and will join us again next week when Just A Minute takes to the air once again.

THEME MUSIC

ANNOUNCER: The chairman of Just A Minute was Kenneth Williams, the programme was devised by Ian Messiter and produced by Pete Atkin.