NOTE: Tim Brooke-Taylor's first appearance, Kenneth Robinson's first appearance.


ANNOUNCER: We present Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Kenneth Robinson and Tim Brooke-Taylor in Just A Minute. And as the Minute Waltz fades away, here to tell you about it is our chairman Nicholas Parsons.

NICHOLAS PARSONS: Thank you, thank you very much, hello and welcome once again to Just A Minute. And alongside our two regulars we welcome two guests, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Kenneth Robinson. And as usual, Iím going to ask them to speak if they can on some subject I will give them and theyíre going to try and do it without hesitation, without repetition and without deviating from the subject which is on the card in front of me. Let us begin the show this week with Kenneth Williams, and who better? Oh Kenneth, what a marvelous subject for you, why I should be knighted. Well, Sir Kenneth, would you like to start off the show and tell us something on that subject in 60 seconds starting now.

KENNETH WILLIAMS: Why I should be knighted is something that was continually explained to me by a dear old friend who said he was (lapses off into gibberish)


NP: And Clement Freud has challenged.

CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of non-words.

NP: Which non-word did he repeat? You donít know!


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor has challenged.

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR: Thisthernonometer twice!

NP: No, no, he never said that twice. I consider that a wrong challenge so you get a point for that and you keep the subject and there are 41 seconds left starting now.

KW: Knighthood of course we know came to one...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Repetition of of course.

NP: You did say of course before Iím afraid, Kenneth.

KW: Where?

CF: When you started.

NP: Previously when you were speaking.

KW: I didnít! I did not!

NP: If you like I will put it to the audience.

KW: Well they know I didnít say of course. I didnít say of course did I?

NP: If he said of course cheer for him, and if not boo for Clement, and all do it together now.


KW: Yes there you are!

NP: Kenneth you continue with the subject, there are 37 seconds left, why I should be knighted, starting now.

KW: If such an occasion were to arise it would be naturally with due regard for merit, expertise, penuche and the sort of style with which I am intimately connected! Indeed people have often said about me "he is a cult figure, and one who is due to receive and should get a tremendous amount of enthusiasm and applause. It should be forever ringing in his ears! The accolade is not created high enough...


NP: Kenneth Williams is the only one to have any points. Clement Freud would you take the second round and the subject is what I put up with. There are 60 seconds of course starting now.

CF: Well the first thing that I have to put up with is a totally ungrammatical question, which should actually read "with what I put up". What I put up with for instance is Kenneth Williams...


NP: Kenneth Robinson has challenged.

KENNETH ROBINSON: Yes repetition in reverse.

NP: Ah what a very subtle challenge. You are allowed to repeat the words on the card, Kenneth, so Iím sorry, I canít give it to you and Clement continues and there are 39 seconds left starting now.

CF: Who sits next to me making the most astonishing statements about why he should become a knight. I have always felt that what is needed in this country today is a dishonours list. Every year they should get people, the newly undeserving, strip from them such titles or bequests or honours...


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor.

TBT: This is beginning to sound like a political party broadcast. By definition, itís deviation.

NP: And therefore itís deviation from the subject.

KW: Hear hear! Hear hear, itís deviation!

TBT: Quite right!

KW: Hear hear, itís deviation, heís dead right, deviation, that is deviation!

NP: Heís deviating from the subject of what I have to put up, what I put up with, so Tim nice to hear from you...

TBT: Hello!

NP: And 29 seconds are left and you have the subject of what I put up with starting now.

TBT: Hammers, nails, chisels, electric drills, these are the implements what I put up with. Shelves, cupboards. Visitors who come for the night go on the divan on one of those particular creations that spring to attention and crush your kneebone, and also give you a rupture. The guest never comes again because they are whisked off...


NP: And Tim...

TBT: Sorry could you just remind me what I am talking about?

NP: You actually challenged yourself.

TBT: Yes.

NP: What was your challenge?

TBT: Ah, deviation, I...

NP: Deviation, youíre absolutely right!

TBT: Thank you very much!

NP: You were deviating, so as thatís a correct challenge, you obviously must have a point for that.

TBT: Thank you very much indeed!

NP: Very good challenge! Heís also having a drink of water to revive him! The thought of such quick thinking! Tim there are six seconds left, the subject is what I put up with starting now.

TBT: Hundreds of fans who gather round me wherever I go asking me for my autograph, bits of my clothing...


NP: Well Tim Brooke-Taylor was speaking then when the whistle went and , which just to remind you, tells us that 60 seconds is up, and he got the extra point as well as other points in the round, and at the end of that round, he is equal with Kenneth Williams. Kenneth Robinson will you take the next round and the subject is witchcraft. You have 60 seconds starting now.

KR: Which craft shall I take up is a question that a lot of people must ask nowadays, especially with such a large variety of them, embroidery, sewing, knitting, carpentry, drawing, painting, sculpture, model making, playing instruments of all kinds, such as the saxophone, the clarinet, the drums, the piano, the violin, the cello, the double bass. And not only playing music but also the art of witchcraft itself which is something for which you cannot go to evening classes, you know. But it is practiced a great deal at night as readers of the spiritualist press will know. There was a story there the other day of a woman in Essex who said she was determined to go driving er in the moonlight...


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: Hesitation.

KR: No, driving er er in the moonlight!

NP: So letís hear from Tim Brooke-Taylor again because he had a correct challenge and there are 18 seconds left, witchcraft, Tim, starting now.

TBT: My motherís warts were cured by a witch. She passed her hands over my mother and suddenly...


NP: And Clement Freud challenged

CF: Two mothers.

NP: There were two mothers.

CF: Alas!

NP: Clement the subjectís witchcraft, there are 13 seconds left starting now.

CF: Bubble, bubble, toilet trouble...


NP: Tim?

TBT: Repetition.

NP: Too much bubble, yes.

TBT: Double bubble in fact.

CF: You did hear what I said?

NP: What?

TBT: No we didnít Clement, that was the point.

NP: What did you say?

CF: Itís a very beautiful howler, the child who said the witchís um song went bubble bubble toilet trouble.

NP: Are you wishing you hadnít said it?

CF: Sorry I spoke!

NP: Right, so toilet trouble, I mean the witchcraft is with Tim and there are 11 seconds left Tim starting now.

TBT: Nicholas Parsons is witchcraft to me. When I see him on programmes I think to myself that man is inspired. He can cast a spell over me. And I look dumbfounded at someone who can carry on in such a brilliant witty...


NP: Tim you show, so shattered the audience with those last remarks I actually had to ask them to clap at the end because they didnít feel they could. But you did very well including speaking as the whistle went, getting that extra point so you are now in the lead at the end of that round. And itís...

TBT: I can crawl with the best of them.

NP: ... your turn to begin. Tim the subject for you to take is knickerbocker glory. So nice subject, I donít know whether youíve ever had any of them but try and tell us something about them in 60 seconds starting now.

TBT: the time to give up eating knickerbocker glory is when you no longer have to kneel on the stool to eat it. They are provided in large tall glasses, which can only be reached by standing on oneís feet and eating this ludicrous concoction which is green, red, yellow...


TBT: Iím beginning to sound like Kenneth Williams!

NP: Kenneth Williams has challenged you too.

TBT: Ah thatís probably why!

KW: Deviation, deviation, deviation...

NP: Why is it deviation?

KW: The subject is knickerbocker glory, not what he sounds like! The subject is knickerbocker glory! I donít need to remind you as chairman of your job in this programme. Keep him under control!

NP: Yes certainly Kenneth, Iím very sorry Kenneth. Um do you wish me to make a decision Kenneth? Heís looking so severe!

KW: I think Iíll be as slow in my answering as he is!

CF: You never have yet! Why should you start coming to decisions...

NP: I try to give them the cues and they sometimes take them up! Ah Kenneth yes, talking about you is deviating from a knickerbocker glory though you have been compared to some on occasions, I do know that! There are 42 seconds left for you to take over the subject starting now.

KW: I am delighted to have the subject of knickerbocker glory because I remember as a child being given one of these in a milk bar. It was deliciosa as the Spanish always say. And a cherry topped whip cream. And when you dug your spoon deep down you found fruit and jam and all kinds of delicious concocsiona! As the French always have it, depending on your...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Repetition of always.

NP: Yes!

KW: Awfully niggling isnít it? Very niggling! Nasty isnít it! Not generous at all! You donít let anyone get under way at all, do you!

NP: Iíd have challenged him on the concocsiona as the French would always have it. Iíve never heard the French say that in their lives!

KW: Well youíve never been there, you great nit! Knows nothing about travel at all! Went as far as Margate and fainted!

NP: How did you know Iíve been as far as Margate?

KW: Well itís about all you look as youíve been! Your knowledge! You can hardly be called worldly, can you!

NP: Right so Clement Freud has a correct challenge and there are 16 seconds on knickerbocker glory starting now.

CF: Iíve always been very fond...


NP: And Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: Hesitation.

NP: There was indeed! In fairness, in fairness to Clement...

KW: No, none of that! Go on! Give it to him! Heís right! Heís got his challenge hasnít he!

NP: Heís got the challenge but I must for the sake of the listeners and in fairness to Clement Freud point out that you were trying to kiss him at that moment, so heís got a problem from the start...

KW: Thereís nothing in the game that says you canít kiss people! What do you mean? We donít live in a Gestapo country!

NP: There are 14 seconds left, Tim Brooke-Taylor you have the subject, knickerbocker glory.

TBT: It was a bribe my...


NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: Yes. Itís the first time heís been on the programme and so heís allowed a few little slip-ups...

CF: Ah Iím sorry!

NP: A little bit of starting hesitation, ah um itís still with you Tim we wonít count that and theer are 13 and a half seconds left, knickerbocker glory starting now.

TBT: I would only go to school...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Deviation.

NP: Why?

CF: First time on the programme and he started very quickly! You canít beg for license and then withdraw it!

NP: You get a point for that challenge, you didnít get one for the last one.

TBT: Thank you very much!

NP: Tim has a point, there are 12 seconds left for knickerbocker glory Tim starting now.

TBT: If I were given a knickerbocker glory. I agreed to this and unfortunately gave a whole new meaning to a technicolour yawn over my housemasterís carpet. Mr and Mrs Knickerbocker had a daughter called Gloria. However later...


NP: Kenneth Williams weíre back with you and the subject is Herman Emberhaus, Eddinghaus. So would you tell us something about him in Just A Minute starting now.

KW: Herman Ebbinghaus has carved a niche for himself in the history of psychology and indeed psychoanalysis. Since his speciality was a delving into the higher mental states which constitute, so to speak, the memory bank of each individual. And his particular type of treatment lay in having the patient totally horizontal and completely at ease. Almost mesmeric was the technique whereby he could have a flooding out of the past which all contained at the back of the cerebral... whatever it is....


KW: What went wrong? Have I been challenged? Was I challenged? What went wrong? Was I challenged?

NP: Yes, Clement Freud rather aptly challenged you on that subject...

KW: Ah what a pity!

NP: Yes!

CF: Hesitation!

NP: Undoubtedly! Dried...

KW: It wasnít hesitation, I was really trying to think of the word actually. I wasnít hesitating at all! I donít look at it...

NP: Your cerebral powers let you down with only one second to go.

KW: Thatís just like him! Thatís just like him, innit! Thatís just like him to come in there after Iíve done all the work! He comes in there for a cheap score, I mean itís so cheap isnít it! I wouldnít stoop to that kind of thing! I donít care who wins, I just come to play the game! I mean I donít bother myself! But heís just come in there at the last minute, oh...

NP: Itís almost, itís almost as bad as kissing the fellow just as heís about to start, isnít it?

KW: I know! But itís fun, innit!

NP: Thereís one second left for Clement Freud on Erbing... thatís right, Erbing! Iím very sorry!

KW: Heís totally illiterate, he canít even say it!

NP: Herman Ebbinghaus, one second, starting now.

CF: Herman Ebbinghaus.


NP: Well done! Clement Freud got the point for speaking as the whistle went, heís just ahead of Kenneth Williams, heís three points behind Tim Brooke-Taylor, our leader, and Kenneth Robinson is in fourth place. And Clement Freud itís your turn to begin, the subject is Raffils. Will you tell us something about him in Just A Minute starting now.

CF: Sir Henry Raffils is particularly well known for having founded the hotel of his name in Singapore, which some people pronounce Sin-guh-pore with a hard g but I donít. It is one of the great luxury palaces of the east...


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor.

TBT: Repetition of Singapore.

CF: No, no.

NP: Well itís a debatable thing, he said Singapore...

TBT: Itís not debatable at all! Iím sorry, if youíre going to play this game properly with your pronounciation, we could all take every word and pronounce it differently with different regional accents! Thatís very clever!

KW: Quite right! Quite right! Quite right! Heís quite right! Absolutely genuine! Very valid point Tim!

TBT: Thank you!

KW: Iím glad, heís very sharp that, very sharp, very sharp!

NP: I was about to say exactly that!

TBT: Thank you but...

NP: But if you start going off, Kenneth Williams will join in and then Clement Freud and maybe even Kenneth Robinson, you never know...

TBT: Youíre quite right Nicholas...

NP: And chaos very often reins on this programme and it becomes very difficult. Yes I agree with your challenge Tim and you have...

CF: Weíre going to lose all our far eastern repeats.

KW: You shut up! You shut up! Shut up!

NP: I think...

KW: The chairmanís in charge, isnít he? Lovely fellow the chairman!

NP: I think you helped to gain us a few by pointing out the mispronounciation on occasion Clement. Thirty-six seconds are left for, sorry, 46 seconds are left for Raffils with you Tim starting now.

TBT: The only time Iíve ever won a raffle is when Iíve drawn it, and that is an embarrassing situation because quite clearly you cannot keep what you have taken out of the hat...


NP: Kenneth Robinson?

KR: Yes hesitation.

NP: Yes, hesitation...

CF: Heís new! Heís new! He hasnít played the game very often!

NP: I know he hasnít!

KR: And I havenít said hesitation before!

NP: He hasnít played the game very much either! Thirty-six seconds left for raffles, Kenneth Robinson, starting now.

KR: The only unfortunate thing when I won a raffle is when I was in the Croydon Empire and I heard the manager calling my number. And I went up on to the stage and the man was standing there with a frying pan which he wondered what to do with because that week Iíd just been sacked from the Croydon Advertiser for saying...


NP: Kenneth Williams has challenged.

KW: Two Croydons.

NP: Yes your Croydon came in twice.

KR: Different kinds of Croydons.

NP: There are 22 seconds left, Kenneth Williams, raffles, starting now.

KW: Stanford Raffils served under Lord Minto, and was there when Java was captured. And he wrote a fantastic history of that particular piece of terrain. And then of course we know he went to Singapore. Now it certainly...


KW: Who interrupted?

NP: Clement Freud did.

CF: Hesitation.

NP: When you paused he interrupted.

KW: Somebdy was talking while I was...

NP: The audience were talking! Discussing your brilliance and your genius! Clement there are three seconds on raffles starting now.

CF: The tickets are red, blue, pink, yellow, green...


CF: ... orange, puce...

NP: Ah, Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: I donít want him to win basically!

KW: Hear hear! Hear hear! Hear hear! Bravo! Bravo!

NP: So what is your challenge?

CF: What a good challenge!

TBT: Repetition.

NP: Repetition of winning!

TBT: Heís always winning! Heís always winning!

NP: Of always getting in just before the...

TBT: Yes, exactly! Heís always just getting in, the niggly bits!

NP: Well actually as youíre way out in the lead and youíre winning comfortably...

TBT: Very nice to me!

NP: It was a very... Iíll tell you what Iíll do! Iíll give you a point for a very good challenge because it was a very original one and Clement Freud keeps the subject with a fifth of a second to go starting now.

CF: Buck!


NP: It seemed the only fair way to do it so Clement gets the point for speaking as the whistle went, Tim Brooke-Taylor is still in the lead, two ahead of Clement Freud, Kenneth Williams in third place, and Kenneth Robinson trailing a little. And Kenneth Robinson your turn to begin, the subject is how others see me. Would you tell us something about that in Just A Minute starting now.

KR: How others see me. Now, how others see me is a very good subject. Iím very glad that Mr Parsons has told us that we can repeat the title because I can say how others see me a great many times and probably keep it up for a minute but I wonít...


NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of very, he said it three times.

NP: He did, didnít he.

CF: Itís not on the card.

NP: But he hadnít really got going...

CF: No, he hadnít. And heís new.

TBT: Heís new!

CF: He hasnít played it a lot.

NP: Give him another chance...

CF: But if he says very another six times we just might...

NP: If he says very once more, you can challenge him. And you can only repeat the subject on the card a limited number of times, Kenneth, so you carry on with how others see me and there are 50 seconds left starting now.

KR: How others see me is something I know very well, because they never hesitate to tell me. Many examples come to mind. One, a makeup girl in television who said we must keep those bags under the eyes, Mr Robinson, they are so good for the character, even if their heaviness does pull you forward onto the keyboard when you try to play the piano. Another friend, not such a friend now...


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor.

TBT: Repetition, sadly heís got so many friends.

KR: No, she was a friend and then she was not a friend.

NP: Another friend. Thereís no friend there sitting beside you because he picked you up on the friend...

TBT: Sorry! Heís new, you know!

NP: And thereís 28 seconds for Tim on how others see me starting now.

TBT: There is a gentleman who lives opposite me that uses binoculars. As I go into the garden, looking at the pathetic bit of grass that I call a lawn, I see the glint from these...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: I want him to win! Iíd like him to have a point!

NP: Tit for tat, all right. You have the point for that...

CF: No, no!

NP: ... and Tim you keep the subject. There are 20 seconds left Tim starting now.

TBT: One of the most unpleasant things as far as an actor is concerned are reviews of an performance that he may be in. The nice ones you donít believe and the nasty ones you do.


NP: What is your challenge?

KR: Hesitation.

TBT: Quite right!

NP: Kenneth Robinson the subject is how others see me and there are eight seconds left Kenneth starting now.

KR: The girl who writes for The Observer called Victoria Raydon who I always think of as Nadia described me as "all eyes, all ears". She didnít say anything of the kind...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Two alls.

NP: Two alls Iím afraid. Clementís got in again with one second to go on how others see me starting now.


CF: I thought...

NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: I still donít want him to win, Iím sorry. Nothing has changed! He lets us, you know, do all...

KW: Do all the slogging, yes!

TBT: Do all the slogging until the last second!

KW: Do all the work!

TBT: Iíve heard you! Iíve heard you on the radio. When I drive home I hear Kenneth going on and on and that sly beggar over there, just at the last minute, heís got a stopwatch there, everybody, heís got a stopwatch, and just 59 seconds has gone and he goes...


TBT: Repetition of...

KW: I quite agree! And thatís the first time anyoneís had the guts to air those views on this programme! Itís the first time that justice has been done! Youíre quite right, Tim! Welcome, welcome!

TBT: Thank you!

NP: Well all I can think is that a lot of people listen on their car radios entirely to hear you going off just as youíve gone off now!

KW: Ah how lovely of them! How beautiful! How wonderful!

NP: Tim in spite of what you said, youíre still in a very strong lead ahead of Clement Freud. Youíre doing very well, youíre giving good value. Thatís what the public like, they donít mind if you donít get in just before the end. Youíre in the lead and itís your turn to start. The subject is school days, 60 seconds starting now.

TBT: Dinky Cosgrove, Michael Bates, Susan Barham-Thompson, Robert Bolton-King, John Dagger, Miss...


NP: Clement Freud.

CF: Well first of all, I wanted to get in at the beginning! But secondly heís not talking about school days, heís talking about school boys!

TBT: Dinky Carlton is not a schoolboy...

NP: How can you have school days without schoolboys and schoolgirls?

CF: Very easily! Itís not on the card.

NP: Itís not deviating from school days.

CF: School days are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, if you want to repeat yourself.

NP: Yes but you canít deviate from your school days without associating with the school chums that were there with you...

TBT: See what happens when you come in early! Pathetic, isnít it! Came in late, itís easy, but coming in early, goes to pieces!

NP: Tim I disagree with the challenge so you keep the subject and there are 51 seconds on school days starting now.

TBT: John Dagger, Robin...


NP: Clement Freud challenged.

CF: Repetition of John.

NP: Of John, yes, one of them was called John, the other. So heís got in early this time and there are 48 seconds on school days with you Clement starting now.

CF: There are reputed to be the happiest days of your life and they certainly were not of mine. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, we didnít have a lot of school on Saturdays or Sundays, but even so they were pretty miserable. I remember having to wake up at 6.00 in the morning because the school to which I went, which was in Devon, gave you...


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: Which, which.

NP: Ah yes, which which. Two whichs.

TBT: The school to which you went...

NP: Which was in Devon. Very well listened, wasnít it?

CF: Well, the and a were... weíre challenging on prepositions now?

TBT: Itís known as whichcraft now.

NP: There are 28 seconds Tim on school days starting now.

TBT: Sheila...


NP: Clement Freud.

TBT: Hesitation.

NP: Yes! Iíd agree, you really didnít get going that time.

TBT: You donít know, sheís called Sh-Sheila. Never heard of Sh-Sheila?

NP: Youíre trying to wriggle out of it, a very definite hesitation.

TBT: Sh-Sheila!

NP: No there was well over a second there before you got going. I have got to be fair and keep the thing going because weíre into the last round...

TBT: Iím new, you know! I am new and Iím only doing one show this series!

NP: But after your performance today, youíll undoubtedly be asked back if we do another series!

TBT: Youíve won me round!

NP: There are 27 seconds on school days Clement starting now.


NP: Tim Brooke-Taylor challenged.

TBT: Hesitation.

NP: Yes, and it just shows that Clement Freud can be very generous when he wants to be too. In spite of the things we say...

TBT: Oh if heís going to be kind, Iím not playing! When King Rat gives away the sweets, I never liked that in a pantomime! He has to be consistent!

NP: Thatís right! Tim, back to the game, there are 25 seconds left, school days starting now.

TBT: I was not only a schoolboy but I was a school master at the same school five years after I had left as a pupil. This was a strange experience because I found that the people who had taught me were my colleagues. Miss pink, for example, a lovely lady who had seemed extremely tall and ex...


NP: Kenneth Williams.

KW: Iím afraid hesitation, Iím afraid so.

NP: Yes...

KW: I donít like doing this mind you! Because I know heís new!

NP: Heís so good at the game I wouldnít give him any quarter at all! We donít usually do this to our guests Kenneth but you have got in and there are seven seconds left for school days starting now.

KW: Mine were quite delightful. Because you see I got in, so to speak, with the head boy. So no-one could come up and bash me...


NP: Well as I said a little while ago we were coming towards the end of the show and we now have no time left so we quickly wind up by giving you the final score. And our guest Kenneth Robinson playing for the first time finished up in fourth place. He was a little way behind Kenneth Williams who was in third place, and he was four points behind Clement Freud. And Clement Freud in second place was four points behind our guest whoís come for the first time and triumphed, Tim Brooke-Taylor! We do hope youíve enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute and will want to tune in again. Till then from all of us here, goodbye.


ANNOUNCER: The chairman of Just A Minute was Nicholas Parsons, the programme was devised by Ian Messiter and produced by David Hatch.